Moonshine River (S24, E01-509)

REFERENCES!  YYYYEAH!

Plot Summary
After a failed attempt at running events, Springfield hosts some kind of ball, where Bart makes fun of Lisa and Milhouse who are dancing together.  While Lisa isn't particularly pleased to be with Milhouse, she does have a date, something which Bart lacks.  In fact, Lisa reminds Bart that he can't hold a girlfriend any longer than a week, as once they learn the 'real' Bart Simpson they always leave him.  Stunned by these realizations, Bart decides to try and prove Lisa wrong by showing that at least one of his old girlfriends still like him.  After three such girls adamantly prove they don't, and a fourth too bipolar to figure out, Bart's down to his last option: Mary Spuckler, whom Bart had befriended but only got into a relationship with to save a cow.  He visits Cletus, but the slack-jawed yokel admits that Mary ran off some time earlier after being forced to wed another hillbilly, but neither he nor Brandine know where.  One of Mary's brothers knows, though, and privately tells Bart she went to New York City, even giving him an address.  Bart tries to convince his parents to go, but Homer tries to remember the last time the family went to New York (although Homer now remembers it differently, perhaps blocking out what really happened).  Still, a bit later, Homer decides to take Bart and the family there, having tricked a family from New York into swapping their house with Flanders' home for a couple of weeks.

After arriving in New York, Marge and Lisa go off on their own to embrace the city's culture on a budget (in other words, doing nothing).  Homer takes Bart to the address Mary's brother gave him, and as Homer takes his leave, Bart meets up with a drastically different-looking Mary.  Mary reveals she's gotten some experience in writing in New York and she's happy both to be in New York and to see Bart again, just so long as she doesn't get found out.  The two spend some time together, and are about to share a kiss, but Cletus comes out of nowhere to find Mary and take her home.  Mary is able to sneak off with Bart a short time later, though, and is able to hitch a train to an unknown location.  While she's forced to be away from Bart once again, she does admit she likes him.  Because of that, Bart refuses to tell Cletus where Mary is going, and Cletus gives up.  On the way home, Cletus gives Bart a picture with Mary in it, while Marge and Lisa - the latter staging a Shakespeare play after a scheduled one had been cancelled only to be met by police for essentially "occupying" the theater - somewhat lament their difficulties.

Quick Review
Self-reference: the episode.  So many guest stars, too, equaling Homer at the Bat with ten guest spots.  Unlike that episode, where each guest played a pivotal part in that episode's plot, Moonshine River's guests were often cameos.  The guests who played Bart's four previous girlfriends got in a single line or phrase and that was it.  Al Roker had no reason to be there outside of a gag.  Kevin Michael Richardson's been voicing somebody in lots of episodes recently, none of which had any impact in their respective episodes.  What I'm trying to say is, aside from Zooey Deschanel, who voices Mary, most of the guest cast in this episode was fairly pointless.

Going back to my first point, this episode is also full of self references, but they are only that.  Never mind that Homer hated New York in Season 9 because it was a scum hole when he was younger and still wasn't perfect back in the late 90s, suddenly Homer is more than fine with the sketchier side of the city.  The 'reference' of the Klauh Karesh vendor who now owns a giant restaurant was pointless, too.  The episode also references that, yeah, Bart has had several girlfriends, but its odd the episode would focus on a girl whom Bart wasn't particularly fond of in her original episode.  Writers can't even references episodes from just a few years ago correctly now.

So, you take all of that poor referencing, an unfunny main plot involving Bart being liked by a girl, and the lame side plot with Marge and Lisa, and it makes for a very underwhelming episode.  This episode actually scores a little better than that as some of the jokes were pretty decent, but its still nothing good.

Final Score: 6.4

Little Big Girl (S18, E12-390)

Bart... might have a fetish I wasn't aware of until now.

Plot Summary
Lisa is vexed over a report on her family's heritage as her family's heritage is absolutely boring.  Frustrated, Lisa decides instead to make up a Native American heritage about herself, claiming herself to be from the "Hitachi" tribe.  The report does so well in school, she's asked to give it again at city hall.  A panicked Lisa does so later, even being confronted by a Native American reporter whom she's barely able to make content.  Later, Lisa is asked to give a presentation about her supposed tribe at a Native American convention at Capitol City, where she finally gives up and reveals her lies.  At first she is chided, but when she is instead praised for her courage, other Native stand up and reveal they aren't really Native Americans, either.

Meanwhile, a fire break outs throughout town, including near the school where Principal Skinner learns that someone has taken all of the fire extinguishers.  On the outskirts of town, Bart has those extinguishers, planning to use them as propulsion for his wheelbarrow.  It works rather well as Bart zoom through town, and as an added benefit the extinguishers also take care of the nearby fires across town.  Bart is heralded as a hero and Mayor Quimby offers Bart any one thing he wants, and Bart decides to get a legitimate driver's license.

Bart has fun with his license at first, but Homer starts bugging Bart to do all kinds of errands and creepily odd tasks for him.  Bart finally has enough and gets away from Springfield for awhile, driving all the way to North Haverbrook.  There, he applies his charms and actually gets a girl to go with him.  The somewhat older girl, Darcy, buys Bart's crazy explanation as to why he seems so young, and the two go on dates and kiss and stuff.  One day, though, Darcy offers a couple of bombshell: she wants to marry him, or else they break up.  Bart reluctantly goes to the marriage office to get a marriage license, but when he tries to back away by revealing he actually is ten years old, Darcy reveals another bombshell: she's pregnant with another guy's baby.

Bart really tries to back out now, but Darcy reveals that her parents are strict about marriage, and that if she had the baby without a husband, they'd kill her.  Bart gives up and the two go to a state where marriage laws are loose enough for them to marry: Utah.  Eventually, both Bart's and Darcy's parents catch wind of this and find them at a chapel about to get married.  Darcy's parents reveal that her mother is also pregnant and that they can pass Darcy's baby off as a twin to that, so there's no need for Bart to marry.  Bart is relieved, and the two break up on good terms.

Quick Review
It was another less-than episode for the season.  Nothing all that bad, but nothing all that funny, either.  Lisa's story was the best the episode had to offer, but it was pretty washed aside once it focused on Bart and Darcy's plot.

Final Score: 6.2