How the Test Was Won (S20, E11-431)

Skinner is likely thinking "this is still not worse than Vietnam... right?"

Plot Summary
Its the first day of school, and the kids have varying levels of excitement for it.  However, Principal Skinner informs the kids that they'll be taking federally-mandated aptitude tests in a couple of weeks, and the students' performance will affect funding.  As a result, everyone in school goes through a two week course of test preparation, including learning answer patterns.  The day of the test arrives, and both Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers are there to inform Bart that he got a perfect score on a practice test, and as a result gets to skip the real test and have a pizza party elsewhere.  Bart is thrilled, but soon finds out that it was a ruse; the bus with the other 'top scores' includes only Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney, Nelson and Ralph.  It turns out that Skinner and Chalmers are pushing aside the kids who would provide low test scores and the school can't afford any screw ups.  Chalmers agrees, and tricks Skinner onto the bus as well as it goes off.

In a side story, Homer is tasked by Marge to pay the insurance bill, which has come in handy for Homer's various accidents.  However, Homer forgets, and soon two weeks have passed (the same two weeks as earlier), and Homer finally realizes what's happened.  He sends the bill directly to the office, but reads a sign stating nobody will be back until 3 PM, and makes it a mission to avoid getting hurt.  Upon carefully returning home, Homer also realizes that nobody else can get hurt on his property or he'll be liable.  Worse yet, Marge is hosting a book club, whose patrons are walking a fine line of danger.  Homer is able to keep everyone there safe, but accidentally throws out a small knife that hits someone outside.  It's Mr. Burns, but luckily for Homer it was 3:01 when Burns was hit, so insurance will have it covered (probably).

Skinner, despite having been betrayed by Chalmers, still follows the mission of taking the boys to Capital City for the day.  However, Skinner takes the boys for a bathroom break, and upon returning is stunned to find the bus scrapped for parts.  The group now travels Capital City on foot, but Skinner loses track of Ralph, who somehow winds up on a trash barge.  Skinner tries to warn a nearby crane operator, but accidentally knocks him out instead, causing the container the guy was lifting to bust open and spill out pianos, right in the path of Ralph and the barge.  Skinner busts into action and jumps on top of the container, and runs around it, using the principle of conservation of angular motion to move the container away from the barge.  The boys are impressed that Skinner has actually applied knowledge to save Ralph, and the group rides the barge back to Springfield.

Throughout all of this, Chalmers has handled the test day rather poorly, giving everyone test anxiety (except Milhouse apparently).  Worse yet, Lisa has completely fallen apart, finding herself unable to answer a single question, and is ready to lament the failure that will be the rest of her life.  However, Skinner busts in just in time with the boys, and puts a halt to the test, realizing that real knowledge is acquired not in school, but on the streets.  Lisa is saved, I guess, and to celebrate the occasion, Skinner abolishes his ban on dancing.

Quick Review
This episode starts off slow and ends on a worthless note with the dancing.  The portions inbetween were alright, particularly Homer when he isn't insured, but it isn't enough to save the episode.

Final Score: 6.6

E Pluribus Wiggum (S19, E10-410)

"Mr. Lincoln, why did they make this awful episode?"  He did not actually say.

Plot Summary
Homer is set to start another diet, but before it begins Homer goes on a binge through Fast Food Boulevard.  He sees a public trash can nearby and decides to dump out his food garbage so Marge doesn't find out.  While he's there, he figures he'll clean out the rest of his car as well.  He throws in a leaky car battery and a still-lit match after lighting a cigar.  As he drives off, that combination of trash ignites a gas main below, and the entire boulevard explodes.  At a later town meeting, with everyone mourning the loss of the road, Homer convinces everyone they can rebuild, and Mayor Quimby decides to put a bond issue on it, to be voted on during their Presidential primary election.  However, that isn't for a few months still, so Quimby moves it up to next Tuesday, making it the first primary of the election season.

News outlets, as well as the candidates themselves, learn of this, and flock en masse to Springfield to get voters on their side, as well as voters in general.  None of the candidates look particularly good, though, and the media's constant presence becomes an annoyance as well.  They notice that the Simpson family is still undecided, and swarm their household trying to get them to pick someone.  Homer, as well as most of the town, has had enough.  He knows the media simply just wants to crown a favorite from the primary, and so he proposes that the town put in someone ridiculous as a write in vote.  The next morning, its learned that a surprise write in candidate won the primary and is favored by over half the likely vote: Ralph Wiggum.

Homer is particularly thrilled of the success of his plan, and goes full steam into getting Ralph through the rest of the primaries.  Lisa, however, is stunned by these developments.  Ralph is too dumb to be President?  That hasn't stopped anyone before.  The constitution won't let someone so young be President?  That thing died with the Patriot Act.  To make matters worse, both the Democrats and Republicans are trying to rally Ralph to their side, knowing that Ralph is the likely winner in the Presidential race.  As both sides try to swarm and convince Ralph to join their side, Lisa is able to get them off him to talk to him privately.  Lisa is once again stunned to learn that Ralph knows exactly what he's doing, and he'll unite both parties under his wing.  Lisa willingly relents, and Ralph ends up being sponsored by both parties.

Quick Review
I did not like this episode.  It had a couple of decent moments, like Homer's run through Fast Food Boulevard, or the moment Homer rallies everyone to nominate Ralph in classic Springfield style, but the heavy handed mockery of politics and political media, once again, fails to provide any decent humor, and the attempts were often tough to sit through.  Again, its not like its impossible to do political satire well, but for me that is usually the case when political satire is not the focus of the episode.  This episode fails to escape that fault, and suffers tremendously as a result.

Final Score: 4.1

Girls Just Want to Have Sums (S17, E19-375)

The saga of Jake "Toilet" Boymen almost ended before it began.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons see a play about Itchy & Scratchy.  Its a hit, and afterwords the crowd demands to see its director, Juliana.  As she goes to thank the crowd, Principal Skinner comes out of nowhere to point out that she graduated from Springfield Elementary in an effort to point out that such graduates actually have futures.  However, Skinner accidentally states that girls are weaker than boys in math and science, the 'real' subjects, and there is instant backlash.  At a later press conference, Skinner tries to make up for it, but only makes things much worse.  Superintendent Chalmers has no choice but to relieve Skinner of his duties, and appoint a new Principal: Melanie Upfoot.  The first thing she does is to separate the school into halves: one for boys and the other for girls.

At first, Lisa is thrilled that she'll finally be able to learn without boys getting in the way.  Upon entering the newly remodeled school, the girl's half looks much fancier, containing artwork and such, much to Lisa's delight.  However, she's disappointed to learn that the girl's math class, taught by Upfoot herself, is more about confidence boosting, and there's no actual math to be learned.  Lisa sneaks over to the boy's half of school.  Here, she finds it to be a no man's land, with Skinner having been reduced to Assistant Groundskeeper.  Still, she sees a class do some hardcore geometry, and she wants in.  Marge helps Lisa out by giving her daughter a new persona, a boy named Jake Boymen.

While Lisa gets to enjoy difficult math, "Jake" has trouble fitting in as "he" is quickly referred to as Toilet, and accidentally gets into a fight with Nelson Muntz.  Bart spies Lisa crying in her room while still dressed as Jake and, after learning why she's doing this, decides to help Lisa become a boy in order to survive.  With Bart's help, Lisa is able to become both a math whiz and, I dunno, an assistant bully or something.  Either way, she's eventually given an award for her math prowess.  Its then where she reveals that Jake is actually Lisa, to the shock of some.  Lisa tries to teach everyone that girls can be great at math too if given the chance, but she still has some of the 'boy' that Bart taught her as well.

Quick Review
This episode hardly had the time to be funny, spending way too much time embroiled in gender differences to push in actual comedy.  The bits were Skinner were nearly unbearable to watch.  The Itchy & Scratchy play at the beginning was probably the funniest the episode had to offer, as everything went severely downhill from there.

Final Score: 4.3

Little Girl in the Big Ten (S13, E20-289)

What kind of college student draws fractals in her spare time?
Seriously, find me one actual example of this.

Plot Summary
Lisa is once again having difficulties in gym class.  Lisa needs help passing, and decides to take a gymnastics class outside of school.  She picks it up pretty quickly, and gains the notice of two of her gymnastic peers.  In the locker room, Lisa notices that the two also have intellectual pursuits, and attempts to befriend them.  Walking to their car, she quickly learns that the two girls are actually college students - their small, gymnast bodies mistaking them as younger.  Not wanting to let her chance at fitting in slip away, Lisa decides to tell them that she, too, is a college student and befriends the two girls.

Meanwhile, at Krusty Burger, Bart runs afoul of a Chinese mosquito that had been trapped inside a toy.  It bites Bart and quickly makes him sick.  At the hospital, its learned that Bart has contracted "Panda Fever", which is highly contagious.  To prevent others from catching it, Dr. Hibbert has Bart  stuck inside a plastic capsule ball for him to roll around in.

Lisa quickly grows fond of her new double life as a part time elementary student and part time college student.  She's able to skate by as the former, but its the latter where she feels as happy as she's been in a long time.  One day, as Bart now uses his ball form to fight off bullies, Milhouse and a couple of others see Lisa sneak away on her bike, and decide to give chase.  They follow Lisa to the college and into a classroom, and once they're asked to leave the room they inform everyone that Lisa, too, is a child.  The college students all quickly turn on Lisa, and she's forced to run away in embarrassment.

No longer able to go to the college as is, Lisa is further shunned when the kids at the elementary school stay away from the 'college girl' as well.  Lisa goes to talk to Bart about her problem, and Bart, probably (hopefully) recovered from his fever, comes up with an idea to help Lisa become accepted amongst her peers.  The following day, Principal Skinner is celebrating his 20th anniversary as Principal (because the last celebration is legally non-canon), and poses near a big cake while wearing a nice suit.  Skinner is relieved that Bart has become relatively harmless in his bubble, but suddenly Lisa is pushed off the roof by Bart and into the cake, getting cake all over Skinner's suit.  The other students nearby see Lisa's act and celebrate her successful prank.  Bart is happy Lisa is accepted again, but has become a bit too uncomfortable outside his bubble.

Quick Review
Consider this was a Season 13 Lisa-centric episode, I ended up enjoying this more than I had anticipated.  I suppose the early scenes such as the John F. Kennedy dream sequence helped with the score, and it also helped that there were very few jokes that flopped.  Its not a great episode by any means, but its not bad either.

Final Score: 7.7

Children of a Lesser Clod (S12, E20-268)

Whoever filmed this did a good job keeping pace while not also drawing Homer's anger.

Plot Summary
The Springfield YMCA is having a free trial night.  Homer and some others play a game of basketball, but Homer ends up breaking his leg.  He undergoes surgery to fix it, and is forced to a wheelchair, unable to go to work, for at least two weeks.  Bored stiff at home, Homer starts to become delusional.  Ned Flanders comes in looking for a babysitter, and Homer obliges.  He and the boys have a good time, though, and when Ned comes to pick the boys up, Homer liked the experience so much he decides to start up a day care.

Word around town picks up about Homer's new day care, and soon the Simpson home is bustling with small children having a good time with their new pal, Homer who continues the work even after his leg fully heals.  Two small children, however, are less than happy: Bart and Lisa, who become jealous that Homer is spending so much time with other children and so little time with them.  They attempt to sneak a picture of themselves with Homer to Homer, but Homer takes the photo out of the frame and replaces it with his new day care permit.  Homer's work becomes so well known, that he is nominated for a "Good Guy" award, with a camera crew appearing to tape Homer's work with the kids.  Bart and Lisa are shoved off to the side to make hearts for Homer's day care kids, and the two have had enough, deciding to come up with a plan to ruin Homer.

The night of the awards occurs, and Homer wins an award for his day care work.  As a video plays regarding his day care, Bart and Lisa hijack the showing and begin showing clips of Homer in a lesser light.  Videos of Homer gambling away Maggie and chasing Bart with a mace are shown, and Homer doesn't take it well, going up to the stage and publicly choking Bart.  As parents throughout the crowd tell their kids to stay away from Homer, Homer snaps and rushes the kids out the building, driving away in a truck.  The police give chase, but Homer crashes and is ultimately arrested.  Three mistrials later, Homer apologizes the kids for having ignored them, and promises he'll only care about them, also Maggie.

Quick Review
I really enjoyed this episode.  The YMCA scenes that opened the episode were fine, especially concerning Rainier Wolfcastle's desire to hunt for man.  The middle portion had its moments as well, and I enjoyed seeing Bart and Lisa work together again even if for a petty cause.  The last part of the episode was great, though Arnie Pie in the Sky was probably the best part of it.  In all, it makes for a very strong episode.

Final Score: 8.9

New Kids on the Blecch (S12, E14-262)

"Don't mind us, we're just ruining this already average episode!"
They didn't actually say but were probably thinking.

Plot Summary
Feeling inspired from watching an Olympics story, Homer decides to run in the Springfield marathon.  He doesn't do all that bad in it, relatively, but Bart decides to join the race at the finish line, disguised as an Italian.  His ruse lasts long enough for him to claim the trophy, yet not long enough for him to leave, as his cover is blown.  A stranger helps Bart escape the incoming mob.  The stranger, L.T. Smash, takes Bart home and, once there, offers Homer and Marge the chance to have Bart become a member of a boy band, boy bands being popular at the time.

Bart, the designated "bad boy" of the group, joins a band consisting of himself, Milhouse, Nelson and Ralph, calling themselves the "Party Posse".  As the four of them sing terribly, Smash uses a voice enhancing machine to make them sound much better, also much older.  Soon enough, the boys become a smash, even garnering the praise of fellow boy band N'Sync, who were popular at the time.  A music video featuring Party Posse makes its way to TV, but Lisa finds a particular part of the video odd: it features a trio of scantily clad women chanting the phrase "YVAN EHT NIOJ".  Ever the suspicious one, Lisa investigates further and finds two things: that phrase backwards is "join the navy", and a recruitment poster flashes on the screen for a split second.  Lisa comes to the conclusion that Bart's band is being used to display subliminal messages for the purposes of recruitment.

Lisa tries to talk to L.T. Smash about this, but realizes that he is part of the Navy himself: Lt. L.T. Smash.  Undeterred by Lisa's knowledge of the subliminal boy band plan, Smash hosts a Party Posse concert on an aircraft carrier.  During the concert, Smash learns from a superior that the operation is to be halted, because Party Posse is about to be parodied by Mad Magazine, and their recruiting power will become insignificant.  His dream of a fighting force to defeat a hippie-infested future dying, Smash gains control of the carrier, taking it to New York to destroy Mad's house of operations.  Party Posse, still on the carrier, try to figure out some way to stop Smash.  N'Sync arrives just in time to help, but they and Party Posse bicker on what to actually do, and Smash fires at Mad's building, destroying it though everyone inside is just fine.  Smash is arrested, Party Posse is done, and N'Sync reminds the audience that the Navy is juuuust fine.

Quick Review
This was not a good episode.  N'Sync's appearance and subsequent "jokes" were just terrible, a lot of it was just finding ways to get all five members to throw in some kind of line, and their entry dance was cringe-worthy.  The boy band plot wasn't doing the episode any favors either, and the revelation that it was a Navy conspiracy plot didn't help it much either.  This was just an awful episode all round.  Its not the worst episode of all time, but it is close.

Final Score: 4.4

Last Tap Dance in Springfield (S11, E20-246)

That cat can't believe how long those fake arms of hers are!

Plot Summary
With Homer's eyes needing checked and Bart going on a camping trip soon, Marge takes the family to the mall.  With Bart sticking with Homer at the eye doctor, Marge and Lisa go to see a movie about a tango dancer's furious comeback.  Lisa becomes greatly enamored with the film and upon its conclusion tells Marge that she wants to become a dancer.

Marge takes Lisa to a dancing school owned by Vicki Valentine, a famous child tap dancer back in the 40s I guess.  The school doesn't offer lessons in tango, but Lisa 'decides to enroll' in tap dancing, which is Vicki's specialty.  Come to find out, though, Lisa is terrible at tap dancing.  She's the only one in class who can't pick up the "tappa tappa tappa" beat, and even Ralph Wiggum is doing much better than her.  Lisa becomes discouraged, but only sticks with it as both of her parents are very proud of what she's doing.  Still, her tap dancing isn't improving, such that she's not even including in an upcoming tap dance recital.  Professor Frink, who is setting up the stage for the recital, overhears Lisa's dilemma and decides to help.

Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse were getting ready for their camping trip, but upon learning that Nelson will be around to beat them up the entire time, they hop off the bus before it leaves.  Realizing that everyone will think they're at camp, Bart decides to spend that time having fun at the mall.  They're able to stay in the mall after closing time, and make a mess of things overnight.  The mall owner calls Chief Wiggum over to deal with it and Wiggum, believing the mess to of been caused by a giant rat, eventually brings out a mountain lion to find and kill it.  Bart and Milhouse are able to use a ball of string to distract it, and the color of the string allows the cops to believe the tiger ate the rat, thereby saving Bart and Milhouse as well as their alibi.

Frink attaches devices to Lisa's tap shoes that respond when hearing percussion noises, such as claps or even taps.  Somehow, the devices allow Lisa to tap flawlessly, but even so she isn't able to get into the dance recital.  Still, she goes to it (because she has to pull the curtain, but even then Vicki does that for her), and the shoes go into action once the tapping begins.  Vicki, not wanting to be upstaged, goes on a furious tap rampage, and Lisa's shoes follow suit.  When the crowd starts applauding, Lisa's shoes go haywire, and Lisa goes off on a new level of tap rampage until Homer trips her.  The secret of the shoes is revealed, and Lisa is disappointed that she won't become a dancer (or a tap dancer, anyway) but relieved her parents understand.

Quick Review
This was an enjoyable episode.  The main plot works well for the most part, and Bart's subplot has its moments as well.  I liked the character of Vicki Valentine and jokes around her complimented the episode well.  Its one of Season 11's stronger episodes.

Final Score: 8.3

Bart to the Future (S11, E17-243)

Oh man, this wacky pair in this crazy future!

Plot Summary
Upon being denied access to a park for a picnic because of a bug infestation, the Simpsons instead go to a nearby Indian Casino.  Bart is denied entry because of his age, but he finds a way to sneak in, though he's caught right afterwards.  He talks to the casino's manager, who realizes that if Bart keeps getting in trouble like this, his future isn't looking so good.  To illustrate his point, he sets up a fire nearby for Bart to undergo a vision of his future.

Thirty years in the future, Bart is a bum, getting money from lawsuits and living with Ralph Wiggum.  He needs money right away for rent and the lawsuits aren't happening fast enough, so he tries to get money from his parents, but that doesn't pan out.  He gets money from Ned Flanders instead, but its too late, and he and Ralph are evicted from their, I dunno, shack.  Nearing rock bottom, Bart remembers that Lisa has just become President of the United States, and goes to live with her at the White House.

Lisa begins her tenure as President on shaky grounds.  The previous administration, under President Trump apparently, used up all the nation's money on backfired programs, leaving the country broke while other countries are asking to collect their debts.  To make matters worse for Lisa, now she has to deal with Bart coming in and making a further mess of things with his incompetence.  Homer and Marge come along too (setting up a small subplot where Homer looks for Lincoln's gold, which is just a metaphor), along with baby Maggie the daughter of Maggie Sr.  With no choice but to set up a tax hike, Lisa tries to ease the country (by flat out lying about it), but Bart lets out the secret on air, ruining Lisa's approval rating.

Lisa gets the idea to discuss the debt issue with the other nations, but worry that Bart will come and ruin it.  She gets the idea to have Bart, her new "Secretary of Keeping It Real", go to Camp David to set up a meeting on "coolness".  As Bart struggles to come up with ideas, he's visited by the ghost of Billy Carter, who informs him that he's been had, and also that he's a loser.  Bart returns to the White House just as Lisa is hearing it from the other nations about the debt.  Experienced in debt avoidance, Bart convinces the others that they did get the money, and that they should check their mail again, effectively giving Lisa more time to get money.  As thanks, Lisa legalizes something for Bart, and Bart tries to celebrate.  Back in the present, Bart is let out and catches up with Lisa, telling her about the vision he had seen.

Quick Review
Just the second episode in the series that goes into the future, this episode isn't all that funny.  Bart's future persona wasn't funny, the Lincoln's gold subplot was too short to be funny, and the few characters 30 years later that were shown were either re-used (like Krusty), or again not funny.  I'm building a theme here: this episode did not have much going for it in terms of comedy.

Final Score: 6.1

Lisa Gets an A (S10, E07-210)

"Hi, Lisa!  Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

Plot Summary
After church, the Simpson family goes out for brunch: by going to a supermarket and eating samples.  There, Homer is trying to 'sample' some ice cream, 'using' Lisa to get the ones further in the freezer.  The experience leaves Lisa with a cold.  Before leaving, Homer tries to 'sample' some lobsters, but his toothpick can't pierce their shells.  Unable to afford one at $8 a pound, Homer craftily comes up with the idea of buying a tiny lobster and then feeding it to become a large, meaty one.

Lisa's cold persists to Monday, and despite Lisa's best attempts to go to school, Marge forces her to stay home for the day.  Trying to get Lisa to take it easy by not learning, Marge has Lisa play one of Bart's video games: Dash Dingo.  Lisa soon becomes addicted to the game.  Later in the day, Ralph comes by with homework for Lisa: to read the book The Wind in the Willows.  However, Lisa ignores the book to play the game some more, even faking her now-gone sickness to play it for several more days.  Finally Marge figures out Lisa's scheme and takes her back to school.

Turns out, its the same day she has to take a test on the book Ralph gave her.  Having not read the book to play the game, Lisa is able to get Ms. Hoover to let her have a drink of water in the hall before coming back to take the test.  Needing a miracle, Lisa sees Bart coming back, who's willing to help.  Taking her to the boy's bathroom, Bart takes Lisa to a stall where Nelson has a seemingly complete collection of "study aides" for sale.  Realizing that this is cheating, Lisa also fears that getting a 0 on the test could ruin her future.  With that on her mind, Lisa decides to get the relevant paper to cheat on the test.  Cheat she does, as the next day she gets a very high grade for the test: an A+++.  Afterwards, though, Lisa feels remorse for going through with it.

The score gains the notice of Principal Skinner, who calls Lisa in to discuss it.  It seems Lisa's grade has pushed the school's GPA up to the state's minimum standard, enabling the school to receive a basic assistance grant.  Lisa can't take it anymore, and reveals to Skinner that she cheated on the test.  When Lisa also reveals that Skinner is the only other adult that knows, Skinner breathes a sigh of relief as the trouble can still be swept under the rug.  Angered, Lisa has Superintendent Chalmers come in somehow, but he agrees with Skinner.  Chalmers takes Lisa around school, showing how dilapidated and technologically behind the school has been without the grant money, and pleads with her to keep it a secret for the sake of the school.  Lisa reluctantly agrees.

The school has a ceremony for the grant, and the state comptroller is to issue the money.  Lisa, though, realizes the truth is more important, and reveals her cheating to the crowd, who are disgusted.  The comptroller comes to Lisa's defense, though, stating her courage impressed him so much that the school will still get the fund anyway.  Lisa leaves the ceremony happy with how it turns out.  As she leaves, Bart closes the door behind her, as it turns out that ceremony was staged, Skinner knowing Lisa's conscience would show up at the end, with Otto playing the role of the comptroller.  With the real comptroller just now walking in, he presents the real grant money to the school, with everyone seemingly in the scheme to keep Lisa from ruining it.  Lisa is proud to of gotten the F on her test even if it isn't official (not that she knows).

As for the lobster subplot, Homer becomes attached to the lobster, whom he nicknames "Pinchy", as he grows, unable to part with the lobster when the time comes to cook it.  Keeping it as a pet instead, Homer makes a fatal error when, after Pinchy gets dirty playing in mud, he gives the lobster a hot bath.  Apparently the bath was too hot, and Pinchy is cooked right then and there.  Homer mourns the loss of his friend by eating Pinchy himself, noting that Pinchy is, in fact, delicious.

Quick Review
After the last two episodes, Lisa Gets an A is a refreshing step towards quality.  The main plot really picks up once Skinner and Chalmers try to keep Lisa's cheating a secret, and the scheme with the comptroller was really well done (Skinner asking everyone to applaud "the real comptroller" was funny as well).  Homer's subplot with Pinchy was silly but still very well done as was the way it ended.  An excellent episode, its Season 10's best episode thus far.

Final Score: 9.2

This Little Wiggy (S09, E18-196)

"Ah, you've done grand, laddy.  Now you know what you
have to do: burn the house down!  BURN THEM ALL!"

Plot Summary
The Simpsons go to some kind of fun Science museum, a Knowledgeum.  While the family has some fun there, Bart comes across not just Ralph Wiggum, but the full assortment of bullies.  They toss Ralph into a model ear, while forcing Bart to kiss a virtual ass.  Later, as Ralph is pried free from the ear, Marge takes pity on the poor boy, and decides to have Bart play with him, much to Bart's disapproval, but Marge forces him to spend time with Ralph anyway, so what can he do?

Ralph messes around with Bart's stuff too much, so the two go outside.  However, Bart sees the bully brigade near (videotaping a crime spree), and quickly hides Ralph while trying to play it cool.  The two decide to go to Ralph's house.  After Ralph shows him his stuff, including a rock where a leprechaun appears to tell Ralph to burn things, Bart gets Ralph to show him where his father, Chief Wiggum, keeps his police stuff.  The fun quickly ends when Chief Wiggum comes home and promptly tweaks his back suspecting a criminal in the closet where said police stuff lies.  After Bart apologizes, he sees Chief Wiggum lay down a key, learning from Ralph that its the police's master key.

That night, Bart stays over, and is able to sneakily take the key while Chief Wiggum sleeps.  He and Ralph then have fun around town, playing in a toy store and eating a cake in another establishment.  At this point, the two run across the bully brigade again, but now that Bart has in his possession the master key, the bullies find him to be alright.  Bart then suggests they have fun with it at a new destination: an abandoned prison.  Ralph starts to get scared, forcing Bart to take the key away, but immediately regrets doing so.  The bullies tire of Bart's wishy-wash, and toss the key into the prison before departing to pick huckleberries.  Ralph and Bart go into the prison to retrieve the key.  Upon doing so, they find the room that contains an electric chair, and have fun with it, but are forced to leave when a guard comes near.  Notably, they leave the safety to the chair off as they depart.

The next day, the two see on TV that Mayor Quimby is at the same prison, planning to put it back into use to scare criminals.  To prove his point, Quimby plans on putting himself on the chair to show crooks what awaits them, unaware that the safety to the chair is set to off.  Bart realizes this and tries to think of a plan.  Ralph tells Bart to ask Lisa, who is good at coming up with plans.  She decides to tie a note to Bart's model rocket stating that the electric chair is on, and shoots it toward the prison.  However, it misses its mark and flies to the nuclear plant, flying in Mr. Burns' office.  He reads the note, and upon realizing that the old prison has been receiving free power for so long, promptly turns it off just as Quimby has received a few volts of electricity.  Everyone praises Ralph for coming up with the idea to ask Lisa (Lisa is at first offended that she's getting no praise but relents when Bart tells her Ralph could use a win).  Ralph's leprechaun friend then appears to make sure Ralph understands that its time for some house burnin'.

Quick Review
This was a pretty good episode, with what is just the second episode to focus on Ralph Wiggum.  Ralph, I think, is a character that can't really sustain an episode by himself especially as his character becomes more and more of a caricature of itself.  Still, his dynamic with Bart works for the most part, and the few scenes involving the bullies were well done as well.

Final Score: 9.0

Das Bus (S09, E14-192)

It is 2013.  Where the hell are the monkey butlers already?

Plot Summary
Both Bart and Lisa are part of the Model U.N., basically a junior version of the United Nations.  The group also includes Nelson, Milhouse, Ralph, and a few others.  They're going to go on a field trip for a state wide Model U.N. meeting, and Otto is tasked with taking care of the greatest natural resource: the school bus.  During the drive, Bart and Nelson try to have fruit roll up to the front of the bus in a race.  Milhouse intervenes by rolling a grapefruit, but it rolls under the brake pedal.  Upon reaching a bridge over a river, Otto tries to apply the brake, but the grapefruit splits open, squirting juice into Otto's eyes.  He loses control of the bus, and it falls into the river.

As the bus sinks, Otto tries to get out and swim for help, but is swallowed up by the current (he's eventually rescued by Chinese fishermen who plan to have Otto become a slave laborer).  The kids all escape the bus as well, but they end up on an isolated island somehow.  Though most of the kids freak out and blame one another (eventually settling on Milhouse for the grapefruit incident), Bart calms them down by envisioning a tropical paradise featuring monkey butlers and the like, and splits everyone up to get food and shelter.

While the kids are away, Homer notices that Flanders has started up a home business over the internet (I believe this is the first mention of the term since the series started).  Homer, not fully aware of what the Internet is, given it is 1998, decides anyway to start up an Internet business for quick money.  Somehow he gets internet ads rolling for his business, which not even he knows what is supposed to do.  Eventually Bill Gates notices the business and, rather than compete with an unknown, "buys him out" by having his goons trash Homer's setup.

The kids, of course, fail to gather proper food or shelter.  A short time later, Milhouse runs away from a supposed "monster", but nothing of the sort is around, and people give Milhouse crap over it.  Needing food, Lisa remembers that there was a cooler full of food on the bus.  Bart grabs Milhouse's inhaler and is able to retriever the cooler.  Lisa stresses they conserve the food, though, and ration it as much as possible.

The next morning, though, they find that all of the food is gone, with its remains laying around Milhouse, whose breath reeks of nacho cheese.  Most of the kids, led by Nelson, want to hurt Milhouse rather badly for this, but Lisa forces them to have Milhouse undergo a trial.  In said trial, with Bart as the judge, because there's no proof or witness that saw Milhouse (who theorizes that the "monster" ate it) actually eat the food, he is declared not guilty.  The verdict isn't enough to appease Nelson and company, and they chase after Milhouse, Lisa and Bart.

The three end up in a cave, now cornered by the others.  However, they stop as it turns out that the "monster" is in the cave as well!  As it turns out, the "monster" is only a boar, and with a bag of chips on its tusk the kids learn that it was the boar who ate the food (though Milhouse casually admits he still had a couple of sandwiches and a bag of Doritos).  Lisa notices that the boar must be surviving somehow, and sees that it licks slime off rocks for sustenance.  The kids are hesitant on living off slime, so instead they kill and eat the boar (except Lisa who just lives on slime).  Eventually they get saved by Moe somehow.

Quick Review
This was a pretty good episode, the interaction between the kids during the crisis really made for great viewing.  Homer's internet subplot, ignoring the fact that its really outdated nowadays, was brief and besides a couple of moments wasn't really that funny.  Still, the main plot was good enough to make this a very watchable affair.

Final Score: 8.4

Lisa's Rival (S06, E02-105)

"In America, forced to get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women..."

Plot Summary
It seemed like a typical day for Lisa Simpson.  Trying to practice her saxophone so she can win first chair in the school band, trying to stop people from leeching answers off her for tests, that sort of thing.  Suddenly, her 2nd grade class has a new student: Allison Taylor, who seems to be as intelligent as Lisa is, perhaps even more so.  Having been "moved up" from the first grade, Allison is also skilled with the sax, and the two are going for the same position in band, which Allison ultimately does win in a heated jam session.

Lisa tries to get over the defeat and become friends with Allison, however on multiple occasions she feels inferior to Allison and has difficulty accepting her as a result.  Its learned that a diorama contest is coming up, and Allison has already completed hers: a nifty rendition of The Tell-Tale Heart complete with a ticking floorboard that simulates that heartbeat that drove the killer insane.  Lisa, further threatened by this, can no longer deal with this and enlists Bart's help to ruin Allison.

In a humorous subplot, Homer stumbles upon a crashed sugar truck, with its sweet contents spilled onto the street.  Tricking the driver away, Homer piles as much sugar as he can into his car with the intention of selling it at an inflated cost despite the sugar having crash wreckage within it.  Guarding the pile in the backyard from ill-intentioned tea enthusiasts, Homer is troubled when a large quantity of bees take over the sugar, defending themselves from Homer "somehow".  Later, a pair of beekeepers realize their bees are gone, and track them to Homer's backyard.  With the bees not willing to separate from the sugar, the beekeepers are about to give Homer $2000 for the sugar and bees, when suddenly rain starts to fall.  The sugar "melts" from the rain, prompting the bees to leave, and Homer left without any financial reward for what was once a mountain of white gold.

"Diorama-rama" arrives, and Bart is not only able to provide Lisa with a sabotaged diorama, but also a good distraction to allow Lisa to swap the fake with Allison's real diorama, storing that in a floor compartment nearby.  The fake diorama, with is just a cow's heart in a box, leaves Principal Skinner disgusted and reconsidering his decision of moving Allison up a grade.  Just then, Lisa's guilt begins to take hold as the floorboard holding the diorama begins to beat like a heart.  Going mad from the noise, Lisa relents and reveals the location of the real diorama.  Skinner, though, is not impressed with Allison's diorama, nor Lisa's.  Instead, he gives the 1st prize to Ralph Wiggum, who brought in several in-package Star Wars figures, winning the Principal's heart.  Lisa later tells Allison what happened, and they alongside a gloating Ralph walk off the best of friends.

Quick Review
The main plot of Lisa's rival was alright for the most part, with Bart's involvement and Skinner's demeanor at the end being the highlights of the episode (as well as The Fugitive reference after Bart falsely sold Milhouse out to the feds).  The sugar subplot featuring Homer was the star of the episode, though, as Homer's obsession from start to finish with his really impure stolen good provided a lot of comedy the entire time.

Final Score: 9.0