Married to the Blob (S25, E10-540)

I don't even want to make a caption for this, even though I just did.

Note: this episode shares the title with a Treehouse of Horror XVII story.

Plot Summary
After Bart and Milhouse read a comic detailing the 'death' of Radioactive Man, the two quickly learn the new #1 issue of the reborn Radioactive Man is gonna be sold in a midnight function.  Homer takes the two to the comic book shop to buy the book, last in line.  Just before he can buy the book, the comic book guy (loving all the money he's getting from the book's sales) is visited by that super hipster who may or may not own a comic book shop of his own anymore.  The guy, whose name I never bothered or cared to learn, is now married to his super hipster girlfriend, news that just stuns ol' Jeff Albertson.  Bothering him still, he recalls Homer is also married despite his physical deficiencies.  As Jeff is visited by a vision of Stan Lee (as the two witness the real one stealing his comic books) to turn his love life around, he is visited by a young Japanese woman who quickly reveals she understands and tolerates him and his attitudes.

Smitten, Jeff asks the girl, Kumiko, on a date.  Recalling Homer also has a hot wife, Jeff asks Homer for help and both Homer and Marge decide to help the comic book guy out.  During their first date, Kumiko reveals she's very okay with Jeff's insulting nature, and love begins to blossom for them both with Kumiko deciding to move in to the comic book guy's shop's basement.  Trouble brews, though, when Homer meets Kumiko's father, who isn't happy that Kumiko is seeing such a fat nerd.  Homer unwittingly reveals where Kumiko is staying and the old man quickly takes Kumiko away, breaking Jeff's heart.

Marge gets upset with Homer for basically being at fault here, and demands Homer do something about it.  Homer finds Kumiko's father and the two go drinking at a Japanese bar where the two end up drinking snake rice wine, getting hammered from it.  The two share a hallucination of classic Japanese animations where Kumiko's father realizes he's been ignoring his daughter's feelings and decides to let Kumiko stay with Jeff.  A short time thereafter, Jeff and Kumiko get married with Stan Lee heading the wedding and, all of a sudden, Jeff doesn't quite feel the need to be attached to comic books anymore.

(Not-so) Quick Review
Wow.  Just... just wow.  I didn't think it would happen, but it finally did.

This is a bad episode in every way.  First of all, there isn't much comedy, I mean, actually good comedy.  Stan Lee's appearance was actually pretty good, and its a shame he had to cameo in such a bad episode, but he's the episode's lone highlight.

Otherwise, the entire episode is just nothing but references.  Comic book references, 'modern Japan' references, Japanese anime references, the episode is filled to the brim with them, and that's what they were: just references.  Nothing about them was made to be funny, it was just 'hey look, its comic book references, and hey here's stuff from Miyazaki, isn't that funny? aren't we clever?' nonsense.

Just one episode ago, I was giving praise to Steal This Episode for taking everything this season has done well and making what was the best episode in years.  I had a feeling just last week that my hope towards the rest of this season was misguided, and boy, was it.  This episode, Married to the Blob, takes everything wrong with the show from the past several seasons and condenses it into 20+ minutes of cringe-worthy references and dialogue, creating what I believe is the worst episode in the series.

Yes, even worse than Alone Again, Natura-Diddly.  That episode I never believed could be 'bottomed' in awfulness not just because of how unfunny it was, but because of what that episode did, in killing off a character.  Married to the Blob didn't kill anyone off, and the new canon of Jeff Albertson being married to a Japanese girl isn't bad at all.  That's how unfunny this episode was, and that was with a decent Stan Lee cameo.

When I heard this episode's premise, I wasn't expecting much, but I wasn't expecting this.  I could barely get through the entire episode.  I can't even use the supposedly famous words of the comic book guy to sum up this episode, so instead I'll just say: its even worse than killing off Maude Flanders.

Final Score: 2.8

Worst Episode Ever (S12, E11-259)

His eyes shoot out concussive tears.

Plot Summary
After Bart 'earns' $50, he and Milhouse decide to splurge.  Down to their last $10, they go to the comic book shop to buy Radioactive Man #1000, but it costs $25.  While there, they see a woman attempt to sell 'junk' to the owner.  He sees several rare Star Wars memorabilia, but realizing the woman is a sap, offers $5 for it.  She's about to accept, but Bart and Milhouse intervene and tell the woman she's about to get ripped off.  She leaves, and as revenge for costing him various goods, the comic book guy bans Bart and Milhouse from the store for life.

The timing couldn't be worse, as special effects wizard Tom Savini is doing an act at the store.  Homer tries to sneak the two in, but he tips comic book guy off, and the boys are left looking from the outside.  Savini and comic book guy become at odds during the show, and Savini uses his effects to humiliate his sarcastic opponent.  Comic book guy (who I'll just call CBG from here on) can't handle it all, and suffers a heart attack.  At the hospital, CBG is advised to avoid stress, but with the stressful job of owning a comic book shop his main source of income, he has no choice but to ask somebody for help.  As Bart and Milhouse were the two who called the ambulance, and CBG has no friends to ask for help, the two boys ends up running the store.

Although the two enter the venture as "partners", as usual Bart becomes the head of the operation.  Milhouse becomes the lackey, but one day as Bart is out, a businessman appears and successfully gets Milhouse to acquire 2000 copies of "Biclops", a hero that coincidentally looks and acts like Milhouse.  Bart and Milhouse come to blows over this, and start fighting.  The fight ends up revealing a secret room full of pirated video tapes of top secrets or hidden endings or embarrassing moments, mostly top secrets.

Meanwhile, CBG goes to a meeting to help make friends, but before he can, he's interrupted by Agnes Skinner.  The two exchange verbal flares, but somehow their insulting demeanors turn each other on, and they become a hot couple, 'hot' not being the right word to use here.

The boys have fun watching the secret videos but realize they can make a hefty profit showing other kids the videos for $5 a kid.  The plan works well to start, but the police bust in and stop the operation.  They learn CBG owns the videos and go to arrest him, though when they do they catch him in the act of making out with Agnes, making the arrest harder than usual.  Though the comic book shop is barred off for awhile, Bart and Milhouse are glad they got past their differences.

Quick Review
The opening act of the episode was alright, and when it focused on Bart and Milhouse later on it was fine as well, especially with the secret videos.  The bits with CBG and Agnes bugged me, though.  Other than the fact that they're both mean-spirited characters there is really nothing that would suggest that pairing could be a thing, and yet there it was.  I really didn't need to see them making out either.  It soured what was otherwise an above-average episode.

Final Score: 7.4