The Ziff Who Came to Dinner (S15, E14-327)

Hey look, its four guys with the same voice greeting a fifth guy with said voice.

Plot Summary
Homer takes his kids and the Flanders kids out to see a movie, but Rod and Todd inform Homer they aren't allowed to see some racy teen flick Homer plans on buying tickets for.  Instead, Lenny and Carl convince Homer to see a scary movie that features Lenny playing a bit part.  Of course, all four kids get scared beyond belief watching this movie.  That night, neither kid can sleep and both freak out over noises they hear, apparently from the attic.  The two attempt to investigate themselves, but they both eventually freak out and flee.  They get Homer and Marge to check instead, and they actually find a source of the noises: Artie Ziff!

Ziff, just a couple of season ago, was an internet billionaire with enough money to re-enact 1970s proms for women that don't love him, lost his fortune when his internet company's stock fell like most internet companies stock did, and lost all of his possessions.  With nowhere else to go, he hid out at the Simpsons place because they're the closest thing he's ever had to companionship.  While Marge is disgusted by the whole thing, the kids convince Homer at least to let the guy stay.

Artie is still depressed over his losses, though, so Homer decides to take him to Moe's.  Marge sees a news tidbit on Artie where he's wanted by the SEC for stockholder fraud and similar crimes.  Just then, Homer and Artie are playing poker with the bar mates, when Homer wins 98% of Ziffcorp's stock in a hand.  Just then, the SEC barges in to arrest Artie, but when they learn that Homer is now the majority shareholder of Ziffcorp, he's arrested instead.

With Homer going to jail for 10 years for what 'his' company did, a furious Marge kicks Artie out of the house.  Depressed, Artie is met by Patty and Selma.  Upon learning that it was Artie that put Homer in jail, Selma gets super turned on, and takes Artie back to the apartment for a one night stand.  This somehow causes Artie to realize what he's done, and decides to take responsibility for his actions.  He goes to the SEC to show another set of books that puts full financial culpability on him, leaving Homer free to go.  Marge thanks Artie for doing the right thing (eventually), and Artie goes to jail where he'll have a harder time making due than most people.

Quick Review
I usually enjoy episodes featuring a character voiced by Jon Lovitz, and boy did I try to enjoy this episode, but the quality just wasn't up to par.  There also had to of been a better way for Artie to realize his mistakes than to go all the way with Selma, what the hell was up with that, anyway?  Still, its not a completely bad episode.  There are a few good moments, particularly early on, and Lovitz provides a good Artie as usual.

Final Score: 7.2

Half-Decent Proposal (S13, E10-279)

Ziff might be a loser in love, but the man takes advantage of his chances.

Plot Summary
In this episode, Homer has a pretty bad snoring problem, so loud Marge can't get any sleep.  Dr. Hibbert has a procedure to fix it, but it costs too much money.  Unable to deal with Homer's snoring, Marge visits her sisters for a night.  Before she gets to sleep, though, Patty and Selma get Marge to have a few drinks and watch some TV.  The news comes up, stating that among a list of America's richest men, Artie Ziff is 5th.  Ziff, for those of you who can't recall, was Marge's prom date back in high school, but his aggressive play after the prom caused Marge to stow away from him and towards Homer.  Drunk, Marge is convinced by her sisters to send Artie an e-mail, with her sisters making the e-mail more suggestive than Marge would like.  Artie receives the e-mail, where its revealed that he's a little too obsessed with Marge.

The next morning, a well rested Marge is stunned to see Artie arrive in a helicopter.  He invites the family to his personal yacht, where he makes a proposal to Homer and Marge: he'll give the two $1,000,000 if Marge spends the weekend with him, and not even with any sex involved!  Marge calls the idea sick and quickly takes her leave.  That night, during another round of Homer's loud snoring, he suggests that the million could be used to have the procedure for his snoring, but Marge refuses.  The next morning, a sleepless Marge changes her tune and agrees to spend the weekend with Artie.

Artie takes Marge to a recreation of their high school prom, promising he won't become the vulgar beast that ruined their original prom date all those years ago.  Meanwhile, Homer brags about his upcoming financial boon at the bar, but the others there convince him that Artie is probably going to do Marge, likely repeatedly.  Panicked, Homer rushes over to Artie's - somehow - and despite efforts to have him dragged away, Homer is able to spy on the scene from above.  During this, as Marge rebuffs her commitment to Homer, Artie tricks Marge into kissing him, and I mean kissing.  Homer witnesses only this moment without the proper context, and runs off in tears.  Marge, however, shakes Artie off her and decides to leave, no longer interested in the million dollars.

At the bar, Homer comes to grips to the end of his life.  He convinces Lenny to leave town with him and never come back.  The two go to West Springfield, three times the size of Texas, and work at a dangerous oil rig, willing to die whenever.  Marge is left a tape when she returns home, with Homer admitting he saw the kiss and that he was leaving town forever.  The kids quickly learn Homer is in West Springfield, but with its size Marge realizes there's only one way to find Homer quickly.

Marge has Artie bring along his helicopter to find Homer.  Homer and Lenny, meanwhile, accidentally start a fire at an oil rig, and both are ready to accept their fates.  However, the helicopter arrives, and though Homer is initially unwilling to be rescued, Artie convinces Homer that Marge's heart belongs to Homer and that he's won.  Homer relents and gets on the helicopter (as does Lenny when he sees Carl aboard).  Later, as Homer unsuccessfully tries to get the million anyway, Artie ensures that he'll still help them.  He does so by giving the two a 'snore converter', which turns Homer's snores into a song, though it doesn't take long for Artie to reveal that he has a camera (and apparently a speaker) hidden within the device.

Quick Review
This was another okay episode.  Jon Lovitz's return as Artie Ziff was appreciated, and when the plot was focused on his unhealthy fixation on Marge, things were going good.  The latter part of the episode, where Homer and Lenny go out to an oil rig to die wasn't so great, and the parts where Lenny and Carl's relationship is implied to be much more intimate than I needed to know were doing the episode no favors.  Its not a bad episode, though it could've been a lot better.

Final Score: 7.2

The Way We Was (S02, E12-025)

OH THOSE 70s MAN, THOSE CRAZY SEVENTIES

Plot Summary
The episode begins with the family watching two movie critics insulting one another personally, but then the TV breaks down.  While the kids are upset, Marge notes that before they were born she and Homer hardly ever watched TV.  Intrigued about the past, Lisa inquires about how Homer proposed to Marge.  Marge declines to answer (the Season 3 episode I Married Marge answers that, using the same scene as the one featured here), and deflects it away to tell the story of how Homer and she first met, and fell in love.

It was 1974, which could make Homer and Marge 56 years old this year if, you know, things made sense like that.  Anyway, though they were both high school seniors, they had not yet met.  Homer, along with his pal Barney, was a slacker and did his own thing, drank, smoke, etc.  Marge, meanwhile, was a budding activist, taking part in forensics and making stands and such.  Homer and Barney both get caught smoking and are sent to detention.  A short time later, Marge's demonstration outside involving burning a bra for some reason catches the attention of the principal as well and he gives her detention too.  As such, inside the detention room, Homer and Marge meet for the first time.

Immediately in love, Homer tries to get advice from his dad, which doesn't pan out, and his guidance counselor, who doesn't give advice on love normally, but he does let Homer know that Marge is on the forensics team.  Homer signs up and, on a debate on whether the speed limit should be reduce, gives a simple rebuttal: "NO WAY" literally on his ass, fully displaced to everyone.  Its with that backdrop that Homer tries to set something up with Marge, having her ask 'trusted' people about Homer in the process.  Finally, learning that Marge is a french tutor, claims that he's struggling in the class and needs her help.  He's able to invite her over to study french, and after the lessons convinces Marge to dance a little.  The plan is working, and Homer is able to ask Marge out to the prom, which she accepts.  However, knowing Marge likes honesty, Homer lets her know that he never was in a french class, and it was just an excuse to get to know her better.  Angered, Marge storms out and tells Homer she hates him.  Homer, however, still believes the date is still on, and goes out of his way not to see Marge until the prom to make sure of it, skipping school in the process.

Meanwhile, Marge's forensics classmate Artie Ziff (voiced by the ever so wonderful Jon Lovitz) asks Marge out to the prom.  Having essentially dumped Homer, Marge accepts.  It creates an awkward moment the night of the prom, as both men are there to pick Marge up, but its made clear (to the relief of the Bouvier household) that Artie is Marge's date, not Homer.  Homer, having paid for the limo and two dinners, goes to the prom anyway, but is left on the sideline as Artie and Marge win homecoming King and Queen.  Marge sees Homer afterward and though Homer admits that being with Marge is the first things he's ever really been sure about, Marge says that he is just wrong.

After the prom, Homer's time with the limo runs out and is forced to walk home.  Meanwhile, Artie and Marge have time to themselves, but Artie is a little too forward and his efforts tear Marge's dress.  She slaps him and insists she take him home.  On the way, she sees Homer walking along the side of the road, and she remembers just how much he loves her, and though she overhears the family again putting down Homer and talking up the somewhat lecherous Ziff, Marge decides to find and pick up Homer.  Homer then says that once Marge stops the car, he'll hug her, and he'll kiss her and he'll never want to let go, and he never has to the present day.  Its a great conclusion to a great story which Lisa loved hearing (Bart not so much).

Quick Review
The Way We Was is the first of many flashback episodes of the show, and its among the best episodes not just among other flashback episodes, and not just among Season 2 episodes, but among the best episodes of the entire series.  Its a very heartwarming tale wrapped around so much fun and hilarity that it makes for a great episode to watch time and time again.

Final Score: 9.2