Fland Canyon (S27, E19-593)

Hehe, mule.  (I'm gonna get a laugh out of this episode somehow)

Plot Summary
In an attempt to get Maggie to fall asleep, Homer tells the baby a story.  Trying to recall a boring story, Homer eventually recalls a memory from two years prior.  In it, the Flanders' family is rewarded for their charity work with a trip to the Grand Canyon, but its a two-family trip.  Reverend Lovejoy, whose wife definitely does not want to go with the Flanders', suggests they take the Simpsons, who reluctantly agree.

At the Canyon, the Simpson family and the Flanders family find their own ways to annoy one another.  However, on a trek through the inner part of the canyon, the families lose their guide, and lose their way.  Stranded, Homer and Ned make the decision to set out and find help.  Eventually, the two stumble upon a "campsite" full of rich media elites who have an extravagant setup despite the locale.  The two agree to steal some of their bountiful food and supplies, escaping via a raft.  With that, the two families are eventually rescued and Homer and Ned form a friendship, supposedly.

Having finished his story (and putting both Maggie and Lisa - who came in halfway through - to sleep), Ned reveals through the window that he'd been listening in as well.  Homer decides to be a good pal to Ned and take him on a trip: to the postcard museum, which Ned deeply enjoys.

Quick Review
Well, its not offensively bad, nor is it reference heavy.  Its just boring and overall unfunny.  So, it could be worse, but it could've been good and its not.  (I guess you could say it was 'Bland Canyon' but you probably shouldn't, its too corny).

Final Score: 6.3

Dangerous Curves (S20, E05-425)

Become a couple after they both failed to break up another couple, how about that.

Plot Summary
The family is on a 4th of July weekend road trip, and they pick up a pair of hitchhikers, who are in love.  The scene then flashes back to 20 years ago, when a young Homer and Marge are riding their bikes down the same road, however an accident leaves them unable to continue riding.  Just then, they meet for the first time for real the younger Ned Flanders and his newlywed wife Maude.  The pair let Homer and Marge ride in their car where they reveal they're still on their honeymoon.  After a brief scene in the present time, the episode flashes back to just five years ago when Homer, Marge, Patty and Selma are returning from a picnic that didn't go so well.  Homer tires of his sisters in law constantly mocking him, and he tosses them out.  A short time later, his car runs out of gas.  Marge is pretty mad at this point but as the two walk to get gas they stumble upon a mansion that's hosting a party, and the two partake for a moment.  Homer comes across a young woman, Sylvia, whose fun-loving style Homer can relate to.  Marge sees the two having fun in horror, and confronting Homer doesn't do any good, and Marge ends up accidentally falling into a pool as she angrily walks away.

In the present, the Simpsons drop off the young couple and reach their destination, the Kozy Kabins, where the scene flashes back to 20 years ago again when the Flanders couple drives up to the same lodge.  Ned ensures that Homer and Marge can't have any pre-marital "snuggling", separating their rooms on each end of the one where he and Maude will enjoy their honeymoon.  Marge calls her sisters in law, who once again try to convince Marge that Homer is no good.  The scene shifts back to five years ago when Homer and Sylvia are still having fun.  Marge is crying her eyes out in a changing room when the host of the party, Alberto, walks up to where Marge is and helps her change into something dry.  He admits he has had his eyes on her since she came to the party, and with Homer's continued partying with Sylvia, Marge agrees to go with Alberto on a glider.  The two land at the very same Kozy Kabins and rent a room.  Just then, Homer and Sylvia arrive nearby, and as Sylvia checks in, Homer notices Marge nearby.  He goes to investigate, panicking Marge and Alberto, the latter hiding in a chest.  Marge and Homer, both trying to hide their intentions, use a make up "snuggle" in a continued attempt to prevent their original intents from being known.  Marge convinces Homer to drag the chest outside, where Homer is quickly able to toss Sylvia into without even noticing Alberto, and he and Marge make up inside the cabin.  In the present day, Homer and Marge "convince" the kids to go away in a paddle car, while at the same time a married Alberto and Sylvia arrive at the cabin with their daughter.  They both recognize Marge and Homer, and thank them for what they did five years ago.  Homer and Marge both realize that their reconciliation five years ago was built on layers of lies, and the two get mad at each other again.

As Bart gets lost with the paddle car, the scene shifts back again to 20 years ago.  While Ned and Maude continue to ensure Homer can't do anything too lewd with Marge, he does take her on a nice walk in the woods, and carves a heart into a nearby tree stating he'll be in love with her forever, though because the tree has so many carvings already Homer has to climb it to find space to carve his heart.  In the present, Homer comes across that same tree, and decides to show Marge the carving in hopes of saving their marriage.  Marge arrives in time ready to talk things out with Homer, but she accidentally knocks the tree over, landing above a cliff to a river.  Homer is hanging on barely by the piece of bark he had partially carved out, and Marge goes to rescue him.  The attempt goes bad, and now Homer rescues her as his bark continues to give way.  As the two once again reconcile their differences, Bart and Lisa arrive in their paddle car to give the two a safe place to land.  The end shows the various couples in love departing the lodge in their various yet kinda merged time frames.

Quick Review
What was this episode?  Its a combination of a marriage episode - that's never good - and a flashback episode which, after That '90s Show, you can't really trust to be good anymore.  The plot continuously jumps from the three timelines, albeit in a smoother fashion than how I tried to explain it above, but the episode makes a critical mistake, one that it seems to be making more often nowadays.  In the effort to have an 'unique' storyline, which is really just a convoluted flashback-marriage episode hybrid, little effort was spend on comedy of any kind.  I spent more time trying to figure out what the hell the episode was trying to do than I was laughing, and I didn't even spend that much time on the former.  It was just a weird episode all around.

Final Score: 5.6

I'm Goin' to Praiseland (S12, E19-267)

In this creepy moment, Ned assumes the form of his beloved dead wife.

Plot Summary
At a church-hosted ice cream social, Ned Flanders comes across Rachel Jordan, whom he met at the end of the episode where his wife died.  At the end of that episode, it seemed like Ned was ready to move on from Maude's passing, however this episode makes it abundantly clear he hasn't.  After the Simpson family coerces him into having Rachel stay at his house for the night rather than a hotel, Ned's continued obsession with Maude becomes apparent.  Pictures of her all over the house, all of Maude's stuff still left where they were, even the bed still has Maude's indentation.  Rachel tries to sleep through it anyway but wakes up alarmed when she discovers that Ned is cutting her hair to make it look like Maude's.  Rachel leaves in disgust, and Ned realizes he has a problem.

As Ned takes his boys to the eye doctor, he asks the Simpsons to remove anything that reminds him of Maude.  They 'sort' out everything, but forget to 'sort' one item that Ned uncovers: an old book of Maude's featuring pictures she drew.  As Ned looks through it, he sees designs of a Christian-themed amusement park called Praiseland, perhaps Maude's final dream or some such.  With both of his sons imploring him to build it, Ned decides to do so, able to acquire the old Storytime village which had been out of business for some time.  Ned puts in great effort to build the park, and soon enough its open for business.  With masks of Maude's face and a giant statue of Maude, it seems like her dream is about to come true.

However, Praiseland turns out to be about as fun as one would expect from a Christian-themed park.  Rides consisting mostly of bible verse tellings, plain flavored treats, no beer, no fun at all.  People leave the park en masse, and Ned is forced to deal with the fact that Maude's dream has failed.  Just then, a Maude mask rises from the ground, floating up near the face of Maude's statue.  People view it as a miracle, but eventually the mask falls back down.  Principal Skinner is about to be skeptical, but he collapses to the ground and speaks in tongue.  When he comes to, he admits he had a vision: a vision of his own personal heaven.  People begin to believe the miracle to be real, and Homer convinces everyone to pay $10 to get their own vision, though Marge is able to get the money to go to the orphanage so that Ned would be okay with it.

Things are going along great now, and this time, maybe, Maude's dream will come true.  However, Ned overhears that a grill isn't getting any gas, and that there's probably a leak somewhere.  Ned goes to investigate and, to his horror, learns the leak is right under the Maude statue, meaning the the 'visions' people are having are just them getting high off gas.  Ned considers telling the truth about the matter, but with so much money going to the orphans he opts not to.  Although, you know, gas is poisonous, Ned tries to convince himself that its okay as its making people happy.  Just then, Ned and Homer see a pair of orphans place candles near the statue - near the busted gas line - and remembering another property of gas, rush in to stop the orphans.  They end up tackling the orphans, a rather offensive sight to the uninformed, and they all decide to leave the park in anger.  With no business and the gas leak, Ned is forced to close Praiseland.  At this moment, Rachel Jordan reappears, having read about the park in a paper and wearing a wig to cover up the unmentionable incident.  She and Ned reconcile, and together they finally remove the last creepy thing that reminds Ned of Maude: the imprint on Ned's bed.

Quick Review
So, when Maude died in Season 11, it was done for a few reasons.  One of the reasons was that with Ned now single, it would open up new storylines for him.  This episode would be the first such storyline, and frankly its not very good.  Ned's obsession with Maude is creepy.  Homer's obsession with Ned's love life is creepy.  Letting people get high off gas because they're mistaking it for miraculous visions and the proceeds are going to orphans is, well, not creepy but just plain stupid.  A lot of poorly delivered jokes add to that and it makes for one of the lesser episodes in the series, though its kinda sad that its not even the worst episode of this season.

Final Score: 4.7

Alone Again, Natura-Diddly (S11, E14-240)

I have pinpointed the moment where my heart breaks for this show.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons go on a nature walk when, to Lisa's horror, the preserve has been mostly converted into a racecar track.  In time to see the time trials, the family then gets free tickets to see the big race.  At said race, Homer is astonished to find Ned Flanders and his family there sitting right behind him near the top of the stadium, as they enjoying seeing other oddities that come with car races.  At one point, a group of ladies are shooting out t-shirts with cannons.  Homer practically taunts them to shoot some his way, but when they finally comply, Homer gets distracted and ducks.  The t-shirts instead hit Maude Flanders, and she falls over the back of the stadium, and dies.

As Ned and his two sons try to cope with the tragedy, Marge urges Homer to open himself up to Ned (or at least stop acting like a jerk to him).  Homer obliges, but soon realizes that the best way for Ned to move on from Maude's passing is to get him hooked up with another woman.  In a process that takes two months, he secretly tapes Ned doing mundane tasks and combines the footage into a dating video.  Though Ned initially turns down Homer's idea, the loneliness gets to him and he decides to mail it in.  The subsequent dates, though, don't do much good for Ned.

Ned still has difficulty moving on from Maude, and still questions how she could've been taken from him.  He even quarrels with God, refusing to go to church the next day.  Ned eventually relents, and rushes to church anyway.  There, he hears a Christian rock band led by a woman who reaffirms his devotion to God.  Afterwards, Ned has a talk with the woman, Rachel Jordan, and it seems as though Ned may or may not be ready to move on.

Quick Review
Worst episode ever.

hyuck hyuck

No, really, though.  It really is that bad.

Obviously, the offending moment of the episode is Maude's death, but there's a lot more about it that oozes offensiveness than the actual death of Maude Flanders.

First off, the manner of her death.  Hit by t-shirts shot out of a cannon after Homer unwittingly ducks, tumbling over the back of a racetrack stadium, with no rails to stop her fall.  Its so ridiculous it gives elf jockeys a run for its money.  There is no emotional buildup whatsoever, it is by all intents and purposes a shock death.

Second, the real-life reasons behind her death.  Her normal voice actress left the show, and despite the fact that Maude had been voiced by someone else during this season and despite the fact that actress had voiced other characters, they decided to kill Maude.  Then it had been admitted that the move was made as a ratings grab.  To think, the almighty Simpsons machine needs the senseless death of a character to grab ratings.  Lastly, the move was made to open up new storylines for Ned, and we all know how smashing a success that "Nedna" campaign was (ironically, there was a bit in this episode where Ned dates Edna).

Maude's funeral was also not one of the series' high points.  Did they really need to put the phrase "Grampa's girlfriend" in Beatrice Simmons' grave?  Did they really need to have the t-shirt girls and the racecar advertising on Maude's casket as part of a settlement suit?  Well, Reverend Lovejoy's summation of Maude's character was nice, but still the entire thing seemed completely unnecessary.  To me, this was when the Simpsons jumped the shark, when it passed the point where it could no longer redeem itself even if it has a few more gems down the line.  I remember this episode being completely unfunny when I first watched it 13 years ago, and my feelings toward it remain unchanged.  It really is the worst episode of the Simpsons, ever (until Season 25, which is really, really sad).

Final Score: 3.0

Bart of Darkness (S06, E01-104)

"I'M A MUR-DIDDELY-URDLER!!!"

Plot Summary
Its summer time to start Season 6, and sure enough there's a big heat wave rolling through town.  A one-time only pool-mobile gives Bart and Lisa a taste of what could be, and they quickly convince Homer to buy a pool.  After initially building it into a barn, as a nearby Amish man politely points out ("'tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English" "D'oh-eth!"), the pool is correctly made and instantly the Simpson backyard is the go to spot for the town's youthful pool enthusiasts.  Shortly thereafter, Bart is dared to jump into the pool from the top of the treehouse, but Nelson's prank causes Bart to slip up and fall to the cold ground, breaking his leg in the process, essentially ending his summer fun.

With Bart out of the way, Lisa becomes the center of attention as the pool is property of her family, and her popularity rises so high she doesn't even need her brain anymore.  Meanwhile, Bart is forced to wear a cast on his leg and TV has gone into its summer re-run cycle, leaving Bart to become isolated and somewhat creepy.  Lisa finds enough time to give Bart a telescope to pass the hours, but neither the vast wonders of space nor the oddities of Springfield's night life is enough to keep Bart interested.  Suddenly, he hears a woman scream at Flanders' house.  There he sees what appears to be Flanders having killed his wife, later seeing the apparent burial in the Flanders backyard.  He attempts to tell the family this, but they don't believe him.  He later peeks at Flanders telling Rod and Todd that Maude "is with God", and soon they'll be with her too, which Bart claims is terrible, in principle.

Martin Prince sees how popular Lisa has become with her pool and quickly builds a bigger one in his own yard, claiming to become the next "Queen of Summertime", or King, whatever.  Word quickly spreads, and soon Lisa and her pool have been abandoned.  Now having time to spend with Bart, Lisa is quickly convinced by Bart to investigate Ned's currently empty house for evidence of the murder.  Soon after she goes in, because the house was apparently unlocked from the back, Ned returns home, with an axe!  Crippled leg and all, Bart attempts to go to Lisa's rescue, while Lisa realizes too late Ned is back and attempts to hide in the attic, which Ned goes into as well.  Just before Ned can do anything, Bart and Lisa yell and scream, but Ned, just putting his axe away for safe keeping, faints when Bart suggests Ned murdered someone.

Turns out, Maude Flanders was away for a week at a bible study (thus the "with God" part), and the source of the woman's shriek was Flanders himself, who shrieked after accidentally over-watering Maude's plant and buried the remains.  With that misunderstanding out of the way, the episode peeks at Martin, whose new popularity comes to a crashing end when his big pool can't withstand so many kids, falling apart, leaving Martin stunned and eventually pantsless.

Quick Review
Bart of Darkness is an excellent start to Season 6.  The "Klassic Krusty" re-runs were pretty funny because of how dull they were, and the supposed Flanders murder plot at the end was done pretty well, especially Homer's mini investigation.  The parts with the pool were great as well.

Final Score: 9.2