The Changing of the Guardian (S24, E11-519)

They're so perfect, Bart and Lisa are even holding hands.

Plot Summary
An ordinary storm takes a turn for the worst when a twister appears near the Simpson home, taking the dog within it despite Homer's genuine best attempts at saving him.  Lenny and Carl, chasing the storm, offer to help so Homer and Marge tag along to find their dog.  The four catch up to the twister but it ruins the storm van and even sweeps Carl away.  Luckily, the twister breaks up just moments later, leaving both Carl and Santa's Little Helper alive, intact, and nearby.  However, the storm also drops a bank it had swallowed up right over Homer and Marge, who are standing just in the right place to avoid being crushed, though they're stuck within a bulletproof glass revolving door.

Afterward, the two realize just how close they came to death, and that if they hadn't made it the kids would've been turned over to the state with their crummy laws on the matter.  The two decide to settle on a guardian to take after the kids just in case both of them die.  Homer doesn't trust Grampa to do, so he's out.  Homer tries to call his half-brother Herb Powell, but he's "broke again".  The two try Patty and Selma, the latter having been raising her adopted daughter Ling, but Ling - who has aged several years despite previously appearing at a baby about Maggie's age - seems pretty despondent from Patty and Selma's harsh parenting methods, so that's out of the question.  The two also try asking friends, but after a few failed attempts the rest of the town catches on and actively avoids the two from asking them about guardianship.

Homer and Marge then decide to start looking out of town, where they come across a surfer named Mav and his wife Portia, an environmental lawyer.  The two are quite rich and successful, and they even have an old man who is far less annoying than Grampa is.  Believing them to be perfect, Homer and Marge officially ask the two to be the kids' guardians, and the two decide to agree.  After the paperwork, Homer and Marge let Mav and Portia spend some time with the kids while the two of them start spending more time alone.

A few weeks pass, when Marge sees to her horror a Christmas photo with Mav, Portia and the kids.  Believing that the two are 'stealing' the kids, Homer and Marge rush up to Mav's winter home to confront the two.  On the way, Marge wonders if Mav and Portia are actually better for the kids.  Homer confirms it so, but also states that those are their kids, theirs to raise unless they die.  After reaching the home, both couples try to talk things out, but the kids return to reveal they'd rather live with Homer and Marge, their biological parents.  Mav and Portia relent and quickly go off to do another rich person activity.  Back home, Homer and Marge give up on finding a guardian for now, deciding that instead of focusing on them dying they'll focus more on just living.

Quick Review
A couple of oddities before I begin.  First, Herb Powell.  The character had been in two episodes: a Season 2 episode where he, a successful car entrepreneur, gets ruined by his long lost half-brother Homer, kind of a downer, and a Season 3 episode where he uses the money won by his half-brother Homer to create an invention that makes him rich again, a nice redemption story.  So after 21 years, Herb finally makes another appearance on the show.  Well, I say appearance, but it was only a few seconds worth of a phone call, where Danny DeVito actually came over to record the single line, Herb is never seen and he quickly admits he's "poor again", ruining the good vibes from the Season 3 episode.  The five seconds worth of "gag" was pointless, stupid and perhaps even insulting.

Another oddity is that of Ling, Selma's adopted Chinese baby.  For several years, Ling was just that, a baby.  However, in a move which clearly shows the writers and staff couldn't give a care about any established continuity, Ling is now several years older, old enough to silently plead Homer and Marge to help her.  People aren't as affectionate towards Ling as they probably were towards Herb just because Herb was in two early-season episodes while Ling made her debut in Season 16, but even so aging Ling so much for, yet again, a single gag, seems kinda irresponsible.  I suppose there are some people out there who've come to like Ling - I wouldn't know how or why - but I bet they weren't all too please to find Ling as a helicoptered four or five year old in this episode.

Still, because these were only moment-long bits they didn't detract much from this otherwise decent episode.  The scenes during the tornado were pretty good, and the interactions between the family and Mav and Portia had its moments as well (not so much anything involving Lisa and Portia, mind you).

Final Score: 7.0

Goo Goo Gai Pan (S16, E12-347)

The things these two will go through for their respective loves.

Plot Summary
Selma goes through menopause which means, among other things, she can no longer birth a child.  Selma is depressed over this, but Patty suggests adoption.  Selma goes to pick one up, but it turns out its Cletus' child who he mistakenly left at the adoption center.  Unwilling to try that again for some reason, Selma listens to Lisa (uh oh!) and tries to adopt a Chinese baby, Chinese babies being far more in supply than American babies for some reason.  When Selma goes to apply for one, though, she learns that the Chinese consider family togetherness strongly and that they will only give babies to married couples.  Further, the couple will have to go to China to actually pick the baby up.  Desperate for a baby, Selma puts in the name of a man who will pretend to be her husband for awhile: Homer Simpson.

Selma gives the Simpson family a free trip to China, though she doesn't tell Homer why he's going until they're already in the airplane.  In China, the two learn that it'll still be a few days before they can get a baby.  In the meantime, the family gets to enjoy Chinese culture while a representative Madam Wu, keeps an eye on Homer and Selma to confirm whether they are suited for a baby or not.  With the knowledge that nobody in Japan is aware of him, Homer tells Wu that he's a Chinese Acrobat, a fact which causes trouble later when the family watches an acrobat act and Homer is forced to fill in for a final stunt.  Homer suffers an injury and is hospitalized, but by the time he comes to Selma has her baby, whom she names Ling Bouvier.  As thanks, Marge (who had been playing the role of a nanny for Homer and Selma's children), gives Homer a quick 'snuggle', but Wu spies this through a secret compartment.  Learning that Selma is not married, she quickly confiscates Ling and drives away, once again devastating Selma.

Despite the failure, Lisa suggests they try to sneak away with Ling anyway (with a Chinese spy disguised as Bart eager to hear her plan).  Late that night, they have Homer sneak into the orphanage disguised as a Buddha statue.  Once he gets in, he's quickly able to locate and sneak away with Ling.  The group tries to get back to the airport, but they're stopped at Tiananmen Square by Wu, inside a tank (I get references).  Selma tries to reason with Wu, bonding over their shared vocations as bureaucrats, and convinces Wu that babies can work out just fine with a single parent.  Wu relents, revealing that she, too, was raised by a single parent, and lets the family go home with no further incident, though they hitch a ride back on a boat with Chinese-spy Bart riding along with them.

Quick Review
This episode was better than I remember it being.  Lucy Liu, who voiced Wu, did an okay job, nothing worth criticising.  The Chinese-centric jokes ranged from fine to bad (notably the dragons Homer may or may not have hallucinated), but overall it turns out to be a pretty decent episode.

Final Score: 7.2