Homer the Father (S22, E12-476)

Bumper cars have never been so 80s like they are in this 80s montage.

Plot Summary
Homer comes across an old 80s sitcom on TV called "Thicker Than Water", a typical family values comedy at the time.  Homer really comes to enjoy it, though, and wants to emulate the father from that program.  Around the same time, Bart's bike falls apart, and he wants to get not just any new bike, but the "Street Assassin", a top-notch motorbike.  Bart tries to ask Homer for it, but Homer applies his newfound fathering tips by telling Bart he won't appreciate stuff Homer buys for him, and to earn to money for the bike himself, advice that confuses Bart as usually Homer doesn't bother.  Lisa advises Bart to get a good grade instead so that Homer will reward him with either the bike or the money for the bike.  Bart tries to confirm this with Homer, and Homer does agree that good academics should be rewarded.  Bart studies his ass off for the next time and through his hard work he is able to earn an A on it.  Bart shows it to Homer, but Homer reveals that the sense of accomplishment is Bart's real reward for the A.  Angered, Bart storms off.

A short time later, Apu shows up to give Homer his nuclear plant security badge at the Kwik-E-Mart, and tells Homer to be more careful as terrorists out there would pay a lot of money for the nuclear secrets he supposedly possesses.  Bart overhears the conversation and gets an idea.  He ships out multiple letters to various countries stating he'll give them nuclear secrets in exchange for the motorbike.  Some time later, Bart is chased and captured by men in a CIA truck, but they actually work for Chinese Intelligence in America.  They task Bart with downloading the secrets onto a flash drive, and the bike will be his.  To get the secrets, though, Bart has to get closer with Homer, so he ends up spending much more time with Homer, who is okay with this as it sets off an 80s-style montage.  Eventually, Homer does take Bart to the nuclear plant, where Bart is able to find computers to download secrets from.  That night, Bart sneaks into the zoo and in a pile of bushes finds his motorbike.  Bart grabs it and puts in its place an envelope containing the flash drive for the Chinese to pick up later.  Bart is feeling pretty good, though, as he has his motorbike at last.

The next morning, Bart is shocked to find a second motorbike in the kitchen, as Homer bought it as a reward for all the time the two have been spending together.  Realizing he just became an American traitor for no reason, Bart hurries back to the zoo, his panic causing suspicion from Homer.  Bart sees that the envelope is still there, but before he can leave, the Chinese arrive to retrieve the data.  Bart swallows the drive, but as the Chinese advance on him, Homer arrives to save Bart, stating that his head contains all the nuclear secrets they ever need.  The Chinese agree, and take Homer to China to have him help build a nuclear plant of their own.  It then explodes during the ribbon cutting.  Homer is somehow allowed to go home, where he and Bart decide to spend some time together the old fashioned way: watching television.

Quick Review
This ends up being a pretty good episode, the best one so far this season.  Things get kinda screwy once the Chinese get involved, but for the most part, the call backs to 80s sitcoms, and the references to cast difficulties from said sitcoms, really make the episode, and it also features the best Itchy & Scratchy cartoon I've seen in some time.

Final Score: 7.8

Goo Goo Gai Pan (S16, E12-347)

The things these two will go through for their respective loves.

Plot Summary
Selma goes through menopause which means, among other things, she can no longer birth a child.  Selma is depressed over this, but Patty suggests adoption.  Selma goes to pick one up, but it turns out its Cletus' child who he mistakenly left at the adoption center.  Unwilling to try that again for some reason, Selma listens to Lisa (uh oh!) and tries to adopt a Chinese baby, Chinese babies being far more in supply than American babies for some reason.  When Selma goes to apply for one, though, she learns that the Chinese consider family togetherness strongly and that they will only give babies to married couples.  Further, the couple will have to go to China to actually pick the baby up.  Desperate for a baby, Selma puts in the name of a man who will pretend to be her husband for awhile: Homer Simpson.

Selma gives the Simpson family a free trip to China, though she doesn't tell Homer why he's going until they're already in the airplane.  In China, the two learn that it'll still be a few days before they can get a baby.  In the meantime, the family gets to enjoy Chinese culture while a representative Madam Wu, keeps an eye on Homer and Selma to confirm whether they are suited for a baby or not.  With the knowledge that nobody in Japan is aware of him, Homer tells Wu that he's a Chinese Acrobat, a fact which causes trouble later when the family watches an acrobat act and Homer is forced to fill in for a final stunt.  Homer suffers an injury and is hospitalized, but by the time he comes to Selma has her baby, whom she names Ling Bouvier.  As thanks, Marge (who had been playing the role of a nanny for Homer and Selma's children), gives Homer a quick 'snuggle', but Wu spies this through a secret compartment.  Learning that Selma is not married, she quickly confiscates Ling and drives away, once again devastating Selma.

Despite the failure, Lisa suggests they try to sneak away with Ling anyway (with a Chinese spy disguised as Bart eager to hear her plan).  Late that night, they have Homer sneak into the orphanage disguised as a Buddha statue.  Once he gets in, he's quickly able to locate and sneak away with Ling.  The group tries to get back to the airport, but they're stopped at Tiananmen Square by Wu, inside a tank (I get references).  Selma tries to reason with Wu, bonding over their shared vocations as bureaucrats, and convinces Wu that babies can work out just fine with a single parent.  Wu relents, revealing that she, too, was raised by a single parent, and lets the family go home with no further incident, though they hitch a ride back on a boat with Chinese-spy Bart riding along with them.

Quick Review
This episode was better than I remember it being.  Lucy Liu, who voiced Wu, did an okay job, nothing worth criticising.  The Chinese-centric jokes ranged from fine to bad (notably the dragons Homer may or may not have hallucinated), but overall it turns out to be a pretty decent episode.

Final Score: 7.2