Looking for Mr. Goodbart (S28, E20-616)

This stuff is cringe central when the Simpsons parody it as poorly as it does
for someone familiar with the source material.  I wonder how stupid it looks
for those who aren't familiar?  Does it actually work for them?  It doesn't, right?

Note: this is the first episode to air following the 30th anniversary of the first Simpsons short Good Night.  It celebrated that fact by airing the Maggie portion of the short followed by a quick song about the anniversary.

Plot Summary
After Bart pulls off more tomfoolery, this time on Seniors day which gets even Grampa in trouble, Skinner gets the idea of his mother, Agnes, be escorted by Bart.  Quickly, though, Bart realizes how much Agnes dotes on the boy just because he shows basic affection for the old lady and decides to make a con out of it.  Soon, he's approached by another old lady, Phoebe, who is on to Bart's scheme but nevertheless offers Bart $100 to help out leave her retirement home for four straight days.

Meanwhile, Homer becomes part of the Pokemon Go Peekimon Get craze, which includes him walking into all sorts of dangerous situations in search of imaginary rewards.  Lisa agrees to join him because she, too, is a big fan of the game.  Eventually, Homer and Lisa agree to just spend real money to acquire the creatures, $600 worth.

Phoebe reveals to Bart that she's a nature photographer and the two enjoy the four days together. Afterward, Phoebe bequests Bart her camera.  Unaware of the meaning of the word 'bequest', Bart eventually learns that its to give an item away before dying.  Recalling relevant memories, including one where Phoebe admits she's going to off herself, Bart realizes he needs help, and recruits Homer and Lisa, whose wilderness experience have improved thanks to their time playing the game.  The two, alongside other veteran players, start their search in perhaps one of the worst animated sequences in recent memory, but ultimately Phoebe is found.

Evidently, Phoebe has found a new meaning in life and decides to not die, requesting back her camera though Bart gets her to agree to have the two of them go on more nature walks.  It turns out this was all a story (albeit apparently true) Bart told Grampa to explain why he was sorry for getting him in trouble.  Also, during all of this Skinner tries to man up but can't.

Quick Review
This episode was unfortunate.  The main storyline with Bart and eventually Phoebe was actually very decent and set itself pretty well for a good, emotional ending.  However, the Pokemon Go-ripoff sidestory, which was nearly a year late in being relevant and even less so in doing the reference well, ruins the main story by becoming a major factor in Bart's search.

The search, which turns into a simulation of the game with Lisa singing the song from the American version of the original anime, was probably the worst thing the show has done since maybe the Ke$ha incident.  The song, which as far as I know isn't even in Pokemon Go itself, was poorly sung and the visuals during the song was both unimpressive and unnecessarily edgy as well.  It completely destroys any emotional impact of Bart's story and, as a result, hampers what could've been one of the season's better episodes.

Final Score: 6.0

Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles (S27, E11-585)

Meanwhile, on Simpsons Singapore...

Plot Summary
Bart's class gets another new 4th grade teacher, Ms. Berrera, an army vet whom Bart quickly becomes smitten with.  However, Bart soon realizes that Principal Skinner is also smitten with her, and he and Skinner begin to clash for Berrera's affection.  Meanwhile, on an errand to buy $16 organic milk, Homer is instead convinced by Apu to buy the much cheaper and questionable Buzz "Milk" (a parody of Coca-Cola Fairlife which I forgot was a thing, thanks writers for reminding me of stuff from a year ago, again).

A few days later, Lisa grows acne and Bart, a mustache.  Once Maggie becomes gorilla-like in appearance and strength, the family realizes the "milk" is to blame and quickly ditch it.  During this time, Lisa wears makeup to cover her acne, which makes her quite popular.  In just a week's time she becomes obsessed with her popularity and tries to really go all out for an outdoor party, but with rain imminent Lisa realizes her luck is up and attempts to preempt the rain by revealing her flaws to everyone, but the acne has since cleared up so Lisa's plan backfires and she's back to being unpopular.

Meanwhile, perhaps due in part to his mustache, Bart eventually loses out to Skinner, whom he sees kissing Berrera.  In vengeance, Bart decides to pull prank after prank on Skinner while he's with Berrera in some attempt to break them up.  Lisa advises Bart that the hormones from the "milk" is responsible for Bart's current behavior.  He calms down, loses his mustache and invites both Skinner and Berrera to an ice-skating park where he simply wishes the couple the best.  In short time, Skinner attempts to introduce Berrera to his mother and his lame lifestyle, which disgusts Berrera so badly she goes back to the army.  Bart, Skinner and Milhouse for some reason bond over the experience some time later.

Quick Review
This was a pretty boring episode.  Not a lot of humor, especially later on, and the episode wraps up in a seemingly rushed, haphazard way which doesn't help it at all.  The premise of the episode was weird, there was a Lisa sideplot because apparently Season 27 is all about Lisa, and most of the plot just fell flat.

Final Score: 5.8

Barthood (S27, E09-583)

So deep, man, lets give this episode an Emmy or something, wow.

Plot Summary
The episode works as one whole Boyhood reference.  The episode goes through Bart's life at the ages of 6, 8, 12, 15, 18 and I think 20 as he deals with his neglectful father, living in his sister's far more successful shadow and honoring Grampa whom, in this episode, Bart shares a deep connection with.

Generally, as the years move on, Bart becomes more depressed as Homer's neglect becomes more evident and Lisa's success the more invasive to Bart's life.  When Bart turns 15, he attempts to break out as a BMX star in honor of the then-late Grampa but injures himself when literally seeing Lisa's shadow and quits.  At 18, Bart confronts Lisa over her supposed superiority but Lisa snaps back noting that, if nothing else, Bart has become great at being an artist, including the awful way of life artists usually have.  Finding some odd inspiration out of that, Bart, in two years time, starts up a bike repair shop in honor of his relationship with Grampa as well as Lisa, who gave him the advice.

Quick Review
I preface this by saying I haven't seen Boyhood nor do I intend to.  I'm sure its a good movie, and its achievements can't be understated.  That said, that movie came out, as of this writing, nearly 18 months ago nationwide.  The Simpsons - well, modern Simpsons - are often criticized for referencing material far past its shelf-life, with the show even defending this practice rarely, but honestly, how many people still remembered Boyhood as a thing by the time this episode aired?  How many people watched this episode who, like me, never saw Boyhood?  Topical, flavor-of-the-time episodes like these never do well and date themselves quickly - see Homerpalooza for an example, and making a topical episode off of something last relevant well over a year ago makes even less sense.

Since this is modern Simpsons, of course the tribute to the reference has to be top notch.  The need to keep the episode faithful to its reference trumps any other factor - comedy, pacing, character development, and to much lesser, not-as-important aspect, canon.  The episode makes a point of having Bart have a strong relationship with Grampa even though, normally, nobody in the family cares about Grampa.  I'm sure something similar to that happens in Boyhood, but to someone who hasn't seen it (again, me), having such a drastic shift in character just feels off.

Subsequently, because there is such a focus on the reference and not much else, the episode isn't that funny.  It tries to make up for it in mild shock value (OH MAN HOMER IS STONED, OH SO IS CHIEF WIGGUM, AND NELSON LOOKS OLD, ISN'T THAT FUNNY!?) but that didn't work.  Grampa's ramblings were pretty decent but then he was gone for the second half of the episode so he couldn't continue salvaging this.

I've said or implied this multiple times by now, but I watch the Simpson to laugh at jokes be they jokes based off character flaws, or clever dialogue.  I don't watch the show to revel in storylines, and I certainly don't watch it to see the show act like its something else.  The latter was what I got, and what I got was very unimpressive.

Final Score: 5.7

Blazed and Confused (S26, E07-559)

Ever notice how "someone gets high" sequences are always these trippy,
random sequences of nonsense?  Its gotten very predictable in recent years.

Plot Summary
In an effort to keep concerned parents off guard, Springfield's schools sometimes swap their worst teachers to other schools, being unable to just fire them because they all quickly earned tenure.  This time around, Springfield Elementary gets the worst of the bunch: Jack Lassen.  Assigned to Bart's 4th grade class, Lassen quickly showcases his brutality, making a mockery out of Nelson and responding to Bart's otherwise lame "prank" by shaving his head indiscriminately.  As this onslaught continues, Bart and Milhouse decide to find someway to embarrass Lassen so badly he has no choice but to quit or be fired.

Learning that Lassen might try to hook up with Ms. Hoover, Bart swiftly sets up a fake Ms. Hoover account on social media, which Lassen falls for by "friending" it.  Bart and Milhouse notice on Lassen's profile that he's really into Burning Man Blazing Guy.  Quick research shows that, for the upcoming event, Lassen has been chosen to light the Guy in the ever-important ceremony.  The two decide they must sabotage the event to embarrass Lassen.  Meanwhile, Homer is in hot water after he failed to reserve a camp site for Marge and the family for the weekend, and everything seems to be booked.  Bart bails Homer out by telling him about Blazing guy, and Homer quickly goes for it, taking the family to Blazing Guy.

There, while Lisa loves the free expression and Homer likes the craziness in general, a very hesitant Marge finally eases up, considerably, when she tries "adult" tea, while Bart and Milhouse come up with the plan to douse the Blazing Guy with fire retardant from a safety station.  The night of the ceremony, the boys' ploy works as Lassen is unable to ignite the structure.  Lassen notices the two boys and quickly realizes what's happened, and grabs a nearby flamethrower in a raged attempt to burn them.  Homer rushes in to save them, crashing into and toppling the Blazing Guy in the process, leaving Lassen stunned and the boys free to escape.  Later, Lassen's recorded outburst is evidence enough to finally be fired from his job as teacher, but Lassen finds a new calling as a prison guard, where he's unable to convince Sideshow Bob to kill Bart with him out of vengeful greed, or something.

Quick Review
To be honest, this was slightly better than what I was expecting.

The last time I watched an episode that following a pleasantly strong episode, I had to dish out the worst score I've ever given an episode.  What's more, the premise of the episode reminds me strongly of Homerpalooza, which, to me, was by far Season 7's worst episode.  Say what you will about this, but I've never liked it when the show tries to tackle underground or counter-culture themes like in that episode or in this episode.

That whole aspect, combined with a somewhat unfunny main premise ("the teacher is a jerk, I'm gonna get back at him") really leaves this episode with nowhere to go.  Even so, it did just enough to where I can't say it would be the worst this season has to offer.  Small victories, I guess.

Final Score: 6.6

The Yellow Badge of Cowardge (S25, E22-552)

He is an open target.  The Germans could fire right at him no problem.
Great, its nice to know the writers don't know how to act like cowards, either!

Plot Summary
In a tale narrated by Lisa for no apparent/good reason, its the last day of school and so the school is holding final day festivities outside.  The last event, the main event, is a race around school, an event Milhouse has specifically trained for, showing Bart his new secret six pack that he developed just for this race.  Martin spies this from afar and uses the opportunity to place a bet with Jimbo and pals that Milhouse will win the race despite the official odds against him.  Sure enough, Milhouse's training starts to pay off, and he takes the lead.  Worried he'll be in the red with a Milhouse win, Jimbo tasks Nelson of stopping Milhouse in the part of the race track that goes through the secluded path in the forest and beat Milhouse.  Nelson does just that and starts beating up the new dejected Milhouse.  Bart, in second place, runs by and sees what's happening, but reluctantly decides not to do anything to maintain his lead in the race.  Bart ends up winning, and Milhouse winds up with traumatic amnesia, unable to recall what happened in the forest at all, to Bart's slight relief.

Meanwhile, Homer is disgusted upon learning the city won't be holding a 4th of July fireworks celebration due to budget cuts.  Homer eventually decides he'll host a fireworks brigade of his own, recalling the joy he had as a kid during fireworks shows as he couldn't hear his parents argue during said time.  He came to admire the man working the fireworks show, and kept his business card for all these years.  The fireworks engineer is now retired, but Homer is able to convince him to do one more show for the town, so the two team up to acquire and prepare fireworks.

Bart begins to feel guilt and regret for his actions during the race.  For some reason, the entire town honors Bart for his school race victory, where Bart attempts to set the record straight by bringing Milhouse on stage, but is unable to go through with the truth.  Just then, Kearney shoots a rubber band which hits Milhouse right in the head, causing him to remember the beating - and that Bart ran off like a coward.  The town turns on Bart and boos him away.  Bart tries to get advice from Grampa on his supposed cowardice, where Grampa and the other seniors admit its only because of their cowardice that they've been able to live as long as they have despite the night terrors they have to sometimes deal with, and Bart has to now deal with.

On the 4th of July, Homer and the elder fireworks engineer have prepared a show on the lake, but the two get into an argument over when to start the show and then on which date America was actually liberated.  The argument causes the fireworks float to tip over, aiming the fireworks at the crowd.  A missed shot by Kearney hits the sequence start button, and the fireworks begins to fire up.  Bart gets the opportunity to hijack an armored van somehow, but in an effort to make things up with Milhouse, decides to take his friend with him.  Just as the fireworks begin to fire, Bart drives the van up in front of the crowd to shield them from the rockets, essentially saving them.  The crowd wonders who was behind the heroics, when Bart pushes Milhouse out in front of the crowd, leading everyone to believe he was the hero.  The crowd gathers around to celebrate their hero Milhouse, as well as their coward Bart for whatever reason.  In any case, Bart can sleep soundly again.

Quick Review
This episode scored better than I thought it would, especially after its slow beginning.  There were some pretty decent jokes, and Homer's sidestory was good as well.  Its a decent way to end the season.

Final Score: 7.0

What to Expect When Bart's Expecting (S25, E19-549)

This was a 'gag' at the end of the episode.  My reaction: what

Plot Summary
Bartenders across Springfield increase their dwindling revenue for a night by hosting a superhero costume affair which basically boils down to more drinking for much more money.  The shenanigans leave Homer in a particularly hungover state the following morning.

Bart, meanwhile, is forced to go to art class and has particular disdain for the joyful and positive art teacher, Mrs. Trunch.  He gets an idea from Shauna (who is revealed to be Superintendent Chalmer's daughter, whatever) to use voodoo to get rid of Trunch.  Bart follows this advice and after visiting a witch doctor or some sort, he teams up with Milhouse to place a voodoo hex on Trunch, in an attempt to give her a "tummy ache".  The next day, Bart smugly reveals his ploy to the class, but is stunned not only when Trunch comes to class, but also reveals that she does have a specific "tummy ache", but because she's pregnant.  Word quickly spreads that Bart was the one to cause the pregnancy.

Punished, I guess, for what he did, Bart is soon met by a couple having trouble conceiving.  Having heard of what Bart "did" and hoping for a miracle, they ask Bart to use his voodoo on them.  Bart eventually does so, and a few weeks later, the lady of the couple is pregnant and they attribute that fact to Bart.  Soon, Bart starts up a business of using voodoo to hex couples into getting pregnant, until Homer realizes the ploy and confronts Bart over it.  The two don't have long to get into an argument over it, as the two are soon captured by Fat Tony's gang.

Fat Tony demands Bart use his "ability" to breed his horse with a thoroughbred, threatening to kill him and Homer if they fail to get the horses to conceive by morning.  As Bart shares his frustrations over how Homer's poor parenting somehow led to this specific situation, Homer realizes two things: the thoroughbred is gay, and that there's a second male steed in the shack.  The second male, a former Duff Clydesdale whom Homer kinda idolized as a kid, is used by Homer to breed with the female through a musical number, and by morning a pony is on the way, saving Homer and Bart.  The Simpsons visit the horse family a year later to see how they're doing, I guess.

Quick Review
This was a pretty weak episode.  Not a lot of it was funny.  The beginning sequence seemed like an excuse for the writers to let out their inner comic-book geek again (BOY THAT WATCHMEN REFERENCE SURE WAS FUNNY, AGAIN), and aside from a few decent jokes here and there the rest of the episode was a bit of a chore to watch.  Even the use of Fat Tony and his gang, usually a strong source of humor for me, wasn't utilized very well, and the musical number wasn't that funny either.  Really, the score its getting is better than what it should be getting, but that's mainly because nothing about the episode was particularly awful.

Final Score: 6.5

Diggs (S25, E12-542)

Barely even chewed it.  Surprised Bart didn't croak.  ...sorry.

Plot Summary
At church, Bart actually feels bad when told of a story of an Indonesian boy who acts like him that has since become ill.  Bart pleads with Homer to give him money to donate to the boy's well being, and Homer does give Bart $20 for that purpose, but Homer insists Bart pay him back as soon as possible.  Almost instantly, Homer continuously bugs Bart to get his money back.  Desperate for money, Bart decides to let other kids at school feed him whatever for money.  Eventually, Jimbo tells Bart he'll pay $20 if Bart eats a dissection frog from the science lab.  Bart's need for the money outweighs every other concern and Bart quickly, and without regard, gulps down that frog.  Bart earns the $20, but gets sick right away as the frog was filled with poisonous formaldehyde.  Homer gets back his $20 (which at this point he'd forgotten about), but now has a hospital bill of $4000 to worry about.

Well enough to leave the hospital, Bart's return to school is less than joyous, as the other kids in school no longer want to associate with "that kid who ate the frog", something Lisa had warned Bart about earlier.  Not even Milhouse wants to deal with Bart now, especially since Milhouse would've given Bart the $20 anyway.  Worse yet, now Bart is about to be attacked by Jimbo and his gang even though it was Jimbo who set Bart up.  However, the three are shooed off by a falcon and its caretaker, an older boy named Diggby, or Diggs for short.  Bart quickly befriends Diggs, who is a rather eccentric fellow, and the two begin to spend time training and playing with Diggs' falcon.  One day, though, Diggs, out of nowhere, attempts a stunt by jumping out of a tree, injuring himself in the process.

At the hospital, Bart learns that Diggs was really hoping he'd start flying and that perhaps the ability to is something humans have simply forgotten.  Bart is then led out not just by Dr. Hibbert, but by a second doctor, who plans on transferring Diggs to what Bart later learns is a mental institution.  Doubting that Diggs could actually be crazy, Bart is shocked to find Diggs back at the school, who was given a one-day pass to leave the institution so he could compete in a falconry competition.  The two attend, but Diggs instead enlists Bart's help to release all of the falcons at the competition so they can fly free.  With that plan successful, Diggs is aware he probably won't be able to leave the institution again, and bids farewell to Bart.  Feeling alone for a moment, Bart is met by Milhouse, who feels bad for ditching Bart earlier on, and the two renew their friendship.

Quick Review
This episode was your typical "start strong, finish poorly" fare that plagues many episode.  The whole arc involving Bart getting money to pay off/shut up Homer was an excellent start to the episode, but once the focus shifted to Diggs (voiced by Daniel Radcliffe) and the falconry stuff, the episode loses a lot of humor.  Add in just enough Lisa to be irritating, and the episode is mostly disappointing, especially after a good start.

Final Score: 6.6

Love is a Many-Splintered Thing (S24, E12-520)

Why.  Why.

Plot Summary
Bart, dressed up as something that resembles Woody Allen for some reason, narrates the story.  One day, at school, Bart learns that Mary Spuckler has returned after being gone for just 11 episodes.  Mary's acting career is officially over, and she's happily back with her family, and the two decide to resume the relationship they had begun in New York.  However, Bart is mostly dismissive of Mary, opting to do whatever he wants and only passing to Mary bland compliments.  Lisa tries to warn Bart to pay more attention, giving Homer similar advice at the same time for Marge, but neither one really pays attention.  Mary's musical talents earns her a spot in a hillbilly music competition, though she doesn't win.  Bart is unable to console her, but a Brazilian record producer approaches Mary with an opportunity and invites her to dinner with his nice looking son.  Bart isn't particularly interested in going, so Mary decides to leave on her own, dismissive of Bart.

Gaining the help of a Woody Allen caricature, Bart tries to make it up to Mary, but she no longer cares about Bart and officially breaks up with him.  He goes home just in time to see Homer and Marge fighting over something, and yells at Marge over the perception that women never explain what they really want.  As Homer sides with Bart, Marge decides to kick both of them out of the house.  Homer takes Bart to his usual motel in such situations, full of other depressing husbands and such.  Bart tries one more time to call Mary, but she responds with a rather passionate song about how much she's over Bart, which she rather likes.

Homer decides to rally the other husbands, first by having a fun party, but then pools together the resources to invite their wives to the motel as they've gotten a nice orchestra to play a song for them in their attempts to win back their wives' love.  For the most part it works.  Bart was also able to invite Mary for the same purpose, but she isn't biting, and she leaves with her new boyfriend, the aforementioned Brazilian boy.  Back to Woody Allen lookalike narrator Bart, he checks up on Mary's status online, and learns she's married now (because Hillbilly way, I guess) but suddenly her status changes to being single again, and he likes his chances - though its mostly because Mary is now a widow?

Quick Review
Well, this episode has its problems.  Lots of them.  Here, lets list them.

1) Its not very funny.  That's usually a big one.
2) Bringing back Mary Spuckler so soon after she and Bart become a couple, kinda, only to have them break up rather unceremoniously.  Its like the writing staff realized after producing Moonshine River that they didn't like Bart having a sustained love intereste and worked like hell to remedy that.
3) Lisa was being rather pushy this time, which is always annoying and unfunny.
4) Even though the episode is about Bart, there was still enough time to throw in yet another "Homer and Marge hit another bump in the road in their marriage" plot, like there hasn't been enough of those.
5) The whole Woody Allen thing was unnecessary.  The show has spoofed the guy lots of time in the past, albeit never that humorously, and the heavy theme of it this episode was even less comedic.

I'm just gonna stop there.  Its a pretty bad episode, a waste of a Max Weinberg appearance, and is one of the worst episodes of the series thus far.

Final Score: 3.9

A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again (S23, E19-505)

...and with that, the Simpsons have now visited every continent.

Plot Summary
Bart's life has become the model of boring tedium.  His spirits start to rise when he sees a commercial for a luxurious cruise ship vacation, and decides he needs to go on there to finally have some fun.  Of course, nobody in the family can afford such a thing so Bart decides to get money by pawning all of his stuff.  He only gets half of what he needs, but the family sees Bart's dedication to the cruise and they decide to sell a few things as well to get Bart the remaining money for the cruise.

Thanks to some luck, the family ends up in a rather superb cabin during their cruise, and Bart is more than prepared to have the utmost of fun.  Lisa makes some great new friends in an elite kids zone, and Homer and Marge have more fun together than they've had in years.  Bart takes notice of this, and is happy that everyone is having so much fun on the cruise, especially him.  However, a song the cruise director sings makes Bart come to a devastating realization: this fun is going to end, and soon his life will return to the boring dredge it was before the cruise.  Imagining his old, dying self reflecting on his boring, wasted life, Bart decides to take matters into his own hands, finding a way to the rig the cruise's video systems to make everyone on it believe that there's a worldwide pandemic, and that they must stay in the cruise indefinitely.  Bart also destroys the ship's communication systems to ensure the vacation lasts indefinitely.

Twelve days later, the cruise has devolved to something that pretty much isn't "fun".  Bart tries to have fun still, but neither Lisa nor his parents are having any fun now because of the supposed pandemic.  Marge and Lisa figure out what Bart did, though, and force him to tell the cruise director of his trick.  Everyone in the cruise becomes so upset over being fooled like that, they drop the entire family off in Antarctica (where the cruise was now heading to repopulate mankind) as some sort of vengeance against them even though Bart acted alone.

Bart is able to stop the family from being super mad at him by telling them that he was only trying to extend their happy vacations as well.  Nearby, the family sees a group of penguins doing their thing.  Bart laments that the babies will only grow up and do the some mundane things their parents are doing, but Lisa tells Bart that at least in the meantime the penguins know how to have fun, and that its because of those 'in the moment' bursts of fun that life becomes worth living.  Bart takes heed, and the family joins the penguins in their fun activity of sliding around in Antarctica, eventually returning home at some point somehow.  Now, and older, maybe dying Bart reflects on his life and doesn't reflect on the boring parts, but moreso the fun things he did from time to time, and the old man comes to reflect well on the life he lived.

Quick Review
This episode really had a good emotional element to it, albeit it didn't really sneak in until at the very end when it goes back to old Bart again, and it really does a decent job of making up for the episode's primary problem: it just wasn't funny.

Final Score: 6.8

How Munched is That Birdie in the Window? (S22, E07-471)

Like a speeding bullet.

Plot Summary
A pigeon flies through a window in Bart's room, having injured its leg.  As Lisa is creeped out by pigeons, Bart is tasked with nursing it to health.  He does so, but when the day comes for Bart to release it back into the open, neither he nor the pigeon are willing to part, so Bart officially adopts it as a pet.  He decides to teach it how to be a carrier pigeon, and that whole process is coming along nicely.  In quick time, the pigeon becomes a beloved member of the family (except from Lisa).  However, one day, Bart lets the pigeon out of the cage to cover it with a blanket, but in a flash Santa's Little Helper grabs and eats the pigeon.

Bart has a hard time dealing with his pigeon's death, especially at the hands of the dog.  At times, Bart comes close to forgiving it, but the dog ends up pouncing at a bird like thing or another dead animal or something, and Bart gets mad at it again.  The family takes Bart and the dog to a psychiatrist, who tells Homer and Marge they have no choice but to give the dog away.  The two find an ostrich farmer to give it to, and drive up to the farm to deliver the dog.  As Bart says one final goodbye to his dog, including the message that he should stop killing birds, Homer unwittingly lets an ostrich escape, and it makes it way towards Bart.  The dog starts barking at it, but remembers Bart's final words, and backs off.  Bart has no choice but to strangle the ostrich himself, rendering it dead.  From the act, Bart finally understands where the dog is coming from, and he finally forgives him.  Homer takes home the ostrich for dinner, but it turns out the bird didn't actually die, causing panic and chaos within the car.

Quick Review
This episode wasn't anything special.  Though the title kinda spoils the fate of the bird, the dog suddenly jumping in to eat it was still a bit of a surprise and really changed the tone of the episode, mostly for the worse as there really wasn't much to laugh at from that point on.

Final Score: 6.9

Postcards from the Wedge (S21, E14-455)

Marge can't believe Homer is forcing Bart through that Desk Reference book.

Plot Summary
Bart misses another homework assignment and, despite his best efforts to prevent it, a letter is sent home which Homer reads indicating Bart's lack of homework completion.  Meeting with Principal Skinner, Homer is more than willing to pile on missing assignments for Bart to catch up on, but Marge is more merciful, believing it too much for a 4th grade boy to handle.  Those concerns continue at home; as Homer forces Bart to focus on his homework, a short time later Marge tells Bart just to do a couple more problems then take a break.  Bart describes this inconsistency to Lisa during his break, and she tells him that people who agree on most things can have one thing to disagree over which is normally called a wedge issue.  Bart decides to exploit this as much as he can.

Bart sneaks away whenever he gets Marge to let his ease up on his homework.  As the days continue, Marge becomes stubbornly convinces she's doing the right thing, and openly tells Homer his strict method is wrong.  The two begin arguing over all sorts of other things as spill over, and Bart is reaping the rewards as he is no longer their concern.  Homer and Marge fight really badly that night, and stay intensely mad at one another the next day though as they day goes along they get to talking and thinking and realize staying mad at each other is no good.  Homer and Marge find each other and quickly reconcile.  They realize Bart was trying to tear them apart and that until they iron out their differences, Bart can just fend for himself.

They start this practice right away, not giving a single care what Bart plans to do, despite trying to tell them while holding a suspicious bag of equipment.  A short time later, Bart and Milhouse pull a prank on Principal Skinner, and flee to an abandoned subway system Milhouse had found earlier.  The two get into a train and find out, amazingly, it still works, much to the shock of people above ground as the train causes tremors across town.  Despite that, Homer and Marge still don't care about what Bart did or might be connected to.  This really bothers Bart, and Nelson tells him his pranks aren't satisfying unless he gets in trouble from his parents.  Bart decides to pull off something so big not even his parents can ignore it, when he learns the earthquake has weakened the school's foundation, with another tremor likely causing it to collapse.

Lisa overhears Bart's conversation with Nelson (though not the part where Bart decides on the school), and soon a letter is written to Homer and Marge from Lisa warning about Bart's plan.  Homer rushes into the subway and is able to stop the train in its tracks just before the school crumbles (though a falling flagpole, implied to be rigged by Nelson and Mrs. Krabappel, finishes the job).  Homer and even Marge punish Bart severely for this, but Bart is happy to have the attention again.  Lisa talks to Bart, revealing that she didn't write that note and it contains the same misspellings commonly found in Bart's writing, though Bart doesn't particularly care.

Quick Review
This wasn't really a funny episode.  There's a few decent moments throughout, but for the most part the comedy fell flat.

Final Score: 6.5

O Brother, Where Bart Thou? (S21, E08-449)

Bart can have a pretty mundane imagination at times.

Plot Summary
Springfield is hit with a blizzard, and school is cancelled for the day.  Bart wants to go outside, but the blizzard literally won't let him.  Worse, the blizzard knocks out the power, leaving Bart unable to enjoy most things.  He overhears Lisa and Maggie having battery operated fun and tries to join in, but it just doesn't work out.  Lisa mocks that she and Maggie share a special bond because they're sisters, a feeling Bart will never know because he'll never have a brother.  Bart walks off stating he doesn't care, but then he has a dream that night where he comes across several well known brothers (Mario brothers, the three Manning brothers, etc.), so upon waking up he does in fact want a brother, and bad.

Bart makes a couple of attempts of getting Homer and Marge to do it, but those don't pan out.  He then learns from the bullies that even if he got them to do it, it won't matter because his mom would use pills to stop any babies from forming.  Bart locates Marge's birth control pills and tries to replace them with tic tacs, but Marge catches him in the act.  After Bart explains himself, Marge convinces him to stop by telling him that the new baby could also be, you know, a girl.  Bart realizes his error, and adjusts his plan by going to a nearby orphanage to adopt a new brother.  He's kicked out though as boys can't adopt, which catches the eye of one of the orphans inside.

The next morning, Bart wakes up to find that orphan hanging over him.  The orphan, Charlie, and Bart quickly spend a lot of time together, forming some kind of brotherly bond.  However, late at night when the two are returning from a scary movie Charlie was not ready for, Chief Wiggum appears to take Charlie back to the orphanage.  The two boys escape and hide within a snow hill.  Lisa quickly locates them and tries to convince him that a young sister looking up to her big brother can be just as good.  Bart takes too long to decide, and they get covered in more snow, but Bart and Charlie "warm up" the snow to allow for a quick escape.  Still, Bart decides to take Charlie back to the orphanage where, unfortunately, Charlie is quickly adopted by a family with six daughters.  As Charlie rides off in his new hell, Homer takes Bart to another scary movie to take his mind off the situation.

Quick Review
This episode wasn't that good.  I felt that the storyline of Bart getting his parents to do it was cut shorter than it could've been, and the entire bit was the orphan was mostly boring.

Final Score: 6.7

Pranks and Greens (S21, E06-447)

If Lisa flips her hand, she'd get what she was this episode: a big Jerk.

Plot Summary
Bart and Milhouse commit another series of pranks at school, but Principal Skinner catches Bart and puts him through a variety of punishments.  Still, Skinner admits, the stuff Bart pulls doesn't compare to a prank pulled by a previous student.  Bart wants to find out more about this mystery kid but Skinner refuses to talk more about it.  Bart gets Lisa's help to investigate further and learns that something happened several years ago, stricken from the record, which turned a previously fun Seymour Skinner into the shill he is now.  Bart figures out Willie was around at the time, so he questions him.  Willie reveals that, ten years ago, he was a swim coach at the school, which had a pool in the back.  One evening, the fun loving Skinner goes out to take a dive into the pool, going into the high up springboard and failing to see what was actually in it until it was too late: Skinner drove right into a pool filled completely with worms.  The mystery student then covered the pool, preventing Skinner to escape and, because it was a Friday evening and school was out Monday, Skinner wasn't rescued until Tuesday, where then-swim coach Willie is instructed by the rescued yet adversely changed Skinner to bury the pool.  Willie reveals the kid's name as Andy Hamilton and makes Bart keep it a secret.

Still, Bart visits Andy, now 19, still as big a prankster as ever.  Bart tells Lisa about Andy, how he does nothing except live with his mom, which prompts Lisa to proclaim Andy and his big fan Bart as losers.  Bart initially protests but does realize that Andy is wasting his life away.  The next day, Bart makes Andy realize that as well and promises to get Andy a job with Krusty the Klown, having perjured himself to aid the clown.  Andy agrees and starts work as Krusty's lowly assistant.  Andy can't deal with it, quits the same day, and winds up outside of Bart's house for some reason, gaining his scorn and Lisa's continued mocking.

Bart gets Andy's job back and insists Andy just deal with it instead.  A week passes and things seem okay, so Bart visits Andy at the studio when he notices a truck full of prank-quality worms being brought in.  Bart fears the worst and rushes into the studio, finding Krusty about to jump into a small pool full of worms.  Fearing Andy has struck another prank, Bart tries to save Krusty but ultimately fails.  Krusty falls into the pool, but comes out ready with a worm related joke.  It turns out Andy did set this up, as a gag for Krusty to use as Krusty has made Andy his lead writer.  Bart wonders how Andy could've improved so quickly, learning the answer once Andy's new girlfriend comes to meet him.  Lisa sees this on TV and, after learning Andy is a comedy writer now, continues to declare him a loser.

Oh, there was also a side story where Marge is shamed by other mothers for using chemically infused foods.  To combat their criticisms Marge starts buying only organic foods.  She tries to show this off to them, but now the mothers are even more upset that Marge uses cookware and plastic bottles containing other deadly chemicals.  Marge grows tired of this and gorges herself on Homer's stash of food she finds.  Homer learns of this and gets turned on, so the two end up making love or pigging out on food or doing both, I dunno.

Quick Review
The main portion of the episode featuring Bart and Andy was fairly strong with great use of several characters early on.  The strength of that storyline makes it one of the best non-Halloween episodes in some time.  The Marge plotline was pretty forgettable, though, and its a shame that it got tossed into this otherwise quality affair.  Those oversensitive parents not only tried to drag Marge down to their level, they tried to drag my enjoyment of the episode down as well.  Still, a good return to form for the show.

Final Score: 8.0

Bart Gets a Z (S21, E02-443)

He should've looked online for self-help, didn't Zack teach him anything?

Plot Summary
Its another typical day in Edna Krabappel's life, but she's still dedicated to teaching her class something every day.  This is made extremely more difficult nowadays as every kids in her class liberally uses their cell phones, phones they have for good reason ('safety') but aren't being used as such.  Tired of them, Krabappel forces the class to give her their phones.  After school, the kids gather up to complain about the strict Edna, where Bart takes a cue from Homer and decides that if Edna had some alcohol in her, she'd be more fun.  The kids steal some booze from their parents, and Bart mixes all of it together with some Hazelnut creamer to mask the taste, and slips it into her coffee.  Within a short period of time Edna gets pretty wasted and makes a public fool of herself across school.

Principal Skinner has no choice but to fire Edna for the incident.  The class feels bad about it, and Bart is ready to admit his wrongdoing, but just then a new teacher comes in.  The guy, who lets the class just call him Zack, is fresh out of college and tries to teach students how to master technology to gather their facts instead of just learning or memorizing them.  Still, Bart feels a little guilty and visits Mrs. Krabappel at her apartment.  Edna is in a miserable state, with bills piling up and having no sense of effort anymore.  Bart wants to help Edna out, but he and everyone else loves Zack so much he doesn't really want her to be a teacher again.  Just then, a woman advertises a self help book disguised as an epic quest called "The Answer" and Bart goes all in on it.  He details the book to Edna, and she decides to give it a try because, really, she doesn't have much else doing on.  The book has her write down her dream, to own a muffin store, and with some help from Bart the two are able to start up a muffin store.  Bart is relieved Edna is back on her feet, but lets that much slip out, making Edna suspicious.  Bart relents and tells Edna that he was the one who spiked her coffee that day.  Edna goes off, stating that her real dream was to be a teacher and, worse yet, tells Bart he has nothing good inside of him.

That last statement really gets to Bart, and he starts contemplating whether to get Zack fired to let Edna back in.  Late at night, Bart sneaks into class to sneak booze into Zack's favorite energy drink, but eventually opts against doing so.  The next morning, Bart simply tells Skinner what he did.  Skinner thanks Bart for his honesty (by punishing him severely), but tells him that as long as Zack is competent he has no plans to replace him with Edna.  However, just then Zack blares out anti-kid sentiments out in the hallways.  It turns out he's getting drunk from his spiked energy drink.  Bart didn't do it, however, as it was Zack himself who had snapped, poured vodka into his drink himself, and is dragged off yelling out typical conspiracy theories and such.  Edna is given her job back, and gives the class her old, stale muffin as a sly payback for what they did to her earlier.

Quick Review
Early in my run of episodes I came across a few episodes that I felt were dated.  Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment is a good example of this.  I always though it a little weird whenever the show even mentions newer technology for whatever reason.  At one point Homer tries to start up an Internet company despite having no idea what the Internet even was, then in a much later episode Homer uses the Internet to easily acquire a license.  I mean, yeah, it sounds silly to let such things bother me considering that the show even precedes Windows 3.0, but that's how it is.

So from that, the sight of seeing the kids all using cell phones to text and, hell, even tweet, really just bugs me.  Not enough to hurt the episode's already low score in anyway, but its still bothersome for me regardless.

Anyway, my personal preferences aside, this ends up being another subpar episode where the comedy is lacking.  The whole bit with glorifying "The Answer" didn't do anything for me, and plot had stretches where there was nothing funny.

Final Score: 6.3

Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (S20, E03-423)

It took 20 seasons for this 'idea' to finally roll along, what took it so long.

Plot Summary
Homer and Bart go to the Kwik-E-Mart to shop.  Apu teases Homer with the last lottery ticket in its roll, but before Homer can buy it he has to stop Bart from jumping off the top of a stand.  After saving Bart, Homer is stunned to learn that Lenny bought the ticket instead, and won $50,000.  Lenny buys everyone a round of drinks at Moe's, then informs everyone that he'll use the rest of his winnings to throw a party for all of his friends.  The Simpson family, of course, is invited, and they go to a hotel that's hosting the event.  There, Bart learns that Lenny plans on giving everyone a giftbag, and finds the room holding them all.  Every bag contains a vacuum robot, so Bart decides to not just turn them on, but also activate their malevolent sentience that was apparently programmed into them as well.  Chaos ensues, and the police arrive in time to catch Bart activating the last few robots.  In anger, Marge decides to strip Bart of one of his last few privileges, and Bart storms off.

In the bathroom, Bart amazingly comes across a near double of him.  However, this boy - Simon Woosterfield - is both intelligent and the son of the hotel's owners.  Simon laments his rich boy life and, having found Bart, wants to trade places with him.  Knowing that Homer is about to go at him for ruining Lenny's part, Bart agrees, and the two switch places.

Though Simon's closest friend - his butler - Bart quickly learns about his new life, with a massive room including a space where the real Joe Montana stays in a pose.  However, Bart also meets his brother-in-law and sister-in-law, two kids are don't like "Simon" all that much because he's due to inherit his family's fortune. but they're next in line.  At a social gathering, Bart runs into Mr. Burns, who isn't even as rich as Simon's parents and thus grovels towards him.  Burns tells Bart that, he, too, was the youngest member of the family, however all the heirs in front of him died either from accidents or poisoned potatoes, leaving Burns with the fortune, and warns Bart that his siblings in law may take him out soon so they can claim the inheritance.  Bart realizes that Simon had actually set Bart up.  Sure enough, a short time later, the siblings in law take Bart to Aspen for a "ski trip".

Simon, meanwhile, has taken a liking to his new life thanks in large part to Marge's care.  Lisa quickly realizes something's wrong with "Bart", and after seeing Simon actually taking an interest in Grampa's rambling, outs Simon's ruse including the part about the ski trip.  She forces Simon to tell Homer and Marge, and the family goes to Aspen to save Bart.  They catch Bart having been sent down a difficult and likely deadly ski course, but Homer is able to rescue Bart.  The two boys return to their previous lives, and Bart wouldn't have it any other way.

Quick Review
This episode is an improvement over the previous two episodes of the season, though once again - a problem that refuses to go away for these latter episodes - the jokes and humor aren't nearly as frequent as they once were.  The plot was alright for the most part, and the scenarios were done adequately enough, so I don't have any complaints with how the episode sets itself up.

Final Score: 7.0

The Debarted (S19, E13-413)

Bart can't believe these kids are drawing him for art class, moreso than his predicament.

Plot Summary
Marge crashes Homer's car while trying to take the kids to school.  Homer gets it repaired, but it'll take a week so in the meantime he's given a loaner car to drive (is this really a thing, I've never seen this).  The loaner car is much, much better than his old one, so when Homer's car is fixed, he refuses to go get it, opting to keep the nicer loaner.  However, later, Homer sees that his car is being sold for $99 at the car shop, and that a group of low-brow individuals are about to buy and ruin it.  Homer realizes his error and quickly reclaims his old car.

Meanwhile, Bart is being upstaged by a new kid at school, Donny.  After Homer cheers him up, Bart decides to pull a massive prank on Principal Skinner, which works like a charm.  However, when Skinner returns to find who did it, Donny takes the fall.  This act gets to Bart, who now considers Donny a friend.  However, it turns out that Donny and Skinner are working together, in hopes of Donny getting close to Bart and learning all of his schemes and plots so they can be stopped.

This plan works for awhile, as all of Bart's pranks seem to backfire on him, earning Skinner a good laugh.  A frustrated Bart, though, gets help from Groundskeeper Willie, who lets him know there's a rat in his group (but doesn't know who).  Bart rounds up his posse, which is him, Milhouse, Nelson and now Donny, and Bart fingers Milhouse to be that rat, stuffing him in a locker some ways away.  With that out of the way, Bart reveals a new scheme: to egg Skinner's house with large ostrich eggs.  A short time later, though, Bart sees that Skinner's tongue is blue; he had given Donny 'bluevines' earlier as a sign of friendship, and only those things could give a tongue that blue hue.  Bart realizes who the real rat is.

On the night of the egging, Bart and Nelson lead Donny to a shack near the school which Willie allows them access too.  Bart outs Donny as the rat, who reveals that Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers plucked Donny from an orphanage for the specific purpose of getting close to Bart.  Bart then reveals an even bigger scheme that Donny won't be able to stop: destroying Skinner's office with a combination of Mentos and Diet Coke.  However, Skinner and Chalmers are both right there, having been tipped off by another mole: Willie.  Nelson runs off, but the two capture Bart, and plan on sending him to juvenile hall.  Donny, feeling miserable for his part in this, rebels and takes the nearby Diet Coke and Mentos, and smashes them together.  Bart and Donny are able to escape the ensuing carnage, and Bart and Donny become real friends with no ulterior motives.

Quick Review
This wasn't that good of an episode.  Homer's loaner car subplot was too short for it to have any potential, and the main plot was really lacking in humor, which is a shame given the characters involved are usually good for a few laughs.

Final Score: 6.7

The Boys of Bummer (S18, E18-396)

Sometimes I wonder why people get so mad at athletes.  Then I realized that if there
weren't any athletes, people would just get mad at politicians.  Now it all makes sense.

Plot Summary
The little league's Springfield Isotots, led by its pitcher Nelson and its other star, Bart, have won their way to the championship game, and Springfield has full-fledged Isotot fever.  As Marge bores someone about Bart at a store, Homer falls asleep in the mattress area.  He wakes up after the owner of the store finds him, but quickly gets his out of the situation by using his enjoyment of the mattress to procure a sale.  The owner takes a liking to Homer's unique approach and hires him to sell mattresses.  The next day, the championship game is played.  Its the bottom of the 9th, Springfield is ahead 5-2, but Shelbyville has the bases loaded with two outs.  Nelson is able to force the batter to pop up, right to Bart, but Bart drops the ball, kicks it away in a fumbled attempt to retrieve it, and makes so many errors on the play all four runners for Shelbyville come in to score, and Springfield loses the game.  The crowd quickly turns on Bart, who boo and throw crap on him constantly.

Homer's new job as a mattress salesman is going along smoothly, when he sells a mattress to the Lovejoys with the promise that it'll help their sex life.  It doesn't, so they go to Homer's house for a refund.  They go upstairs so Homer can angrily write a check, but the Lovejoys learn that the Simpson mattress just lights a fire for them, and the three agree to swap mattresses.  Of course, now Homer and Marge have difficulties in bed, while the Lovejoys are refreshed in more ways than one.  Desperate, Homer and Marge sneak into the Lovejoy home to get their mattress back but miss it so much they make love on it again.  The Lovejoys return home just in time to witness this and, after the initial shock, decide to cut the mattress in half (diagonally for some reason) so that both couples can share the love.  Homer gets turned on enough over what kinds of sandwiches the bed now looks like that they return to their honeymoon spot - behind a billboard where a friendly bum lives - and make out.

Meanwhile, Bart continues to get lambasted all across town for his miscue.  Lisa tries to help him out by taking him to see an old baseball player who also committed a major error way back in Game 7 of the 1943 World Series (for those wondering, its not really true).  However, the guy then learns he's talking to Bart and leads another stream of hate towards him.  Bart eventually cracks, and in a delusional state starts spray painting "I hate Bart Simpson" all over town.  The town witnesses Bart trying to paint the phrase on the water tower when his crazed recklessness gets the better of him and he takes a steep fall.

In the hospital, Bart's detractors continue to chant outside that he sucks.  Marge finally has enough and goes out to scolds everyone for their mindless hate.  The crowd settles, but the damage has been done... or has it, ponders Lisa.  Marge and Lisa decide to stage a recreation of the final out - somehow coercing the other team and the stadium announcer to go along with it, under a faulty premise to justify it being replayed.  Bart is thrilled to get another chance, but fails to make the catch on the redo.  Hastily, an excuse is made for another attempt, but that doesn't work either.  In total, 78 attempts are made, going to day break of the next day, but Bart finally makes the catch to the lethargic cheers of the few remaining.  Sixty years later, an elder Bart continues to gloat of his 'accomplishment' to an elder Milhouse, and Milhouse just can't bring himself to tell the truth to Bart (and stick with it).  Ghosts of Homer and Marge lament both how Bart has turned out as well as their inability to have sex as ghosts.

Quick Review
Well, well, we have a hidden gem in the rough with this episode.  The main storyline has several good moments, notably the scenes featuring the old baseball player and the town's desperate attempt to keep the ruse going for Bart (rather than just apologize for their behavior, mind you).  The mattress subplot had its moments as well, particularly with Homer's grumbling, and it all makes for Season 18's best episode thus far.

Final Score: 8.0

The Haw-Hawed Couple (S18, E08-386)

Beating up a guy dressed as Doctor Octopus is much more fun with a friend!

Plot Summary
Nelson attempts to force everyone to go to his birthday party again.  Bart has enough and convinces everyone not to go.  At home, Bart brags about this accomplishment, but Marge overhears and chides Bart for his mean act, forcing him to go to that party.  There, Bart realizes that the party actually has a nice setup, with edible food and actual entertainment, but as expected nobody else is there.  Nelson greets Bart, panicked that no one else has shown up, but the two end up having genuine fun.  The next day, Bart is ready to move on as normal, however he's stunned to find Nelson asking Bart to sit next to him, as Nelson considers Bart his new best friend.

Bart initially tries to opt out, but after he's saved from Jimbo by Nelson, realizes that by sticking with Nelson he'll have some protection.  The two quickly become best friends, with Bart even receiving a vest like Nelson's to wear.  One day, though, Milhouse confronts Bart over recent events, pressuring Bart into flying kites with him.  Nelson witnesses Bart doing this, and confronts Bart over it a short time later angrily.  Nelson soon apologizes for his behavior, but Bart isn't interested in this kind of relationship and ends his friendship with Nelson, which basically means Nelson's going to annihilate him at some point now.

Meanwhile, Lisa forces Homer to read her a bedtime story.  Homer reads a tale about Angelica Button, a story rather similar to another famous wizard story, but he quickly becomes entrenched in its story.  He wants to read further on his own, but Lisa makes him promise to only read the book with her.  Still, Homer can't resist, and as Lisa is off at a friend's house, Homer reads ahead, where he learns that Greystash (whom he had inserted himself into in scenes), dies in the book's climatic battle to save the young Button.  Homer is devastated by the ending, even more so when he realizes he'll have to read the ending to Lisa, likely ending her childhood.  Not willing to let that happen, Homer makes up a new ending as he reads to Lisa, one where Greystash lives and wins, and Button is freed somehow, and the two have a happy ending.  Lisa appreciates Homer reading the entire book, and after reading the real ending afterward she still prefers Homer's version.

The 4th grade class goes on a field trip to some tide pools for some reason.  In a cave nearby, Nelson confronts Bart once more.  Bart expects a few punches, but instead Nelson lectures Bart over how bad of a friend he's been, interested in Nelson's protection but not his friendship.  Bart tries to defend himself, but the cave is flooded by the tide.  Nelson is able to save Bart, but their friendship is officially over, and the status quo is returned.  Still, Bart will treasure that wonderful week he and Nelson were friends.

Quick Review
This episode is one of the best ones thus far early this season.  Both the main plot and the secondary plot have good moments, with Homer and Lisa's sidestory particularly endearing, and while the quantity of jokes still isn't what it was, this time around the quality was there, and it makes for a good episode.

Final Score: 7.4

The Heartbroke Kid (S16, E17-352)

I'm guessing the 'Bart has a heart attack' couch gag didn't make the cut.

Plot Summary
The elementary school signs a vending machine contract with a company that provides fatty, processed snacks to kids for what I presume is a hefty profit.  While Lisa quickly realizes how bad these snacks are, Bart goes the opposite route and starts gouging himself on the stuff, getting money from tricking Willie.  Three weeks later, Bart has become comically fat, unable to finish a coach gag as he's suffering from a heart attack.  Despite efforts by Dr. Hibbert and the family to get Bart to eat right, he continues to eat junk food in secret.  Lisa catches this, and helps set up an intervention for Bart.  Bart tries to run away, but is easily captured by 'professional child snatchers' who take Bart to a fat camp.

The camp, ran by Tab Spangler, isn't doing much for Bart either as he still finds ways to snack and gorge.  Its not cheap, either, and the Simpsons have to find a way to increase their income to pay for Bart's fat camp.  Ultimately their decide to turn the house into a youth hostel, which grabs the attention of several German young adults.  With Bart not getting any better, Spangler shows Bart the sacrifice his family has made.  Finally, Bart understands, so that night he goes into the school and destroys all the vending machines, also stealing the money from them with the intention of using it to pay for the camp.  He arrives at the house the next day with the money, allowing the family to toss out the 'eurotrash'.  Bart promises he won't ever eat junk food again, though he doesn't plan on going back to fat camp despite still being fat.  With three weeks of paid camp left, the family forces Homer to go back with Spangler.

Quick Review
This episode is slightly better than I anticipated, and most of its goodwill can be attributed by the guest voice of Albert Brooks, who voiced the issues-laden Spangler.  He was the star of what was otherwise a below average episode.

Final Score: 7.2

Pranksta Rap (S16, E09-344)

Bart, excelling at something he's never shown to even wanting to do previously.

Plot Summary
Bart, suddenly into rap, wants to go to a rap concert featuring a rapper he likes in Alcatraz.  Homer initially lets Bart go if he came up with the money to buy a ticket himself.  Bart does so, but Marge stops him from going anyway.  Upset that Homer 'sold him out', Bart decides to go anyway, sneaking out through the window.  At the concert, a rather fortunate mic drop allows Bart to go on stage to rap alongside Alcatraz.  He gets a ride home with the rapper, and gets a shirt from his as well.  As he sneaks back in, he overhears Homer and Marge.  They know Bart's gone, and if its to the concert he's going to get it.  Bart comes to face two option: be an adult and admit his wrongdoing, or be a kid and worm his way out of trouble.  Bart chooses the latter, sending the two a 'letter' informing them that Bart has been kidnapped.

Bart gets help from Milhouse on a place to hide out, going to Milhouse's dad's apartment.  Chief Wiggum promises to find Bart, but is laughed away by the press because Wiggum has been so incompetent at his job.  After a dream where he gets encouraged by Barney Fife (or Don Knotts, Wiggum isn't sure if he's in character or not), Wiggum buckles down and starts to track Bart.  Bart starts to stage a phony kidnapper phone call to keep up appearances, cooking up "Chintzy Pop" oven-top popcorn in the process.  Bart is forced to hang up early as Milhouse's dad returns from his scarecrow job, but Wiggum is able to identify the Chintzy Pop noise in the background.  He goes to the Kwik-E-Mart to figure out who buys his favorite brand of popcorn, when Apu gives him the names of the only two people dumb enough to buy such crappy popcorn: Clancy Wiggum and Kirk Van Houten.  Wiggum enters Kirk's apartment, finds Bart and arrests Kirk on kidnapping charges.  Milhouse gets on Bart for what happened, and Bart decides to confess.

Wiggum, though, has been promoted to police commissioner for saving Bart.  When Bart goes to confess to Wiggum, Wiggum decides to keep it a secret between them, not just for Wiggum's sake, but Kirk's as well; Kirk's new status as well-known felon has gotten him a following of groupies who just want to do him over and over again.  Bart decides to follow along.  However, Lisa uncovers the shirt Bart got at the concert, but threw away as he began his kidnapping ploy.  Lisa goes to Homer to inform him of her suspicions, but Homer tosses the shirt into the fireplace as it turns out Homer's been paid lots of money (which he's already lost) for the movie rights to Bart's story which must be kept as true as possible.

Undeterred, Lisa gets help from Principal Skinner to uncover where Bart was the supposed night of the kidnapping.  Wiggum becomes aware of this, and gathers Homer, Bart and Kirk to figure out what to do about Lisa.  They figure out that they need to talk with whomever Bart was with that night to uphold the lie, so they go to visit Alcatraz.  However, Lisa and Skinner are already there, having seen footage of the concert which confirm's Bart was there at the right time and date.  Bart tries to convince Lisa to keep the lie going as its not hurting anyone, but Lisa sticks true to the truth.  Alcatraz notices this deadlock and decides to offer a solution: a pool party, which satisfies everyone except Lisa somewhat, but whatever.

Quick Review
Well, this episode was better than the last three, but that's not saying much.  I liked how the plot was developing during the middle of the episode with Wiggum and the cover up, but the beginning of the episode was cringeworthy to sit through, and the episode ended on such a stupid cop out (uh we don't know how to resolve this normally, so pool party time!) it really hindered this episode's quality.

Final Score: 6.5