Cue Detective (S27, E02-576)

When you learn you've been on the air for 27 seasons,
but the last 15 have all been with the same awful writers.

Plot Summary
Its learned that the Simpsons smell, with Homer, Bart and Lisa being called "Stinkson" by everyone else.  This confirms Marge's suspicions that the washer has, in fact, become moldy and unusable which caused everyone's clothes to smell awful.  She tasks Homer with spending a hidden stash of savings to buy a new washer.  Just before going into the appliance store, Homer sniffs out barbecue and immediately heads out to find the source.  There, he finds an old man smoking meat on "the hive", a smoker with a honeycomb-shaped grill with an absurd backstory.  Regardless, Homer finds the meat divine, and learns the old man is selling the supposedly legendary grill.  Homer buys it with the washing machine money.  This, of course, infuriates Marge, but the food Homer cooks on the hive is too good for her to remain being upset.  The smoke from the hive reaches other parts of town, and soon Homer's food becomes a hot spot, so much so that a celebrity chef ("Scotty Boom"), challenges Homer to a barbecue cook off for a TV show.  Homer is happy to partake, but soon after he becomes devastated after he finds out that his smoker has been stolen.

With the police unable to find leads, Homer just gives up on life, he doesn't even want to drink!  Bart and, eventually, Lisa, decide to try and find the smoker to get Homer out of his rut.  The sleuths that they are, they quickly find evidence in the backyard which leads them to Nelson; Nelson evades them but unwittingly leads them to a junkyard where Bart and Lisa witness Nelson selling the hive to an unknown buyer.  Bart and Lisa try to sneak away with the hive, but its literally too hot to handle, and it rolls right into the buyer's truck which drives away.  Bart and Lisa both just give up on life.

Despite these events, the family still has a cook off to compete in.  At the competition, Marge decides to fill in for Homer, but her meat ends up being subpar, and thus Marge just gives up on life.  However, celebrity judge Alton Brown learns that Scotty Boom's meat has honeycomb-shaped grill marks, which obviously do not match the marks found on Boom's grill.  Boom is disgraced and the Simpsons win the cook off.  Bart and Lisa notice the buyer from before nearby, and give chase.  As Lisa is subdued, Bart convinces a still defeated Homer to care just enough to trip the buyer and allow Bart to catch up with him.  It turns out the buyer is Scotty Boom's son, Tyler, who gained Nelson's help to steal the smoker in a plot to ruin his father because the two don't spend any time together.  As the Booms reconcile, Homer is also reunited with his smoker, which refills him with the will to live.

In the credits, Marge is shown trading the hive to Nelson anyway for a washing machine.  Time is then skipped ahead where, ultimately, the hive survives multiple post-apocalyptic scenarios.

Quick Review
Like the last episode, this one starts off strong but finishes rather weakly as it puts too much focus on the mystery of the stolen smoker (and the few jokes that accompanied it weren't so great).  A few too many references and slightly too much Lisa also hold the episode back as well.

Final Score: 7.0

Character Spotlight: Nelson Muntz

Note: This was written shortly before the start of Season 27.  Any information that occurs in later episodes is not covered here.

Character: Nelson Muntz, voiced by Nancy Cartwright

First Episode: Bart the General (S01, E05-005)

Occupation: Though likely older, he's a 4th grade student that attends Springfield Elementary

General Demeanor
Nelson is introduced as the local school bully, who beats up those weaker than him either for money, amusement or revenge.  Sometimes he's paired up with Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney, but other times he works on his own.  In very early episodes he has two toadies who operate under his wing, but these two characters do not stick around for very long.

Often times, Nelson simply is at a scene to mock the misfortunes of someone, usually Bart.  He does this by pointing at the person and laughing out his signature "HAW-HAW".  In the later, less subtle seasons, he accompanies this laugh with an explanation as to why he's laughing (e.g. "HAW HAW, NO ONE LOVES YOU", etc.).

Nelson comes from a poor family.  Often, Nelson is depicted living in a run down home, taking care of himself with little or no care or responsibility given to him by his parents or any other relative.  Though his family is not expanded upon in earlier seasons, newer seasons depict his mother as a white trash stripper and his father as a deadbeat or at least missing.  Though one episode brings his father back and explains why he went missing, with the assumption that he's back for good, later episodes once again set up that Nelson's father is gone.

As Nelson is a more developed character than the other bullies, he is sometimes depicted as a somewhat more reasonable character from time to time.  Sometimes, he will join Bart, sometimes Milhouse and maybe others in various adventures, and sometimes Nelson appears as a more sympathetic character whose story arcs has him doing absolutely nothing along the lines of bullying, though in the most recent seasons Nelson has resumed his basic role of school bully.

Key Character Moments
The Rise of the Simpsons
Nelson first appears in Bart the General, one of the few characters from Season 1 whose appearance doesn't change all that much in later seasons.  In the episode, Nelson and his gang of toadies bully Bart, among others, but Bart has enough and gets help from Grampa and his acquaintance Herman Larson to enact a plan to put an end to Nelson, which basically boils down to having everyone Nelson bullied (which is a lot of kids) to pelt Nelson with water balloons until he surrenders, which works and Nelson is forced to sign a "peace treaty" where he won't bully Bart and the others anymore even though he does anyway in later episodes.

The War of the Simpsons features Nelson first using his signature laugh, at Grampa's expense, but in this episode he laughs by going "Haw-haw-haw".  His laugh would feature one less "haw" by the third season.

The Golden Age of the Simpsons
Saturdays of Thunder helps expands Nelson's role as a simply bully to more of a general badass-type character, by being the primary antagonist of Bart (and Martin) at a soap-box derby.  For the next few seasons, however, Nelson's role is basically set as either a school bully or as the boy who laughs at people.  He doesn't have much of a larger role for some time.

In Season 6's Lemon of Troy, he is one of many boys who find value in Springfield's lemon tree, and one of the many boys who go to retrieve it when its stolen by Shelbyville.  For a time during that search, Nelson is matched up with Martin ("Team Discovery Channel"), and while Nelson does maintain a partnership with Martin for that duration, he does so very reluctantly.

Next season, Nelson joins Martin again, alongside Bart and Milhouse, in Bart on the Road.  While Nelson's role in the episode is relatively minor, its revealed that he's a huge fan of Andy Williams, and upon learning he has a show in Branson, forces Bart to stop there so he can watch his idol live.

Nelson's role in 22 Short Films About Springfield is short, but memorable.  At the end of the episode, Nelson is walking around town mocking everything, including Lisa's new haircut, Mrs. Glick falling into a trash can, and a man cramped into a tiny car.  That last one comes back to haunt Nelson, as a very tall man exits the car, quickly catches up to Nelson and forces Nelson to walk around town with his pants down so that the mocker can, in turn, be mocked by the town.

Nelson takes center stage in Season 8's Lisa's Date with Density.  As the title implies, Lisa takes a liking to Nelson and tries to change him for the better so she doesn't feel so bad about going out with him.  The two share an awkward kiss at one point, and it seems like Lisa's plan is working, but after Nelson takes an opportunity to splatter Principal Skinner's house with rancid cole slaw, Lisa eventually finds out and gives up on him, though the two apparently remain friends from that point on.

The Fall of the Simpsons
Nelson is the star quarterback of a peewee football team in Bart Star, though when Homer takes over as coach he makes Bart QB instead.  When Bart quits because everyone but Homer realizes how awful he is at it, Nelson regains the spot.  When an arrest warrant is issued for Nelson during the title game, Bart decides he's willing to fill in - as Nelson for the warrant though now Bart is taking the rap for apparent arson charges, but its fine because Nelson helps the football team win the championship!

Nelson is one of several kids stranded on an island on Das Bus, and after it appears Milhouse ate the last of their supplies, Nelson is the most aggressive in seeing Milhouse be punished, though its eventually learned it was a boar that ate (most of) those supplies.

Nelson has a notable role early on in Bart the Mother, where he "wins" a BB gun at a fun center.  Bart - despite Marge's wishes - hangs out with Nelson, who lets Bart use the BB gun and is proud of Bart when he unintentionally kills a bird with it.

These last few seasons, Nelson's role has evolved somewhat.  While he still acts as a bully from time to time, he becomes more of "one of the kids" who hang with Bart and sometimes Lisa, and in those groups he's basically the rough and tough member.  This is apparent in Season 12's New Kids on the Blecch, where he, Bart, Milhouse and Ralph are chosen to be a new boy band.  However, in Bye Bye Nerdie, in the same season, Nelson acts as a bully Lisa exploits to test her theories on how bullies tick.

Zombie Simpsons
During the first few seasons of Zombie Simpsons, a joke starts up where Nelson's father left him a long time ago after stating he left to get some smokes.  This, despite the fact that Nelson's father appears as recently as Bart Star.  Episodes which use that joke includes Season 14's The Bart of War.

This is addressed in Season 16's Sleeping with the Enemy, when Nelson stays with the Simpsons because Marge can't get Bart or Lisa to spend time with her and so she spends time with Nelson instead.  Nelson openly laments about his missing father and his lethargic mother, prompting Bart to locate Nelson's father.  Turns out, Nelson's father did go out for smokes that night but unwitting ate a chocolate bar with peanuts.  His peanut allergy triggered enough to disfigure his face, he is quickly captured by a circus troupe who puts him into a freakshow.  Constantly bombarded by peanuts, he remains in the show until Bart eventually tracks him down.  With Nelson's family reunited, you'd think there'd be some lasting canon for episodes to come (there isn't).

In Season 18's The Haw-Hawed Couple, Nelson tries to force everyone to go to his birthday party, but an angered Bart convinces everyone not to go instead.  Learning about this, Marge forces Bart to go to that party, where he learns his plan worked and he's the only one actually at the party - alongside a very depressed Nelson.  Being the only one that showed up, Bart is quickly befriended by Nelson.  As Bart starts to enjoy the perks of being Nelson's friend, Nelson realizes that Bart is only interested in Nelson's protection, not his friendship, and after some time and events occur, the two are no longer friends (though one season later, in The Debarted, the two are working together anyway).

Season 19's Dial N for Nerder puts Nelson into the role of detective as he tries to figure out the mystery behind Martin's disappearance, and correctly suspects Bart and Lisa as at least knowing what happened to Martin, but Martin turns up okay and that's that.

Zombie Simpsons HD
In Season 22's Loan-A-Lisa, Lisa anonymously loans Nelson $50 so he can start a bike repair service.  It helps a lot, as Nelson's business booms tremendously, so much so that Nelson decides to quit school to focus on the business.  As Lisa tries desperately to get Nelson to go to school, and the likes of Mark Zuckerberg are no help, it turns out Nelson's uses a water-soluble glue on bike repairs, meaning they fall apart in the rain, causing a lot of angry customers and a busted business.  Realizing he needs to stay in school long enough to learn what 'water soluable' means, Nelson decides to return much to Lisa's relief.

Otherwise, there are several episodes in this era where Nelson bullies Bart as a sidestory and Bart handles it in one way or another but its nothing really worth pointing out.

Must Watch Episodes that Focus on Nelson Muntz
Bart the General
Lemon of Troy
Bart on the Road
Lisa's Date with Density
Bart Star

The Yellow Badge of Cowardge (S25, E22-552)

He is an open target.  The Germans could fire right at him no problem.
Great, its nice to know the writers don't know how to act like cowards, either!

Plot Summary
In a tale narrated by Lisa for no apparent/good reason, its the last day of school and so the school is holding final day festivities outside.  The last event, the main event, is a race around school, an event Milhouse has specifically trained for, showing Bart his new secret six pack that he developed just for this race.  Martin spies this from afar and uses the opportunity to place a bet with Jimbo and pals that Milhouse will win the race despite the official odds against him.  Sure enough, Milhouse's training starts to pay off, and he takes the lead.  Worried he'll be in the red with a Milhouse win, Jimbo tasks Nelson of stopping Milhouse in the part of the race track that goes through the secluded path in the forest and beat Milhouse.  Nelson does just that and starts beating up the new dejected Milhouse.  Bart, in second place, runs by and sees what's happening, but reluctantly decides not to do anything to maintain his lead in the race.  Bart ends up winning, and Milhouse winds up with traumatic amnesia, unable to recall what happened in the forest at all, to Bart's slight relief.

Meanwhile, Homer is disgusted upon learning the city won't be holding a 4th of July fireworks celebration due to budget cuts.  Homer eventually decides he'll host a fireworks brigade of his own, recalling the joy he had as a kid during fireworks shows as he couldn't hear his parents argue during said time.  He came to admire the man working the fireworks show, and kept his business card for all these years.  The fireworks engineer is now retired, but Homer is able to convince him to do one more show for the town, so the two team up to acquire and prepare fireworks.

Bart begins to feel guilt and regret for his actions during the race.  For some reason, the entire town honors Bart for his school race victory, where Bart attempts to set the record straight by bringing Milhouse on stage, but is unable to go through with the truth.  Just then, Kearney shoots a rubber band which hits Milhouse right in the head, causing him to remember the beating - and that Bart ran off like a coward.  The town turns on Bart and boos him away.  Bart tries to get advice from Grampa on his supposed cowardice, where Grampa and the other seniors admit its only because of their cowardice that they've been able to live as long as they have despite the night terrors they have to sometimes deal with, and Bart has to now deal with.

On the 4th of July, Homer and the elder fireworks engineer have prepared a show on the lake, but the two get into an argument over when to start the show and then on which date America was actually liberated.  The argument causes the fireworks float to tip over, aiming the fireworks at the crowd.  A missed shot by Kearney hits the sequence start button, and the fireworks begins to fire up.  Bart gets the opportunity to hijack an armored van somehow, but in an effort to make things up with Milhouse, decides to take his friend with him.  Just as the fireworks begin to fire, Bart drives the van up in front of the crowd to shield them from the rockets, essentially saving them.  The crowd wonders who was behind the heroics, when Bart pushes Milhouse out in front of the crowd, leading everyone to believe he was the hero.  The crowd gathers around to celebrate their hero Milhouse, as well as their coward Bart for whatever reason.  In any case, Bart can sleep soundly again.

Quick Review
This episode scored better than I thought it would, especially after its slow beginning.  There were some pretty decent jokes, and Homer's sidestory was good as well.  Its a decent way to end the season.

Final Score: 7.0

The Winter of His Content (S25, E14-544)

At long last Grampa can be proud of his son.

Plot Summary
The Springfield Retirement Castle is forced to close down due to several health violations.  As Homer and Marge go to take Grampa home, Marge notices two other old men with nowhere to go: Jasper and the "Old Jewish Man".  Feeling sorry for them, Marge lets them come home with them and Grampa.  Naturally, Homer and Marge have difficulty taking care of the three old men and their various needs.  Homer is nearing a breaking point but is encouraged by Lisa to be nicer to them at the very least.  Homer takes Lisa's advice to heart and decides to spend time with the old men.  Upon doing so, he comes to realize that with 6 AM breakfast, mall walking that counts as exercise, among other things, the old man lifestyle can actually be really great.  As such, Homer does everything possible to become an old man, which bothers Marge immensely.

Meanwhile, at school, its learned Nelson is forced to wear his mom's old panties, being unable to afford his own.  As kids laugh at Nelson, Bart decides to stand up for Nelson, revealing he, too, wears hand-me-down underwear.  Afterward, Nelson is extremely grateful to Bart, so much so that he takes Bart to a bully hideout where Jimbo and pals make Bart an honorary bully.  Later, they decide to attend a bully convention out of town, but while there a rather radical bully hits the leader of the bully congregation with Bart's slingshot, pinning the blame on Bart.

Bart and the bullies find a way to escape the wrath of the bully congregate, with Nelson sacrificing himself for the cause, but the radical bully and his gang chase the four all the way back to Springfield, setting up a possible beatdown.  Homer and the old men chance upon this, and with the old men unwilling (and/or possibly unable) to help, Homer realizes he's still a bit too young to consider himself old and rushes in to punch away the radical bully and his gang, saving Bart and the others.

Quick Review
The episode started off strong, as I really enjoyed the old man and Homer storyline.  I didn't expect the Bart sidestory to take over the latter portion of the episode, though, and considering how weak that subplot was it really brought the episode down.  The episode also ended in a rather sudden, awkward manner that didn't work at all.  This episode had some potential that just fell apart when it shifted away from that potential.

Final Score: 7.1

Specs and the City (S25, E11-541)

Behold!  The sex of tomorrow... today!

Plot Summary
In December, Mr. Burns somehow becomes 'nice' to his employees by giving them a decent Christmas gift: glasses that look and operate somewhat like Google Glass because that's the hip new thing the writers probably liked 10 months ago when writing this episode, but aren't called that here because of copyrights I guess, so I'm just gonna call them Googles.

Anyway, Burns predictably has a sinister plot behind this: all of the Googles have been rigged with surveillance cameras so that Burns can keep an eye on everyone at all times.  Still, the employees all love the Googles, Homer especially.  Bringing his Google antics home, Homer begins to annoy Marge with his overuse of the Googles, even interfering with their snuggle time.  That's the last straw for Marge, and Homer regrets what he's done.  To make up for it, he gives up his Googles to anybody in the family who would have them.  Surprisingly, Marge is the one who claims them, stating that for once, she gets to keep the neat fun thing.

Soon, though, Homer regrets giving up his Googles, and goes to Mr. Burns office to plead for another pair.  Burns isn't around, though, and Homer notices the surveillance system his boss set up.  Homer is intrigued with all of his co-workers activities, but takes notice with the monitor for him - as its the camera currently focused on his former Googles that Marge is now wearing.

After a couple of 'false alarms' for cheating, and Homer successfully warding off an incompetent Burns, Homer watches Marge go to a clinic for therapy.  Stunned, Homer goes to Moe's for advice, and the barkeep tells Homer to confront Marge, but do so in an 'accidental' manner to avoid her wrath, doing so by setting up an appointment to the same therapist right after Marge.  Homer believes this to be a good idea, and does just that.  However, at the office, Homer sees Marge (she doesn't see him), and is ready to make a move, but realizes that Marge actually, really, needs the therapy as she's a wreck just before but a ball of joyous happiness after.  Thus, Homer leaves her be, and goes home to reap the benefits of a post-therapy Marge.

While this is all happening, Bart is being forced by his school to give Valentine's Day cards to everyone in class, citing the pampered state of today's kids and such.  However, Bart refuses to give a card to Nelson, given that Nelson's a bully and all.  Slighted, Nelson forces Bart to give him a card anyway, or face his wrath.  Frustrated, Bart eventually gives Nelson a "I fear you" card, stating his true feelings towards Nelson, which the young man takes to heart.

Quick Review
Well, after the last episode and given the previews for this one, this turned out better than what I expected.  Its not a great episode by any means, with not too many good jokes and the side plot was too short to be of any worth, but this wasn't a bad episode, either.

Final Score: 7.0

The Spy Who Learned Me (S23, E20-506)

For a figment of Homer's concussion, this guy can sure be creepy.

Plot Summary
Homer ruins another night out with Marge by blurting out puns during a Stradivarius Cain spy movie.  Marge remains mad at Homer the next day, and Homer tries to call Marge while at work to apologize.  Mr. Burns can't control his personal cart, and drives right into the ladder Homer is standing on, causing him to fall and hit his head.  As Homer comes to, he learns he suffered a concussion, and with recent concussion awareness, Mr. Burns is forced to give Homer eight weeks worth of paid vacation to recover.  He goes home to tell everybody, but everybody is cranky for one reason or another, so Homer decides to keep the news to himself.

Bart is cranky because Nelson's been going on a lunch money crusade as of late.  Some time later, though, Bart sees a documentary where Declan Desmond eats nothing but Krusty Burger for a full month, eventually turning into a fat sack of lard.  Bart realizes that can happen to Nelson as well, and the next day instead of giving Nelson lunch money, Bart gives Nelson actual lunch: tons of Krusty Burger food, and a book full of Krusty Burger coupons to blow.  Soon enough, Nelson becomes fat and feeble.  Lisa catches on to Bart's scheme and decides to help Nelson.  She confronts Krusty over Nelson's problem, and Krusty eventually relents and lets his personal trainer get Nelson back in shape.

Homer goes to the bar on his first day off, somewhat upset that he can't tell his angry wife about his vacation time.  Just then, Stradivarius Cain appears next to Homer.  Revealing himself to be a figment of Homer's imagination induced by his concussion, Cain promises to help Homer improve his marriage anyway.  After some time, Cain sends Homer out into 'the field' to test his new courting skill.  After Cain basically tells Homer what to say, Homer is able to woo an attractive woman... with a murderous drug lord as her husband.  Homer is able to subdue the man with lime juice and he and Cain make their escape.

Marge tries to visit Homer at work, apparently no longer upset at him, but Lenny tells her Homer hasn't been around because of his paid time off.  Marge angrily goes home, ready to confront Homer.  When she does so, Cain skillfully gets Homer to calm Marge down by basically telling the truth: that he did get time off but he's been using it to become a better husband.  Homer takes Marge to some kind of ball or dance and the two are having a lot of fun... but the drug lord is there as well and Homer is forced to flee from him and his still madly-in-love wife.

With Marge basically having no idea what's going on, Homer hits himself with a rock to induce Cain back.  It work's eventually, and Cain advices Homer to use everything he's learned from Cain thus far.  So, Homer gives the same speech he gave the drug lord's wife... to the drug lord himself, and he backs off, gaining some respect for Homer.  Homer and Marge continue their romantic night, and Cain promises to be back in a another lame plot.  The episode ends with nerds across school getting pounded by the all new, all muscle Nelson, whom Lisa admits is easy on the eyes now.

Quick Review
Another subpar episode, but it has a few moments.  Homer's interactions with concussion induced Cain were pretty decent overall, and the Nelson sideplot started off okay before tapering at the end.  The whole thing with the drug lord was mostly boring, holding the episode back.  In all, its about as decent as you can expect from this season.

Final Score: 6.6

Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts (S23, E02-488)

All hail President Roosevelt!  May his four years be full of conquest!

Plot Summary
Bart's latest prank leaves Principal Skinner looking like a fool during a school auction.  Frustrated, Skinner isn't willing to deal with Superintendent Chalmers' usual remarks.  Instead, Skinner lashes out against Chalmers, insisting he try teaching Bart once to see what hell he goes through everyday.  Chalmers casually agrees, though in a private moment he needs to get himself together, not having actually taught in quite some time.

Chalmers meets up with Bart at the library, and though Chalmers has trouble getting Bart to care about Presidents at first, the wise Superintendent gets Bart to focus on a specific one: Theodore Roosevelt, who led quite the wild life in his day.  Bart becomes completely engrossed in the life of the first President Roosevelt, and to supplement Bart's learning, Chalmers takes Bart out to a park founded by Roosevelt.  Bart recounts the tales of ol' Teddy to Milhouse, Nelson, Jimbo and Dolph, and they all want to be taught by Chalmers instead.

Chalmers is happy to see so many boys take an interest in Roosevelt, especially as he believes that public schools have become too wrapped up in teaching feelings instead.  He takes the five boys camping in hopes of uncovering a pair of spectacles worn by the President.  On that trip, Nelson finds the glasses while hanging off the edge of a cliff, but it gives way and Nelson takes a small yet painful fall.  Later, Nelson's mom threatens to sue the school for Nelson's injuries and as Chalmers took the boys on an unapproved trip, the comptroller relieves Chalmers of his duties.

Bart finds regular school boring again, and finds a defeated Chalmers hard to talk to.  Soon, Bart gathers up the "Brotherhood of the Spectacles", which includes himself, the four other boys as well as Kearney now, to come up with a plan to get Chalmers' job back.  Bart's plan is simple: take over the school and not relinquish it until Chalmers is hired again.  The operation goes rather smoothly as Bart is able to convince Skinner and every teacher to go outside to check on their equally pathetic cars.  As the boys threaten to ruin an expensive photocopier should Skinner try to break in, the police are brought in to end the standoff.  Chalmers then appears and tries to convince the boys to stand down, but they hold their ground.  Chief Wiggum is about to storm the school, but fumbles his gun and it shoots the comptroller in the knee.  The comptroller willingly gives Chalmers a better version of his job back, and Chalmers is back making Skinner feel bad again.  Chalmers and Bart go on another ride through Roosevelt's park, probably friends or something.

Quick Review
Not that long ago, I lamented over the change of Superintendent Chalmers' character, how even a character such as him that was introduced as being so normal could also succumb to be a caricature of his former self.  For the most part, this episode does a better job treating Chalmers' character right aside from a couple of odd Skinner-related moments.  The humor is also much improved from the previous episode, but there some sketchy moments as well that held the episode back a bit.  Overall, its still nothing special in terms of comedy but I appreciate the effort of an episode that focuses on Chalmers and doing it decently well.

Final Score: 6.9

Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life (S22, E05-469)

There aren't large quantities of kids that do that anymore... are there?

Plot Summary
A gas station is hosting a promotion where its giving away a series of toys that Maggie really likes, and she already has every one except for the rarest one.  Homer decides to get Maggie that last toy, but the nearest gas station involved in the promotion is way out of town.  Homer and the family go there, but Homer is unable to win the toy despite spending way too much money on gas to win several more chances.  Homer eventually gives up and drives back in defeat.  He takes an odd route back, but Marge recognizes the area as the one she grew up in as a child.  She visits her old house, now occupied by a shut in or something, and retrieves a box full of her old stuff.  Lisa notices lots of tests, quizzes and assignments done by Marge that have high marks, leaving Lisa to wonder how Marge could've ended up like she did if she had such high grades.

Lisa looks into the matter further and notices Marge's grade plummeted in 12th grade, right when she met Homer.  Lisa talks to Homer about this and Homer says that even if he hadn't met Marge, some other distraction - either a boy or some kind of hobby - would've come along to take Marge off the academic path, and that it'll happen to Lisa as well.  Refusing to accept the possibility of getting bad grades, Lisa rids herself of her distractions, including her saxophone.  Homer tells Marge about the conversation, which really gets to Marge.  The next morning, Marge confronts Lisa over her attitude, and Lisa does admit that she doesn't want to end up like Marge, leaving her mother scorned.

Meanwhile, Bart runs afoul of Nelson, but thanks to some luck Nelson mostly incapacitates himself, but the kids in school see it as though Bart beat Nelson up, taking over as the school's bully.  The next few encounters with Nelson end up in similar fashion, but Nelson gets so angered with these events he promises to annihilate Bart at some point.  Bart talks to Marge about it, who advises him to compliment Nelson to end his rage.  Bart tries it out, and he's able to make it work after complimenting Nelson's punching skill, and the two walk away as friends again.

Lisa may be able to avoid distractions at home, but she definitely can't do anything about the distractions at school.  On the bus ride home, she sees a bus coming from a gifted private school, and Lisa wants her parents to get her into that.  It's too expensive of course, but when Homer, Marge and Lisa talk to the school's head, Marge demands a private word with the guy.  A short time later, the head agrees to let Lisa attend on a full scholarship.  Lisa is thrilled to attend the school of her dreams, but learns soon afterward that there is no scholarship; Marge agreed to wash every school uniform so that Lisa can attend.  Marge tells Lisa that she doesn't want Lisa to end up like her.  Lisa, feeling bad for what's happened, comes up with a flimsy excuse to not go to her new school anymore, and admits that she'd be honored to end up like Marge.  The two hug, but Lisa worries about herself still.  Just then, Bart and Nelson walk in after some kind of binge, and Homer reveals he got Maggie her toy, if only because he broke into the gas station and stole it.

Quick Review
Season 22 has been very heavy with Lisa-related plotlines so far.  The first four non-Halloween episodes all have storylines that have a focus on Lisa, but they've mostly been okay to this point.  This episode is also okay, though that's mostly because of Homer's involvement in the episode, jokes around him were pretty good, and Bart's sidestory had some good humor as well.  Lisa's main story with Marge is, perhaps predictably, not that funny outside of Homer's bits, but its nice to see Lisa come in conflict with Marge instead of Homer for a change of pace.

Final Score: 7.1

Loan-a Lisa (S22, E02-466)

Lisa just can't deal with the sad, sad truth.

Plot Summary
Grampa decides to give the family their inheritance money: $50 each.  They go to a store to spend it where Marge finds a nice purse for $50; however the tag was covered and the purse actually goes for $500.  With friends and critiquers ready to ridicule Marge for her relative lack of money, Marge rebukes them by buying the purse anyway.  She promises Homer she'll return it the next day, but Homer decides to let Marge take it out once for dinner.  Marge tries to be extra cautious to make sure the bag gets through the dinner clean, but Homer gets just a tiny bit of cocktail sauce on it, and Marge is in a panic.  Still, she tries to return it the next day, and is able to get a full refund from it regardless.  While Marge is relieved, Homer sees a potential in buying expensive crap only to return it for full price, and decides to exploit it in a way only Homer can.  Of course, after buying and trying to return dozens of items, Chris Hansen and his TV crew are able to catch Homer in the act and he is forced to stop though more than happy to be on TV.

Meanwhile, Lisa decides to use her $50 to give to someone as part of a "micro-loan" meant for the less fortunate to start up a small business, a program set up by the notable Muhammad Yunus.  Lisa looks around, and finds someone in East Springfield looking for a loan: Nelson, who wants to start up a bike repair service.  Lisa decides to anonymous loan Nelson the $50.  Quickly, Nelson's business becomes a success and he's able to hire workers to help him out at $11 an hour.  Lisa decides to reveal to Nelson she's the loaner, and Nelson thanks Lisa for that, but then he tells Lisa he's going to quit school to focus on the shop, which stuns Lisa.

Lisa tries to convince Principal Skinner to keep Nelson in school, but Skinner is more interested in the high paying job Nelson is offering.  Lisa takes Nelson to an Entrepreneur Expo where the two meet Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook.  Lisa hopes Zuckerberg can convince Nelson to stay in school, but Mark tells Lisa that he, and several other highly successful people actually dropped out of college.  Lisa is once again defeated.  Later, though, Lisa finds Nelson's shop overrun with angry customers whose bikes have fallen apart.  It turns out Nelson has been using a water-soluble glue, meaning its not weather resistant.  Unaware of this, Nelson is convinced he needs to stay in school for at least awhile longer, which pleases Lisa.  Nelson loans Skinner $50 to get the school back on track, and spends the rest of the money to take himself and Lisa roller skating, where the two remain friends while tripping up other skaters not that Lisa is trying to do that.

Quick Review
Well, this episode wasn't all that good.  The sidestory involving Homer had some potential but it was too short and the way it ended with Chris Hanson was just weird.  What ended up being the main plot with Nelson wasn't all that funny either, and the appearances by Zuckerberg and Yunus really didn't do much for me.

Final Score: 6.3

Stealing First Base (S21, E15-456)

When one assumes the role of Bart Simpson, one must assume all of the risks.

Plot Summary
Mrs. Krabappel is away for a few days, but as the school can't afford a substitute, her 4th grade class merges with the other 4th grade for the interim.  As Nelson ends up befriending a blind boy, the adventures of which are touched upon throughout the episode, Bart sits next to Nikki, a girl whom Bart is able to befriend.  Bart also has feelings for her, but going to Homer yields no advice other than to talk to Grampa about women.  So, Bart gets advice from Grampa to 'steal' a kiss from Nikki to gauge how interested she really is toward him.  The next day, Bart does so, but Nikki is left disgusted by the act.  Soon, Nikki's parents, both of whom are uptight lawyers, threaten to sue both the school and Bart's parents if measures aren't taken to prevent PDAs at the school.  Superintendent Chalmers and Principal Skinner are forced to comply, and Homer and Marge are forced to prevent Bart from seeing Nikki again.  However, once the ban is in place, Nikki sees and subsequently kisses Bart herself, confusing the hell out of him.  Still, he doesn't mind kissing, and the two are together again, I guess.

Meanwhile, Lisa is given an F on her test.  As she begins to think about doomsday scenarios, she starts noticing people are starting to like her because of the F she got.  However, Ms. Hoover tells Lisa in front of everyone that the F was actually for Ralph and Lisa actually got an A+++.  Now everyone hates her again.  Lisa complains about it on her organic gardening blog where she gets a rather quick reply to keep in good spirits from a "Flotus1".  Some time later, a helicopter flies in, revealing the first lady of the United States - Michelle Obama (voiced by someone else, though).  Michelle points out Lisa, as 'Flotus' is an acronym for "First Lady of the United States" and therefore is an avid follower of Lisa's blog, and tells everyone not to mess with the academics because they'll rule the world when they grow up and you don't want to be on their list.

As the helicopter leaves, Bart and Nikki are on the roof, and while they enjoyed that moment, Bart tries to imply the two are a couple, which Nikki can't stand the thought of.  Bart has enough and tries to leave before she hurts him, but bumps into an air duct and falls off the building.  He's unconscious and having trouble breathing, but nobody in the school can give Bart CPR because of the ban on PDAs.  Nikki makes her way towards Bart anyway and gives him CPR anyway, saving Bart's life maybe.  The ban on PDAs is lifted, and Nikki remains hot and cold to Bart, who still has no idea what's going on.

Quick Review
So, this was a poor episode.  It really gives off a, I dunno, a feeling of disconnect.  Between Michelle Obama appearing telling kids to be friends with the smart kids, to the Itchy & Scratchy movie cartoon fully parodying a 'deep' cult movie, to the cliched main storyline complete with oversensitive lawyer parents, the entire episode seemed really out of place even compared to other episodes of this season, and it was difficult finding anything even worth a smirk, Nelson's tertiary story and Grampa's appearance being the closest things to humor there was.

Final Score: 5.7

Bart Gets a Z (S21, E02-443)

He should've looked online for self-help, didn't Zack teach him anything?

Plot Summary
Its another typical day in Edna Krabappel's life, but she's still dedicated to teaching her class something every day.  This is made extremely more difficult nowadays as every kids in her class liberally uses their cell phones, phones they have for good reason ('safety') but aren't being used as such.  Tired of them, Krabappel forces the class to give her their phones.  After school, the kids gather up to complain about the strict Edna, where Bart takes a cue from Homer and decides that if Edna had some alcohol in her, she'd be more fun.  The kids steal some booze from their parents, and Bart mixes all of it together with some Hazelnut creamer to mask the taste, and slips it into her coffee.  Within a short period of time Edna gets pretty wasted and makes a public fool of herself across school.

Principal Skinner has no choice but to fire Edna for the incident.  The class feels bad about it, and Bart is ready to admit his wrongdoing, but just then a new teacher comes in.  The guy, who lets the class just call him Zack, is fresh out of college and tries to teach students how to master technology to gather their facts instead of just learning or memorizing them.  Still, Bart feels a little guilty and visits Mrs. Krabappel at her apartment.  Edna is in a miserable state, with bills piling up and having no sense of effort anymore.  Bart wants to help Edna out, but he and everyone else loves Zack so much he doesn't really want her to be a teacher again.  Just then, a woman advertises a self help book disguised as an epic quest called "The Answer" and Bart goes all in on it.  He details the book to Edna, and she decides to give it a try because, really, she doesn't have much else doing on.  The book has her write down her dream, to own a muffin store, and with some help from Bart the two are able to start up a muffin store.  Bart is relieved Edna is back on her feet, but lets that much slip out, making Edna suspicious.  Bart relents and tells Edna that he was the one who spiked her coffee that day.  Edna goes off, stating that her real dream was to be a teacher and, worse yet, tells Bart he has nothing good inside of him.

That last statement really gets to Bart, and he starts contemplating whether to get Zack fired to let Edna back in.  Late at night, Bart sneaks into class to sneak booze into Zack's favorite energy drink, but eventually opts against doing so.  The next morning, Bart simply tells Skinner what he did.  Skinner thanks Bart for his honesty (by punishing him severely), but tells him that as long as Zack is competent he has no plans to replace him with Edna.  However, just then Zack blares out anti-kid sentiments out in the hallways.  It turns out he's getting drunk from his spiked energy drink.  Bart didn't do it, however, as it was Zack himself who had snapped, poured vodka into his drink himself, and is dragged off yelling out typical conspiracy theories and such.  Edna is given her job back, and gives the class her old, stale muffin as a sly payback for what they did to her earlier.

Quick Review
Early in my run of episodes I came across a few episodes that I felt were dated.  Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment is a good example of this.  I always though it a little weird whenever the show even mentions newer technology for whatever reason.  At one point Homer tries to start up an Internet company despite having no idea what the Internet even was, then in a much later episode Homer uses the Internet to easily acquire a license.  I mean, yeah, it sounds silly to let such things bother me considering that the show even precedes Windows 3.0, but that's how it is.

So from that, the sight of seeing the kids all using cell phones to text and, hell, even tweet, really just bugs me.  Not enough to hurt the episode's already low score in anyway, but its still bothersome for me regardless.

Anyway, my personal preferences aside, this ends up being another subpar episode where the comedy is lacking.  The whole bit with glorifying "The Answer" didn't do anything for me, and plot had stretches where there was nothing funny.

Final Score: 6.3

How the Test Was Won (S20, E11-431)

Skinner is likely thinking "this is still not worse than Vietnam... right?"

Plot Summary
Its the first day of school, and the kids have varying levels of excitement for it.  However, Principal Skinner informs the kids that they'll be taking federally-mandated aptitude tests in a couple of weeks, and the students' performance will affect funding.  As a result, everyone in school goes through a two week course of test preparation, including learning answer patterns.  The day of the test arrives, and both Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers are there to inform Bart that he got a perfect score on a practice test, and as a result gets to skip the real test and have a pizza party elsewhere.  Bart is thrilled, but soon finds out that it was a ruse; the bus with the other 'top scores' includes only Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney, Nelson and Ralph.  It turns out that Skinner and Chalmers are pushing aside the kids who would provide low test scores and the school can't afford any screw ups.  Chalmers agrees, and tricks Skinner onto the bus as well as it goes off.

In a side story, Homer is tasked by Marge to pay the insurance bill, which has come in handy for Homer's various accidents.  However, Homer forgets, and soon two weeks have passed (the same two weeks as earlier), and Homer finally realizes what's happened.  He sends the bill directly to the office, but reads a sign stating nobody will be back until 3 PM, and makes it a mission to avoid getting hurt.  Upon carefully returning home, Homer also realizes that nobody else can get hurt on his property or he'll be liable.  Worse yet, Marge is hosting a book club, whose patrons are walking a fine line of danger.  Homer is able to keep everyone there safe, but accidentally throws out a small knife that hits someone outside.  It's Mr. Burns, but luckily for Homer it was 3:01 when Burns was hit, so insurance will have it covered (probably).

Skinner, despite having been betrayed by Chalmers, still follows the mission of taking the boys to Capital City for the day.  However, Skinner takes the boys for a bathroom break, and upon returning is stunned to find the bus scrapped for parts.  The group now travels Capital City on foot, but Skinner loses track of Ralph, who somehow winds up on a trash barge.  Skinner tries to warn a nearby crane operator, but accidentally knocks him out instead, causing the container the guy was lifting to bust open and spill out pianos, right in the path of Ralph and the barge.  Skinner busts into action and jumps on top of the container, and runs around it, using the principle of conservation of angular motion to move the container away from the barge.  The boys are impressed that Skinner has actually applied knowledge to save Ralph, and the group rides the barge back to Springfield.

Throughout all of this, Chalmers has handled the test day rather poorly, giving everyone test anxiety (except Milhouse apparently).  Worse yet, Lisa has completely fallen apart, finding herself unable to answer a single question, and is ready to lament the failure that will be the rest of her life.  However, Skinner busts in just in time with the boys, and puts a halt to the test, realizing that real knowledge is acquired not in school, but on the streets.  Lisa is saved, I guess, and to celebrate the occasion, Skinner abolishes his ban on dancing.

Quick Review
This episode starts off slow and ends on a worthless note with the dancing.  The portions inbetween were alright, particularly Homer when he isn't insured, but it isn't enough to save the episode.

Final Score: 6.6

Dial 'N' for Nerder (S19, E14-414)

Whew, this is too hot for me, how did this pass censors, my goodness gracious.

Plot Summary
Marge is worried about Homer's weight, and gets him to go on another diet, this time one focused around eating nothing but bell peppers.  However, Homer actually gains weight afterwards, and Marge becomes ultra suspicious.  She sees on TV a show where a group of people catch men cheating on their wives, and Marge decides to give them a try in an attempt to catch Homer cheating on his diet.

Bart and Lisa are pushed out of the house while Marge does that.  The two decide to go to Springfield National Park.  They find Martin Prince, doing some kind of archaeological thing, and Lisa joins in.  Bart, though, goes off on his own.  He sees Sideshow Mel sleeping nearby, and decides to steal his hair-bone to set up a prank.  Bart calls Martin over to look at the bone, attached to a string where Bart pulls it nearby.  It hits Martin in the head, and he tumbles over a fence off a cliff.  Lisa tries to save him, but it doesn't work, and Martin falls a rather steep distance.  The Simpson kids freak out, Bart especially, and they return home.

Lisa tries to urge Bart to go rescue Martin, but after returning home they see on the news that Martin has likely died, perhaps when a nearby cougar came and ate him (or at least his shirt).  Lisa realizes that she's an accomplice to murder.  Unwilling to go to jail over it, Lisa snaps Bart out of it, and the two try to live on, given that Martin's death has been ruled an accident.  Neither does it very well, soon attracting the suspicions of Nelson Muntz, who begins to investigate what happened.  A short time later, Nelson comes across the two, and reveals he found the bone with the string attached, freaking out both kids even more.

Meanwhile, the crew sent to trail Homer find a gold mine as Homer is in fact cheating on his diet, and in rather disgusting ways.  Eventually, they tell Marge about it in hopes that she'll explode on him in good TV fashion.  However, Marge realizes the crew doesn't care about mending her relationship with Homer, only caring about ratings instead, and shoos them away as she forgives Homer for his hidden gluttony.

Lisa learns that Bart has gone to Martin's house to "end it all".  However, Bart, who had picked up Martin's locker belongings out of guilt, is instead tending to a flock of cocoons Martin had set up previously after reading a journal Martin had written about it.  After seeing butterflies break free from them, Lisa admits that she's going crazy trying to hide what happened, and openly admits they killed Martin.  Nelson is right there, having taped the confession, but so is Martin, who has survived.  Martin informs them that his underpants' large elasticity helped him survive the fall while at the same time throwing him away from the cougar onto a small island where he spent lots of time creating a garment to hide his shame.  With Martin alive, Bart and Lisa are off the hook, though Lisa realizes just how dark she can be.  Nelson closes the episode by referencing a show from the 70s in a Family Guy-esque manner.

Quick Review
The episode started off pretty well and held up okay for the most apart, but fell apart at the end when jokes were thrown aside to bring some humorless conclusions to both storylines.  The reference Nelson gives at the end was just completely random filler that served no purpose, really, and it really brings down what was otherwise a pretty decent episode.

Final Score: 6.8

The Debarted (S19, E13-413)

Bart can't believe these kids are drawing him for art class, moreso than his predicament.

Plot Summary
Marge crashes Homer's car while trying to take the kids to school.  Homer gets it repaired, but it'll take a week so in the meantime he's given a loaner car to drive (is this really a thing, I've never seen this).  The loaner car is much, much better than his old one, so when Homer's car is fixed, he refuses to go get it, opting to keep the nicer loaner.  However, later, Homer sees that his car is being sold for $99 at the car shop, and that a group of low-brow individuals are about to buy and ruin it.  Homer realizes his error and quickly reclaims his old car.

Meanwhile, Bart is being upstaged by a new kid at school, Donny.  After Homer cheers him up, Bart decides to pull a massive prank on Principal Skinner, which works like a charm.  However, when Skinner returns to find who did it, Donny takes the fall.  This act gets to Bart, who now considers Donny a friend.  However, it turns out that Donny and Skinner are working together, in hopes of Donny getting close to Bart and learning all of his schemes and plots so they can be stopped.

This plan works for awhile, as all of Bart's pranks seem to backfire on him, earning Skinner a good laugh.  A frustrated Bart, though, gets help from Groundskeeper Willie, who lets him know there's a rat in his group (but doesn't know who).  Bart rounds up his posse, which is him, Milhouse, Nelson and now Donny, and Bart fingers Milhouse to be that rat, stuffing him in a locker some ways away.  With that out of the way, Bart reveals a new scheme: to egg Skinner's house with large ostrich eggs.  A short time later, though, Bart sees that Skinner's tongue is blue; he had given Donny 'bluevines' earlier as a sign of friendship, and only those things could give a tongue that blue hue.  Bart realizes who the real rat is.

On the night of the egging, Bart and Nelson lead Donny to a shack near the school which Willie allows them access too.  Bart outs Donny as the rat, who reveals that Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers plucked Donny from an orphanage for the specific purpose of getting close to Bart.  Bart then reveals an even bigger scheme that Donny won't be able to stop: destroying Skinner's office with a combination of Mentos and Diet Coke.  However, Skinner and Chalmers are both right there, having been tipped off by another mole: Willie.  Nelson runs off, but the two capture Bart, and plan on sending him to juvenile hall.  Donny, feeling miserable for his part in this, rebels and takes the nearby Diet Coke and Mentos, and smashes them together.  Bart and Donny are able to escape the ensuing carnage, and Bart and Donny become real friends with no ulterior motives.

Quick Review
This wasn't that good of an episode.  Homer's loaner car subplot was too short for it to have any potential, and the main plot was really lacking in humor, which is a shame given the characters involved are usually good for a few laughs.

Final Score: 6.7

Love, Springfieldian Style (S19, E12-412)

Violence is the hottest turn on.

Plot Summary
Its Valentine's Day, and Homer takes Marge to a carnival under the idea that with the kids busy with the carnival, he can spend some alone time with Marge.  The two try to make out in a tunnel of love, but Bart sabotages it by throwing in a barrel full of Jello, essentially halting the ride.  Stuck, Homer decides to get Marge back in the mood by telling a love story.

Bonnie and Clyde
Bonnie Parker (Marge) feels the need for the dangerous outlaw life, and gets it from Clyde Barrow (Homer), who hook up after Clyde robs a store (that he co-owns).  Clyde realizes that Bonnie gets turned on by crime, and so the two of them rob bank after bank for the purpose of hot crime-fueled sex.  After one robbery, though, Clyde's car breaks down, but they get help from an unwitting driver (Flanders), who helps them escape despite not knowing who they are or what they do.  Eventually, the clueless man does figure they're robbers and, worse yet, they're in a marriage-less relationship.  The man goes to the police and he helps lead Bonnie and Clyde into a trap, where the two are shot to death.  In the present time, the story fails to impress Marge.
Individual Score: +0.4

Shady and the Vamp
With the kids meeting up with Homer and Marge, demanding they be told a love story, Marge decides to tell a parody of Lady and the Tramp.  "Shady" (Homer) is an alley mutt, who finds the classy dog Vamp (Marge) highly attractive, and is able to convince her to go on a date.  After a romantic dinner, Shady is able to bang Vamp, but the next morning Vamp shows signs she's pregnant, and Shady makes a run for it.  Vamp believes Shady will return, and Shady vows to return, but he never does, and Vamp gives birth to puppies.  These two puppies (Bart and Lisa) wish to find Shady, and despite Vamp's complete disregard for Shady now, the two go out to search for him.  Shady sees the two and tries to hide from them, but then sees them captured by a dog catcher (Willie), and decides to rescue them.  He attacks the dog catcher and is able to free the two puppies as well as a Goofy knockoff.  He brings them back to Vamp and promises to stay with her, and the puppies, even though Vamp reveals she actually gave birth to nine other puppies as well.
Individual Score: +0.1

Sid and Nancy
Bart tries to make things interesting by telling a love story of his own: the ever-happy tale of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen!  Nancy (Lisa) is in London with her "boyfriend" (Milhouse), when she hears the Sex Pistols playing.  She quickly becomes enamored with the band's guitarist (Nelson; the other members are Jimbo, Dolph and the leader, Bart).  She buys "chocolate" in an attempt to get close to Sid, and the plan works out as the two share some "chocolate" together.  The two then spend days, weeks, months hanging out together on "chocolate" binges.  Sid gets so high on "chocolate", he can barely do anything.  It reaches a boiling point in a Sex Pistols concert in Texas, where Sid's "chocolate" high leaves him unable to perform.  The leader chides Sid for it, but Nancy has enough and gets Sid to quit the group.  The two attempt to go on their own with anti-rock soft music, but when that doesn't pan out the two just live out their lives on their continued chocolate addiction.
Individual Score: +0.0

Quick Review
So, this was a pretty forgettable episode.  The Bonnie and Clyde segment was okay, but nothing special.  The dog one would be alright except there really wasn't anything that funny about it.  The jokes in the final segment were hit or miss, and pretty much cancelled each other out.  It all combines to make a rather poor episode, continuing a string of low quality that is really hurting this season.

Final Score: 5.9

The Haw-Hawed Couple (S18, E08-386)

Beating up a guy dressed as Doctor Octopus is much more fun with a friend!

Plot Summary
Nelson attempts to force everyone to go to his birthday party again.  Bart has enough and convinces everyone not to go.  At home, Bart brags about this accomplishment, but Marge overhears and chides Bart for his mean act, forcing him to go to that party.  There, Bart realizes that the party actually has a nice setup, with edible food and actual entertainment, but as expected nobody else is there.  Nelson greets Bart, panicked that no one else has shown up, but the two end up having genuine fun.  The next day, Bart is ready to move on as normal, however he's stunned to find Nelson asking Bart to sit next to him, as Nelson considers Bart his new best friend.

Bart initially tries to opt out, but after he's saved from Jimbo by Nelson, realizes that by sticking with Nelson he'll have some protection.  The two quickly become best friends, with Bart even receiving a vest like Nelson's to wear.  One day, though, Milhouse confronts Bart over recent events, pressuring Bart into flying kites with him.  Nelson witnesses Bart doing this, and confronts Bart over it a short time later angrily.  Nelson soon apologizes for his behavior, but Bart isn't interested in this kind of relationship and ends his friendship with Nelson, which basically means Nelson's going to annihilate him at some point now.

Meanwhile, Lisa forces Homer to read her a bedtime story.  Homer reads a tale about Angelica Button, a story rather similar to another famous wizard story, but he quickly becomes entrenched in its story.  He wants to read further on his own, but Lisa makes him promise to only read the book with her.  Still, Homer can't resist, and as Lisa is off at a friend's house, Homer reads ahead, where he learns that Greystash (whom he had inserted himself into in scenes), dies in the book's climatic battle to save the young Button.  Homer is devastated by the ending, even more so when he realizes he'll have to read the ending to Lisa, likely ending her childhood.  Not willing to let that happen, Homer makes up a new ending as he reads to Lisa, one where Greystash lives and wins, and Button is freed somehow, and the two have a happy ending.  Lisa appreciates Homer reading the entire book, and after reading the real ending afterward she still prefers Homer's version.

The 4th grade class goes on a field trip to some tide pools for some reason.  In a cave nearby, Nelson confronts Bart once more.  Bart expects a few punches, but instead Nelson lectures Bart over how bad of a friend he's been, interested in Nelson's protection but not his friendship.  Bart tries to defend himself, but the cave is flooded by the tide.  Nelson is able to save Bart, but their friendship is officially over, and the status quo is returned.  Still, Bart will treasure that wonderful week he and Nelson were friends.

Quick Review
This episode is one of the best ones thus far early this season.  Both the main plot and the secondary plot have good moments, with Homer and Lisa's sidestory particularly endearing, and while the quantity of jokes still isn't what it was, this time around the quality was there, and it makes for a good episode.

Final Score: 7.4

Girls Just Want to Have Sums (S17, E19-375)

The saga of Jake "Toilet" Boymen almost ended before it began.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons see a play about Itchy & Scratchy.  Its a hit, and afterwords the crowd demands to see its director, Juliana.  As she goes to thank the crowd, Principal Skinner comes out of nowhere to point out that she graduated from Springfield Elementary in an effort to point out that such graduates actually have futures.  However, Skinner accidentally states that girls are weaker than boys in math and science, the 'real' subjects, and there is instant backlash.  At a later press conference, Skinner tries to make up for it, but only makes things much worse.  Superintendent Chalmers has no choice but to relieve Skinner of his duties, and appoint a new Principal: Melanie Upfoot.  The first thing she does is to separate the school into halves: one for boys and the other for girls.

At first, Lisa is thrilled that she'll finally be able to learn without boys getting in the way.  Upon entering the newly remodeled school, the girl's half looks much fancier, containing artwork and such, much to Lisa's delight.  However, she's disappointed to learn that the girl's math class, taught by Upfoot herself, is more about confidence boosting, and there's no actual math to be learned.  Lisa sneaks over to the boy's half of school.  Here, she finds it to be a no man's land, with Skinner having been reduced to Assistant Groundskeeper.  Still, she sees a class do some hardcore geometry, and she wants in.  Marge helps Lisa out by giving her daughter a new persona, a boy named Jake Boymen.

While Lisa gets to enjoy difficult math, "Jake" has trouble fitting in as "he" is quickly referred to as Toilet, and accidentally gets into a fight with Nelson Muntz.  Bart spies Lisa crying in her room while still dressed as Jake and, after learning why she's doing this, decides to help Lisa become a boy in order to survive.  With Bart's help, Lisa is able to become both a math whiz and, I dunno, an assistant bully or something.  Either way, she's eventually given an award for her math prowess.  Its then where she reveals that Jake is actually Lisa, to the shock of some.  Lisa tries to teach everyone that girls can be great at math too if given the chance, but she still has some of the 'boy' that Bart taught her as well.

Quick Review
This episode hardly had the time to be funny, spending way too much time embroiled in gender differences to push in actual comedy.  The bits were Skinner were nearly unbearable to watch.  The Itchy & Scratchy play at the beginning was probably the funniest the episode had to offer, as everything went severely downhill from there.

Final Score: 4.3

Sleeping with the Enemy (S16, E03-338)

Most people with peanut allergies this bad would die.  Yet, there's this.

Plot Summary
At school, Lisa is being made fun of by Sherri and Terri for having a big butt.  A talk with Homer only convinces Lisa that her big butt is because she's fat.  At the same time, Bart arrives to state that he got a 100% on a state capitals test, which is eventually confirmed by Mrs. Krabappel herself (because she left a map open for the class to see).  As promised, Marge holds an impromptu party for Bart, but its pretty lame and features mostly relatives, as well as Ralph and Martin.  Marge tries to salvage the party the best she can, but after implying Lisa likes getting fat, Marge runs off to console her, and the party abruptly ends.

Marge is unable to have fun with either kid, with Lisa's newfound struggles toward thinness and Bart's desire to stay away from Marge.  She goes to the park, where she finds Nelson Muntz trying to grab tadpoles for food.  Out of pity I guess, she gives Nelson Lisa's lunch, Lisa unwilling to eat right now.  Later, after Bart and Lisa both turn down the opportunity to go to the bowling alley with Marge, Marge finds Nelson again and the two have fun bowling.  Its here that Marge learns that Nelson's father has been missing for some time, having disappeared after leaving to get cigarettes.  Out of pity, probably, Marge decides to have Nelson do some chores for the day for money.  That night, though, Nelson's mom confronts Marge over giving Nelson 'charity', and the two get into an argument.  Later that night, Nelson somberly walks to the Simpson house, and tells Marge that his mother ditched him to get an acting job in Hollywood.  With nowhere else to go, Marge lets Nelson stay in Bart's room.

Though Bart can't really handle this new situation, Marge can't help but appreciate Nelson's charms.  One night, though, Bart overhears Nelson in the living room, singing a song about his missing father.  Bart then checks in on Lisa in the kitchen, whose dedicated efforts to lose weight go haywire when she goes on a crazed cake binge.  As Bart leaves, Nelson finishes his song and talks to Lisa.  He agrees to help Lisa with mean old Sherri and Terri, setting up a plot the next day to have the twins get hit with a skunk so Lisa can lead a mocking cry against them.  With the mission complete, Lisa and Nelson return home to find Nelson's father.  The man explains that he did go to buy cigarettes one day, but haphazardly goes to eat a candy bar full of peanuts, which he's allergic to.  His face swelling, Nelson's father goes nuts (sorry for the pun) and runs into the street.  The crazed man stumbles on a circus parade, whose ringleader practically captures the elder Muntz into the freak show, with people throwing peanuts at him to keep his disfigured, crazed form.  That's where Bart finds and rescues the man, and now he's back to provide for Nelson once again, as well as his mom who found an acting gig.  The Muntz family is back together, and everything seems okay though Homer can't get Lisa to conclude her weight problem sidestory.

Quick Review
The disappearance of Nelson's father, last seen in Season 9, became a little-used running gag, featured in a few episodes in recent seasons, but comes to a conclusion with this episode.  This episode also features several occurrences of something that's popped up in recent seasons I've come to rather dislike: Nelson haw-hawing something but then immediately explaining why he's doing it, as though the audience isn't able to figure it out on its own.

That, combined with the rather farfetched explanation of how Nelson's father disappeared hurt this episode rather badly, making it one of the weaker entries in the entire series.

Final Score: 5.6

The Bart of War (S14, E21-312)

Nothing gets kids in line like promoting old stereotypes and violence!

Plot Summary
Bored, Bart and Milhouse decide to tie a string to a fly.  The fly heads into Flanders' house via an open window, and boys go in to find its been eaten by a cat.  None of the Flanderses are home, so the two decide to cause chaos inside, even finding Ned's secret Beatles tribute room, causing loads of trouble within.

Ned eventually comes home and calls the police, but doesn't file charges in hopes that the two will simply get constant adult supervision, and Marge makes it a point to follow, separating Bart from Milhouse and starting up a Springfield chapter of the "Pre-Teen Braves", some youth group.  Homer is initially the head of the group, but after he fails to do a good job, Marge takes over.  Under Marge, the group - which consists of Bart, Nelson, Database and Ralph - meets an actual Native American who tells them about the blight of litter, and the group decides to chip in.  Before they can, however, the park they planned on cleaning is already taken care of by a rivaling youth group: the Cavalry Kids, led by Milhouse and his father.  With the Girl Scouts already in control of the south side of town, the two groups realize there's not enough room left for both of them and they go to war.

Soon, a contest is announced where the youth group that sells the most cookies will be invited as honorary bat boys at an upcoming baseball game.  Homer takes the reins of the group again to lead a plan to ensure the Braves' victory.  They secretly inject laxatives into the candy sold by the Cavalry Kids, and at first it seems they're ruined.  However, the Cavalry Kids win anyway, as their candy became a big hit with the elderly.  Homer isn't finished yet, though.  On the day of the baseball game, Homer diverts the Cavalry Kids away from the stadium, then has the Braves dress up as the Cavalry Kids so that they can make the Kids look bad.  The real Cavalry Kids arrive just in time anyway and get into a fight with the Braves, inciting a riot.  Marge can't help but cry over what's happened to everyone, which gets caught on the jumbotron.  Everyone feels deep regret and sings a national anthem that promotes peace instead of violence: Canada's, giving the lesson that violence isn't the answer unless you're America.

Quick Review
Meh.

I really do just want to say meh and end it, and hell I can probably get away with it, too.  Not much went right for the episode, as the Pre-Teen Braves portion really didn't do much, and that shoved-in 'hey being anti-American is funny now' bit at the very end was awkward, too.  The episode was hardly ever funny.

This (maybe?) is also the first episode which really delves into the supposed saga of Nelson's missing father, last seen in Season 9, which becomes a bit of a running gag until an episode is devoted to it in Season 16.

Final Score: 6.3

'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky (S14, E16-307)

Desmond is just upset he didn't bring his camera guy here to film this.

Plot Summary
Declan Desmond, a supposedly noted documentary filmer, decides to film his next documentary on Springfield Elementary.  He observes Bart becoming massively uncool, with Nelson becoming top dog around the playground thanks to a hood ornament he stole.  Principal Skinner attempts to show Desmond that the school isn't full of dopes by introducing him to Lisa, but he's not impressed with her either, criticizing her lack of direction in that if she doesn't set herself to a career path soon, she won't have much of a career at all.

While Bart continues to struggle to earn the respect of the bullies, Lisa goes to the museum to decide on a career path, ultimately deciding on astronomy.  She gets Homer to buy her a telescope, however she finds stargazing rather difficult at night as the bright lights in town make stargazing rather impossible.  Even when gazing from the outskirts, Springfield emits an orange glow which blocks out the stars.  She comes across Professor Frink who has the same problem.  With a meteor showing coming up, the two decide to start a petition around town to have the lights dimmed at night.  It works rather well, and soon Mayor Quimby shuts down the lights at night, revealing the stars in all their glory.

However, the darkness allows the bullies at school to go around town clipping off hood ornaments to add to their collection.  Bart tries to nab one for himself, but can't find any except for one extravagant ornament that graces the car of Fat Tony.  He and Milhouse come up with a ploy to get it.  Meanwhile, the town becomes angry about the hood ornament crimes, and demands the lights be brought back on.  Quimby caves to the pressure and turns them back on, but overdoes it to where not even natural sunlight is as bright as the night lights are now.  Bart and Milhouse are caught, and they run off without their trophy.

With the Simpsons family undergoing sleep deprivation from the lights, Lisa and Bart team up under a common goal to get rid of those lights again.  Borrowing Homer who is just unable to process things, the two sneak into the nuclear plant and overload the power grid, destroying the lights across town.  Quickly, an angry mob advances on them, but the meteor shower arrives and they become content.  Bart is able to steal his ornament, Lisa gets her stargazing, and Desmond makes another successful documentary.  Everybody wins!

Quick Review
This episode was alright.  Nothing was particularly bad about the episode, though a few jokes did fall flat from time to time.  A common theme nowadays, the quality of the episode dies down at the end, as the episode tries too hard to come to a conclusion (with some song to accompany it) rather than ensure said ending is also funny, though Desmond's documentary at the very end makes a decent effort to salvage things.

Final Score: 7.3