The Cad in the Hat (S28, E15-611)

When the show did the "we have stories for years" bit all those
years ago, I don't think the writers then envisioned the
show going as low as "Homer and Grampa play chess angrily".

Plot Summary
In a tale told by Bart and Lisa, the scene is set some time earlier.  At the beach, Bart buys a stick-on tattoo which doesn't work too well while Lisa buys a nice hat which earns her many compliments.  Quickly, Bart's jealously grows.  Meanwhile, Homer reveals his ability in chess, admitting that as a kid his father would force him to play as a means of coping with Mona's departure.  On the car ride back, Bart notices Lisa asleep and decides to toss her hat out the car and into the nearby trash dump.  Later that night, Bart is befriended by his guilt but claims that he only welcomes the gross representation of his guilt, at least to start.

However, the guilt gets to him and Bart decides to confess his crime to Lisa, who refuses to forgive him for his deed.  Desperate to make amends, Bart decides ultimately to find Lisa's hat, and after a few trials, does so.  Lisa is initially unwilling to forgive Bart even after this, but as her own guilt starts to set in, she does like her hat and the two eventually make up.

Meanwhile, as Homer continues to explain, as a kid he got tired of his dad beating him in chess so he got help from a chess master and was finally able to beat his father, the act of which forced Grampa to stop all chess in the house from then on.  Moe suggests that Homer's attitudes towards chess are actually subtle hints that he wants to actually murder him.  Homer freaks out and decides to quit but after getting help from renowned chess player Magnus Carlsen, Homer decides to face Grampa in a chess match.  Homer is winning easily, but realizes its not worth it and forfeits, showing he cares for his father by this act somehow.

Quick Review
It was an okay episode, though the couch "gag" ran a bit long and was pretty terrible.  Remember when those were short little gags and not minutes-long animated shorts?  Well, anyway, I'm rambling about that because the episode itself is, per usual, forgettable.  Magnus Carlsen, the chess player, was a decent guest voice.  Patton Oswalt, projecting himself as Bart's guilt, I'm sure, could've been worse, I suppose.

Homer's story was okay; although its actual plot was not that great, it was carried by its decent jokes.  Bart and Lisa's story had no redeeming qualities, however.  "Bart does bad thing to Lisa, Lisa gets mad/sad, Bart makes up for it" has been done a lot already, and much better than this.

Final Score: 5.7

The Kids are All Fight (S26, E19-571)

One action doesn't really quite equal the other here.

Plot Summary
Homer finds an old roll of film in his suit jacket, and Moe offers to develop it.  He returns the photos to the family, which turns out to be nothing but four year old Bart and two year old Lisa fighting each other.  Homer and Marge start to remember life with the two kids six years ago, and recall that, yeah, those two kids always fought with one another.  Constantly.

One day, the Flanders' invite Homer and Marge to brunch, Ned offering to let his Grandma Flanders babysit the kids.  However, Bart and Lisa scare Grandma Flanders to death with their religious ignorance.  Fearful of what they did, the two run back home.  While Homer and Marge delayed going to the brunch to have a quick "snuggle time", they still don't hear the kids trying to get back inside.  The two instead hear an ice cream truck and give chase.

Following the brunch, Homer and Marge learn their kids have run off and are presumed missing, going through every effort to find them.  Meanwhile, young Bart and young Lisa start to build a dynamic where Lisa's smarts and Bart's, hm, "ingenuity", work in tandem to help them survive.  That still doesn't stop them from being hostile towards one another, but after Bart nearly lets Lisa crash into a tree, Lisa officially gives up and just lets Bart win all arguments.  Later, Homer and Marge finally find and rescue the two kids who found themselves ontop the tire fire.  The two kids' new dynamic of tolerance survives to this day, and Homer is credited (by Moe) to be a competent parent.

Quick Review
Well, this episode tried to be funny.  There were jokes, a good amount of them.  Many of them weren't funny.  Some were very unfunny.  There were a few references.  Two specifically, Grandma Flanders and Bart's clown bed, were from Lisa's First Word and the episode seems to try to act as a continuation of that flashback story.

This episode also really tries hard to establish itself as some kind of canon, from deliberately avoiding framing itself in any period of time, to making a note of Homer's "first" chokehold of Bart, to the seemingly first meetings between the two kids and the likes of Milhouse, the bullies, and so on.  It seems really forced, in short.

A lot of it really seemed unnatural as well.  I know I've never been much of a stickler for continuity, but two year old Lisa in this episode seemed far more intelligent than three year old Lisa did in Lisa's Sax.  There was a lot of dialogue that didn't really "fit" with any of the characters in either time period either.  The entire time watching this episode, I felt there was something completely "off" about how this episode presents itself.  I don't know if its the try-hard mentality of it, the fact that so many jokes were awful, or what.  This was a pretty awful episode, even by this season's standards, and while its better than the last two flashback episodes, its by no real means any improvement, either.

Final Score: 5.8

MoneyBART (S22, E03-467)

Mike Sciosia's tragic ego made us... well, not really smile per se...

Plot Summary
Springfield Elementary has its first ever student graduate from an Ivy League school - Yale, no less - and she's come back visit the school where it first started.  The woman meets Lisa, but when Lisa tries to tout her extracurriculars, it still pales in comparison to what the Yale grad had going at the same age, and tells Lisa she'll need to do a lot more if she wants to get to a good school.  Later that day, Flanders goes to the Simpson house to inform Bart that he is resigning as the manager of his little league team, noting that by letting a bad call go he's lost his way.  The team is likely disbanded, and Bart is left wondering what to do for the summer.  However, he notices the team practicing, and they tell him they have a new manager: Lisa, who openly admits she's only taking the otherwise unwanted job so that she can beef her credentials for Yale.  Still, she knows nothing about baseball, and goes off to learn as quickly as possible.

She tries to talk to Homer and his friends at the bar, but they offer little help.  Nearby, a gaggle of nerds are discussing baseball in very statistical sense.  Lisa talks to one of them, Professor Frink, and he informs Lisa that baseball can be followed by stat-crunchers thanks to the advent of Sabrmetrics which allows anyone with a basic concept of statistics to manage a baseball team.  The nerds give Lisa several Sabrmetric books and Lisa quickly learns the material on the fly, the quirky managerial moves she makes enabling the team to victory after victory.  The team soon moves up to 2nd place, but Bart gets tired of Lisa's calculating, wishing to return to the game he grew up with.  Bart goes up to bat with the bases loaded, bottom of the 9th, and Lisa asks Bart to simply draw a walk to win the game.  However, after two balls, Bart has enough and swings at the next pitch.  He hits a walkoff grand slam to win the game.  As Bart showboats his way back to home, Lisa is furious with Bart for disobeying her and just ups and kicks him off the team.

Bart and Lisa are at odds at home, and the friction extends to the parents where Marge defends the notion of family sticking together while Homer defends the notion of winning in baseball.  Still, Lisa's tactics help the team win another game, and Bart feels left out now.  Lisa's team gets to play in the state finals, but Ralph gets sick from "juicing" too much, and she needs Bart to take her place.  Bart, who's currently on a rollercoaster with Marge, couldn't care less, but behind him is Mike Sciosia, whom as you may (and Marge does) recall suffered from acute radiation poisoning the last time he was in Springfield, not only recovered, but also: gained super manager powers, gained the ability to demagnetize credit cards, and also aged a couple of decades while everyone else stayed the same age.  Sciosia tells Bart that he should listen to his manager no matter who it is because that's how you help your team to win.  Bart is convinced, I guess?, and he returns to team ready to pinch run at 1st base.  Down by one in the 9th inning, Lisa tells Bart not to steal any bases, but Bart steals both 2nd and 3rd base, and announces he's going to steal home, even though Lisa has calculated stealing home to be a virtual impossibility.  Even so, Bart makes the attempt and as Lisa begins to freak out over the move, she also starts to realize that the moment is very exciting, and starts cheering Bart on.  Of course, the throw to home is in time, and Bart is tagged out at home, ending the game.  Despite that, Lisa thanks Bart for helping her realize baseball can be fun and exciting too, like every other sports except not as much, and the two reconcile with the team.

Quick Review
I preface this by stating that while I am a fan of both baseball and statistics, I'm one of the old fashioned types who likes baseball for the fun it may or may not bring at times, and I've never been interested in Sabrmetrics.  I don't know why I bothered stating that as that doesn't really affect my enjoyment of the episode, but whatever.

The episode also featured a slightly altered opening sequence by Banksy, some graffiti political activist, whatever.  He also was behind the episode's couch gag, which to much criticism showcased animation of the show being done in awful sweatshops in conditions not unlike something you would see in Schindler's list.  I wasn't fully aware of the background behind this sequence while watching though it did bug me over how unfunny it was, which I guess was its point, but really, this show isn't a good place to attempt such a shock value statement like that.  And of course, nobody even remembers it now unless directly reminded of it, so the point didn't even matter.  That's great.

Anyway, the episode itself ended up being okay.  Sciosia's appearance this time around wasn't anything special though it was appreciated when a connection between this episode and the one 19 seasons ago was made.  Also by this point he hadn't won a World Series in, what, eight years, kinda missed the boat on him being some kind of super manager.  Other than that, I felt the opportunities for comedy were somewhat limited with how the episode set itself up.  The side thing with Homer and Marge taking sides never went anywhere, and Bart coming back at the end was set up in a rather flimsy fashion.  Its not a terrible episode, but it could've been better.

Final Score: 7.0

Jazzy and the Pussycats (S18, E02-380)

If I had understood the reference, I probably would've found this even less funny.

Plot Summary
Homer's Vegas wife has died from an overdose.  At the funeral, Bart interrupts the proceedings over and over again, eventually enraging everyone.  Homer and Marge take Bart to a psychiatrist, who recommends Bart expend his energy with a drum set.  Amazingly, Bart takes a liking to drums, and spends all day and night working on his skills, even while asleep.  To allow Homer and Marge to sleep once in a while, Lisa takes Bart to a Jazz club she frequents.  She invites Bart to join her onstage for a performance, and the two do well.  Lisa sees two other jazz musicians taking an interest, and Lisa believes their interest is for her saxophone playing.  However, afterword, she learns in disgust that the two were actually interested in Bart's drumming abilities, even inviting him to their troupe.

Bart becomes an overnight success, even gaining a jazz nickname ("Tick-Tock").  Lisa, whose jazz nickname is now "Downbeat", can't stand that Bart has become so successful so fast in something Lisa has spend most of her life trying to succeed in.  Marge decides to lift Lisa's spirits by going to a dog pound and getting her a puppy.  Lisa chooses a nice looking puppy over an ailing one, but is haunted by it that same night, claiming that because she didn't pick it its going to get put to sleep soon.  Lisa goes right back to the pound to get that puppy, but is guilt-tripped into adopting several other animals so prevent them from getting killed.  Soon, Lisa has an entire animal troupe with her, that she tries to hide in the attic.  Quickly, she goes back up to keep the troupe quiet, but finds Bart up there with his jazz pals, when suddenly a small tigers accidentally bites Bart in the arm.

Bart's tendons are so torn in the arm, that Bart will be unable to drum again.  There is a surgery that can repair it, so Bart's jazz pals decide to hold a benefit to raise the money.  Meanwhile, Lisa has been forced by police to find someplace to put her animals or animal control will take care of it themselves.  Bart sees this and, upon realizing the chain of events that led to it, decides to take action.  At the jazz benefit, he proclaims that all of the proceeds will not go to fixing his arm, but instead towards building an animal shelter in Lisa's name.  Lisa goes up to thank Bart for his generosity, and Bart's jazz pals may or may not have implied they're going to try another benefit to fix Bart's arm again.

Quick Review
I didn't enjoy this episode.  The White Stripes cameo early on was terrible, the worst part of the episode, and the odd plot the followed it hardly did anything to get the episode back on track.  The two jazz musicians were probably the best the episode had to offer, but they couldn't save this wreck of an episode.

Final Score: 4.9

On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister (S16, E11-346)

Kinda surprised he hasn't eaten his shorts and gone full naked out there.

Plot Summary
The school goes on a field trip to see a glacier, and Bart is giving Lisa a particularly hard time on the trip, harassing her throughout.  It reaches a climax when Bart throws a snowball at her, causing Lisa to fall into the watery remains of the glacier, getting seaweed and frog remains on her.  Lisa officially has enough of Bart's antics, and by the next day she shows Bart a restraining order she had placed on Bart.  Now Bart can't get within 20 feet of Lisa, Homer giving Lisa a makeshift pole to ensure this.  This causes Bart great inconvenience as he can no longer do most things without getting in Lisa's range.  Marge feels bad for Bart, and tries to have the restraining order lifted in court.  However, with Judge Harm overseeing the case, Bart's snide remarks only increases the distances of the order to 200 feet, meaning Bart can't even be near the house if Lisa's inside.

Meanwhile, Homer goes to a Walmart knockoff to find Grampa working there as a greeter.  After a cart accident cripples Grampa further, Homer takes the reins and greets his ass off to customers.  As a reward, the store's manager promotes Homer to full-time greeter which Homer gladly takes.  However, the manager soon overworks Homer, blackmailing him with forged deportation, and even forces him to stay in the store overnight.  However, the other employees there help him see the bright side of things: they can loot the store of all its good without any repercussions, and Homer is all over that.

As the Simpsons house is now somehow in front of a massive forest, Bart becomes one with nature and the feral things that lie within.  Marge worries further, and tries to convince Lisa to drop the order.  Lisa refuses, though notes that if she or Marge can come up with three nice things Bart has done for her - ever - she'll think about it.  They only come up with two, but later in the day Lisa spies Bart making a 'statue' of Lisa using hay and wicker.  Taking it as nice gesture #3, Lisa goes out to make amends with Bart, stating she'll drop the restraining order.  Even though its quickly revealed that Bart was going to burn the mass of hay in some kind of rage, Lisa learns she misses how Bart tries to lie his way out of things, and burns both the order and her range pole in the fire.

Quick Review
This was an alright episode.  Gary Busey's guest appearance was better than what I was expecting, and the overall plot did fine for awhile until it fizzled near the end.  Homer's subplot had its moments before it, too, fizzled at the end.  Hell, this episode was doing fine until the whole thing fizzled at the end.  It didn't end well, but it still turned out okay.

Final Score: 7.3

Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore (S15, E12-325)

Living in the big city automatically makes one gangster.  Did I say that right?

Plot Summary
During a field trip to the Museum of TV, Bart notices that Milhouse has become rather edgy, and can't get an answer as to why other than Milhouse not caring what people think anymore.  After school, Bart learns the real reason why Milhouse is acting oddly: his mom has a new job in Capitol City, and Milhouse is moving with her there.  Though Milhouse's father vows to fight his ex's attempt to take away Milhouse, it leaves Bart without his best friend.

Meanwhile, Homer and his work pals go to Moe's, and Homer in particular gets pretty drunk.  He's shown out the door eventually, and sits on the ground remaining wasted.  He gains the pity of a rich woman, who gives him money, but Homer refuses to be given charity without dancing, and starts dancing his drunk ass off.  Homer doesn't return until late that night, much to the ire of Marge, but Homer returns with a bouquet of flowers, which softens Marge's heart, and Homer is bailed out for the night.

Bart goes to Capitol City to visit Milhouse, but he learns that Milhouse is trying pretty damn hard to fit in with the kids there, and Bart is used only for those purposes.  Unwilling to go through that again, Bart goes back home to mourn the loss of his friend.  Marge has seen enough of Bart's sorrow and suggests he help Lisa clean the car.  Somehow, in some way, Bart and Lisa bond over it (though all they did was goof off), and the two spend more time together.

Homer needs more money to buy Marge an anniversary present, then remembers how well begging did, so goes back out on the street to do it again, getting advice from a bum he knows to act like a crazy man for charity.  It works pretty well, and Homer ends up getting enough money to buy Marge diamond earrings.  However, Homer continues to go out and panhandle, hoping to get enough money for a second house.  The bum Homer knows gets tired of his act, and goes and shows Marge what Homer had been doing.  Marge yells at him, but unwilling to get rid of her earrings to prove moral superiority, Marge simply has Homer buy her an accompanying brooch, and everything's okay.

Bart and Lisa continue to bond, and though both realize they're now each other's best friend they don't seem to mind.  However, to Lisa's shock, Milhouse is back, his father having won Milhouse in court.  Sure enough, Bart spends all of his time with Milhouse again, and Lisa is left crushed.  Homer sees this and wakes Bart up over the issue, and that night Bart promises he'll continue to be a good brother to Lisa, which Lisa is happy with.

Quick Review
Homer's subplot about him panhandling was the better of the two storylines, but the main plot wasn't half bad either.  My favorite part of the episode was Willie's rant about how the Scots are enemies with everyone including other Scots, giving the episode a big boost on its own, but the episode altogether isn't all that special.

Final Score: 7.7

Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade (S14, E03-294)

They're so angry at one another they don't even care about the fanny packs.

Plot Summary
Tired of network television showing nothing but reality shows, Homer goes out and buys a satellite dish (unaware that most cable/satellite channels will soon show nothing but reality shows anyway).  Homer and Bart spend several days watching nothing but satellite TV.  Lisa attempts to remind Bart that a huge achievement test is coming up and that he should study, but Bart doesn't care.  The day of the big test arrives and, expectantly, Bart finds himself unable to take the test the least bit competently.  Later, after an assembly, Principal Skinner announces that Lisa did so well on her test that she's been moved up to 3rd grade.  Bart gets a in joke in, so Skinner decides to just tell Bart openly that because he did so poorly on his test, Bart is being moved down to 3rd grade, which doesn't please Lisa any.

The two are placed in Mrs. McConnell's 3rd grade class.  Bart does well in the class as he's cheated his way through the level once before, but Lisa finds herself struggling just a tad, getting a dreadful A- on a test.  A short time later, the 3rd grade is going on a field trip to Capitol City, and Bart and Lisa are paired up as part of McConnell's buddy system.  During the trip, McConnell has the class get with their 'buddies' to come up with a design for a new state flag.  Bart sabotages Lisa's flag, though, and she's the embarrassment of the class.

As the class lines up for the bus, Lisa and Bart have a scuffle over the flag and end up missing the bus, the buddy system unable to account for two lost people who were buddies with one another.  The two get lost in the nearby woods, where overnight they find the time to reconcile with one another.  They get found by a family of hillbillies, the oldest member having been another child lost from a field trip way back when, and they return Bart and Lisa to their parents.  In an admitted restoration of the status quo, Bart is pushed back to the 4th grade for no other given reason, and Lisa decides to go back down to the 2nd grade so she can be the intellectual superior amongst her peers once more.

Quick Review
This episode was alright, nothing really special about it.  It had a few laughs, though I felt the dynamic of having Bart and Lisa in the same class wasn't explored well enough before the field trip plotline started up.  Its a better showing the the first two episodes of the season, but its not anything spectacular.

Final Score: 7.2

Girly Edition (S09, E21-199)

Lisa and Mojo, enjoying themselves for one reason or another.

Plot Summary
Under pressure to provide educational programming, a TV network decides to create a news program made by kids, for kids.  Lisa is given charge of the assignment.  Meanwhile, Bart's skateboarding antics draw the ire of Groundskeeper Willie, who confiscates Bart's board.  Getting some kind of vengeance, Bart grabs a tube that's spilling out creamed corn and tosses it into the furnace of Willie's shack.  It eventually overflows, causing Willie's shack to blow apart.  As Bart retrieves his skateboard, Willie knows it was Bart who caused the loss of his home and that Willie will get his revenge sooner or later.  A short time later, Bart has Marge press Lisa into having him join Lisa's news cast.

The show, "Kidz Newz", starts off with a yawn as Lisa unenthusiastically bores about some kind of library thing.  Bart, given Sports, is much livelier than Lisa, and after just the first broadcast a network executive makes Bart a co-anchor.  Later, Lisa protests the decision to the executive, noting that Bart is "kinda dumb", something Bart overhears.  Looking to prove himself, Bart visits Kent Brockman for advice.  Both sharing a common interest - showing up their sisters in the news business - Kent reveals a big secret to his success: human interest stories, tales that grip the human heart and soften the mind.  Bart learns these secrets well, and on the next telecast he starts his newest piece: Bart's People, which becomes an instant hit much to Lisa's dismay.

In the subplot, Homer notices that Apu has acquired a helper monkey after a robbery left him less than intact.  Intrigued, Homer goes to buy one, literally using Grampa as an excuse of getting a helper monkey.  Marge can't stand the monkey - Mojo - being in the house, and for a short time the monkey does help Homer out.  However, Homer's lazy, fatass demeanor quickly grows on Mojo, and soon its as lazy and fat as Homer is.  Marge demands Homer send it back so it can be helped, and Homer eventually does, though he makes a run for it before anybody can see it was him that left Mojo there.

Meanwhile, Lisa tries to do human interest stories of her own, but they aren't working so well (mostly because of a crazy cat lady, whose first appearance is this episode).  After Marge blurts out that Kidz Newz is Bart's show, Lisa has had enough, and sets up a plan to out Bart as a fraud.  She gives him a letter from a supposed viewer saying he lives at the garbage dump now.  Bart sees the opportunity, and decides to have Bart's People air live at the dump.  However, upon getting there, it turns out that person is Willie, still mad at Bart over the corn thing, and angrily begins an assault on Bart.  Lisa regrets what she's done and hastily goes over to the dump to stop Willie, doing so by quickly drumming up an interest story about Bart being the 'son' of today's culture.  Willie is touched by it, and leaves in tears.  Bart and Lisa renew their respects for one another, and agree that if they work together, Kidz Newz will be unstoppable.  However, Kidz Newz is quickly cancelled instead, having been replaced by some kind of advertisement cartoon.

Quick Review
Another solid entry for Season 9, I enjoyed the main plot somewhat, mostly around Bart's various antics, but Homer's sidestory with the monkey really took my laughs this time.  Its just a silly sidestory, and it has nothing to do with the main story, but the plight of poor Mojo really gave me a good time, and helped boosted this episode's score to what it is.

Final Score: 8.6

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson (S08, E25-178)

Typical Call of Duty player, am I right?  Us gamers.

Plot Summary
Lisa finds herself bored with school, as Ms. Hoover has spent the entire day showing outdated educational movies.  She tries to have Principal Skinner increase the challenge, but he notes that doing so will draw the ire and confusion of the less bright, and chooses not to go along with her plan.  Meanwhile, Bart's class has gone on a field trip to the police station.  Able to separate from the group, Bart finds a large quantity of megaphones.  Learning that two of them, in front of the other, is much louder than one on its own, Bart lines up a total of fifteen megaphones aimed at the window.  Upon speaking the word "testing", a large shockwave of audio feedback explodes through town, shattering every window and beer bottle it comes across.  Later, with a loud ringing noise still persistent, Chief Wiggum brings Bart home to be punished.  Wiggum suggests the family take Bart to a military school to teach him discipline.  The two agree to do so, and take Bart there under the false premise of taking him to Disneyland.

The military school is as Bart feared, but the challenge of the classwork is exactly what Lisa is hoping for, and she's able to convince both her parents and the school's Commandant to have her attend the school, notable because the school had not admitted a girl in its history.  With a girl now in the ranks, a lot of cadets are forced to move out of their barracks and into another one as theirs is converted into a girl's barracks.  This immediately gets Lisa on the wrong foot with the cadets, who agree to subject both Lisa and Bart to heavy amounts of hazing.  After some point, though, the cadets decide that Bart has 'become worthy' and accept him into their ranks, though they have no such plans with Lisa.

As Bart tries to fit in with the cadets, Lisa becomes isolated, and she has difficulty with with less-intellectual facets of military school.  She tries to call home for reassurance, but gets no answer.  After willfully listening to Grampa ramble for an entire day on the phone, she gets a care package from Marge featuring an audio tape.  She tries to get Bart to listen to it as well, but he declines so that he doesn't fall out of favor with the other cadets.

Feeling bad for shunning Lisa, Bart apologizes to her the next day, and decides to help her out in secret.  A short time later, the cadets are introduced to the 'final exam', as it were: the Eliminator.  Its a single, blister-making rope stationed 40 ft above a garden of thorn bushes, with the goal being to crawl across the entire length of the rope.  Bart tries to have a fearful Lisa practice the obstacle at night, but Lisa admits that this is a challenge she wasn't prepared for.

On the day of the challenge, all of the other cadets make it across, including Bart, with Lisa the final person to attempt it.  She struggles, and at one point her hands slip, leaving her dangling by her feet.  As the other cadets root for her to fall, Bart finally steps up and gives Lisa open encouragement.  Lisa is rejuvenated by Bart's aid, and is able to recover and complete the obstacle.  The other cadets, betrayed by Bart, plan to give him hell for the rest of the semester, but the semester ends in three hours, so Bart is basically spared.  The two are able to graduate with the rest of the class, and to celebrate Homer and Marge tell the two they're going to Disneyland for real: but really they're just going to the dentist.

Quick Review
Season 8 ends on a strong note with this episode, with a fast and funny start that admittedly slows down near the end but still has enough quality for it to be among some of the season's better episodes, and is one of the better season finales out there.  If Season 8 is considered the final season of the Simpsons' golden age, this episode is a fine way to conclude it.

Final Score: 9.5

My Sister, My Sitter (S08, E17-170)

It turned out nearly exactly how Lisa imagined it would, well mostly.
She has a rather realistic imagination.

Plot Summary
Lisa become deeply interested in babysitting, and gets the word out as such, however there aren't many people interested in having an 8 year old girl babysit.  One day, though, Ned Flanders finds himself in a bind and has to ask Lisa to babysit his boys.  She does a superb job babysitting Rod and Todd, and Ned decides to recommend Lisa to others.  Quickly, Lisa starts babysitting around town, and her reputation of quality spreads like wildfire.

In the meantime, Homer and Marge learn that the town has rebuilt its Squidport, and has an opening gala on Saturday night.  Interested in attending, they - for some reason - decide to have Lisa babysit Bart and Maggie, an idea that infuriates Bart.  As a result, Bart goes out of his way to cause trouble for Lisa.  He feeds Maggie coffee ice cream and, as Lisa is distracted in trying to calm down the now hyper baby, Bart makes several phone calls for services to arrive at the house.  Lisa is able to shoo them all off, but is starting to lose her nerve.  As Bart now refuses to go to bed, Lisa tries to grab him, in the process Bart trips and falls down the stairs, dislocating his shoulder and getting a lump on his head.

Bart comes to, sees whats happened to him, and runs off to his room to 'preserve the evidence' for when their parents come home.  He attempts to make things worse by banging his head into the door, enlarging the bump on his head, and indeed he does make things worse by passing out in the process.  Lisa tries to call 911, but after several prank calls made by Bart earlier in the night, they refuse to hear Lisa out.  Lisa considers taking Bart to Dr. Hibbert, but fears that once Hibbert sees Bart's injuries, she'll be blamed and will never babysit again.  Instead, she goes to Dr. Nick, whose clinic promises complete confidentiality.  She puts Bart on a wheelbarrow and Maggie in a carrying cage and wheels them to Nick's clinic, however the lines are long and Lisa is force to look elsewhere.

Now deciding to just go to the hospital, she's stopped by Chief Wiggum, who checks the wheelbarrow to find nothing inside.  After Wiggum leaves, a stunned Lisa finds that Bart fell off the side of the wheelbarrow and into a puddle of mud.  As she goes to retrieve him, it turns out the puddle of mud is right off from where the renewed Squidport is, and everyone witnesses Lisa's antics, parents included.  Hibbert is on the scene and, like Lisa feared, is blamed for Bart's injuries, effectively ending her babysitting career.  Bart apologizes to her some time later, but as it turns out, some parents in Springfield are willing to overlook Lisa's follies in order to get a babysitter for the night.

Quick Review
This episode turns out pretty well, not one of Season 8's better episodes but its still pretty strong on its own.  The main plot had some laughs, but not too many, and the Squidport subplot was too brief to supplement the main plot any.

Final Score: 8.6

Lisa on Ice (S06, E08-111)

The Maple Leafs could use Milhouse's adequate blowing abilities.

Plot Summary
Bart mistakenly believes the next day to be a snow day based on a weather report, only to find the next day to be unseasonably warm.  With a book report due that day, Bart's ass is saved (for awhile I assume) by an assembly where Principal Skinner announces the use of "Academic Alerts", which inform parents right away if and when a child is failing a particular subject, such as Ralph in English ("Me fail English?  That's unpossible!"), or Bart on pretty much everything.  A shock occurs when Lisa gets an alert, as it turns out Lisa is failing gym due to her lack of physical capability.  She learns she can avoid failing the class if she picks up an extracurricular sport outside of school, but neither basketball nor volleyball work out.

At the same time, Bart is participating in peewee hockey, a star player on Chief Wiggum's Mighty Pigs team.  Homer showers all of his praise on Bart, though he also threatens to punish Bart mightily should Bart fail or his team even lose.  One night, the Pigs are playing against Apu's Kwik-E-Mart Gougers, and one of Bart's shots concusses the Gougers' goalie, the poor Milhouse.  Receiving more praise from Homer later on, Bart taunts Lisa further by shooting garbage at her.  Noticing Lisa deflect each and every shot, Apu decides to take Lisa on as his new goaltender, with Lisa only obliging due to her failing gym grade.

Lisa's first couple of games go alright, but she plays terrified.  As the games go on, though, Lisa picks up a competitive streak and turns into a fierce fighter in net, quickly receiving Homer's praise rather than Bart.  Bart is further put down when his friends start hanging out with Lisa instead, who also defends him from bullies.  Suddenly finding himself on the wrong end of the popularity and success spectrum, Bart begins to despise Lisa, and the two form a heated rivalry against one another.  Though Marge attempts to cool heads, Homer reveals that Bart's team and Lisa's team are due to play each other, pushing the rivalry to new heights.

With glory, respect and Homer's adulation at risk, the game begins.  Bart gets a shot past Lisa for a goal, but Lisa stops one of Bart's later attempts.  The two get roughed up along the way as well, fueling an already bloodthirsty crowd.  With the score tied at 3 late, Bart is tripped on a breakaway and is given a penalty shot with time somehow expiring.  With the ultimate sibling showdown in place, and the crowd either chanting "Kill, Bart!"  or "Kill Bart!", Bart and Lisa begin to remember the good times they had with one another, and decide to take off their gloves and helmets, and hug each other, both claiming a good game had been played.  However, with time expired, the score remains 3-3 (which would've been the score had Lisa blocked the shot, mind you), inciting rage in the crowd, prompting a destructive riot.  Homer couldn't be more disappointed in his kids, but Bart and Lisa skate off the ice in good relations once more.

Quick Review
This is one of the most enjoyable episodes of the season.  Homer fills the role of the "projecting, over-competitive parent of sport-playing child", and he fills it very well as he somehow only has enough room in him to praise one child at a time.  The use of the many secondary characters throughout the episode was well done as well, and the episode ends on a warm note despite everything that happened leading up to it.  Its one of Season 6's best episodes.

Final Score: 10

Lisa's First Word (S04, E10-069)

"If you should die before you wake~"

Plot Summary
In this flashback episode, in what seems like the third in a series, we learn what the first words of Bart, Lisa and Maggie all were.  As the family tries to get Maggie to say her first word, its asked what Bart's first word was: "Ay caramba!" after sneaking in to see his parents "snuggling".  Opting not to actually tell that story, Marge instead tells them about Lisa's first word.

The year starts off at 1983, two years following Bart's birth as seen in I Married Marge.  Homer and Marge, now living in an apartment by themselves along with Bart who refuses to call Homer anything but "Homer", have their share of adventures.  One day, though, Marge reveals she's pregnant, and because the apartment just can't handle two kids, they decide to go house shopping.  After several bad houses are tossed aside, they come across a good house (the current Simpson house), but find they can't afford it.  Homer asks his father for money, and his agrees to sell his old place so Homer can have the money to buy the house.  Homer, grateful for his father's gift, agrees to let him stay at the house - something that only lasts three weeks, much to the amusement of the family today.

Baby Bart, though, just can't seem to settle into the new place.  After annoying Marge, Homer is able to settle him for a bit by watching Krusty the Klown, who is offering a free burger if the US wins certain 1984 Olympic events (most of which were rigged in favor of the Soviets - who then boycotted those Olympics, which costs Krusty millions).  At a later point Bart refuses to give up his crib for the new baby, so Homer builds Bart a bed.  Remembering Bart liked Krusty, but also with Homer's rather limited ability, the bed becomes a twisted clown abomination that scares Bart immensely.

Soon, though, Marge goes into labor, and Bart is forced to stay at the Flanders' house, where even more unfun times are had.  With all these bad things happening at once, when Bart finally gets a chance to see baby Lisa, he just hates her.  With more unfortunate occurrences that happen to Bart afterward, he tries to get rid of Lisa one way or another, but fails.  Eventually he decides to run away, but before he can he hears Lisa mutter her first word: "Bart".  Happy, he takes Lisa to Homer and Marge and she repeats the word there, among other things (including calling her daddy "Homer") much to everyone jubilation.  Bart and Lisa share a bonding moment there, not so much in the present day.  From that, Homer takes Maggie to bed and hopes she doesn't start speaking for awhile yet.  Just then, Maggie speaks her first word: "Daddy" (as voiced by the late Elizabeth Taylor).  Its so heartwarming its heart-melting.

Quick Review
Compared to the other flashback episodes, its an improvement over I Married Marge though still not as great as The Way We Was.  The whole Olympic sidestory and the clown bed were the best parts of the episode.  Standalone, its another solid entry in what has been a superb season thus far.

Final Score: 8.5

Separate Vocations (S03, E18-053)

Hearing Steve Allen say "Ay Caramba!" is a fun experience.

Plot Summary
This episode sees a role-reversal for Bart and Lisa and, as per usual, standardized tests are to blame!  The school takes a "career aptitude test", which can somehow determine the best careers for students.  Somehow it predicts that Lisa would best be a homemaker, while Bart could end up being a policeman.  Lisa refuses to believe her test-approved fate, believing herself to grow up and become a great jazz musician, but is devastated to learn from some guy that she'll never be able to make it big because of her stubby fingers.

Meanwhile, Bart is brought along by the cops Eddie and Lou to gauge his interest in police work.  While the ride starts off a bit dull, soon they're on the trail of Snake who just robbed the Kwik-E-Mart again.  Thinking they have Snake cornered in an alleyway, they're mistaken when Snake tries to make a run through Bart, but the alleyway narrows just enough where Snake's car crashes and stops just before reaching Bart.  Thrilled over the events, Bart's enthusiasm towards law increases exponentially.

Lisa, however, begins a downward spiral which sees her start spending time with some "bad girls".  Wanting to get at Skinner, the girls get advice from Lisa to egg a Puma statue Skinner is fond of.  Disgusted over the act later on, Skinner is suddenly surprised to see Bart having Groundskeeper Willie hauled off for violating clean air laws.  Realizing that Bart has taken a liking towards maintaining order, Skinner makes Bart a Hall Monitor in an attempt to clean up the school.  It works wonders, as the school is cleaned up and becomes a police state, even if the kids can't really do anything anymore.  As Milhouse so eloquently paraphrases as Bart takes him away for spit balling poor Kearney: "Sure, we have order, but at what cost!?"

Lisa's continued fall worsens as she begins to backtalk her teacher, particularly in an instance where Miss Hoover misreads her teacher's edition book.  After Lisa's remarks about Miss Hoover earning her low salary, she gets detention.  Angered, Lisa figures that the teachers would be nothing without those teacher editions, and decides to go around the school, stealing all of the teacher's editions and hiding them in her locker.  Of course, now the faculty is in full-blown panic.  Bart surmises that the books are likely still in the school and that he and Skinner search the lockers for those books.

With Lisa realizing that the two have begun searching lockers, the two of them inching closer to hers, its ultimately Bart that reaches her locker first, stunned over the revelation that Lisa stole the books.  As Lisa pleads with Bart over his former rebellious streak, Bart simply replies that even he had his limits.  As Skinner finds the books, though, its Bart that covers for Lisa, taking the blame for the crime.  While stunned over the supposed betrayal, Bart's work as Hall Monitor alleviates his punishment to just a few hundred days of detention.  As Bart is hauled off by the new Hall Monitor, Milhouse, Lisa asks why Bart took the fall.  Bart knows that Lisa is a smart, talented girl and he didn't want her to wreck her life.  As Bart is forced to write "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty" on the chalkboard, a rejuvenated Lisa plays her sax for him, their original roles having been restored.

Quick Review
This was another excellent episode full of laughs, particularly with Bart's portion of the story.  Once Skinner and the teachers became involved with the main plot later on the episode really took off.  Another classic episode for Season 3.

Final Score: 9.3

Like Father, Like Clown (S03, E06-041)

At this point I don't think the rabbi knows what's going on exactly.

Plot Summary
In this episode, Krusty (eventually) has dinner with Bart after the latter proved Krusty's innocence in Krusty Gets Busted.  Its a fine affair at first, but at the dinner table, Krusty is asked to say grace.  He says it in Hebrew, and its quickly learned he's Jewish.  However, saying grace in Hebrew brought back some memories to Krusty, and he can't help but shed tears.

As it turns out, one Herschel Krustofsky was born to a rabbi, whose father was a rabbi, and so on and so forth.  Herschel, however, found enjoyment in making people laugh, but his father Hyman Krustofsky would have nothing of it.  Herschel would attempt to continue a clown routine in secret, but was found out during a show which his father was attending.  Right then and there, Hyman denounced Herschel, claiming he had no son.

The memories begin to eat away at Krusty, affecting his on-air work.  Bart and Lisa agree to have Krusty reunite with his father.  While it wasn't difficult to track the rabbi - he is one of Springfield's leading Jewish leaders apparently - it is much more difficult to convince him to reconcile with Krusty, citing phrases from various religious texts to justify his decision.  Lisa tries to fight fire with fire by having Bart recite similar phrases to counterpoint the rabbi's decision, but Hyman refuses to listen.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, the two give the rabbi a powerful quote passionately depicting the Jewish people's struggles in the past and their victories in the present.  Impressed with the tidbit, the rabbi is stunned to learn that the quote is from Sammy Davis Jr., a Jewish entertainer.  Realizing that entertainers can also provide wisdom, Hyman regrets the time he's lost with his son, but quickly Bart and Lisa have him reunite with Krusty on the latter's program, and the two share a happy reunion together.

Quick Review
Its a touching episode, one that is a strong developer of Krusty's character.  I liked the idea behind the episode and the way it played itself out, but the jokes just weren't there.  Its a good episode, but its not really a funny episode, you know what I mean?

Final Score: 7.2

Stark Raving Dad (S03, E01-036)

He isn't popular enough to get away with that look.

Plot Summary
Although the episode name implies its a Homer-heavy episode, and Homer is featured heavily in the middle portion thereof, its really a Bart and Lisa episode.  It begins with Bart being woken up by Lisa to remind him that Lisa's birthday is coming up and to not forget to give her a present.  Bart's lucky red cap ends up in the whites for laundry, turning them all pink.  Forced to wear a pink shirt to work, Homer finds himself a victim of ridicule, and suspicion of being a free-thinking anarchist from Mr. Burns who, under advisement from Dr. Marvin Monroe, administers a take-home insanity quiz.  Unable to get Marge or Lisa to do it for him, Homer relies on Bart to take the quiz for Homer, but that doesn't go well and Homer is institutionalized.

There, he meets a large bald man who claims to be the Michael Jackson, whom Homer conveniently has never heard of.  "Michael" helps Homer get through the first couple of days at the mental hospital.  Marge is eventually able to prove his sanity (mainly by proving that Bart does exist), and when Homer thanks "Michael" by offering him a place to stay upon gaining his sanity, "Michael" states that he's there voluntarily and can visit them that same day.

Homer calls Bart in advance to let him know he and "Michael" are coming home, and pleads with Bart not to let anyone know about it.  Bart, of course, can't keep the secret, and soon the entire town is in the Simpson front yard eagerly awaiting Michael Jackson.  When the man that turns up is fat, bald, white and without flair, the town hastily and angrily departs, leaving Bart a big scapegoat for the hoax.  Worse yet, Bart getting wrapped up in the Michael Jackson thing had him forget Lisa's birthday, and an angry Lisa quickly confirms that Bart did not get her anything before running away crying.

Noticing this, "Michael" decides to help Bart out by writing a birthday song for Lisa.  Bart is resistant to accept the help of a crazy fraud, but "Michael" is able to convince him regardless.  The next morning, Lisa awakens to find Bart and "Michael" playing their rendition of "Happy Birthday Lisa".  Lisa immediately thanks Bart for the great gift, and "Michael" shows pleasure of a job well done - in his own voice.  He reveals himself to be a Jersey bricklayer named Leon Kompowsky.  Once an angry man, Leon found peace within himself and with others when he suddenly decided to speak and act like Michael Jackson.  Having made Lisa happy, Leon takes his leave of the Simpson household, singing the birthday song in his regular voice.

Quick Review
The Season 3 premiere features perhaps the most famous guest voice ever to appear on the show.  The voice of John Jay Smith.  Also known as Michael Jackson.  Jackson, who couldn't be credited with his real name at the time, ironically voiced a man pretending to be Michael Jackson, though the singing was left to an impersonator.  The episode, which was replayed on FOX a short time after Michael Jackson's death, has still one of the more ingenious uses of a guest voice in the show's history.

Its an odd thing to do, having a guest star using a pretend name voice a man pretending to be that guest star, but it works out really well for the episode.  Having a touching moment between Bart and Lisa does nothing but help as well.  What ended up being the subplot, the whole Homer is sane storyline was good for several laughs as well, especially near the end where he won't let go of his "Not Insane" certificate.  Season 3 gets off to a good start with this episode.

Final Score: 8.1

Bart vs. Thanksgiving (S02, E07-020)

Look at Bart carry that turkey with just one hand.  Truly masterful.

Plot Summary
Its Thanksgiving, and various members of the family are passing the time in their own ways, Maggie in particular.  Homer picks up his dad while jamming to some wholesome, Western Hemisphere-glorifying music, while Marge's sisters and mother drop in to have Thanksgiving dinner.  Lisa, meanwhile, spends the day painstakingly creating a centerpiece for dinner.  When dinner is ready, she proudly presents her work, but as Bart brings in the turkey, there's hardly any room for both.  Bart tries to push the centerpiece out of the way, but Lisa won't let him.  A tugging match between the two happens, with the centerpiece eventually being thrown, by Bart, into the fireplace.  Bart is sent to his room, with Marge proclaiming he "ruined" Thanksgiving.  Upset, Bart runs away with the dog.

Bart eventually winds up at a homeless rescue, which is serving meals for the holiday.  There, a TV crew with Kent Brockman is doing a "be thankful for what you got" piece, and he happens to interview Bart, which the family sees back home.  Bart, perhaps realizing that he's still better off than some, returns home, but hesitates to open the door, fearing the consequences of his previous actions.  He heads for the rooftop, hears Lisa crying, and ultimately finds it within him, literally, to apologize.  Then the family has turkey sandwiches late at night as the holiday is salvaged.

Quick Review
This is a type of episode where a lot of the hilarity and good jokes come early in the episode, then as the episode settles into its main plot, the jokes are more sparse and/or less funny.  Its something that happens way too often in the later seasons, and I guess this is the first episode I've come across in this run with the same problem.

Its a somewhat heartwarming ending, but there wasn't a lot to laugh about as the episode progressed.  Still, its another solid episode, with plenty to enjoy, especially early on.

Final Score: 7.7