Gone Boy (S29, E09-627)

Recap: Bart falls into an old missile base and can't get out.  Among others searching for him is a prisoner contingent featuring Sideshow Bob.

Review: So, it seems like this episode is ignoring the events of the last full episode, which I'm thankful for.  Overall, its been the best episode centered on Bob since Season 14, but barely.  I liked the parts with Bart, and Homer and Grampa when the two of them were searching for Bart.  Bob's parts were fine too but the episode does drag sometimes when he pulls out the now numerous amount of references to his past escapades, and the multiple Dial "M" for Murder references weren't good at all, inhibiting it from being a really good, 8+ episode.

Still, this season has been mostly terrible thus far, and this episode is the best of it to this point with minimal effort.

Final Score: 7.7

Mr. Lisa's Opus (S29, E08-626)

Recap: An 18-year old Lisa talks about forgotten birthdays and ending her dad's alcohol problem in an admissions essay to Harvard.  She then has trouble fitting into Harvard, away from her family.

Review: So, this is the third episode in a row that makes a significant reference to a classic Simpsons episode.  Stark Raving Dad is the victim this time, complete with the return of the Michael Jackson impersonator who, this time, was voiced by a Michael Jackson impersonator (because, you know, the real one's dead now).  It wasn't handled too well, as it felt overly forced in and Lisa's lack of appreciation towards the act didn't sit well.

The episode tried hard to not be as dry and boring as its premise makes it out to be, and the results are mixed.  Lots of decent quick one-liners and jokes, but a lot of jokes (and especially references) were not so great, which basically all cancel out.  A couple of sweet moments at the end (and a good Grampa rant) save it from a graver fate, but the episode wasn't very good.

Final Score: 5.0

Singin' in the Lane (S29, E07-625)

Recap: Homer and Moe start up a new version of the Pin Pals bowling team, who ultimately have to try and defeat a team comprised of manipulative hedge-fund douchebags.

Review: Well, first off, its an inoffensive episode, so that's a plus.  Like the previous episode, it tries to ride on the success of a classic episode, in this case Team Homer.  Unlike the previous episode, it doesn't make every attempt to ruin or otherwise dismantle Team Homer's supposed legacy, using the Pin Pals only to set up a bowling storyline.

The episode is paced oddly.  As Team Homer already did a "they play against teams comprised of Springfield citizens", this episode felt the need to do it again to progress the plot but rushed through it so that it wasn't just a complete retread.  The main storyline focuses on their new opponent, the hedge fund team who hustle Moe, befriend Bart and irk Lisa just enough to make her a subtle hero yet again.  The episode doesn't really do a good job at setting these plotlines up; Bart and Lisa's plotlines feel rushed and the plot with Moe attempts to take a sideturn at the end which just falls flat.

Oh, and the jokes were half okay and half not that great.  Most of the misses involve the hedge fund team, they just weren't that funny.  The episode ends up okay, but it definitely could've been better with what it tried to do.

Final Score: 6.8

The Old Blue Mayor Ain't What She Used to Be (S29, E06-624)

Recap: Marge runs for and is elected Mayor of Springfield, but as she's unable to fulfill her promises, Homer's oafish demeanor allows her to retain decent approval ratings.

Review: The first half of the episode was irredeemable garbage, with the blatant, practically shameless referencing and disregard of Marge vs. the Monorail, so poorly done it was even worse than the heavy-handed political references that littered the episode.

The episode is barely salvaged by a stronger second-half, after Homer's bumbling helps Marge out.  The jokes were stronger overall in the second half, which keeps the episode from tanking completely.  Better than what I was expecting, but that's not saying much.

Final Score: 5.0

Grampy Can You Hear Me? (S29, E05-623)

Recap: Grampa gets a hearing aid and learns he is mocked quite often outside of his old hearing range.  Meanwhile, Skinner has a falling out with his mother upon learning that she killed his dream of being a band marcher.

Review: The Grampa sidestory, and it was a side story despite it claiming the episode's title, starts off decently enough but after Grampa learns people mock him often the story takes a back seat and then ends on a dull, pointless note with little payoff.

The Skinner story, which I believe is the first case of the show actively ignoring The Principal and the Pauper, was better overall.  It had funnier gags, the stuff with Ohio State was decent albeit with a few misses, and it had better plot development overall although it, too, had a rather tame end.

Its kind of odd, the episode really didn't know how to end itself.  Its not like the ending needed to be rushed; the episode had the full, entire open, an extended couch gag, and a lengthening unrelated bit at the end because the episode itself was so short; that time could've been used to create a much more satisfying conclusion to both plot lines.  Sad, really.

Final Score: 6.7

Whistler's Father (S29, E03-621)

Recap: Maggie inherits Grampa's ability to whistle exceptionally and becomes a baby diva before she even hits it big.  Meanwhile, the mafia asks the style-'conscious' Marge to 'redecorate' the old post office into a whore house.

Review: Overall, its a dull episode.  A few jokes worked, a few jokes didn't.  Maggie's plotline was borderline ridiculous which didn't help matters.  Episode could've fared better with more mafia gags as they were the best part of the episode.  Better than the other two episodes of this season, of course that's not saying much.

Final Score: 6.2

The Serfsons (S29, E01-619)

Recap: taking place in medieval times, Lisa uses magic to help save Marge's mother, but when she's kidnapped over said use, Homer leads a serf uprising to get her back.

Review: When the opening began, I figured this would be a straight-up Game of Thrones reference of an episode.  It ended up as more of a basic medieval-themed episode albeit with references to GoT and other similar worlds.  A lot of it was terrible, though.  The main plot focused primarily on Marge, Lisa, and Jacqueline whatever-her-last-name-in-this-world-is, and it is a terribly dry plot at that, medieval themed or not.  Most of the jokes either fell flat or were just embarrassing (one "Krusty has genital Smurfs" was stupid enough, I didn't need several more of it).  You can categorize this under the already-stuffed "episode about thing writers like but have no idea how to properly parody".

Final Score: 3.5

Dogtown (S28, E22-618)

This was animated with an "who gives a crap" mindset.  You should see it in action.

Plot Summary
His car out of control in an alley, Homer is forced to stop it by ramming it into either his dog or Gil.  He opts for the latter, who attempts to sue him for the injury.  However, in court, the jury takes Homer's side after its learned that he spared his dog to injure Gil.  Santa's Little Helper appears in court to seal the deal, and Homer gets off with no penalty, much to Gil's frustration.

Later, as Homer enjoys his mild celebrity over the trial, the mayor decides to take advantage of this goodwill by making Springfield a safe haven for dogs.  Dogs all over come to Springfield to play, and laws are enacted to allow them to do whatever they want.  The town vet warns against this, as soon the dogs will realize they are the alphas and wreak havoc, and soon enough Milhouse's dog leads such a charge.  All of the dogs in town, including Santa's Little Helper as well as Willie, own the streets despite the mayor's attempt to rescind the pro-dog laws.

Realizing the the dogs need to know humans are in charge, Gil takes it upon himself, sort of, to do the task.  Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa go searching for their dog, only to find the feral pack.  Cornered, the two are saved by Marge, who kicks the alpha mutt far away, leading her to take over control of the pack before Gil even had a chance to do anything.  Marge safely returns the now playful dogs back to their owners while even downtrodden Gil befriends a dog (albeit the same one that led the dog rebellion in the first place).

Quick Review
It was an okay episode.  A couple of annoying things in it kept it from scoring higher, and while there were some decent lines here and there overall it wasn't enough to really cancel out the negatives.  I'm not particularly upset with the episode or anything, but I guess it wasn't that great.

Final Score: 6.6

Moho House (S28, E21-617)

"Hey we have another important black character with a course voice
that we need to cast."  "Should we find a guest star or wh-"
"GET ME KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON RIGHT NOW!"

Plot Summary
Marge and Homer are having marital difficulties, again.  They attempt to patch things up at the nuclear plant, an attempts which is going well.  Its witnessed by Mr. Burns and a wealthy friend of his, Nigel.  The two are at odds at whether "true love" exists, with Nigel claiming that the "true love" they're witnessing on the security camera isn't real.  He bets $5 million that he can break Homer and Marge up, which Burns accepts.

That afternoon, Nigel forces Homer to go drinking with him under the veiled threat of punishment.  At the bar, Nigel notices that Moe is attracted to Marge and decides to use this to his advantage by hiring Moe to head his new classy bar.  Homer doesn't get home until late, and Marge refuses to hear his side of the story, putting their marriage on the brink (again). 

Nigel invites the Simpson couple to the new bar (Moho House), and the two immediately go their separate ways once inside.  Moe catches up with Marge, who is more than open to even his advances.  Still, at the end Moe is unwilling to go all the way and sheepishly retreats.  Nigel, eyeing a victory, sweetens the bet: his own fortune to Burns, or Burns forfeits Smithers.  Realizing his peril, Smithers attempts to force Homer to reconcile by giving him a gift to give Marge, but Marge realizes the ploy right away and runs off in tears.

Moe, realizing his part in this story, invites Marge and Homer separately to Moho House and gets the two to reconcile at his own sacrifice.  This, coupled with Homer's last-second callback to nostalgia, and Marge decides to forgive Homer (again).  Burns wins his bet (though Smithers gets his revenge by tricking Burns into believing Nigel was never there, thus saving Nigel's fortune), and all is back to what it was.

Quick Review
Its a marriage episode whose final act was a sloppy mess.  That said, many of the gags in this episode worked in its favor despite the retreaded theme, leaving it as (sadly) one of the stronger episodes of the season.

Final Score: 7.3

Looking for Mr. Goodbart (S28, E20-616)

This stuff is cringe central when the Simpsons parody it as poorly as it does
for someone familiar with the source material.  I wonder how stupid it looks
for those who aren't familiar?  Does it actually work for them?  It doesn't, right?

Note: this is the first episode to air following the 30th anniversary of the first Simpsons short Good Night.  It celebrated that fact by airing the Maggie portion of the short followed by a quick song about the anniversary.

Plot Summary
After Bart pulls off more tomfoolery, this time on Seniors day which gets even Grampa in trouble, Skinner gets the idea of his mother, Agnes, be escorted by Bart.  Quickly, though, Bart realizes how much Agnes dotes on the boy just because he shows basic affection for the old lady and decides to make a con out of it.  Soon, he's approached by another old lady, Phoebe, who is on to Bart's scheme but nevertheless offers Bart $100 to help out leave her retirement home for four straight days.

Meanwhile, Homer becomes part of the Pokemon Go Peekimon Get craze, which includes him walking into all sorts of dangerous situations in search of imaginary rewards.  Lisa agrees to join him because she, too, is a big fan of the game.  Eventually, Homer and Lisa agree to just spend real money to acquire the creatures, $600 worth.

Phoebe reveals to Bart that she's a nature photographer and the two enjoy the four days together. Afterward, Phoebe bequests Bart her camera.  Unaware of the meaning of the word 'bequest', Bart eventually learns that its to give an item away before dying.  Recalling relevant memories, including one where Phoebe admits she's going to off herself, Bart realizes he needs help, and recruits Homer and Lisa, whose wilderness experience have improved thanks to their time playing the game.  The two, alongside other veteran players, start their search in perhaps one of the worst animated sequences in recent memory, but ultimately Phoebe is found.

Evidently, Phoebe has found a new meaning in life and decides to not die, requesting back her camera though Bart gets her to agree to have the two of them go on more nature walks.  It turns out this was all a story (albeit apparently true) Bart told Grampa to explain why he was sorry for getting him in trouble.  Also, during all of this Skinner tries to man up but can't.

Quick Review
This episode was unfortunate.  The main storyline with Bart and eventually Phoebe was actually very decent and set itself pretty well for a good, emotional ending.  However, the Pokemon Go-ripoff sidestory, which was nearly a year late in being relevant and even less so in doing the reference well, ruins the main story by becoming a major factor in Bart's search.

The search, which turns into a simulation of the game with Lisa singing the song from the American version of the original anime, was probably the worst thing the show has done since maybe the Ke$ha incident.  The song, which as far as I know isn't even in Pokemon Go itself, was poorly sung and the visuals during the song was both unimpressive and unnecessarily edgy as well.  It completely destroys any emotional impact of Bart's story and, as a result, hampers what could've been one of the season's better episodes.

Final Score: 6.0

Caper Chase (S28, E19-615)

"We know who has made campus culture so stupid,
b-but we're afraid to actually say it, so lets
have squash players represent them!  We're g-good,
right?", probably thought the spineless writers.

Plot Summary
Feeling the need to secure nuclear power's place in the future, Mr. Burns intends to fund a nuclear energy wing at his alma matter, Yale.  Yale, like most modern "colleges" nowadays, declines his offer because its not diverse enough or too heteronormative, whatever that really means.  Upset, Burns later gets advice from Verlander, the owner of multiple low-end colleges to start up his own college, and Lenny further lets him know that you can set up for-profit colleges, so now Burns is all over that.

Burns relocates his plant workers to teach at his college because he doesn't really care at this point.  Homer is, at first, overwhelmed by the act of teaching (somehow) but Lisa, getting over her initial shock of the concept of for-profit colleges, helps instill a sense of passion for his work.  Despite not actually knowing about whatever it is Burns' college is supposed to be about, Homer's passion for teaching inspires his students in some way.  The man who previously gave Burns the idea for the college sees this and is able to get Burns to sell Homer's contract to the man.

Homer, alongside several shoehorned "smart" guest stars, are tasked by Verlander to teach an army of female androids, whose purpose is ultimately revealed to be to sign up for student loans at his colleges so he can rake up profits, I guess.  Homer gets wise to this plot and, after six months apparently, is able to short-circuit the androids by taking advantage of the college climate - the androids are college students, so Homer did something offensive to robots, triggering the androids so badly they exploded.  At the episode's end, he somehow gets the guest stars to teach things to his family.

Quick Review
This episode jumped between "college climate is absurd" to "Homer is a teacher" to "crazy villain plot C" to "college climate is absurd" again.  The guest stars, some of whom are notable but none of whom I feel like mentioning here, provide no real bonus to the episode - I could even say the episode could've benefited without their inclusion and have parodied versions of these people instead, they were that unimpressive.

There were some good jokes here and there but otherwise the episode was dull.  Its wasn't the political disaster I was partly expecting either.  Overall, its your typical zombie Simpson fare.

Final Score: 6.5

A Father's Watch (S28, E18-614)

"Well, the character of John Homer is only partly based on me."

Plot Summary
Bart is still terrible at school.  Marge helps organize an event where an "parenting expert" tells parents that children do better with self-esteem, and that self-esteem comes from praise, endless praise preferably from trophies.  As Marge attempts to give Bart trophies for nothing, Homer gets the idea from Lisa to sell participation trophies to everyone while the fad is still hot.  Despite the success, Homer has Bart assemble the trophies, and Bart does so poorly.  Soon, Bart overhears Homer exclaim how big of a screw-up Bart continues to be.

Depressed, Bart catches Grampa's eye, who decides to pass on the Simpson family heirloom to Bart: an old pocket watch that's been passed down ever since it was stolen.  Feeling an accomplishment from "earning" the watch, Bart's self-esteem goes through the roof.  Meanwhile, upset her hard-earned trophies now mean nothing, Lisa helps organize another event where a different "parenting expert" no-nos trophies and advices parents be hard on their children again.  In the process, Homer's trophy business goes under.

Homer then catches Bart with the pocket watch, an item he had been hoping to acquire for some time, and is super jealous about it.  With the watch, Bart's self esteem and confidence continue to rise, until he loses the watch in the forest.  Bart tries to get Milhouse to help him find it but he only hurts Milhouse in the process.  Frustrated, Milhouse does find the watch but instead just sells it to a pawn shop.  Homer just happens by it to sell off his remaining trophy stock and buys his precious possession.  Bart, unaware of this, is in full panic mode when he learns Grampa set up an interview with the two of them about the watch.  Homer is about to go in and gloat but gives in to Bart's sadness and hands over the watch.

Quick Review
A pleasant surprise!  This episode was good!  (go figure, it wasn't even written by one of the series' regular "writers", Simon Rich filled in for this one)

The jokes were aplenty, the social commentary was limited but used to set up some good gags and the overall plot involving Bart, Homer and Grampa was as good as it'll probably ever be at this point.  Lisa wasn't even that annoying!

This season so desperately needed a gem, and now it has one.  Given what the next episode will probably be about, I suppose this score will be cancelled out soon enough.

Final Score: 8.0

22 for 30 (S28, E17-613)

I'm using this image to remind myself why I scored the episode
so low.  I'll probably forget in the future.

Plot Summary
If you're not familiar with ESPN's 30 for 30 series, basically its sports documentaries usually done very well.  This episode is basically that.

Bart, whose latest prank ends up with him in eternal detention, develops basketball shooting skills while in detention.  He becomes so adept at shooting he joins the school basketball team to annul the detention.  He quickly becomes a star player and, with it, the spoils in every sense of the word.  With Willie no longer willing to coach such an annoyance, Homer volunteers to coach, but even he has enough of Bart's showboating, and politely asks Bart to be a team player.

Fat Tony takes note of Bart's anger at Homer over this and convinces Bart to point shave (win by only a single point or two to be under the spread) to infuriate Homer while, unknown to Bart, Fat Tony would make a killing in bet winnings.  Bart was happy to oblige, despite his antics now drawing the ire of everyone in town because of how obvious the point shaving was, but Bart finally realizes his error when Fat Tony tries to give Bart some of the winnings then asks him to outright lose the finals.

Eventually, with the guidance of Homer and others, Bart defies the mob and just wins the finals for the team.  Fat Tony attempts to get Bart for the betrayal, but Lisa steps in, having found embarrassing information about Tony that forces him to relent.  Afterward, Bart stops playing after a tall kid makes him realize he's not that good.

Quick Review
This episode has lots of ups and downs.  Let's review them, shall we?

Ups:

• Fat Tony was pretty good for the most part this episode.  He basically salvaged it, as much of it could be salvaged.
• Some of the cutaway "interviews" were funny, like with Krusty and especially Grampa.  Milhouse's were mixed.
• Most of the "security cam footage" bits were funny, as was the "FBI audio" bits.

Downs:

• So, like four or five times this episode, it cuts to a guy who is clearly a mimicry of Stephen A. Smith.  Smith, for those who don't know, makes a living "debating" on ESPN morning/afternoon shows, but his style of "debate" is basically loud yelling at whatever "point" his poor counterpart may have made.  The mock Smith in this episode has no counterpart so its just him loudly yelling in general.  Easily, easily the worst part of the episode, he singlehandedly brought its score down by a whole point, he's was that bad.
• There was a little sidebit which mentions Nelson's once-again-missing dad only to find out at the end of the episode that the narrator was Nelson's dad all along.  He reunites with his family only to disappear again.  Keep in mind, there was an episode during the early Zombie seasons which was supposed to bring his father back permanently and nothing happened to explain why he disappeared again.
• Oh here's a fun episode with Bart and Fat Tony and Homer I guess how will they get out of it this tim- oh, its Lisa again.  Yawn.
• Did you know basketball star Stephen Curry was a guest voice, but only provided his voice at the end?  And that he was actually paid (I presume) to say "nothing but nerd"?  Please fire the person who set up that "joke".  If it was Curry himself, please tell him his humor needs work.
• Louie, Fat Tony's goon, was rather chatty in this episode.  It was meant for gags, but it got annoying pretty quick.

So you might notice the downs are more lengthy than the ups.  I wanted to enjoy this episode, it has a some goodwill going for it, but there was just too much against it.  It ends up being a weaker episode for this season, which is saying quite a lot.

Final Score: 5.8

The Cad in the Hat (S28, E15-611)

When the show did the "we have stories for years" bit all those
years ago, I don't think the writers then envisioned the
show going as low as "Homer and Grampa play chess angrily".

Plot Summary
In a tale told by Bart and Lisa, the scene is set some time earlier.  At the beach, Bart buys a stick-on tattoo which doesn't work too well while Lisa buys a nice hat which earns her many compliments.  Quickly, Bart's jealously grows.  Meanwhile, Homer reveals his ability in chess, admitting that as a kid his father would force him to play as a means of coping with Mona's departure.  On the car ride back, Bart notices Lisa asleep and decides to toss her hat out the car and into the nearby trash dump.  Later that night, Bart is befriended by his guilt but claims that he only welcomes the gross representation of his guilt, at least to start.

However, the guilt gets to him and Bart decides to confess his crime to Lisa, who refuses to forgive him for his deed.  Desperate to make amends, Bart decides ultimately to find Lisa's hat, and after a few trials, does so.  Lisa is initially unwilling to forgive Bart even after this, but as her own guilt starts to set in, she does like her hat and the two eventually make up.

Meanwhile, as Homer continues to explain, as a kid he got tired of his dad beating him in chess so he got help from a chess master and was finally able to beat his father, the act of which forced Grampa to stop all chess in the house from then on.  Moe suggests that Homer's attitudes towards chess are actually subtle hints that he wants to actually murder him.  Homer freaks out and decides to quit but after getting help from renowned chess player Magnus Carlsen, Homer decides to face Grampa in a chess match.  Homer is winning easily, but realizes its not worth it and forfeits, showing he cares for his father by this act somehow.

Quick Review
It was an okay episode, though the couch "gag" ran a bit long and was pretty terrible.  Remember when those were short little gags and not minutes-long animated shorts?  Well, anyway, I'm rambling about that because the episode itself is, per usual, forgettable.  Magnus Carlsen, the chess player, was a decent guest voice.  Patton Oswalt, projecting himself as Bart's guilt, I'm sure, could've been worse, I suppose.

Homer's story was okay; although its actual plot was not that great, it was carried by its decent jokes.  Bart and Lisa's story had no redeeming qualities, however.  "Bart does bad thing to Lisa, Lisa gets mad/sad, Bart makes up for it" has been done a lot already, and much better than this.

Final Score: 5.7

Fatzcarraldo (S28, E14-610)

"We want the Family Guy audience." -these stupid writers

Plot Summary
After an aggravating night dealing with his sisters-in-law, Homer skips out to get a nice, calming, fattening meal.  However, the Krusty Burger as well as every other fast food place has since updated their menu with the latest food fads and Homer can't get his fix.  Homer has to leave town to find something that fits his palate, and finds a lone chili dog stand -Deuce's Caboose - with which he gorges to his heart's content.

Later, Homer learns from Grampa that, as a boy, Homer was left there while his parents underwent unsuccessful marriage counseling.  It was through Deuce that Homer gained his love for chili dogs and other fattening foods.  Though Deuce doesn't seem to remember Homer, Homer resumes eating at his stand, inviting his friends to eat there as well, causing Krusty Burger and similar outlets to lose sales.  Later, Homer decides to take Lisa (whose school radio program got shut down in a very brief sidestory) to the stand, only to find in horror it has been sold.

Deuce sold the stand to Krusty's food empire so he can retire, but as Homer sees the immediate price markup and likely loss of quality, Homer quickly latches the food caboose onto his car and takes off with it.  Lisa, doing one final radio bit, is able to convince several other fatasses to help Homer out in his chase, but the antics eventually lead to him and the caboose hanging on by a thread over a bridge.  Deuce runs up, having remembered Homer, and helps him back up with the caboose falling to its end.  The two reconcile, and that's that, I guess?

Plot Summary
This episode serves as a good definition of Zombie Simpson "dull".  Too many references, not enough jokes.  Glen Close returns to voice past-Mona for a couple of lines, but she clearly phoned it in both literally and figuratively.  Lisa had a tiny little insignificant sidestory that really served no purpose and offered no laughs.  Although not entirely irredeemable, there isn't anything in this episode worth a watch.

Final Score: 5.3

The Great Phatsby (S28, E12-608 & E13-609)

Note: The Great Phatsby is the first hour-long "episode" in the series.  However, for all intents and purposes, its actually two episodes and, as far as I know, its officially counted as the 12th and 13th episodes of the season.  Regardless, I'm doing episode reviews for both parts on this single page.  They were basically the same in terms of quality, anyway.  With that...

The Great Phatsby: Part One

Goosius, more like Goofsius, a-am I-I r-right?  *panicked sweat*

Plot Summary
Mr. Burns longs for the days where he led and hosted lavish, fun parties with his fellow rich socialites.  He attempts to do so again, tasking Smithers to acquire ice but only from the darkest corners of Canada.  Before he departs, Smithers tasks Homer to hand out invitations to Springfield's best but he hands them out randomly.  Not that it matters, as Burns hosts a poor excuse of a party with antiquated rules and an antiquated band.  As the guests leave out of boredom, Homer is the only one that remains to comfort a depressed Burns. 

Homer and Burns, however, notice a big party happening across the lake: a rap mogul party.  The two find the host: Jay-G who owes his success and ruthlessness to a book Burns wrote long ago about ruthlessness as well as a pet goose who acts as a living symbol for his entire line: Goosius.  As Mr. Burns is basically his idol and mentor, Jay-G befriends him.  Convinced to use a top-of-the-line credit card Burns starts to spend his money freely and carelessly, feeling as though he's gone back to the glory days of his youth.

While this is happening, the other Simpsons hang out at the Hamptons near where Jay-G (and Burns, apparently) live.  As its basically rich-person town, Marge comes to learn that all of the shops are owned by the spouses of the rich who need something to do with their free time.  Lisa becomes disgusted by the son of one of the richest men in town, Blake, who is an utter douchebag.  However, Lisa's open disgust of him opens Blake up to "check his privilege" to impress her.  Lisa nearly is until another rich kid successfully entices Lisa with ponies and pony accessories, leaving Blake's humility unwarranted.

Burns' new lifestyle, complete with a posse (albeit its just Homer and his friends), comes to a crashing end when its learned the Burns literally spent all of his money on lavish purchases.  Homer then lets Burns know that Jay-G just released a music video basically admitting his plan to bankrupt Burns and take over all of his possessions, including the nuclear plant, leaving Burns in ruins.

The Great Phatsby: Part Two

Talk about ruthless...

Plot Summary
Torn between his 'loyalty' to Burns and working for Jay-G at the nuclear plant, Homer chooses the latter as dictated by Marge (who has haphazardly opened up a trinket shop in the Hamptons).  Jay-G, who now owns the plant and turned it into a dance party, attempts to secure Homer to his side with endless supplies of cobbler, but Homer regrets his decision.  Stumbling along, he finds Burns being weird at the mausoleum.  Homer renews his loyalty for Burns and together they decide to enact revenge on Jay-G.

With Bart along to help, its decided the best way to ruin Jay-G is to ruin his rep.  To do so, they learn that Jay-G burned many bridges during his ruthless rise to the top.  The two are able to get several rappers and an ex-wife to record a revenge album exposing Jay-G as a fraud.  During a big reveal party, however, its revealed that Jay-G literally re-bought the loyalty of all the rappers and the ex-wife, and that the drive containing the apparently only recording of the album is also in his possession.

Devastated by the decided defeat, Homer and Burns return to Marge's flailing shop to inform her of what's occurred.  With Marge finally free of her delusion of store ownership, Burns simply sulks until he realizes there's been a perfect revenge scheme all along.

Soon, he and Homer sneak into Jay-G's home to nab Goosius with the intent of cooking and eating him.  However, Homer doesn't have the heart to kill Goosius, leaving Burns to attempt to finish the act himself.  Jay-G attempts to stop him, the shenanigans of which leave the two hanging from a chandelier.  Here, Jay-G admits he only ruined Burns because in Burns' own book he wrote that one could only be truly ruthless if they were to destroy the "one who made you".  Burns suddenly feels pride that his legacy of ruthlessness will live on through Jay-G.

The two are still hanging onto the chandelier, but as it falls, Smithers returns with his ice, which has since melted into soft slush that Burns and Jay-G fall into.  Apparently, Jay-G returns Burns' possessions including the plant, but Burns has also learned some things as well, allowing a impromptu dance session at the plant but learns better of it almost immediately.

Double Review
Here are the things I liked about the episodes:

• Smithers' quest for ice.
• The entire Hamptons side story with Marge, including crazy shop sign man.
• Homer's narration.
• Most of the parts with just Homer.
• Bart's role in Part 2.

 Here are the things I didn't like about the episodes:

• Most of the rap stuff.  Sorry, it was a) boring and b) not funny.  Unfortunately, that makes up a lot of these two episodes.
• Lisa's sidestory with Blake.
• The guest voices were mostly dull or pointless, for instance Charles Barkley's entire contribution was "Still better than Shaq!", I mean, why even bother?
• The part in, uh, Part 2, when the revenge group betrayed Burns, where Jay-G and his new sold out gang appear to Burns as holograms, like this isn't goddamn Star Trek why didn't they just show up at the thing?

Part 2, I felt, tried more with the jokes, albeit there were more misses than in Part 1.  Part 1 was dull in several spots, like when Homer and Burns were wading through Jay-G's party and the entire thing with Blake wasn't very good either.  I think the episodes would've fared better if, in Part 1, the Blake stuff was gone and the stuff with Jay-G was funnier.  Part 2 would've been better if the entire middle portion wasn't the "guest voice" segment that basically brought the whole thing down.  The first acts of both parts were the best things going for each.

So, overall, these two episodes fared about the same, and about on average for your Season 28 / Zombie Simpsons episode.  Given the pomp and circumstance of it being an episode so grand you needed a whole hour to get through it, though, its certainly underwhelming even with the lessened expectations of this era of Simpsons.

Part 1 Final Score: 6.4
Part 2 Final Score: 6.6
Combined Final Score: 6.5

Pork and Burns (S28, E11-607)

"Why did you bring me back?  Just end me now.", the pig is likely thinking.

Plot Summary
Marge takes heed of a questionable Japanese tidiness guide and has the family start throwing stuff away if it is believed that it doesn't bring them joy.  Lisa, in particular, freaks out over this, and finds that a lot of things in her life do not bring her joy and are subsequently discarded.  Homer is reluctant to give up so many of his prized possessions, and that includes his prized pig, Plopper, previously known as Spider-Pig.  Homer doesn't want to give the pig up but Marge forces him to.  After a failed attempt, Homer learns that some pets can act as therapy pets for cases such as anxiety, and thus Homer successful gets Plopper to be his security pet with whom he brings all over with him.

Homer's demeanor calms as Plopper really does act as a therapy pet for Homer.  Soon, the family goes to a family function hosted by Mr. Burns.  Burns' hounds pick up the scent of the pig, and rush at it, maiming though not killing the pig.  Burns and crew confiscate the pig under the premise of healing it but in actuality they just want to eat it.  However, after the pig is fixed Burns takes a liking to the pig and decides to make it his pet.  Homer catches on and sneaks in at night to get it back.  Smithers aids in this endeavor as Burns fondness of the pig has made him pretty jealous.  Homer is so happy to get his pig back he's even willing to forgo beer to stay with him, a mistake Marge gladly takes Homer up on.

While that's happening, Lisa continues ridding herself of everything that brings her no joy, which now includes even her saxophone.  Bart is able to help her overcome her funk by giving her back her passion for music, and Marge later reveals she didn't actually throw anything away, she just put it all in a storage locker, so Lisa ends up okay, again.

Quick Review
The episode started off very poorly and the Lisa sideplot was fairly dull as well.  I was also hesitant about an episode based around the movie pig - can you believe its nearly been 10 years since the movie? - but the jokes and gags featuring Homer and pig worked quite well for a good chunk of the middle portion of the episode.  After Burns nabs him the episode dips in quality again but up to that point Homer and Plopper were salvaging what was otherwise a terrible episode.

Final Score: 7.0

The Last Traction Hero (S28, E09-605)

Tone it down Marge goddamn, at least Smithers has Burns praying for goodness sake.

Plot Summary
Homer's mischief at work lands him a fall through Mr. Burns' trap door.  However, the trap door is undergoing renovations, and as a results Homer actually gets hurt from it.  Further, because its undergoing renovation, it no longer benefits from old laws which protected Burns from lawsuits.  Essentially, Homer has legal grounds to sue.  Burns sends Smithers to trick Homer into signing a waiver of liability but it only reminds Homer that he can, in fact sue.

While Homer is recuperating, Marge decides to spend more time with him but does so in such a boring way Homer quickly grows weary of her company.  Smithers takes notice of this and decides to befriend Marge, hoping this will somehow get Homer to sign the waiver.  However, as the two talk Marge becomes attracted to Smithers and the latter, realizing this, decides to back off.  Marge, her sexual tension unresolved, decides to use Homer to relieve herself.  Homer realizes what's happened but doesn't care because, hey, sex.

Meanwhile, Lisa catches a fight in the school bus on her phone and reports it to Principal Skinner.  In response, Skinner makes Lisa a bus monitor, and Lisa has complete control over student seating.  As per usual with Lisa, the power goes to her head but eventually the other students rebel, causing mass chaos on the bus.  Lisa realizes that its not that great to be a know-it-all and promises to cut back on it but can't help herself.

Having failed to secure the waiver, Burns orders Smithers to stop visited, which saddens Marge in more ways than one.  Realizing that a friendless Marge is no good, Homer decides to tell Burns he'll drop the lawsuit under the condition that Smithers gets to visit Marge again, which Burns agrees to.  However, because he made his lawyer upset by giving up the lawsuit, Homer makes it up to him by promising to slip on the courthouse steps to setup another lawsuit, however Marge also gets hurt by trying to stop him.  The two reconcile, unable to move on their bed with Grampa spilling hot soup on them all the time, but now they have all the time in the world to talk to each other.

Quick Review
I went into this expecting a marriage-themed episode.  It never reaches that level (i.e. one separates from the other or makes the threat), but from Marge wanting to kiss Smithers and takes those sexual frustrations out on Homer, to Homer being perfectly okay with it, to the point where he was willing to drop a lawsuit to keep being okay with it, just didn't sit right at all.  I guess I should consider myself lucky that it wasn't another marriage episode but the odd characterizations made me wish it was.  Almost.

This episode was another case of where the sidestory was short and pointless.  The humor slows to a crawl in the second half of the episode as well.  Overall, yet another low-tier episode from what has been another low-tier Zombie Simpsons HD season.

Final Score: 6.2

Dad Behavior (S28, E08-604)

Leinart perfectly spiraled his way out of the NFL, you know.

Plot Summary
Still too lazy to do most chores, Homer learns from Barney about a new app which allows one to summon people to do chores for them.  Homer, of course, abuses the service, even paying extra to have someone without a criminal record to play catch with Bart.  Upon seeing that person, former college quarterback Matt Leinart, have "genuine" fun with Bart, Homer gets jealous.  He attempts to recreate the catch experience with a chore boy, but it goes so poorly Homer gets blacklisted.  That, coupled with him being unaware that the service isn't free, ends Homer's honeymoon with the app.

Lonely, Homer visits his own father, only to find Grampa with his own issues: having hooked up with a new lady via a dating service, Grampa is led to believe the lady he's with is now pregnant and is making preparations to skip town.  Meanwhile, Milhouse and his father have a small falling out and Milhouse goes to visit Bart.  However, Bart and Matt continue to have fun by themselves, which literally pushes Milhouse away and towards Homer, and the two build up a rapport.  Bart soon realizes that Matt was only being paid to let Bart win and he leaves anyway once his time is up.  With no fake father figure remaining, Bart tries to reconnect with his real father, only to find Homer spending time with Milhouse instead.  Increasingly jealous, Bart decides to hang out with Milhouse's father instead.

Grampa ponders whether to actually become a father again, noting that Simpson men have never really been good fathers, but that notion seemingly gets proven wrong when he finds Homer fishing with whom he believes is Bart (but is actually Milhouse).  Invigorated, Grampa goes to his girlfriend, ready to commit, but an ultrasound reveals that the baby is probably Jasper's, not Abe's, which is all good to Grampa.

The tensions between the Simpson and van Houten men reach a head at an amusement park, where Kirk's carelessness gets Bart injured.  Homer quickly tends to his own son, allowing them, and also the van Houtens, to reconcile with one another.

Because there wasn't enough episode to fill the time, the episode ends with a chore negotiator from earlier in the episode failing to get Maggie to give up her pacifier, and a tribute to Vin Scully - who retired from broadcasting a few months back - by doing a bit about Vin (or a caricature of Vin) rambling during a broadcast.

Quick Review
There were some good jokes here and there, but my oh my was the plot dull.  The sidestory with Grampa was short, so short it seemed even more pointless than it was, and it felt like it served only to fill the leftover time from the main story which, despite its modern twist (woah, apps!  s-see, we're m-modern too!), was as predictable as they come.

Final Score: 6.9

Havana Wild Weekend (S28, E07-603)

This was funnier than any of the Cuba scenes, honestly.

Plot Summary
Grampa is having bladder problems, causing him to be more depressed than usual.  He goes to a VA hospital for help, but as the writers remain 18 months behind the times, they still think the problems with the VA are a hot topic, so as a result Grampa isn't getting help anytime soon.  Fortunately, another vet directs Abe to getting help in Cuba, where medical care is both fast and cheap.

However, upon arriving, doctors there provide no additional help.  Abe is about to give up on life until he spots a 1950s era car that populate the country.  Reinvigorated by nostalgic sights, Abe befriends a female bartender who takes an interest in him, as well as an old war friend who has been hiding out in Cuba for decades.  The friend invites Abe to help operate his hidden business - a hijacked plane which is now used for parties.  Abe decides to stay and the other Simpsons return home without him.

Not pleased with these turn of events, Homer strikes a deal with the CIA to retrieve Grampa in exchange for some baseball players.  Meanwhile, Grampa and his friend host a party full of shady characters who have found refuge in Cuba to avoid legal troubles.  As Homer and family find and try to convince Grampa to leave, the bartender whom he befriended (and invited to this party) hijacks the plane.  She's actually an undercover CIA agent who used Grampa to weed out and recapture the various criminals that came to the party.  Afterward, Grampa is again depressed that his life no longer has meaning again but Homer invites him to the golf course so that the two of them - and Bart - can take part in the ancient past time of messing with golfers.

Quick Review
This wasn't a great episode.  This reminds me a bit of the Brazil episode - though the jokes did work better here there was also a lot of cultural and modern references that just don't do anything to add to the episode other than serve as a constant reminder that "oh yeah, they're in Cuba".  Which, as I've mentioned before, does not work as any real comedy.

Final Score: 5.7