Mathlete's Feat (S26, E22-574)

Oh yeah, they wore hats for some reason.  I dare you to care.

Plot Summary
Lisa and the rest of Springfield Elementary's math team competes in a local competition against Waverly Hills but gets blown out in every sense of the phrase, except the literal one.  The three judges of the competition, the three college nerds Homer once befriended, and who have since struck it rich thanks to a popular phone app they developed, decide to help their old elementary school by upgrading its tech to modern times.  However, Skinner uses a power strip that isn't a surge protector to plug in all of the new servers and such, causing a quick overload of electricity, effectively shutting down everything.

With the school now with no technology or power, Lisa finds a sudden interest in Groundskeeper Willie's odd, (supposedly) ancient Scottish measurements for science while he's doing yardwork.  Soon, Lisa proposes the "Waldorf" method of education, which proposes students can learn without the use of any educational materials by making everything more hands on with what's available, "winging it", as it were.  Everyone in school gets to liking it pretty quick and more resistant stalwarts such as Homer give in soon enough.

For being the one to introduce it to Lisa and subsequently everyone else, Willie gets named coach of the math team.  Soon, Willie witnesses Bart throw one egg, and believing it to be a perfectly calculated throw, he makes Bart captain of the team.  Soon, the Springfield math teams gets its rematch against Waverly Hills, and with their new methods of math and Bart's last second save, the team earns the win thanks to, basically, lower standards.  Afterward, Willie reveals that his methods are not based on science but (supposedly) an old Scottish way to hang sheep thieves and such.

Quick Review
Wow, what a mess of an episode.  First of all, the plot is short; the episode starts with a very lengthy couch gag featuring Rick & Morty, which lasted over two minutes.  There was another half-minute of filler at the end with the Simpsons playing hillbilly music for no apparent reason, detached from the rest of the episode.  The main episode was quite short.

It was also very bad, the worst episode of the season.  I can even make a claim that its one of the ten worst in the series thus far; it scored low enough to do so.  I was worried that, when previews suggested plenty of heavy math jokes, that they'd be too tryhard to be funny.  Well, there weren't that many math jokes, and they weren't too bad, some were pretty clever, but otherwise most of the comedy in the episode was sorely lacking in delivery, and humor.

The plot, as brief as it was, could barely hold itself together.  The first part of the episode was mostly references and "hey look at all this tech, we're tech-savy are we cool yet".  The middle portion was just dull and the last portion just dragged on in what felt like nothing more that simple plot progression.  Last episode was half of a disaster, this episode is definitely a full one.

Final Score: 4.0

Dark Knight Court (S24, E16-524)

Fruitbatman wouldn't use a gun!  ...unless it was golden age Fruitbatman
...or an alternate universe version of him.  Man, comics can be stupid.

Plot Summary
Its an Easter celebration that suddenly faces ruin when a band's musical instruments shoot out a barrage of eggs, ruining many clothes and such.  The town catches Bart laughing his ass off over the prank, and all naturally assume he's behind it.  A mob of people chase after Bart.  Mr. Burns is in its path and he and Smithers hide within the nearest building: the comic book shop.  After looking at a couple of comics, Burns reminisces over his youthful days when he would read comics until his father forbade him by buying out then burning the publisher.  Feeling nostalgic, I suppose, Burns decides to buy comic book guy's entire stock of comics.

Meanwhile, Bart successfully convinces the family he didn't do the egg prank after Maggie believes Bart is innocent.  Still, the school band that was used in the prank arrives to punish Bart in some way, when Lisa intervenes and declares a "youth court" be held to determine Bart's guilt.  As it is a legal obligation, the band is forced to leave things up to the court, and Lisa decides to defend Bart in court.  However, they need an impartial judge (i.e., someone who doesn't hate Bart), and Grampa knows just the person: Janet Reno, whom Grampa had met some fifteen years prior.  Bart and Lisa doubt this claim, and are both stunned when Reno arrives to preside as the judge for the trial.  Lisa defends Bart well through some revealing testimony, particularly when Lunchlady Doris reveals that the only way Bart could've even reached the eggs was to grab her personal key to the storeroom where the large quantity of eggs were being held.  Lisa thinks the case is won, but makes a critical slip up when she refers to Bart as a "sweet, lovable" boy.  Reno reasons that from that wording, the court would then need to hear from people who don't view Bart in such a manner, and Bart and Lisa see the trial slip away from their grasp.

Meanwhile, Burns has trouble coming across a comic book he likes, until he comes across what is basically a Batman comic book.  Inspired, Burns decides he, too, can go out into the streets to fight crime, becoming "Fruitbatman".  Smithers plays along with the old man's delusions, but things get serious when Burns actually spots a crime: Snake robbing Apu yet again.  As Burns slowly makes his way over to the crime, a worried Smithers gets their first, and offers both men $1000 to play along with Burns.  The two agree, and Burns believes himself to have stopped his first crime.  Soon, Smithers is forced to pay actors, nuclear plant workers, etc. money to act as supposed villains for Burns, who gladly takes everything at face value.

After several people testify against Bart's character, notably Moe who is now aware that it was Bart who delivered those prank calls, Lisa doesn't give up and notices Fruitbatman's exploits in a nearby newspaper.  She goes to Burns manor to talk to Burns, but the old man won't bother with her.  Angry, Smithers reveals everything to Burns, frustrated that the one time someone actually needs help, he turns her down, shaming the old man.  Later, Lisa sees Marge putting egged clothes in the washing machine, agreeing to clean up Bart's alleged mess.  However, Lisa sees an oddity: a skirt with a single egg stain on it, as though it was put there on purpose to pretend they, too, got it.  Marge corrects Lisa by telling her its a kilt, and the two quickly find their new main suspect: Groundskeeper Willie.  Willie admits to the crime, claiming religion or something for his motive and revealing that he made love to Doris to steal the key while she was sleeping so he can have it copied to steal the eggs.  However, Willie grabs his kilt back from Lisa and shreds it in a nearby wood chipper, and it seems like that's that.

Just then, Fruitbatman arrives to help Lisa out, going after Willie and, after a rather odd confrontation, is able to subdue Willie albeit just barely.  In court, with Bart's character completely demolished, Reno is about to convict Bart of the crime.  Just in time, Fruitbatman busts in to hand in Willie, and Bart is cleared of the crime.  This is distressing news to Moe, who now fears even a single phone call.

Quick Review
One half of the episode was a straight-up Batman parody and the other half had Janet Reno as a guest star (though most of it was voiced by Reno's sister because of Janet's health).  It was a recipe for disaster, yet the episode turns out to be one of the best of the season.  Why was this?  I liked Smithers' involvement in the episode, and while the lines delivered by either Reno weren't all that great, the plot with Bart and Lisa still had plenty of good moments, like the entire family bursting into laughter when Lisa implied a Simpson never gives up.  The episode still has your now-standard slip ups, like the weird Avengers parody that led to the credits, but overall it doesn't hurt the episode that badly.

Final Score: 7.7

Pranks and Greens (S21, E06-447)

If Lisa flips her hand, she'd get what she was this episode: a big Jerk.

Plot Summary
Bart and Milhouse commit another series of pranks at school, but Principal Skinner catches Bart and puts him through a variety of punishments.  Still, Skinner admits, the stuff Bart pulls doesn't compare to a prank pulled by a previous student.  Bart wants to find out more about this mystery kid but Skinner refuses to talk more about it.  Bart gets Lisa's help to investigate further and learns that something happened several years ago, stricken from the record, which turned a previously fun Seymour Skinner into the shill he is now.  Bart figures out Willie was around at the time, so he questions him.  Willie reveals that, ten years ago, he was a swim coach at the school, which had a pool in the back.  One evening, the fun loving Skinner goes out to take a dive into the pool, going into the high up springboard and failing to see what was actually in it until it was too late: Skinner drove right into a pool filled completely with worms.  The mystery student then covered the pool, preventing Skinner to escape and, because it was a Friday evening and school was out Monday, Skinner wasn't rescued until Tuesday, where then-swim coach Willie is instructed by the rescued yet adversely changed Skinner to bury the pool.  Willie reveals the kid's name as Andy Hamilton and makes Bart keep it a secret.

Still, Bart visits Andy, now 19, still as big a prankster as ever.  Bart tells Lisa about Andy, how he does nothing except live with his mom, which prompts Lisa to proclaim Andy and his big fan Bart as losers.  Bart initially protests but does realize that Andy is wasting his life away.  The next day, Bart makes Andy realize that as well and promises to get Andy a job with Krusty the Klown, having perjured himself to aid the clown.  Andy agrees and starts work as Krusty's lowly assistant.  Andy can't deal with it, quits the same day, and winds up outside of Bart's house for some reason, gaining his scorn and Lisa's continued mocking.

Bart gets Andy's job back and insists Andy just deal with it instead.  A week passes and things seem okay, so Bart visits Andy at the studio when he notices a truck full of prank-quality worms being brought in.  Bart fears the worst and rushes into the studio, finding Krusty about to jump into a small pool full of worms.  Fearing Andy has struck another prank, Bart tries to save Krusty but ultimately fails.  Krusty falls into the pool, but comes out ready with a worm related joke.  It turns out Andy did set this up, as a gag for Krusty to use as Krusty has made Andy his lead writer.  Bart wonders how Andy could've improved so quickly, learning the answer once Andy's new girlfriend comes to meet him.  Lisa sees this on TV and, after learning Andy is a comedy writer now, continues to declare him a loser.

Oh, there was also a side story where Marge is shamed by other mothers for using chemically infused foods.  To combat their criticisms Marge starts buying only organic foods.  She tries to show this off to them, but now the mothers are even more upset that Marge uses cookware and plastic bottles containing other deadly chemicals.  Marge grows tired of this and gorges herself on Homer's stash of food she finds.  Homer learns of this and gets turned on, so the two end up making love or pigging out on food or doing both, I dunno.

Quick Review
The main portion of the episode featuring Bart and Andy was fairly strong with great use of several characters early on.  The strength of that storyline makes it one of the best non-Halloween episodes in some time.  The Marge plotline was pretty forgettable, though, and its a shame that it got tossed into this otherwise quality affair.  Those oversensitive parents not only tried to drag Marge down to their level, they tried to drag my enjoyment of the episode down as well.  Still, a good return to form for the show.

Final Score: 8.0

The Debarted (S19, E13-413)

Bart can't believe these kids are drawing him for art class, moreso than his predicament.

Plot Summary
Marge crashes Homer's car while trying to take the kids to school.  Homer gets it repaired, but it'll take a week so in the meantime he's given a loaner car to drive (is this really a thing, I've never seen this).  The loaner car is much, much better than his old one, so when Homer's car is fixed, he refuses to go get it, opting to keep the nicer loaner.  However, later, Homer sees that his car is being sold for $99 at the car shop, and that a group of low-brow individuals are about to buy and ruin it.  Homer realizes his error and quickly reclaims his old car.

Meanwhile, Bart is being upstaged by a new kid at school, Donny.  After Homer cheers him up, Bart decides to pull a massive prank on Principal Skinner, which works like a charm.  However, when Skinner returns to find who did it, Donny takes the fall.  This act gets to Bart, who now considers Donny a friend.  However, it turns out that Donny and Skinner are working together, in hopes of Donny getting close to Bart and learning all of his schemes and plots so they can be stopped.

This plan works for awhile, as all of Bart's pranks seem to backfire on him, earning Skinner a good laugh.  A frustrated Bart, though, gets help from Groundskeeper Willie, who lets him know there's a rat in his group (but doesn't know who).  Bart rounds up his posse, which is him, Milhouse, Nelson and now Donny, and Bart fingers Milhouse to be that rat, stuffing him in a locker some ways away.  With that out of the way, Bart reveals a new scheme: to egg Skinner's house with large ostrich eggs.  A short time later, though, Bart sees that Skinner's tongue is blue; he had given Donny 'bluevines' earlier as a sign of friendship, and only those things could give a tongue that blue hue.  Bart realizes who the real rat is.

On the night of the egging, Bart and Nelson lead Donny to a shack near the school which Willie allows them access too.  Bart outs Donny as the rat, who reveals that Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers plucked Donny from an orphanage for the specific purpose of getting close to Bart.  Bart then reveals an even bigger scheme that Donny won't be able to stop: destroying Skinner's office with a combination of Mentos and Diet Coke.  However, Skinner and Chalmers are both right there, having been tipped off by another mole: Willie.  Nelson runs off, but the two capture Bart, and plan on sending him to juvenile hall.  Donny, feeling miserable for his part in this, rebels and takes the nearby Diet Coke and Mentos, and smashes them together.  Bart and Donny are able to escape the ensuing carnage, and Bart and Donny become real friends with no ulterior motives.

Quick Review
This wasn't that good of an episode.  Homer's loaner car subplot was too short for it to have any potential, and the main plot was really lacking in humor, which is a shame given the characters involved are usually good for a few laughs.

Final Score: 6.7

24 Minutes (S18, E21-399)

NON-STOP ACTION PACKED ACTION RIGHT HERE ON FOX!!!

Plot Summary
The episode is basically a full-blown spoof of 24.  You remember 24, right?

The intro sets up that Principal Skinner has created a new, high-tech facility to find and capture truants, with Lisa, Milhouse, Martin and Database as the main core of the group.  They learn that Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney have skipped school and they make efforts to bring them in.  Bart gets caught in another prank and is sent to detention.  Marge learns that the school's bake sale is less than 30 minutes away, and has to come up with something fast to sell there, and Homer is sent home from work after leaving a container of yogurt in the cafeteria fridge for way too long, leaving it full of mold and it stinks like all hell.  The rest of the episode takes place from 2:34 to 3:04 pm.

Milhouse is sent out to find the three, and trails them to the Kwik-E-Mart, where Homer has attempted to return his smelly old yogurt.  With Homer and Apu distracted, the bullies spy the pungent item and decide to take it.  Lisa communicates with Milhouse and has him spy on the bullies some more to learn what they would want with the yogurt.  However, Homer blows his cover, and the bullies put both Milhouse and Homer in a dumpster, sending them on their way.  With that loss, Lisa suggests to Skinner that they have only one other option to stop those bullies: Bart.  Bart agrees to help, with various conditions, and commandeers Skinner's car to go to Jimbo's house.  The bullies show that the yogurt is the key piece to a stink bomb they plan on releasing during the bake sale.

As Marge botches her raisin cake, burning it to a crisp in an attempt to cook it really fast, Bart approaches Jimbo's house.  However, Martin is a mole, and informs the bullies of Bart's approach, allowing them to escape.  After seeing the room where the stink bomb was made, Bart gets a crossed up call from Jack Bauer (you know, from 24!), and takes advantage of the opportunity to prank call Bauer.  The bullies infiltrate the school with Martin's help as they take the stink bomb to a ventilation room; not even Willie can stop them.  Homer arrives in the dumpster just in time for the sale, as does Marge with her abomination that could once be called a cake.

As Martin continues to hastily cover his tracks, Bart spies Nelson letting Martin go despite his flamboyancy.  Bart quickly learns that Martin is a mole, but Martin knocks him out before he can relay this to Lisa.  Bart wakes up tied up next to Willie and the stink bomb, with the bullies setting the timer for three minutes.  It turns out Martin was being blackmailed, as the bullies had stolen his ant farm (Martin later atones for what he did by giving himself a wedgie).  With the fan above him ready to spread the fumes of the bomb across the school, Bart spies a tube that carries a large quantity of used hot dog water.  In an attempt to short-circuit the fan, Skinner gives the go ahead to release that water, even though Bart and Willie will likely drown.  Bart isn't quite licked yet, and sees a small window nearby that reveals he's right next to the gymnasium where the bake sale is being held.  He makes himself noticed, but the window is bulletproof.  However, Marge uses his stone of a cake to break the glass, allowing hot dog water to seep into the gym along with Bart, Willie and the bomb.  Lisa quickly arrives to disarm it, relieved that it has a simple emergency cancel button on the top.  The day seems to be saved when suddenly Jack Bauer arrives to get his vengeance on Bart for the prank call, bringing in every agent to take him down, regardless of the price.

Quick Review
I'm going to start off by admitting that I've never seen 24, though I am vaguely aware of how it sets itself up.  So while I'm not going to say the crossover hurt the episode, because the show has already done two such episodes wonderfully), I do feel as though that some of the humor based around 24 and its themes were lost on me as this is the first time I hadn't watched a show that crossed over with The Simpsons.

I did enjoy the plot, though it isn't to say the plot was inherently funny.  The episode tries to sprinkle in some jokes while making a really serious attempt to copying 24, but in the end it makes for another subpar episode that isn't as bad as it could've been, but it wasn't that great either.

Final Score: 6.8

My Fair Laddy (S17, E12-368)

He grows his beard back rather quickly at the end.

Plot Summary
The school gets a new gym teacher whose only desire is to play "Bombardment", which is like Dodgeball but the only person doing the throwing is the teacher.  Bart becomes worn out by this and tries to get revenge by preparing a ball filled with frozen water, but Bart misses so badly it goes out the window and eventually lands in Groundskeeper Willie's shack, destroying it.  As Marge picks Bart up from his punishment of helping Willie rebuild it (poorly), she feels sorry for the Groundskeeper and decides to let Willie stay at the Simpson home for a night.  Lisa asks Willie if he's content with his mostly miserable life, and Willie confirms as much, nothing that his father never expected much of him anyway.  He even sings a song that perhaps one day he'll live adequately.  Lisa decides to make a wager with Bart that she can turn Willie into a gentleman by the upcoming Science fair.

Meanwhile, Homer's one pair of blue pants (which I had always assumed were jeans but apparently not) have become torn, and it stunned to learn that blue pants aren't being sold anywhere.  He goes straight to the company to get some, where he learns blue pants had been discontinued following a disastrous Super Bowl ad.  Homer makes an agreement where he'll advertise blue pants so that he can get a new pair.  He does so by painting an ad for blue pants on the back of his head, which creeps Marge out.  The ploy works, and blue pants become popular again.  Even though Homer has a new pair of pants, he decides to put more advertising on his body because he gets paid $100 a week for it.

Lisa's gentleman training with Willie is hardly gaining traction, but near the very end Lisa is able to get through to Willie and he's able to speak properly, look sharp and behave normally.  Lisa presents the new Willie at the Science Fair as "G.K. Willington", who fools the entire crowd with his new pleasing demeanor.  After Lisa reveals her ruse, she's given first prize for her supposed work.

With Willie no longer working at the school, Lisa gets him a job as a waiter at a high-end restaurant.  However, Willie is abused by customers and it turns out that his new life isn't actually much better than his old life, and eventually his frustration lashes out and he's returns to his old self.  Still, Willie's old shack is rebuilt and Lisa is at least glad Willie can be happy or something or I dunno.

Quick Review
This episode, which sometimes took the musical route, also decided to forgo the comedic route as well.  For an episode that finally focuses on the usually funny Willie, this episode hardly did anything of the sort.  Homer's short pants sidestory kinda got off the tracks with some kind of advertising bit, which wasn't funny either.  This is one of the show's weakest episodes.

Final Score: 4.7

The President Wore Pearls (S15, E03-316)

That suit doesn't do a good job of hiding her big butt.  Yeah, I said it.

Plot Summary
The elementary school hosts a casino night as suggested by student body president Martin Prince.  However, when Martin 'reminds' everyone that they're not playing with real money, a riot ensues leaving the room a mess.  Principal Skinner is forced to have Martin resign as president.  The next day, Lisa sees a signup sheet for student body president, and decides to enter.  However, the far more popular Nelson signs as well, and with nobody caring about the things she does it looks like she's going to lose the election to Nelson.  Just then, Lisa pulls out a song to tell everyone what she's going to do as president, and the kids rally behind it and elect Lisa as president.

The school's staff, including Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers, are worried that Lisa's current popularity combined with her always present awareness will make her rather formidable, and decide to appeal to Lisa's vanity to control her.  They calls Lisa into the teacher's lounge and, through the power of song, dress Lisa up in successful clothing and convince her that her real job as president is to look good to the student body.  They also have her unwittingly sign a form supposedly to allow her access to the study hall at any time.  The next day, Lisa along with everyone else is shocked to learn that the school has taken away art, music and gym, and that Lisa signed the form to allow it.

Disgusted at what she became, Lisa's determination is renewed, and is able to lead the students into striking.  With the police on their side, the students are determined to get their extracurriculars back.  However, Chalmers realizes that the body will fall once it loses its head, and decides to take out Lisa, by transferring her to the Springfield Magnet School for the gifted and troublesome.  Her rally at an end, Lisa is saddened, though she perks up when she arrives at her new school.  Just then, Homer arrives to take Lisa back to her old school, absolutely unwilling to drive her to this new school manually.  The episode then states the school found money to reinstate art, music and gym by cancelling flu shots and selling loose cigarettes, so it all works out.

Quick Review
This episode, which took a decidedly musical turn, ends up being better than what I was expecting.  I suppose this is because several characters, like Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie, salvage the otherwise bland plot with their usual brand of hijinks and humor.

Final Score: 7.5

Skinner's Sense of Snow (S12, E08-256)

I bet that guy's pay got cut by a couple of very valuable cents.

Plot Summary
A winter storm hits Springfield overnight, and in the morning there has been a sizable snowfall.  Everything is closed for the day... except Springfield Elementary School.  Bart and Lisa go, as do a few select other students, but most of the students as well as the entire faculty don't go as it is the final day before Christmas break.  With such a small size, Principal Skinner just spends the day showing an old movie, but by the end of the day, the continued snowfall has piled up and has essentially barricaded everyone within the school.

Homer and Ned Flanders begin a rescue operation, but Homer haphazardly runs over a fire hydrant, with water immediately freezing over the car.  Homer tries to gas pedal his way out, but something breaks and exhaust fumes enter the car, leaving the two delirious.

With the kids at school becoming unruly, Skinner recalls his army days and takes full control of the situation, silencing Nelson's rebellion attempts.  Bart still can't deal with staying in school, though, and at night attempts to tunnel out via the delivery chute.  Skinner catches him and, fearing a collapse of the tunnel, pulls Bart out and collapses the tunnel himself.  Unfortunately, the tunnel collapses on Skinner, leaving him stuck in a pile of snow, prompting Bart and the other kids to go wild.

Pulling Skinner out of the snow but immediately putting him in a dodgeball sack without Skinner being able to break free during the interim somehow, the kids continue going wild, breaking into the permanent record room as well.  With the kids distracted in there, Skinner sneaks off and puts the school hamster in a ball with a help message, and sends it off above the snow level through the window.

That hamster eventually makes its way to Homer and Ned, somehow flying into and through the windshield.  That allows the exhaust fumes to escape, and the two recover from their hallucinations.  Homer, still a bit out of it, recklessly makes his way to the school, but loses control, knocking over a silo of salt at a cracker factory.  In a stroke of lucky coincidence, the cracker factory is located right near the school, and the salt from the tipped over silo pours over the snow blocking the front door, melting it quickly.  Skinner and the kids are freed, both sides eager to forget the unpleasantness, and the Simpson and Flanders kids go home with their dads in the increasingly dilapidated car.

Quick Review
I enjoyed this episode.  The low-budget movie Skinner was showing the students was the best part of the episode, and there were several jokes that worked well throughout (though there were a few that didn't).  As a bit of a curveball as Simpsons episodes go, this episode starts off on a slow note as the circus plotline wasn't really doing much for comedy, but once the snowstorm came in the episode quickly recovered.

Final Score: 8.2

The Great Money Caper (S12, E07-255)

I think the writers have realized they don't need good endings to their wacky situations anymore.

Plot Summary
The family attends a magic show, and Bart becomes interested enough to get a magic kit.  A freak accident occurs when a sturgeon lands on the car, requiring over $6500 in repairs.  Bart tries to chip in with his improving magic act, so Homer takes him to the port to get some coin, but the two can't even earn a dollar.  Homer is so upset over Bart's failure, he drives home without the boy.  This scene occurs out in public, and various people who witnessed the child neglect take pity on Bart and give him generous amounts of cash.  Its enough for Bart to take a taxi home, which passes Homer by on the way.  Back home, Homer realizes that fake 'charity cases' could be the ticket to free money, and he and Bart team up to be con artists.

The cons go off without any hitches, and soon the two are raking in money.  Homer is able to pay for his car repairs but he decides to keep doing it because hey, why not.  Their next con is botched, though, when Flanders recognizes the con he is being conned.  Homer and Bart hide out in the treehouse where Grampa confronts them.  Grampa was the king of the con back in his day, and he's willing to help the two pull the biggest con of all: at the retirement home.

Setting up a ploy where Grampa fakes his death after 'winning' a million dollars, Homer and Bart are caught by a supposed FBI agent while Grampa flees the scene.  The agent takes the two to the police station to turn themselves in, and though the two come up with a plan to avoid jail, it turns out the agent was a con man himself, and gets away with both Homer's car and the money from the retirement home con.  Unwilling to admit the truth, Homer tells Marge later that he was carjacked, and half-asses up a description of the guy.  The next morning, police found somebody that matches the description: Groundskeeper Willie.  Homer and Bart go to Willie's trial but neither are willing to admit to the truth to save Willie.  Willie is found guilty; in desperation Willie grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and starts shooting, 'killing' Principal Skinner in the process.

Homer finally admits to what really happened with the con.  Just then, Marge admits something of her own: that Homer and Bart were still being conned!  The retirement home scheme, the arrest, the carjacking, Willie's trial, all of this had been planned by Grampa and the family to stop Homer and Bart from conning others, and everybody was in on it (except poor Willie).  Homer asks why everybody would go through such trouble to teach him and Bart a lesson, but just as Lisa begins to explain, Otto comes in to invite everyone to surf, and everybody does so, thus the show avoids the need to explain itself.

Quick Review
The episode has its moments, and there wasn't anything all that bad, besides the cop out ending, but there quantity of jokes just wasn't there.

Final Score: 7.1

Monty Can't Buy Me Love (S10, E21-224)

The heroic tale of Burns' victory shall never be known.

Plot Summary
The Simpson family, during a walk, stumble upon a grand opening of a Fortune Megastore.  The owner, Arthur Fortune, is one of those fun-loving billionaire types who is more than willing to do big deeds and throw out money to people.  Mr. Burns catches wind of this and becomes somewhat jealous of Fortune's popularity.  Wanting to bask in the spotlight, Burns decides to enlist Homer's help.

Their first idea, throwing out silver dollars to people, goes less than well.  Burns then tries to have Homer hand over a generous donation to a hospital, however the hospitals mistakes it as being Homer's donation and dedicates a wing to him instead of Burns.  He then decides to make himself known on a popular radio program, though Bart tells him to try out a program that's the equivalent of Howard Stern.  After that ploy goes predictably bad, Burns is about to give up.  Homer tells him that Fortune has done another incredible things (getting two male pandas to successfully breed).  Realizing that people love the big theatrics, Burns decides to do one more plan: capture the Loch Ness monster.

The two, alongside Groundskeeper Willie and Professor Frink (who was kidnapped), form a team to capture the beast.  After attempts to locate the beast in the related lake fail, Burns has the lake drained, revealing the beast.  After an epic battle that occurs offscreen, Burns captures the Loch Ness monster.

Back in Springfield, Burns reveals the monster to the masses.  However, as the crowd shoots off flash after flash of pictures, Burns becomes delirious, unable to handle the bright lights and fame.  He goes out of control, accidentally causing chaos and losing his newfound popularity in the process.  Afterwards, Homer helps Burns remember that it takes a lot of work to be popular, and that it isn't worth it.  Burns then finds a job in Vegas for the Loch Ness monster.

Quick Review
Another solid episode in the latter end of Season 10.  I've said this before, but its hard to mess up episodes focused on Mr. Burns, and this episode is no exception.  The Loch Ness portion of the story seems kinda out of place, but I didn't mind it too much (not as much as the Vegas ending, anyway).

Final Score: 8.2

Lard of the Dance (S10, E01-204)

No, things are not coming up Milhouse this time.

Plot Summary
Its back-to-school time, and Lisa has to deal with Milhouse's bumbling attempts to court her while gathering supplies.  Some time later, Homer learns from Apu that people are willing to buy used grease, leaving him to conjure up a new get quick rich scheme, even pulling Bart out of school to help him achieve it.  Homer tries to sell some used bacon fat, but doesn't even get a dollar from it.  He sees tankers come in loaded with grease, and decides to expand his operations.

As school starts, Lisa is asked by Principal Skinner to show a new student around.  The young girl, Alex Whitney, acts very 'grown up' for her age, whatever that means.  Well, for this episode I guess it means she cares about fashion, make up and dating, and carries around a cell phone, a notable occurrence for the time.  Alex quickly gains favor among Lisa's friends, who are awed by Alex's preferences, though Lisa finds it difficult to fit in.  An apple picking event is drawing near, but Alex and friends are able to convince Skinner and Lisa (in charge of such things), to hold a dance instead.  Lisa agrees to do it albeit reluctantly.  When pressed to find a date for the dance, Lisa starts resisting pretty hard, forcing Alex and her friends to leave her in the dust.  Now trying to fit in, Lisa tries to find a date, but everyone already has one... even Milhouse!  She angrily scolds Milhouse, but realizes what she's become and quickly takes her leave.

Homer's grease-grabbing efforts hit a snag as some other grease (and shovel) goons muscle Homer out of the business.  Dispirited and almost willing to try out Marge's crazy emu farm idea, Bart convinces Homer to try out one last sting: the kitchen at the Elementary school, which has never been emptied.  It just so happens that the two try the heist the same night as the dance.

Lisa is "convinced" by Marge to go to the dance, though she remains outside to stamp people in.  Skinner is forced to leave the dance for a silly reason, forcing Lisa to go in.  When she does, she enters an awkward scene when all the boys are on one side of the dance and the girls on the other.  Alex is flabbergasted that a bunch of kids are acting like kids, though when Lisa tries to show Alex that one should act like a kid while they still have a chance, Alex chooses not to listen.

Meanwhile, Homer and Bart sneak into the school to grab the grease, however Groundskeeper Willie finds the two in the middle of the heist and tries to stop them.  He and Homer get into a fight inside the air ducts, with Willie using the grease tube to choke Homer, but the tube starts to expand and eventually explode, causing loads of grease to pour through the ducts.  Much of it makes its way into the dance, and the kids eventually decides to have a greaseball fight, which Lisa is able to draw Alex into.

Quick Review
This is a fairly strong season opener, though most of the laughs come from Homer's grease adventures.  The main plot really didn't have too much going for it, though Skinner's antics made it funnier than a plot about girls being girls probably should've been.

Final Score: 8.9

Girly Edition (S09, E21-199)

Lisa and Mojo, enjoying themselves for one reason or another.

Plot Summary
Under pressure to provide educational programming, a TV network decides to create a news program made by kids, for kids.  Lisa is given charge of the assignment.  Meanwhile, Bart's skateboarding antics draw the ire of Groundskeeper Willie, who confiscates Bart's board.  Getting some kind of vengeance, Bart grabs a tube that's spilling out creamed corn and tosses it into the furnace of Willie's shack.  It eventually overflows, causing Willie's shack to blow apart.  As Bart retrieves his skateboard, Willie knows it was Bart who caused the loss of his home and that Willie will get his revenge sooner or later.  A short time later, Bart has Marge press Lisa into having him join Lisa's news cast.

The show, "Kidz Newz", starts off with a yawn as Lisa unenthusiastically bores about some kind of library thing.  Bart, given Sports, is much livelier than Lisa, and after just the first broadcast a network executive makes Bart a co-anchor.  Later, Lisa protests the decision to the executive, noting that Bart is "kinda dumb", something Bart overhears.  Looking to prove himself, Bart visits Kent Brockman for advice.  Both sharing a common interest - showing up their sisters in the news business - Kent reveals a big secret to his success: human interest stories, tales that grip the human heart and soften the mind.  Bart learns these secrets well, and on the next telecast he starts his newest piece: Bart's People, which becomes an instant hit much to Lisa's dismay.

In the subplot, Homer notices that Apu has acquired a helper monkey after a robbery left him less than intact.  Intrigued, Homer goes to buy one, literally using Grampa as an excuse of getting a helper monkey.  Marge can't stand the monkey - Mojo - being in the house, and for a short time the monkey does help Homer out.  However, Homer's lazy, fatass demeanor quickly grows on Mojo, and soon its as lazy and fat as Homer is.  Marge demands Homer send it back so it can be helped, and Homer eventually does, though he makes a run for it before anybody can see it was him that left Mojo there.

Meanwhile, Lisa tries to do human interest stories of her own, but they aren't working so well (mostly because of a crazy cat lady, whose first appearance is this episode).  After Marge blurts out that Kidz Newz is Bart's show, Lisa has had enough, and sets up a plan to out Bart as a fraud.  She gives him a letter from a supposed viewer saying he lives at the garbage dump now.  Bart sees the opportunity, and decides to have Bart's People air live at the dump.  However, upon getting there, it turns out that person is Willie, still mad at Bart over the corn thing, and angrily begins an assault on Bart.  Lisa regrets what she's done and hastily goes over to the dump to stop Willie, doing so by quickly drumming up an interest story about Bart being the 'son' of today's culture.  Willie is touched by it, and leaves in tears.  Bart and Lisa renew their respects for one another, and agree that if they work together, Kidz Newz will be unstoppable.  However, Kidz Newz is quickly cancelled instead, having been replaced by some kind of advertisement cartoon.

Quick Review
Another solid entry for Season 9, I enjoyed the main plot somewhat, mostly around Bart's various antics, but Homer's sidestory with the monkey really took my laughs this time.  Its just a silly sidestory, and it has nothing to do with the main story, but the plight of poor Mojo really gave me a good time, and helped boosted this episode's score to what it is.

Final Score: 8.6

The Joy of Sect (S09, E13-191)

Just how did Lenny avoid Movementarian conversion, anyway?  His love for Special K?

Plot Summary
Homer and Bart go to the airport to 'welcome' back the football team from the championship game (which they lost).  While there, Homer brushes off most of the religious nuts, save one: the Movementarians, who are offering a free weekend to their complex (where no beer is allowed, though Homer doesn't learn that until later).  Homer takes them up on it because, hey, its a free weekend.

The Movementarians are, of course, a cult that worships an all-mighty "Leader" who promises to take his followers to a planet called "Blisstopia".  During the weekend, the members of the cult stop at nothing to brainwash and weaken everyone that attends, but Homer unwittingly avoids falling prey to their tactics for most of the weekend.  Just as Homer seems to of avoided the trap, one member recalls Homer singing the 60s Batman theme, and uses it as a chant for the Leader.  Homer catches onto the tune, declaring his love for the Leader in the process.

Homer is now brainwashed and signs himself and his family over to the cult in change for his house and money.  He's not the only one: nearly everybody else in town is brainwashed and does the same.  Seems like only Reverend Lovejoy, the Flanders family, Mr. Burns and associates and Lenny escape the Movementarian march, even the media is bought out by the cult.  Bart attempts to try his array of pranks at the complex, but is immediately brainwashed.  Lisa tries to revolt, but she too falls when the prospect of getting good grades overwhelms her.  Even Maggie gets brainwashed fairly easily.  Marge is the last member of the family still herself, and upon realizing this, makes an escape from the compound.

She meets up with Lovejoy and tells him what's going on.  Nearby, Groundskeeper Willie promises to kidnap and deprogram Homer and the kids.  They drive back to the compound in a car like the one the Leader supposedly is driven around in, and tricks the family into the car.  They take them over to Flanders' house for deprogramming.  Marge is able to 'fix' the kids quickly enough, but when Willie tries to help Homer, Homer's descriptions of the Leader only brainwash Willie.  Ned offers some beer to Homer, who hasn't actually had any since the brainwashing.  Just as a drop touches Homer's tongue, a group of lawyers representing the Movementarians barge in and claim Homer, who says he wants to go back.

Back as the complex, Homer is greeted by his fellow brainwashed, but he reveals that the beer reawakened him, and plans to reveals the Leader as a fraud.  However, Homer uncovers what seems to be a large spaceship, with a booming voice declaring humanity doomed.  It tries to float away, but breaks apart, revealing the "Leader" on a flying contraption that goes down from all the money its carrying.  Marge is happy the family is free from brainwashing, but that doesn't last long after a night of FOX programming.

Quick Review
I enjoyed this episode quite a lot.  The town's quick conversion to Movementarianism, Homer's initial resistance to such, Burns' attempt at creating a cult for tax-exempt purposes, and Marge's attempts to 'cure' her family near the end all make up some of the better moments of the episode.

Final Score: 9.5

Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (S07, E01-129)

"Yeah, that's what they all say.  They all say 'd'oh'."

Plot Summary
Recalling what happened in Part One, there are several suspects for the shooting of Mr. Burns, currently in a coma.  The one with the highest level of suspicion?  Waylon Smithers, who as the episode begins is a complete wreck, his mouth full of cigarettes and watching Comedy Central of all things.  Trying to recall what happened around the time Burns was shot, he recalls pulling out a gun and shooting an unclear victim.  Smithers believes from this that he shot Burns, and soon confesses as much to the police.  However, as Smithers appears on TV after being indicted, he quotes a line from Pardon My Zinger, a program on Comedy Central back in the 90s I guess.  Watching this interview, Sideshow Mel notices the coincedence, and recalls that Smithers wouldn't miss that program, noting it odd that anyone would watch Comedy Central to begin with.  Further noting that Burns was shot after the program began, he quickly surmises that Smithers could not of shot Burns as Smithers had already returned to watch that program.  He quickly goes to the police station to inform them of this and Smithers then recalls that he did try to leave early, but still remembers shooting an old man: one by the name of Jasper, but no report of a second shooting was made.  The police look into this and find that Jasper was indeed shot - but in his wooden leg.  Smithers is relieved that he didn't kill anybody, and the investigation continues.

At the Simpsons place, as the family ponders how everyone in the family (except Marge I guess) could be the shooter, Lisa decides to get involved with the investigation.  Around this time, Grampa reveals that he dug up his gun from the yard, placing an awful lot of suspicion on him at the moment.  Meanwhile, as the police retrieve the bullet Burns was shot with and begin to determine motive, Lisa comes along with four possible suspects with motives: Moe and Barney who both lost Moe's bar, as well as Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie who suffered big when Burns practically stole their oil.  The police also include Tito Puente who would have similar motive to Willie at least, much to Lisa's dismay, and its Tito Puente they first investigate.  After seeing that Puente's "revenge" was an angry mambo, the police clear him.  Skinner reveals that while he was planning on engaging Burns, a failed attempt at camoflauge delayed him and the shot occured while he (and Superintendant Chalmers) were in the bathroom.  Willie reveals that he couldn't of pulled the trigger as his crippling arthritis (from "Space Invaders") prevents him from handling a firearm.  Moe is also off the hook when a lie detector test clears him as well.

With just one lead left, Chief Wiggum falls asleep where a peculiar dream tells him to check the suit Burns got shot in.  Sure enough, in the suit there lays a single eyelash, and a DNA test will allow them to learn the genetic lineage of the eyelash: Simpson.  Just then, Burns wake up from the coma and blurts out "Homer Simpson", prompting the police to act.  They arrive at the Simpsons house and find a gun in Homer's car with his fingerprints on it (not the same gun Grampa has), which matches the bullet found in Burns.  Having everything they need, Wiggum arrests Homer for the attempted murder of Mr. Burns.

A fast food trip gone wrong allows Homer to escape custody, prompting a renewed Smithers to offer a reward for Homer dead or alive, while at the same time Lisa isn't convinced Homer did it, saying Homer's fingerprints could've gotten on the gun some other way (perhaps by accident), and that the eyelash could belong to any of the Simpsons.  Seeking one last desperate clue, Lisa visits the crime scene and looks at the sundial where Burns collapsed.  Seeing how his arms landed, Lisa realizes what happened.  Just then, its learned that Homer is at the hospital Burns is in.  As it turns out, "Homer Simpson" is all the tramatized Burns can say at the moment, and as Homer confronts Burns, he starts shaking him in an attempt to get Burns to stop naming him the murderer.  The attack snaps Burns out of it and he regains his ability to talk just as everyone arrives.  There, Burns reveals that Homer did not shoot him, and points out the real shooter in the crowd: Maggie Simpson!

As Burns explains, after the town meeting, he decides to celebrate, and sees Maggie alone in the car with the dog holding a lollipop (Marge having left to look for everyone else, who were unaccounted for).  Remembering the phrase "as easy as taking candy from a baby" from Part One, he decides to try it out now, but Maggie's grip is super strong (as Burns probably should've remembered).  Just then, the gun Burns had equipped himself with falls out of his holster, and lands on Maggie's lap.  A shot is fired, and Burns is hit.  The gun then falls under the seat.  As nobody outside of maybe Texas would convict a baby, the case is settled and everything seems to of returned to status quo rather quickly.

Quick Review
Despite how ludicrously plausible that ending was, this ended up being a strong conclusion and an excellent start to the new season.  The progress of Wiggum's incompetent yet efficient investigation was full of great laughs, the bit with Smithers worked well enough, and though the ending was a little weak the episode was still very excellent.

Final Score: 9.7

Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (S06, E25-128)

Who would want to shoot such a cheeful face like that?

Plot Summary
After the holiday break, Principal Skinner finds one of the classroom's pet hamster dead, and requests that Groundskeeper Willie bury him.  Willie decides to bury "Superdude" in the basement, and upon doing so reveals an oil well.  The news travels fast, and Mr. Burns learns about it.  Unwilling to allow anybody else to have their hands on such financial security, he goes to trick Skinner into giving it to him, but when that doesn't pan out he just decides to tap the well himself.

Meanwhile, the school plans ahead and decides to increase its budget in preparation for the oil income, the music program is expanded under Lisa's suggestion to include Tito Puente, and Willie was gonna get himself a new crystal bucket, too.  However, the oil rig fails to produce, and then Burns is successful in building a slanted rig that pumps the oil first.  With no oil, plus costs to build, operate and then destroy the school's oil rig, Skinner is forced to make multiple cuts, including music and maintenance.  When the slanted rig shot off oil, it hit Bart's treehouse directly, destroying it and leaving Santa's Little Helper's hind legs broken.  The fumes from the rig also forces the nearby Moe's to close down, much to the anger of both Moe and Barney, and the oil well causes a sinkhole below the retirement home, forcing its residents to abandon it until it can be fixed.

As this is happening, Homer becomes increasingly frustrated that Burns can never remember his name.  On Marge's suggestion, he sends Burns a box of candy with a photo of him and his family.  Burns and Smithers remember each face they see in the box, but neither are willing to eat the last piece - a sour quince log - which still covers Homer's face.  Burns sends a thank you note to Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie, which sends Homer into a fury when he finally realizes his name wasn't included.  He tries to spray paint his name in Burns' office, but when Burns still doesn't know who he is, Homer attacks him in a vain attempt to get him to learn, saying Burns is "dead" when being dragged off by the guards.

Despite having crippled the school and closing down the tavern and the retirement home, Burns still isn't satisfied, as he knows that for most of the day people in town get free energy and light from the sun.  He reveals to Smithers, who wasn't particularly fond of the oil-stealing plan, his next plan which involves blocking out the sun, forcing Springfield to use Burns' electricity 24 hours a day.  Smithers refuses to go along with this fiendish plot, and as a result Burns fires him on the spot.

The town has a meeting to discuss Burns' plot, where many people are stroking guns.  As people tell their sob stories, Burns makes an appearance.  Before Bart can advance on him, Burns reveals he's carrying a gun after an attack from an "unidentified assailant".  Burns enacts his plan, and quickly the sun is blocked off.  The town becoming all the more frustrated, Burns scuttles off happy as a fly now that he has complete control of the town's energy.

As an odd series of occurrences are revealed, including Smithers leaving his coat behind, Skinner leaving his mother behind, a gun that Grampa brought to the Simpsons home that Marge buried only for it to be dug up, and no Simpson other than Marge or Maggie to be found.  Off screen, Burns gets into a struggle with an unknown person, and is soon shot thereafter.  He struggles to the sundial in front of town hall, his arms landing on "W" and "S", and the town gathers around to see the victim.  Marge realizes that this mystery may never be solved, and that everyone in town is a suspect.  The episode ends with Dr. Hibbert saying he couldn't solve this mystery only to wonder if YOU (by which he means Chief Wiggum) can solve it.

Quick Review
This episode is part of what is still the only real two-parter in the series (that whole "Nedna" nonsense a couple of years back never had an actual Part 2, just a mention in the next season's premier).  What's more, its an episode shrouded in mystery.  Clues are everywhere, there are shots to people which makes you suspect them even if just a little, and like 20 people are given motives to go and shoot Mr. Burns.  Its a mystery that was set up as a contest as well, where people could call in at one point in the summer between each part and guess who pulled the trigger, which nobody was able to guess correctly given the absurdity of the correct answer.

Its the shining moment that perhaps defines the quality of these early, "golden" years of the series, that takes everything people have come to know and love about these characters over six years and really makes them really think if any of them had the guts to shoot that fiendish old man.

As a lot of the episode was spent placing clues and setting up suspects, the quantity of jokes were lesser than they had been for many of the episodes for Season 6.  Even so, there's no question this episode along with its conclusion are some of the most well known and beloved episodes of these early season.  I-it just wasn't as funny.

Also, just to note, the list of suspects this episode set up:
Principal Skinner: Burns stole the oil that was under his school, essentially stealing financial security
Groundskeeper Willie: Lost his job because of the oil incident, because the school had to make cuts.
Mr. Largo (that music teacher): Same as Willie
Tito Puente: The oil incident robbed the school of Tito Puente
Homer Simpson: Burns can never remember his name, missing during the shooting
Bart Simpson: The slanted rig crippled his dog and destroyed his treehouse, missing during the shooting
Lisa Simpson: The oil incident robbed the school of music, missing during the shooting
Abraham Simpson: The slanted rig caused a sinkhole over his retirement home, he and his gun are also missing during the shooting
Moe Szyslak: The slanted rig forces his bar to close.
Barney Gumble: The slanted rig forced Moe to close the bar.
Waylon Smithers: Fired after trying to tell Burns that the latter's plan were diabolical, became a drunk.

I think that's most of them.  And then Part Two concludes in such a silly way.

Final Score: 8.7

Homer Badman (S06, E09-112)

"No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me!
Get back, get back!  M-Mr. Simpson, nooooooooooooooooo!"
Dramatization: May not have happened

Plot Summary
Homer 'earns' two tickets to a candy convention and opts to bring Marge along, as she is the most capable of the rest of the family to store and hide loads and loads of candy; they hire a feminist graduate student, Ashley Grant, as a babysitter and off they go.  At the convention, Homer stuff tons of candy into an oversized trenchcoat featuring multiple huge pockets he had Marge wear.  Eventually, in the gummy section he spies a special piece of gummy carved to look like a miniature Venus de Milo.  Homer attempts to steal the candy, using a combination of soda and pop rocks as a bomb to ensure his and Marge's escape.  That night, though, Homer misplaces the Venus, but has to take the babysitter home in the meantime.  Ashley is disgusted by Homer's demeanor and demands he just drop her off wherever.  There, he sees the gummy Venus stuck right on Ashley's ass.  Homer pries it off but Ashley, unaware of any gummy, mistakes the act as Homer "making a move" as it were, and runs off screaming.  Homer, having enjoyed his sacred gummy, is content.

The next morning, though, the house is met with an angry mob.  Believing it to be the candy conventioneers, Homer is instead stunned to learn its a protest group led by Grant who accuses Homer of sexual harassment.  Though the family believes Homer when he tells them he was just grabbing the gummy, the attempt to tell this story to Grant and friends falls on deaf ears.  The protesters won't give up and continuously hound Homer throughout each day.  At one point, Homer receives a call from "Godfrey Jones" at a show called Rock Bottom willing to show Homer's side of the story.  Homer agrees to do the show, but the show warps Homer's story to make him seem like the pervert the grad students believe he is.  Now, Homer's got national media attention going against him, with every show making a theme or story around Homer's supposed act.  Even the kids are starting to hesitate around Homer with how much Homer-bashing TV is doing.

Lisa gets the idea to use public access television to get Homer's story across.  However, it is met with little fanfare, but one such viewer, Groundskeeper Willie, decides to help out.  Willie, like all Scotsmen apparently, enjoy taking amateur videos out at night, often of couples in cars.  Willie just happened to catch Homer and Ashley on tape, which clearly shows Homer grabbing the gummy, not any ass.  The family shows this to the grad students including Ashley, and all is forgiven, I guess.  You'd think Homer would've learned a lesson about trusting TV, but another Rock Bottom report about Willie being a "Rowdy Roddy Peeper" gets Homer against his savior as well.

Quick Review
As an aside, this episode has the first use of my favorite coach gag: the one where the couch and everything continuously goes backward and the Simpsons chase it indefinitely.  I always found it hilarious despite how simple it is.

Anyway, this episode could've gone wrong at a few different moments, and probably would have with a different creative staff.  However, keeping the focus on corrupted media and Homer's struggles really keeps Homer Badman together, so much so that it is one of the best episodes of the season.  Homer's "live under the sea" escape scenario, Willie, the candy convention and the makeshift bomb, there was so much that worked well in this episode there was hardly anything that could slow it down.

Final Score: 10

Bart's Girlfriend (S06, E07-110)

"YA USED ME SKINNER, YA UUUUUUSED MEEEEE!!!"

Plot Summary
After being rounded up for church, Bart becomes greatly infatuated with Jessica Lovejoy, the young daughter of the Reverend just back from boarding school.  Bart tries to play the 'good boy' routine to try and appeal to her, but Jessica visually ignores him.  Bart eventually gives up and decides to air out his frustrations by pulling a prank.  Noticing Groundskeeper Willie celebrating "Scotchtoberfest" wearing tradition Scotsman wear including a kilt, Bart pulls up Willie's kilt, revealing his privates to the crowd.  Though Bart revels in a job well done, it turns out to be a setup by Skinner: there is no actual Scotchtoberfest (much to Willie's anger), and Bart gets three months of detention.  Jessica sees this happen and, perhaps out of pity, invites Bart over for dinner.

At that dinner, Bart's anecdotes about FOX programming do not sit well with the Lovejoy household, and he is thusly forbidden by the Reverend from seeing his daughter.  Waiting outside for him, though, is Jessica, who admits she likes bad boys, and the two hit it off, forcing the relationship to be secret given her parents' disapproval.  Soon, the relationship takes its toll on Bart, as Jessica proves to be an even bigger troublemaker than Bart ever was, which is too much for Bart to handle.  Bart decides to break off from Jessica at church, and though she admits she goes too far at times, she then steals the money from the church collection plate insisting she needs it for a new start.  Leaving Bart with the empty plate, Jessica leaves as Bart is the one blamed for the lost money.

Now hated across town for his supposed misdeed, Bart doesn't reveal who actually took the money.  Bart tries to confront Jessica over it, but Jessica would still rather have Bart take the fall, under the probably correct premise that nobody will take Bart's word over the Reverend's daughter.  At this point Lisa decides to step in and on the following Sunday is able to convince churchgoers that Jessica took the money, urging the mass to look in her room for the money.  Jessica's cry for attention goes ignored by the Reverend, and Bart is forgiven for the deed he never committed.  Bart visits Jessica again as she is cleaning the church steps as punishment, as showing that neither have learned their lesson, Jessica convinces Bart to finish her job as she runs off with another boy, though Bart gets a good laugh over the mess the boy is getting himself into, as well as the subpar job he'll be giving the steps he's cleaning.

Quick Review
Bart's Girlfriend was a solid episode, it had a nice premise but it didn't have the quantity of quality of jokes to make it one of the season's best.  In just two appearances, Willie sort of steals the show with his Scotchtoberfest act as well as his attempts to "save the wee turtles" after Jessica pulls the fire alarm, those were both great moments in the episode.  Jessica, voiced by Meryl Streep, was a wonderful one-time character as well.

Final Score: 8.6

Treehouse of Horror V (S06, E06-109)

"This is, indeed, a disturbing universe."

Plot Summary
The annual holiday tradition is back, with a few minor changes.  No more tombstones, with this year being the last year of that.  No more segways between stories, the only things between the three now are commercial breaks.  Also, these three stories are more graphic and bloody than your average Treehouse of Horror, but luckily its still as funny as the best.

The Shinning
An obvious parody of The Shining (but lets keep that on the down low, lest we wish to be sued), Homer and the family head to a winter mansion owned by Mr. Burns to maintain it during the cold months.  An odd, haunted mansion, Burns only complicates matters by cutting off TV and beer from the house and its residents, a move intended to keep them honest towards work but, as Smithers suggests, has driven previous tenants insane and murderous in the past.  Regardless, Burns only states that he'll owe Smithers a Coke if it happens again and the two make their departure.  Meanwhile, Bart messes up the hedge garden with Groundskeeper Willie nearby, and Willie soon realizes Bart has the "shinning", an ability to contact Willie telepathically.  Willie informs Bart of this and tells him to contact Willie in the inevitable case of Homer going on a murderous rampage.

Upon learning about the lack of TV and beer, Homer quickly goes mad.  At the bar, a ghost of Moe appears, telling Homer he'll only serve alcohol after Homer kills his family.  Homer scribbles "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" all over the walls in one room, and his tries to go after Marge, knocking himself out after looking at himself in a mirror and falling down stairs.  Marge puts him in a food locker, but Moe and the other ghouls get him out (after prying him away from the food there).  Grabbing an axe, Homer makes a more honest attempt at murder, prompting Bart to "shin" Willie over.  Willie runs from his shack during a snowstorm, dropping his portable TV along the way, but as soon as he arrives, Homer hits him in the back with an axe, killing him.  The family makes their way outside in the storm to escape Homer, when Lisa finds the TV and displays it to Homer.  Homer's urge to kill eventually fades, and the family gets back together to watch TV out in the frozen snow.  Then they freeze over and find themselves unable to change the channel when the Tony Awards come on.  True terror.
Individual Score: +1.5

Time and Punishment
After getting his hand stuck in the toaster - twice - Homer has to repair it.  Somehow, he fits the toaster with all sorts of weird gadgetry, and upon testing it out, Homer is sent back to pre-historic times.  Recalling now-vital advice from his father, who informed him to not touch anything on trips to the past, Homer still accidentally kills a bug.  Upon his return to the present (which happens when the toast is done), Homer finds out in horror that the world is now completely ruled by Ned Flanders, who forces obedience via lobotomies and "re-Neducation".  Homer is barely able to escape this world by returning to the past.  This time, Homer is forced to escape from a T-Rex, but falls onto a walking fish, killing it.  The new present has Bart and Lisa as giants, opening up the house to kill Homer, who they mistake as a bug.

A third return to the past really messes things up for Homer, as he sneezes on the T-Rex, causing it to die while spreading the cold all over the place, essentially killing the dinosaurs.  On the return trip this time, everything seems better than expected: the family and the house are extra classy, they own a top of the line car, and Patty and Selma are dead.  However, upon asking Marge for a donut only to learn she doesn't know what that is, Homer can't deal with that and goes back in time again, just as it starts to rain donuts.  Willie pops in the next time around offering to help, but is hit in the back with an axe by Maggie, who sounds disturbingly like James Earl Jones.

Angry and with nothing to lose, Homer's subsequent trips have his roughing up anything and everything in the past to return his former present.  Eventually he thinks he's done it, but there's just one glaring difference in this world: people have lizard tongues with which they eat.  Homer no longer cares.
Individual Score: +1.7

Nightmare Cafeteria
With detention rooms overstuffed and the low budget reducing lunches to Grade F meat, Principal Skinner has a big set of problems.  However, when a pot of some kind of sauce falls on Jimbo, Skinner takes a taste and likes what he finds.  Soon he lures Jimbo into a trap, and serves his remains as a burger to the faculty, who do not care and even like how the burgers came to be.

Soon, nearly every kid in school is going to detention for flimsy reasons so that Skinner and the staff can eat them.  Bart and Lisa try to get their mother to help, but she insists they solve the problem on their own.  With nearly every kid in detention, Bart, Lisa and Milhouse try to make their escape, but are caught by Lunch Lady Doris and are forced to flee.  Again, Willie tries to help, and again Willie is hit in the back by an axe, by Skinner this time.  The kids are cornered above a giant blender and are ultimately forced to fall into their liquefied fates.

Turns out, though, Bart was just having a nightmare, and Marge reassures him that he's safe... except for that fog that turns people inside out, which happens to seep into the Simpsons house.  Now with everyone inside out, they've got nothing better to do but to sing their way to the episode's conclusion.
Individual Score: +1.1

Quick Review
This is one of the best Treehouse of Horrors in the series, with all three parts bringing some good humor and horror to the table.  The joke about Willie getting axed in every segment was brilliant, and James Earl Jones' cameo was well done too.  An excellent episode from top to bottom.

Final Score: 10

Radio Bart (S03, E13-048)

"We're sending our love down the well~" Krusty: "ALL THE WAY DOWN"

Plot Summary
Just 12 episodes after Lisa's birthday, now its time for Bart's birthday, and Homer gets the great idea (from TV of course) to buy Bart a microphone capable of transmitting itself onto AM radios.  On his birthday, Bart finds himself unimpressed with his gifts, including a label maker from Patty and Selma, as well as Homer's gift.  Marge eventually convinces him to give it a try, and in typical Bart fashion, he does find a good use for it: playing pranks.

Whether its tricking Homer that aliens have arrived, tricking Marge into thinking Maggie spoke, using it to spy on Lisa's girl talk with her friends, or making Rod and Todd believe God is on the radio, Bart is having a grand time with his microphone.  He eventually pulls off a grand prank by sneaking a portable radio down a deep well and convincing, well, just Willie at first, that a boy was trapped down the well.  Soon, the town picks up on it, and suddenly there's a huge craze over the boy trapped in the well.  Bart tells the tale of Timmy O'Toole, an orphan whose leg is caught down the well.  It captures the hearts of the town.  However, one day the dog grabs onto the microphone while its active, making people believe Timmy has rabies is or going feral or something.  Lisa catches wind of this and not just chastise Bart over his prank, but also reminds him that he left a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on the radio and when its finally recovered, they'll know who to come after.

Soon, Bart goes on a mission to retrieve the radio, but patrolling cops see a rope tied to a trunk and casually toss it into the well alongside Bart.  When Bart pleads with the cops, revealing the truth in the process, the town quickly and without hesitation turn their backs on the prankster.  The mayor calls off the rescue amidst political pressure.  The #1 song "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well" plummets to #97, and the media moves on to the next big story: a squirrel that looks like Abraham Lincoln (but was later assassinated).

With no help coming, Bart begins to break down.  Homer can't stand it anymore, grabs a shovel and starts digging near the well.  Willie, lamenting his inability to think of digging earlier, joins in, then suddenly the whole town gets wrapped up in a good ol' fashioned hole diggin'.  Eventually Bart is saved, and a simple "CAUTION WELL" sign is placed near the well to prevent anyone from falling in it ever again.

Quick Review
This was a fun episode, one that sees Bart get his for his big prank but still be saved by his father and a town that loves its digging.

Final Score: 8.9

Principal Charming (S02, E14-027)

Homer Sexuals don't like women, you see.

Plot Summary
Upset that a co-worker she might've had a chance with is instead marrying a different woman, Selma asks Marge to find her a man.  Marge later relays the request to Homer, who reluctantly agrees to do so.  The next day, Homer looks around work trying to find suitable candidates, Terminator-style, but whether that person is too handsome, a jerk, not a man or just a sign, Homer is unable to find anyone.

Meanwhile, Bart gets his hands on some sodium tetrasulfate, which he learns kills grass, and uses it to print a large "BART" on the grass.  After getting in trouble from Principal Skinner, Bart is forced to call Homer.  While not looking forward to hearing what Bart did now, Homer takes a moment to 'analyze' Skinner and determines he'll work out and invites him to dinner.

That night, Selma gets butterflies and finds herself unable to approach Skinner.  Ultimately, its Patty that Skinner sets his eyes on first, and immediately falls in love with her.  He takes no time to invite her to a date, which Selma forces her to agree to on the grounds that at least one of them has a chance to not be lonely.  The night turns out terribly, though Skinner's stern demeanor towards former students who've washed up impresses Patty.  She invites Skinner to further meetups.  Meanwhile, high on love, Skinner lets the school fall into anarchy, particularly letting Bart roam free and unpunished as he goes to the boy for help with Patty.

It comes to a head when Selma learns that Skinner is going to propose to Patty.  Feeling desperate, Selma agrees to go on a date with Homer's next candidate for a date: the ever-lovable Barney Gumble.  Seeing this, Patty is troubled, even more so when Skinner proposes to her (using the same trick Bart did with the sodium tetrasulfate) in the school's bell tower which magically appears for this episodes and magically disappears thereafter.  Patty rejects, however, as because she and Selma are twins, they share a close bond that no marriage could ever be able to break (never mind that Selma marries several times in later episodes).  Skinner understands, and the two agree to break up.

While Patty and Selma reconcile (allowing Selma to hastily end her "date" with Barney), Skinner realizes what has become of the school during the time he was distracted.  He vows to get the school back under his control, and does so the next day by finally punishing Bart by having him re-sow the entire field.

Quick Review
Principal Charming is the first of what turns out to be many episodes chronicling Selma Bouvier's attempts to avoid loneliness.  Unlike other episodes later on, this episodes does not have Selma hooking up with whoever will have her, instead its her sister Patty that gets into a relationship.  Even still, it establishes a character trait of Selma's that will be revisited time and time... and time again.

The episode introduces Groundskeeper Willy, the irritable Scotsman who is the school's custodian and, well, groundskeeper.  It also introduces, briefly, the ever blind and feeble Hans Moleman.  That little bit of history out of the way, the episode itself was solid, a few unenjoyable moments here and there but there were some good parts as well.  The entire sequence where Homer searches for a man Terminator-style was the best part of the episode, but the laughs slow down a bit as the focus shifts to the twins again.  Its a good episode though not one of Season 2's best.

Final Score: 7.7