Bull-E (S26, E21-573)

"Mono-d'oh" moment, this ain't.

Plot Summary
Bart is forced (somehow?) to attend a school dance.  The night of, Bart starts off bored out of his skull, but is convinced by a 5th grade girl to join in, and the two dance together so well, Bart wins a "Best Dancer" award.  Impressed, the girl tells Bart to wait for her outside.  Bart quickly rushes outside, but is immediately rushed and bullied by Jimbo and gang; his trophy is smashed and the girl, witnessing both Bart being bullied and him placing more priority to the trophy over himself, dumps him a second later.

Bart tells the family later on, and Marge finally has enough of the bully culture.  At the next town meeting, she swiftly convinces the town to enact anti-bullying measures, which initially work well as Jimbo and gang are arrested the next time they try bullying Bart.  However, for the most part, the new laws involves the police arresting anyone that they've been tipped as being bullies.  Homer uses this lazily, having people arrested for just annoying him in his daily life.  Soon, Rod and Todd Flanders realize that their father, after being bullied around by Homer earlier in the episode, is a victim of bullying as well and the two call the cops on Homer, who is arrested in short time.

Homer is sent to a bullying rehab center, where a former bully turned doctor takes several "bullies" and has them undergo psychological breakthroughs to determine why they're so upset.  Homer is no exception, he learns that he only hates Ned because Ned is basically 100% better than him.  Still, after the completion of the program, everyone in it gets hailed as a "hero" for no longer being bullies.  Homer, somehow, translates this to parades and first pitch throws, which start to annoy Ned.

Ned confronts Homer at an autograph function, and makes Homer realize that every time Homer puts Ned down, he seems like less of a person to his two sons.  Homer desperately tries to get Ned to forgive him, but Ned only reluctantly does so the following day, when the two make up and agree to have lunch together.

Quick Review
Over the previous summer, I analyzed scores for each episode matched with the people who wrote them, and determined that Tim Long is the worst of them.  Well, actually, Valentine L. Garza fared worse, but she had written just a couple of episodes at the time, and the episode she wrote this season puts her ahead of Long, probably.  The last episode Long wrote before this season was Season 25's Married to the Blob which I now claim is the worst episode in the series, it was that bad.

This episode is the first episode aired since that's written by Long, the only episode he wrote this season.  To be fair, the episode started off with some promise, there were a few decent jokes, Wiggum's escapades were good, and with the absurdity of everyone being arrested for "bullying" I was hoping for a decent conclusion / lesson with the episode.  Then I remembered, this episode was written by Tim Long.

Sure enough, the second half of this episode was an absolute disaster, starting from when Homer entered that bullying rehab center.  That entire sequence with "Dr. Raufbold" (voiced by the always-excellent Albert Brooks) was a complete drag to sit through.  From there, the episode tries to bring about an end to the Homer/Ned spat, but does so in such a hamfisted and boring way.  It almost felt like an after-school special at that point, except most after school specials have better writing than this.

The first half of the episode is this scrap heap's saving grace, its only getting this high of a score because of it.  Otherwise, the latter half of the episode is an exercise of tedium, a good example of how not to write anything.  Hey, at least there weren't that many pointless references (except the Magic School Bus one at the end to fill time!)

Final Score: 6.1

The Kids are All Fight (S26, E19-571)

One action doesn't really quite equal the other here.

Plot Summary
Homer finds an old roll of film in his suit jacket, and Moe offers to develop it.  He returns the photos to the family, which turns out to be nothing but four year old Bart and two year old Lisa fighting each other.  Homer and Marge start to remember life with the two kids six years ago, and recall that, yeah, those two kids always fought with one another.  Constantly.

One day, the Flanders' invite Homer and Marge to brunch, Ned offering to let his Grandma Flanders babysit the kids.  However, Bart and Lisa scare Grandma Flanders to death with their religious ignorance.  Fearful of what they did, the two run back home.  While Homer and Marge delayed going to the brunch to have a quick "snuggle time", they still don't hear the kids trying to get back inside.  The two instead hear an ice cream truck and give chase.

Following the brunch, Homer and Marge learn their kids have run off and are presumed missing, going through every effort to find them.  Meanwhile, young Bart and young Lisa start to build a dynamic where Lisa's smarts and Bart's, hm, "ingenuity", work in tandem to help them survive.  That still doesn't stop them from being hostile towards one another, but after Bart nearly lets Lisa crash into a tree, Lisa officially gives up and just lets Bart win all arguments.  Later, Homer and Marge finally find and rescue the two kids who found themselves ontop the tire fire.  The two kids' new dynamic of tolerance survives to this day, and Homer is credited (by Moe) to be a competent parent.

Quick Review
Well, this episode tried to be funny.  There were jokes, a good amount of them.  Many of them weren't funny.  Some were very unfunny.  There were a few references.  Two specifically, Grandma Flanders and Bart's clown bed, were from Lisa's First Word and the episode seems to try to act as a continuation of that flashback story.

This episode also really tries hard to establish itself as some kind of canon, from deliberately avoiding framing itself in any period of time, to making a note of Homer's "first" chokehold of Bart, to the seemingly first meetings between the two kids and the likes of Milhouse, the bullies, and so on.  It seems really forced, in short.

A lot of it really seemed unnatural as well.  I know I've never been much of a stickler for continuity, but two year old Lisa in this episode seemed far more intelligent than three year old Lisa did in Lisa's Sax.  There was a lot of dialogue that didn't really "fit" with any of the characters in either time period either.  The entire time watching this episode, I felt there was something completely "off" about how this episode presents itself.  I don't know if its the try-hard mentality of it, the fact that so many jokes were awful, or what.  This was a pretty awful episode, even by this season's standards, and while its better than the last two flashback episodes, its by no real means any improvement, either.

Final Score: 5.8

Peeping Mom (S26, E18-570)

Pictured is Marge, half-assing her stealth clothing.

Plot Summary
Marge sees the aftermath of an incident where someone stole a bulldozer and bulldozed over several buildings.  Chief Wiggum has pinned the crime on Bart despite no motive, evidence and so on.  He gives Bart over to Marge hoping she can get him to squeal, but Bart denies everything, including even knowing about the bulldozer.  At her wits end, Marge decides to keep constant watch over Bart until he confesses his wrongdoing in the bulldozer incident.

Marge follows Bart to school, to Milhouse's secret area, and tails him even at night when Bart tries to escape for some solitude.  However, Bart continues to deny any and all involvement.  During the night time chase, Marge tries one last time to get Bart to confess, but he still won't crack.  Marge officially gives up, and leaves Bart to himself.

Meanwhile, Flanders gets a new dog, nicknamed Baz, who takes an immediate liking to Homer, much to the dismay of both Flanders and Santa's Little Helper.  Flanders wonders if the dog he had quickly grown to love should just go to stay with Homer instead.  Homer, however, realizes Baz only sees Homer as a playmate, another dog, and that Flanders is the best choice to be the dog's owner.

Bart reveals to Milhouse a new scheme of his, where - during the 50th anniversary of the "SPRINGFIELD" sign outside town - he plans to pull down several of the letters (using the bulldozer he indeed stole) to make it instead spell "FIE".  Marge shows no interest at all in this.  There, Bart is readying the bulldozer but notices that Marge packed some fried chicken before he left.  Growing a small conscience, Bart changes his plan at the last second to make the sign instead spell "FD" which the townspeople interpret as a tribute to the Fire Department.  Bart finds Marge and tells her he did indeed take the bulldozer, which an eavesdropping Chief Wiggum overhears, giving him enough reason to arrest Bart, but Marge forgives Bart I guess.  The episode ends with Santa's Little Helper (who made up with Homer) and Baz becoming acquaintances.

Quick Review
This episode starts out pretty well but the comedy dies out near the end.  The dog subplot was the same, it started off with promise but ended on a whimper.  Mainly, I didn't think the conclusions of either plot were really all that well written both for comedic effect nor for storytelling purposes.  The plot set itself up well, but it crashed kinda hard from there.

I also kinda think the episode could've worked better if Bart hadn't stolen the bulldozer.  I felt like as though the first half of the episode was setting it up to where Bart was actually innocent and that Marge was gonna look silly for being so persistent over nothing.  Not that I expect that alternative to of been written well either, but having Bart actually be the one to steal the bulldozer kinda makes the first, funnier half of the episode pointless filler.  I guess that irritates me a little.

Final Score: 7.0

Sky Police (S26, E16-568)

In the next episode, Chief Wiggum learns about helicopters.

Plot Summary
By mistake, Chief Wiggum is sent a jetpack intended for one Clancy Wiggins.  Regardless, Wiggum happily claims the jetpack and hoards it to himself, becoming an airborne sentry, "Sky Police" as it were.  After some time, though, Wiggins - a military chief - comes in to claim his jetpack and bust Clancy Wiggum for basically stealing it.  Wiggum attempts to fly away but overuse of the jetpack, combined with military gunfire, causes the jetpack to malfunction.  As Wiggum detaches itself, the jetpack goes haywire, eventually crashing into the church, causing great damages.

With the church's act-of-god system preventing them from getting any insurance benefits, the church is left with no money to fix itself.  The six-person committee of Reverend Lovejoy, his wife Helen, Sideshow Mel, Agnes Skinner, Ned Flanders and Marge Simpson gets help, however, from an unlikely source: Apu - who needs the church up to teach people not to steal or kill (him).  He tells the group to go to the casino to get the funds using the ages-old trick of card counting - specifically keeping track of the cards in a deck and if a deck has a high enough set of cards remaining, send in someone with a big pot of money to reap the benefits.  The six do so wonderfully on the first night - in part because the group advises Marge to not tell Homer as he's prone to screw these things up.

The casino is on to the group after the first night, so Apu advises the group to don disguises for night two.  Bart and Lisa catch Marge in disguise before she leaves; she tells the two what's going on and has them promise not to tell Homer.  The second night goes wonderfully as well, and the church now has enough money for repairs.  However, Marge is stunned later to find that Homer has been taken in by the casino, who demands their money back less Homer wind up in a more battered shape.

Marge learns that the kids, worried that Marge was still out late, told Homer out of concern, and Homer rushes blindly into the casino asking about Marge - whom the casino was suspicious of - and nabs him as a hostage.  Marge tries to get Reverend Lovejoy to get the money back, but he's already used it to fix up the casino.  Realizing how dirty the church has become through the group's acts, Marge decides to go back to the basics with her faith to save Homer - by praying at the casino.  Stunned by the sight, casino-goers gawk at Marge's praying, causing casino profits to plummet.  The casino subsequently agrees to give Homer up as long as Marge agrees that her and her group never step foot in a casino again.  The incident causes Marge to think about her faith for a moment, but Homer reassures her its fine.

Quick Review
Despite the title, the sky police portion only makes up the opening gag and a credits gag.  Part of me wishes the sky police gag lasted longer, but it's probably for the best that it didn't.

The majority of the episode is focused on the card-counting story.  I must say, though, its a pretty decent episode.  Apu seemed like his old self at long last, despite the odd change to his past, and the episode didn't go off the deep end with religion until the very end when it couldn't do much to hurt the episode.

Final Score: 7.5

I Won't Be Home for Christmas (S26, E09-561)

The spirit of Christmas is... somewhere in here I think.

Plot Summary
It's Christmas Eve, and Homer needs to go home to spend the night with his family.  However, on the way back Homer is tricked and subsequently guilt-tripped by Moe to spend the evening at the bar instead.  Homer unwittingly stays there until nearly midnight, when he realizes his grave error and rushes home.  Too late, as Marge goes off on Homer, telling him that he isn't welcomed home for Christmas.

Homer tries to go back to Moe's, but the bar is now closed.  Moe is inside singing karaoke by himself, when he notices Homer left his wallet on a stool.  Meanwhile, forced to wander around, Homer attempts to buy a quick literally-last-second gift for Marge but can't as most shops have closed up.  Homer tries to spend some time at a movie theatre, but isn't pathetic enough to spend Christmas Eve alone at the movies, and leaves but not before giving up his food to one of the other lonely patrons.  He finds Flanders out selling left-handed wares and, given Ned's most recent loss, Homer decides to buy something from Ned out of support.  Homer is happy to help others, but is still pretty miserable himself.

Moe goes to the Simpson house presumably to return the wallet, but also confesses to Marge that he intentionally kept Homer at the bar all night.  Marge is very relieved that Homer isn't 100% at fault, and tries to call him, but gets no response, and thus she and the kids go out to find him, which is an adventure in itself.

Someone dressed as a nutcracker tries to shoo Homer away from sleeping on a public bench, but takes pity on Homer by taking him to a post-Christmas party at the mall full of mall Santas and other reject mascots.  Marge is tipped off on this, and finds Homer to present herself as a makeup present (I guess?).  Homer is happy and comes to learn a lesson after the night's events: the best place to get drunk is at home.

Quick Review
This was a weird episode.  Was it trying to be humorous?  I can't actually say yes to this question.  Was it trying to provide some kind of social commentary?  If it was, it did so very poorly.  It was an odd mishmash of smaller storylines that try to keep together a very thin premise, with not that many jokes to keep things entertaining.

Also some continuity notes: this marks the first episode to note Ned's post-Edna life as well as feature the comic book guy's new wife, Kumiko, from that episode I don't like.  Between this, a few references to older episodes, and making it a point to note a Frozen reference was coming up for the couch gag, the episode tried to make up for what I guess would be a surreal storyline by throwing in references everywhere, which we all know by now does not make for comedy.

Final Score: 6.1

Black Eyed, Please (S24, E15-523)

Ol' left-hookin' Ned, showin' Homer the true meaning of "an eye for an eye".

Plot Summary
Ms. Hoover takes an indefinite leave of absence for depression, and a "permanent substitute teacher" takes her place.  The Tina Fey-voiced woman, Ms. Cantwell, seems pretty nice at first, much to Lisa's elation, but when Lisa actually tries to do stuff, Cantwell becomes rather mean towards Lisa, giving her low grades and taking away accomplishment 'joeys' from the kangaroo board for no apparent reason.  No matter how Lisa tries to get Ms. Cantwell to like her, the efforts fall flat, and Lisa begins to realize that Cantwell is being a bully... a bully teacher.

Meanwhile, Homer invites himself to have breakfast with Ned one morning, where he finds Ned's now elderly beatnik parents.  Somewhat upset that Homer quickly gets along with them, Ned leaves to go on a power walk, but returns to find Homer "partaking" with Ned's parents.  As Homer continues to disregard Ned's feelings, Ned has enough and punches Homer square in the eye.  Feeling bad about it later, complete with a nightmare, Ned looks to the bible for help, and comes across a relevant passage: an eye for an eye.  Ned goes to Homer at the nuclear plant the next day and requests that Homer punch him in the eye to make them even.  Homer realizes, though, that if he refuses, he would technically be the "better man", then proceeds to gloat about it right in Ned's face, angering Ned enough to punch Homer again, this time in the other eye.

Lisa tells Marge about the teacher, and she and Homer go to Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers for answers.  Chalmers reveals that Cantwell has been there for two weeks and, thus, has gained enough tenure to become unmovable.  Cantwell learns of this and harasses Lisa even more.  Seeing Lisa break apart by the teacher, Homer decides to do something about it.  He goes to Flanders' house once more and tells Ned he'll forgive him for the punching under one condition: that he wants Ned's wife, Edna.  After the commercial break, he clarifies that he wants Edna to force Cantwell to leave the school, and by doing so Homer will forgive Ned.  Ned agrees and convinces Edna to help out.

Later, at school, Edna transfers Bart over to Cantwell's class, saying he's been suddenly demoted by two grades.  Somewhat stunned, Cantwell doesn't think much of one student, but after a two minute bathroom break, Cantwell returns to find Bart has made an absolute wreck of the classroom.  Lisa tells Cantwell Bart will be gone if she will just like Lisa, but Cantwell refuses and tries to leave school.  Lisa is able to stop her in the last second to force Cantwell to admit why she doesn't like her.  After dodging the question for a bit, Cantwell blurts out its because she believes Lisa is astonishingly pretty before driving off.  With everything settled, the Simpsons host the Flanders for a barbecue where Homer and Ned start to get along again - thanks to the help of some "brownies" prepared by Ned's father.

Quick Review
The episode has its moments, and I liked how the two plots merged to solve each other at the end, cleverly putting the "Nedna" thing to use.  Beyond that, though, the episode does have some misses, particularly the odd use of Ned's parents in the episode as well as the entire nightmare sequence of Ned's.  Basically, Ned's storyline suffers enough drawbacks to hurt the episode as a whole.

Final Score: 6.9

Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes (S20, E01-421)

After listening to Ned's bible retellings for hours, Homer wishes he hadn't skipped bail.

Plot Summary
Its St. Patricks Day, but Mayor Quimby has made it an alcohol-free parade given how destructively drunk the town can get on the holiday.  Still, somehow, a group supporting the Northern Irish arrive and the regular Irish get into yet another brawl with them, causing all sorts of chaos.  In the confusion, some orphans attempt to steal a basket of cupcakes Marge had prepared, but some guy comes and saves them.  Marge gives the guy one as thanks, and he comes to love it.  He invites Marge to his bakery where he plans on having her bake for his store.  Marge gladly accepts.  Homer, meanwhile, gets arrested for partaking in the brawl.  Because of his arrest history, Homer is put on $25,000 bail.  He gets help from a bail bondsman, who promises to pay off Homer's bond just as long as he attends his court session.  Homer threatens not to go, when he comes across a bounty hunter, a tough looking guy who captures people who skip bail.  Homer thinks that's pretty cool, and since he's been fired from the plant following his arrest, Homer decides to become a bounty hunter himself.

At the bakery, Marge learns in horror that its actually an erotic bakery, but after failing to come up with any reasons against such a thing, she relents and decides to bake for it anyway.  Meanwhile, Homer's first perp is Snake, who fires a bullet at Homer after a short chase.  Ned Flanders inadvertently deflects it while carrying a pane of bulletproof glass for his store, then talks Snake down long enough for Homer to subdue him.  Later, Homer convinces Ned to help him catch bail skippers, and Ned agrees on the condition that Homer does his job lawfully.  The two become a dynamic pair for awhile, however Homer's nature soon gets the better of him.  After a wild chase to nab Fat Tony, which involves Homer ramming his car into the train Tony had escaped to, Flanders chides how Homer handled it, and the two break up their partnership.

Back home, Homer learns of the secret behind Marge's new baking job, but forgives her because, hey, its erotic cakes.  Soon, though, it turns out Homer missed his court date, and though Flanders wants to quit the business, he decides to catch Homer rather than leave it to another bounty hunter.  Ned attempts to chase Homer in a rather dynamic series of scenes.  It leads up to the two standing on top of a lifted steel beam, but Ned stumbles and is hanging on just barely.  Homer remembers the good times he had with Ned and decides to save him, but he, too, falls over and the two fall into a pool of hardening cement.  Homer is captured by the regular police and sent to prison, but Marge has paid for Homer's release the next day, giving him a nice, regular cake to tide him over until then.

Quick Review
Season 20 starts off with a whimper.  Marge's erotic baking sidestory had potential, but nothing really happened with it, nothing all that funny anyway, and it just fades away near the end.  Homer and Ned's bounty hunting wasn't much funnier, and the chase sequence near the end was pretty worthless for comedy.  This wasn't much of an episode.

Final Score: 5.8

Bart Has Two Mommies (S17, E14-370)

"I'm gay, Daddy, I'm gay!  Mrs. Simpson made me gay!"

Plot Summary
At a church fundraiser for a new steeple, Homer cheats as much as possible to win a rubber duck race, but Flanders wins it anyway.  He has no interest in the prize, some hipster computer, so he gives it to Marge.  As thanks, Marge decides to babysit Rod and Todd while Ned attends a left-handed business expo.  As Ned gets bullied around by Randy Johnson at the expo, Marge has a great time with the boys, and after Ned somehow returns he agrees that Marge can spend more time with them.

As a result, Homer is left to spend time with the Simpson kids.  Lisa suggest they go to a shelter for aging animal stars.  There, they come across Toot Toot, a saddened female chimpanzee.  All of Toot Toot's sons are currently in show business, and is feeling pretty lonely.  So much so, that she's able to snatch Bart and make him her own.  With Marge preoccupied with Rod and Todd, Homer is able to hide Bart's whereabouts for the time being, but he's unable to get the boy away from Toot Toot.

Thanks to Marge, Rod and Todd are trying new things, but Ned becomes deathly afraid that either boy could get hurt.  Marge insists she takes the two out to a padded playground, but when she has Rod ascend a rock climbing wall, a snooping Ned freaks out.  That fear seeps to Rod, who freaks out and loses control, losing a tooth by falling back into the wall.  Its the last straw for Ned, who refuses to let Marge near his boys.  Marge tries to defend her parenting, but then a news reports appears publicly showcasing Bart's dilemma.

As Ned goes through another round of child-proofing his home, Marge tries to get Bart back from Toot Toot.  However, Marge accidentally lets Toot Toot escape the shelter with Bart and she starts climbing the yet-to-be-completed church steeple.  Lisa has a solution: it turns out Krusty's monkey sidekick Teeny is one of Toot Toot's sons, and that upon reuniting with him Toot Toot will let Bart go.  However, with Toot Toot high up on the steeple, only someone experienced in rock climbing could reach the two.  Enter: Rod Flanders.  Ned freaks out again, but Marge intervenes by having Ned realize that his fear is being picked up by Rod and Rod needs encouragement if he's going to get through this (and life in general).  Ned finally relents and cheers Rod on, who is able to reach Toot Toot and free Bart.  Going back down, Bart is able to trick Rod into thinking 'gay' means 'getting over your fears', and so Rod announces to everyone that Marge helped Rod become gay.  Somewhere, Maude must be proud.

Quick Review
I enjoyed this episode.  Rod and Todd provided a comedic foil that they hadn't provided in a long time, and what I suppose was the main plot - Bart getting kidnapped by Toot Toot - had several humorous moments to go along with it.  It is certainly a shining star amongst the sea of mediocrity thus far in Season 17.

Final Score: 7.8

Home Away From Homer (S16, E20-355)

You notice how computer screens in this show always use a mockup of a Mac OS?
Its been happening since Season 8, I think.  I understand why they would use it,
but I don't understand why they think most of their viewers would, especially years ago.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons leave Maggie at Ned's house for him to babysit while they go see a movie Lisa won tickets for.  Afterward, when Marge goes to pick Maggie up, Ned turns down Marge's compensation even though his Leftorium store has suffered since a major left-handed chain came to town.  Marge suggests Ned offer rent to somehow to gain extra income, and Ned agrees.  After a short time, Ned decides to bring in two seemingly innocent college girls.  However, the two have a somewhat sinister motive: when Ned isn't around, they show themselves acting naughty and dirty live on a webcam.

Bart and Milhouse by sheer coincidence find the stream featuring the ladies and quickly figure out they're next door.  Homer catches them watching it, but upon learning about Ned's ignorance of the situation, Homer finds it too funny and spreads word across town.  Eventually, Marge learns about this, and forces Homer to tell Ned what's going on.  Ned kicks the two ladies out, but when doing so the girls are greeted outside by a bunch of people who also take the time to laugh at Ned.  When Ned is about to thank Homer for at least telling him, he then learns that it was Homer who spread the word around in the first place.  Devastated, Ned decides he needs a fresh start.  He looks at some of his precious "Humble figurines" he collects (and showed to Maggie earlier), and decides to move himself and his boys to Humbleton, Pennsylvania.

Homer is saddened to learn Ned's gone.  The man who moves into Ned's old house, a big macho man named Coach Clay, is abusive to Homer and is a far worse neighbor than Ned ever was.  Meanwhile, Ned comes to like his new home town, however the old-tyme, simple ways of the village folk clash with Ned's 'hippie-like' mustache, and gets on thin ice with the town because of it.  Homer comes to visit, desperate to get him back in place of Clay, and Ned decides to return as he's unable to deal with the townsfolk any further.  As it turns out Clay's check bounced, Ned's old house is still his, and Homer celebrates his return by stealing the church organ to set up a party.

Quick Review
This was an okay episode.  It started off fine despite the focus on Lisa, the middle act was pretty decent, but the last few minutes weren't really that funny which hampered the episode some.  Its one of the season's better episodes, but still nothing all that great.

Final Score: 7.2

Diatribe of a Mad Housewife (S15, E10-323)

Because no one demanded it: the long-waited return of Dr. Marvin Monroe.

Plot Summary
Homer's reckless driving within the plant causes him to lose his job.  Homer finds employment at a used car lot as a salesman.  While there, he sees an ambulance on sale, and when he hears its siren go off, he decides to quit his new job and become an ambulance driver.  While this is happening, Marge and the kids go to a bookstore where Marge meets the author of a series of books Marge enjoys.  Marge gets inspiration from the author somehow, and decides that she can write a book as well.  She starts to write a story about the wife of a whaler, who she imagines is just like herself, and writes the whaler as a more awesome version of Homer.  However, Marge's vision of the whaler lessens when Homer shows a lack of interest in Marge or her book, fully absorbed in his new job.  Feeling neglected, Marge rewrites the whaler as a cruel drunkard who only treats his wife poorly.  Marge decides to add a romantic character who will attract the depressed housewife and models the man after Ned Flanders.  With her conflict set, Marge is able to finish writing her book.

Marge has Lisa preview the book, and Lisa notices that the drunken whaler is a lot like Homer, and advises Marge to have Homer read the story first.  Marge does so, but Homer gets distracted and ends up only reading two sentences, later telling Marge that he liked the story to cover his ass.  Marge is relieved and goes to publish the book, which occurs rather easily.  People across Springfield start reading the book and quickly realize that the main character in the book is a lot like Marge, making the connection.  Homer catches wind of this and finally gets around to reading the book (on audiotape), and learns that the whaler is basically him.  He confronts Marge over this, but before Marge has much of a chance to defend herself (or scold Homer for lying earlier), Homer rushes out angrily to find Flanders.

Ned freaks out over Homer's aggressive greeting, and drives off.  Homer catches up in the ambulance, forcing Ned to pull over.  With this scene mirroring the final scene of the book (where both men end up dying), Homer walks up to Ned... to ask for help in being a better husband.  Marge catches up to see what Homer is really doing, and is relieved.  Homer then declare that the two should 'collaborate on a new project', which is lingo for writing a book about who really killed JFK.

Quick Review
This was another okay episode, with nothing that great but nothing that bad.  Frankly, this scored better than I thought it would, as the scenes that focus on Marge's novel didn't detract from the episode as much as expected.

Final Score: 7.3

'Tis the Fifteenth Season (S15, E07-320)

Somehow this sequence turned into a Grinch tribute.  I don't know how.

Plot Summary
Its Christmas time again!  At work, after Homer brushes off his Secret Santa duties, Mr. Burns arrives to give everyone a lunch coupon as their bonus, but Burns also gives Homer a baseball card for Bart.  The card, a Joe DiMaggio rookie card, has its value go unnoticed by both Burns and Homer, and Homer goes to sell the card to the comic book guy for some Christmas cash.  The comic book guy more than happily gives Homer plenty of money for the card, and now he's set.  He takes the family to a fancy shopping district to get their Christmas shopping done, promising to use the leftover money to buy a big, good tree.  However, Homer sees a talking astrolabe in a store and can't help but buy it, despite it costing $500.  Now out of money, Homer goes to buy a cheap, dry tree which draws the family's suspicion.  They learn of the astrolabe and chide Homer for being really selfish, yet again.

An angry Marge has Homer sleep on the couch that night.  There, Homer watches a version of A Christmas Carol featuring "Mr. McGrew".  Homer relates himself to McGrew and realizes just how selfish he's been.  The next morning, Homer vows to be selfless instead, though the family doesn't believe him.  Still, Homer quickly goes out and helps out around town, giving away things to everybody he comes across.  This ends up drawing the ire of Ned Flanders, whose generosity no longer has a recipient thanks to Homer beating him to the punch.  Ned buckles down and decides to do the nicest thing he can: buying everyone in Springfield a Christmas present.

Homer is determined to outshine Flanders, but makes a mistake by once again listening to Lisa.  She reminds everyone that, yes, she's still a Buddhist, and that Buddhists wish to rid themselves of material possessions such as, you guessed it, Christmas present.  Homer then comes to believe that if he rids everyone of their presents, they'll become happier.  On the night of Christmas Eve, Homer sneaks out and steals every present in town.  He parks his car holding all the presents near city hall, eager to hear jubilation over his deeds.  Instead, a mob quickly advances on him.  Flanders quickly stops the mob, making a note that perhaps he made a mistake in giving all those presents in the first place.  Further, the town sees a shining star (really just a flare from a distressed Hans Moleman), and as Homer and Ned give back the presents, they all sing a carol.

Quick Review
This episode starts off okay, with a couple of good jokes and decent claymation sequences that were neat if not all that funny.  Nothing all that great, mind you.  Then, the episode really falls apart once Homer decides to take Lisa's Buddhist teachings literally, and even with a decent reference to The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and a good joke at Moleman's expense, the end sequences were just unfunny altogether and ruins the episode.

Final Score: 5.3

Dude, Where's My Ranch? (S14, E18-309)

What kind of prospector lets himself be named "Cookie"?

Plot Summary
The family goes out to sing Christmas carols, where Homer gets the idea that he can write his own Christmas song.  He attempts to do so later, but is interrupted by Flanders and Homer kicks him out.  Angry over that, Homer is suddenly inspired and decides to write a song about Flanders, or how much he sucks, anyway.  It becomes a popular song at the bar, and soon a record producer helps make the song popular town-wide.  It plays non-stop on TV and radio, that's how popular it gets.  Homer and the family soon despise the song, and decide to take a vacation until the song runs its course.  Bart suggests going to a old west-style ranch (a 'dude ranch' as it were), one with no TV or radio, and the family agrees.

Lisa quickly hates the ranch, what with the animal killing and all, but soon becomes infatuated with a young boy named Luke who shares her love for most things, and the two spend plenty of time together.  Meanwhile, Homer decides to help out a tribe of Native Americans who have had their homes flooded due to the machinations of some nearby beavers.  He and Bart try to shoo the beavers away, but that plan doesn't work out.  Later, however, Homer and Bart are able to distract the beavers and they go disassemble the dam, letting the river flow and the natives recover their soaked homes.

One night, Lisa overhears Luke talking to a girl whom he's invited to the dance, Clara, whom Lisa believes to be his actual girlfriend.  The next day, Lisa sees Clara coming into town, recognizing her from all the "Clara" jewelry she's wearing, and intentionally sends Clara down a dangerous, misleading path to keep her out of the way.  At the dance, though, Lisa learns to her horror that Clara is actually Luke's sister.  Lisa grabs Bart and the two go out to find Clara.  They find her stuck on a rock in the river now formed following the demise of the dam, and Bart is able to find a way to help her escape, using the beavers that are mad at him to bring down a tree which acts as a bridge.  Lisa reveals her motivations to Clara, who is less than pleased.

The day comes when the family has to go back home.  Luke visits Lisa one last time, who was told by Clara that Lisa saved her after she 'got lost'.  Lisa decides to tell Luke the real truth, which only makes Luke despise her.  With that happy ending, the family decides to confirm if Homer's song has actually stopped playing.  It has, but now its been replaced with a worse song sung by Moe, so its time for another week at the dude ranch.

Quick Review
I've been saying this a lot lately, but this episode wasn't funny.  It started going downhill right about when Homer decided to make his song about "stupid Flanders", a phrase which has gotten a little too 'catch-phrasey' for my liking the past season or so.  The 'jokes' which take place at the ranch weren't that funny either aside from a few exceptions, making this mostly a throwaway episode.

Final Score: 5.9

A Star Is Born Again (S14, E13-304)

I think she might have a 'seducing unassuming men' fetish going on here.

Plot Summary
The town of Springfield celebrates a day when red jellyfish wash ashore.  A dance is also held during this day, at which point Ned Flanders is feeling pretty lonely.  He decides to slink away and fill out some tax forms at his Leftorium store.  There, he's met by a gorgeous lady with an admitted fake nose.  After Ned unwittingly charms the woman, she invites him to dinner, while not telling him her real name.  Ned soon learns, though, that the woman is the popular movie actress Sarah Sloane.

Sarah, in Springfield to film a movie, finds herself fully attracted to Ned's charms, and is very forward with him physically.  The tabloids find out about Sarah, who has been in a relationship with many actors and other such men in her time, and cause trouble for the two, but they get through it.  The filming for Sarah's movie wraps up, so she tries to convince Ned to move with her back to Hollywood, but he quickly turns away that idea.  So, Sarah decides to live in Springfield instead.

Though Sarah quickly learns that Springfield is pretty dull, she doesn't mind.  As the two go out for a night, though, she decides to convince Ned to have sex with her, because she's been ready to do it for, I dunno, days.  Ned is, of course, hesitant, but with Homer's advice and a snippet from that ever-so-contradictory bible, Ned agrees to consent, and the two go all the way out in the woods somewhere.  The morning after, Ned tries to get Sarah to marry him, as he's unwilling to continue the relationship without doing that, but Sarah declines and decides to go back to Hollywood.

Quick Review
I have to be honest here, there were parts in the episode I had trouble watching through, it got pretty cringe-worthy.  The only real good portion of the episode was James L. Brooks' cameo during Ned's vision of Hollywood, but most other things - especially Helen Fielding's rather out-of-place Benny Hill routine because 'this is British comedy, all of it' - I couldn't find funny.

I might have developed a bias against episodes focused on Ned's love life post-widowing as I haven't even given any such episodes a score above five yet, but this was pretty bad as well, regardless of that.

Final Score: 4.3

Brawl in the Family (S13, E07-276)

Wiggum's seen too many Monopoly-related crimes in his life.

Plot Summary
The Republican Party nulls all environmental laws in Springfield.  The massive and sudden increase in pollution creates an acid rain, scalding all who come in contact with it.  The Simpsons stay inside and, with the acid rain having dissolved their TV antennae, decide to play a game of Monopoly.  The family bickers during the game, and it escalates when Homer starts choking Bart for a quip he made.  Marge and Lisa try to break it up, but it doesn't stop it, and Maggie has no choice but to make the call to police.  They arrive and are able to subdue the family and arrest them - all of them - for domestic abuse.

In jail, the family meets Gabriel, a social worker who Homer continues to believe is an angel.  Gabriel observes the family to identify their personalities and such.  After some time, Gabriel takes the family hiking, but hides their lunch up near the top of a tall tree.  Gabriel insists that each person's weakness can be compensated if they work together as a family to retrieve the lunch.  Homer, upon learning there's beer, just rams the tree with his car instead, causing it to fall, dragging Gabriel down a cliff.  With hungry wolves and cheetahs at the bottom, the family works together to save Gabriel's life.  With the family now in harmony, it seems not only is Gabriel's job done, but the weekly misadventures of the family may finally come to an end.

However, returning home from the trip, Homer finds his and Ned Flanders' old Vegas wives, who have tracked the two down.  Learning that Homer did marry in Vegas, Gabriel leaves in disgust, and after Homer is unable to annul his Vegas marriage, Marge kicks Homer out of the house, also in disgust.  Amber (Homer's Vegas wife) stays with Homer in Bart's tree house while Ginger (Ned's Vegas wife) attempts to life with Ned, Rod and Todd.

Marge refuses to speak to Homer, more furious about this than any other nonsense Homer had done in the past.  After a couple of nights, Marge sees Homer act pathetically outside and decides to let him back in to talk.  Soon, Amber overhears Marge and Homer argue intensely, and Homer decides to leave his family, taking Amber down to Moe's to 'start a new life', though this is quickly revealed as part of a ploy by Marge and the kids.  Homer gets Amber liquored up at Moe's, pretty badly at that.  The next morning, a hungover Amber learns to her horror that she married - and had a wild night with - Grampa.  With the wedding taped as proof, the thought of being stuck with Grampa drives Amber nuts, and she runs out.  With Ginger also sick of Ned and his family's goodness, the two women go back to Vegas.  The Simpsons worked together to rid themselves of Homer's Vegas wife, and they can enjoy how senile Grampa continues to be.

Quick Review
This ended up being an alright episode.  Its a bit of a disjointed episode: the 'unite the family by having them work together' plot prevalent early in the episode gets abandoned for a bit - Gabriel never does return - though it is revisited at the end as the family works together to rid themselves of Amber.  The Vegas wife callback kinda feels forced in, where it feels like the writers couldn't pull a "Gabriel deals with the Simpsons" storyline for a full episode so it concludes it early so that they could bring in a new conflict to fill the rest of the time.  The episode provides some laughs, though, so its got that going for it.

Final Score: 7.4

Realty Bites (S09, E09-187)

I need to buy a house... right after I buy some lumber.

Plot Summary
On a lazy Saturday, Marge grows tired of sitting around and doing nothing.  She convinces Homer to take her somewhere, and Homer does... to a police auction.  There, Homer is able to buy a car, a hot rod to be specific, but its original owner, Snake, sees this and promises to kill Homer for buying it.  Homer takes Marge on a crazy drive in it, but before long she demands he let her out.  Walking home, Marge sees Lionel Hutz putting a house up for sale.  Turns out, Hutz has picked up a new career in real estate.  Marge realizes how good it could feel to help people find a home, and decides to take it up as well.

After passing the test with relative ease, Marge gets a job at the same real estate company Hutz works at.  On the job, though, Marge's truth-telling tendencies do not aid in her attempts to sell less-than-premier homes.  Though she's pleased to hear that people like her frank honesty, she then learns that sometimes one has to 'bend' the truth in order to sell homes, and furthermore if Marge isn't able to sell a home within a week she gets fired.  Meanwhile, Snake sees Homer drive his car near the prison, and noticing that Homer has failed to fill the tank with premium gas, Snake has had enough, and abuses the jail's honor system to leave via a back door.

Later, Marge tries to sell a home to the Flanders, but once again her honesty prevents a sale.  Near the end, the two spy a wonderful house.  Marge learned earlier that this house is where a famous murder took place some time ago but has yet to be resold because of that.  However, the Flanders seem unaware that its that house, and so Marge is barely able to withhold that information, and is able to sell the house to the Flanders.

However, it doesn't take long for Marge to regret her decision, and the day after the Flanders move in to the house, she visits them and tells them the truth about the house.  At the same time, Snake ambushes Homer in the car, and the two get into a fight while the car is still moving.  Chief Wiggum is woken up as they pass by, and gives chase.  The Flanders realize that, yes, they did buy the murder house, but they're even happier than they were before, and are more than willing to stay there.  At that moment, Homer and Snake crash their car into that very house, and Wiggum does the same, causing the house to collapse.  Ned then gets his deposit check back from Marge, and tears it up.

With the real estate company assessed damages for the house, hot rod and police car, not to mention Marge giving back the deposit check, Hutz, who is apparently the boss at this company, fires Marge.  Though Marge is sad she wasn't able to bring in even one check, Homer eases her pain by taking her to the unemployment office, and everything is okay.

Quick Review
This is a sad episode for a specific reason.  This episode features the last speaking appearance of Lionel Hutz, as his voice actor Phil Hartman would die five months after this episode aired (he has one final speaking appearance as Troy McClure in Season 10).  So this episode having Lionel Hutz move out of law, where he was pretty incompetent, to real estate where he seemed to be doing okay, seems like a fine send off to a character that was well liked for the six plus seasons he was around.  Gil Gunderson, a rather inept real estate worker who was introduced in this episode, would have the proverbial torch passed to him as the inept lawyer in future seasons, though Gil would also be featured being inept in other things as well.

As for the episode itself, I liked it quite a bit.  Homer's hot rod sidestory was brief, but Snake's antics helped make it enjoyable.  The main plotline was fine, getting better when the Flanders became involved in the story, and for his final speaking appearance, Lionel Hutz was pretty good as well.

Final Score: 9.0

Lisa the Skeptic (S09, E08-186)

More plausible than it being an angel!

Plot Summary
Homer takes the family to the police station, where Homer believes he's won a boat giveaway and is to pick it up at the station.  However, the boat giveaway is a trap set up by the police to catch criminals, though Homer's only crime is not paying some parking tickets.  On the way back, the family notices a new mall being built.  Lisa realizes that its being built over a spot where a quantity of fossils had previously been found.  Later, Lisa goes over to complain, where two men overseeing the mall's construction "agree" to let Lisa undergo one last dig to ensure there are no more fossils.

Apparently owed a favor by Principal Skinner, the honor roll students along with the detention students help Lisa with the dig, though for nearly the entire time there are no finds.  Just as people start packing up, Lisa uncovers a skull.  As people around town stop by to see what's going on, Lisa eventually uncovers an entire skeleton, and attached to it are a pair of wings.  Quickly, word goes around that its an angel, though Lisa finds the notion preposterous.  While the townsfolk ignore Lisa and argue about who should own the supposed angel, Homer sneaks away with it, planning to store it away.

With nearly everyone in town wanting to see the angel, Homer decides to let them for a small fee.  Lisa wants someone to take a look at it to see whether its legit or not, but Homer refuses now that he's making money off it.  Lisa can't believe that so many "morons" persist that its really an angel, and she especially can't believe that Marge believes in it as well.  One night, Lisa chips off a toe bone and the next day gives it to a scientist for study.  The day after that, Lisa proclaims to everyone that some proof is about to be shown, much to their dismay, but the scientist runs up only to state that the study was 'inconclusive'.

Lisa tries to be reasonable on TV later on, but it only incites riots across various scientific institutions across town.  Lisa has had enough of this, and grabs Bart's crowbar with the intention of destroying the angel.  However, the angel has disappeared.  The townspeople arrive to take the angel away, but upon seeing it gone and Lisa holding the crowbar, they arrest Lisa and hold a trial that, on a grand scale, will settle Science vs. Religion.  Just as the trial starts, the angel is located on top of a hill, now bearing the phrase "the end will come at sundown", causing gloom and doom, though Lisa is again skeptical.

The Simpson family dress up for the "occasion", though Lisa remains adamant that nothing will happen.  With the entire town with the angel, the sun sets.  Nothing happens at first, but as Lisa begins to gloat, a booming voice calls for silence, and the angel floats into the air.  The angel calls for the end (at this point, even Lisa is freaking out), the end of high prices!  The angel, on wire, is pulled toward the previously mentioned mall, now having been fully built.  Turns out, the angel was a publicity stunt set up by those two guys Lisa confronted early on.  Lisa is outraged that they would toy with the town's faith like they did, but nobody else is that outraged as the need to save on various goods overwhelms them.  The scientist reveals that he never bothered to actually run the test, and Lisa and Marge reconcile.

Quick Review
You know, I had quite a few laughs throughout the episode, particularly involving the boat scam and during the parts where the townspeople were freaking out, and its from these laughs that the episode scored as high as it did.

Yet, throughout this episode there was this uncomfortable feeling I felt the entire time.  This was a Lisa episode, one where her "I'm right and everyone who doesn't agree suuuuuuuucks" attitude is prevalent.  The Science vs. Religion debate by itself didn't bother me any, but the heated debates between Lisa's science and everyone else's religion really didn't make for good laughs.

Final Score: 8.1

Bart Star (S09, E06-184)

Despite what Marge says, that wink could be seen from miles away.

Plot Summary
Its been determined that Springfield's denizens are mostly overweight, especially the children.  To combat the latter, parents have their children sign up for pee wee football, including Bart.  With Ned Flanders as the coach, he quickly determines that Nelson is by far the best player and as such becomes the team's quarterback.  Teaching positive attitudes and such, Flanders has the team on a roll (thanks mostly to Nelson), but Homer at every game takes the opportunity to heckle Flanders whenever possible.  Ned reaches a breaking point when Homer throws a can of beer at him.  After hearing from Homer that anybody with half a brain could be a better coach, Flanders attempts to test that theory by giving the job to Homer.

As the new coach, Homer is initially strict with Bart, but Marge reminds him of how poorly Homer's father was to him back when he was younger.  Promising not to make the same mistake, Homer decides to be nicer to Bart and meaner to Grampa.  However, Homer ends up being a little too nice for Bart.  Not only is Bart one of the very few to avoid Homer's waves of cuts, Bart is also made the team's quarterback despite how well Nelson has been playing.  Sure enough, the next game Bart has no idea to play quarterback and he and his team suffer its first loss in humiliating fashion.  Nelson and the others threaten Bart that if he screws up one more game, he's as good as dead.

Bart tries desperately to train, and seems to have fortune on his side when Joe Namath pops in, his car having broke down.  Before Namath can actually give any advice, though, his car starts up back, suffering only from vapor lock, and Joe takes his leave.  Left no better than before, Bart gets advice from Lisa to fake a devastating injury.  Homer buys it the next day, and calls on Nelson, but only to have him pass a forfeiture notice to the ref.  Bart has enough, and flat out quits the team, angering Homer enough to cut him as well.

With Nelson back as the team's quarterback, the team goes on a winning streak again (including a victory over Arlen, which upsets a particular yet familiar group of its fans) and reaches the championship game.  Homer sees Nelson and the other kids go home with their respective fathers, making him regret what he did to Bart.  He finds Bart at the Kwik-E-Mart and apologizes to him for encouraging him.  Bart agrees to come back to the team as his original position of tackle.

During the championship game, Nelson is dominating yet again but Chief Wiggum arrives with an arrest warrant for Nelson.  Bart, though, is more than willing to fill in for Nelson... in the police car as Bart pretends to be Nelson.  The ploy works as Nelson gets the winning score, giving Homer's team the championship.  Bart, meanwhile, learns he'll be going to jail for a long time over charges of burglary and arson.  Joe Namath warns the audience about vapor lock, and Homer cuts everybody in the credits except for Namath.

Quick Review
The episode starts off a bit slow but picks up when Nelson becomes a focus, as does Homer when he becomes coach of the team.  The various things that happen at the end, from Bart taking Nelson's place, Namath's warnings about vapor lock, and the Homer cutting nearly everyone in the credits, give the episode a strong finish.

Final Score: 9.3

My Sister, My Sitter (S08, E17-170)

It turned out nearly exactly how Lisa imagined it would, well mostly.
She has a rather realistic imagination.

Plot Summary
Lisa become deeply interested in babysitting, and gets the word out as such, however there aren't many people interested in having an 8 year old girl babysit.  One day, though, Ned Flanders finds himself in a bind and has to ask Lisa to babysit his boys.  She does a superb job babysitting Rod and Todd, and Ned decides to recommend Lisa to others.  Quickly, Lisa starts babysitting around town, and her reputation of quality spreads like wildfire.

In the meantime, Homer and Marge learn that the town has rebuilt its Squidport, and has an opening gala on Saturday night.  Interested in attending, they - for some reason - decide to have Lisa babysit Bart and Maggie, an idea that infuriates Bart.  As a result, Bart goes out of his way to cause trouble for Lisa.  He feeds Maggie coffee ice cream and, as Lisa is distracted in trying to calm down the now hyper baby, Bart makes several phone calls for services to arrive at the house.  Lisa is able to shoo them all off, but is starting to lose her nerve.  As Bart now refuses to go to bed, Lisa tries to grab him, in the process Bart trips and falls down the stairs, dislocating his shoulder and getting a lump on his head.

Bart comes to, sees whats happened to him, and runs off to his room to 'preserve the evidence' for when their parents come home.  He attempts to make things worse by banging his head into the door, enlarging the bump on his head, and indeed he does make things worse by passing out in the process.  Lisa tries to call 911, but after several prank calls made by Bart earlier in the night, they refuse to hear Lisa out.  Lisa considers taking Bart to Dr. Hibbert, but fears that once Hibbert sees Bart's injuries, she'll be blamed and will never babysit again.  Instead, she goes to Dr. Nick, whose clinic promises complete confidentiality.  She puts Bart on a wheelbarrow and Maggie in a carrying cage and wheels them to Nick's clinic, however the lines are long and Lisa is force to look elsewhere.

Now deciding to just go to the hospital, she's stopped by Chief Wiggum, who checks the wheelbarrow to find nothing inside.  After Wiggum leaves, a stunned Lisa finds that Bart fell off the side of the wheelbarrow and into a puddle of mud.  As she goes to retrieve him, it turns out the puddle of mud is right off from where the renewed Squidport is, and everyone witnesses Lisa's antics, parents included.  Hibbert is on the scene and, like Lisa feared, is blamed for Bart's injuries, effectively ending her babysitting career.  Bart apologizes to her some time later, but as it turns out, some parents in Springfield are willing to overlook Lisa's follies in order to get a babysitter for the night.

Quick Review
This episode turns out pretty well, not one of Season 8's better episodes but its still pretty strong on its own.  The main plot had some laughs, but not too many, and the Squidport subplot was too brief to supplement the main plot any.

Final Score: 8.6

Bart After Dark (S08, E05-158)

"Come on, boy, give your old man a little credit.", he says just before this moment.

Plot Summary
News of an oil tanker spill on 'Baby Seal Coast' appears on TV, and seeing celebrities clean off animals inspires Lisa.  She convinces Marge to drive 400 miles to help out, leaving Bart and Homer alone to themselves for a week.  As Marge and Lisa have their own difficulties, with the celebrities having 'claimed' the animals and there's nothing left to clean but rocks, Homer and Bart lazy it up for awhile, but Bart finally decides to get some fresh air and go to the park.  There, Milhouse is carefully flying a model airplane, but Nelson grabs it and flies it into the roof of a large, fenced house.  The kids are scared of the house due some myth or another, but fearless Bart climbs a tree and quickly retrieves the plane.  While showboating, Bart slips, knocking over a gargoyle, and falls into the bushes, where he is met by the owner of the house.

She takes Bart back home, and tells Homer she won't press charges if Homer punishes him.  Though Homer is reluctant to do so, the idea of the woman coming back to tell Marge changes Homer's mind quickly.  Trying to do "what Marge would do", Homer then insists on having Bart do chores for the woman, Belle, at the house.  Bart then learns that the house is actually a burlesque house, and is happy to help out.  Homer later learns of the house when picking Bart up late, and is too intrigued with the house to do anything regarding Bart.  Later, Principal Skinner sees Bart on his visit, and quickly gets the church brigade (Reverend Lovejoy, Ned Flanders and their wives) on the investigation.  Homer insists that Bart continue working there, just as Marge returns from a rather unsuccessful cleaning voyage.

Marge learns of and is disgusted by the burlesque house, and meets with Belle in the hopes of having her leave.  That falls through, so Marge decides to take action.  In the next town meeting, she and the church brigade confront the town over the house, shaming everyone by showing pictures of various townsfolk visiting the house, including the mayor.  Panicked, the town hastily agrees to form a mob to destroy the house.  Homer is able to save the house by leading a song that convinces everyone, including the church brigade, that the house is as part of Springfield as anything else, and is its heart and soul.  Of course, Marge isn't around to hear it, she returns having rented a bulldozer but only afterwards.  She tries to get people back on her side with a song of her own, but before she can really get started, she accidentally drives the bulldozer into the house.  With everyone mad at her now, she makes it up the only way she can: doing a ventriloquist act at the house.

Quick Review
This ends up being one of Season 8's better episodes.  A lot of the jokes around the burlesque house, and the people who don't want to admit to being there, were really good as was Homer's 'parenting' early on.  The "We put the 'Spring' in Springfield" song is a classic, and boosted this episode's score as well.

Final Score: 9.5

22 Short Films About Springfield (S07, E21-149)

"Skinner with his crazy explanations, the Superintendent's gonna
need his medication.  When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
there'll be trouble in town tonight!"

Plot Summary
Despite the title, there aren't 22 sub stories that fill this episode.  It's close to 22, but not quite.  Not that its a problem or anything.  Here, in minor detail, is every story featured:

1) Prologue: Bart and Milhouse, while chucking stuff at cars from a bridge above, wonder about the tales the people of Springfield have to tell, which sets up the rest of the episode.

2) "Apu in: The Jolly Bengali": As the two boys go to the Kwik-E-Mart to buy candy, Sanjay invites Apu to a party at his house.  Apu, unwilling to leave the Kwik-E-Mart for long, agrees to go for five minutes.  At the party, Apu pretty much has the full party experience in even less time, though he inadvertently locked Hans Moleman in the store in the meantime.

3) Lisa's Hair Problem (Part 1): As Lisa is recycling, Bart zooms along on his skateboard and tosses some gum away, unknowingly throwing it into Lisa's hair.  Lisa runs to Marge for help, but Marge only has oddball remedies for getting gum out of hair, such as applying peanut butter or mayo into the gum, but this doesn't seem to be working.  She has Lisa sit outside to let it sink it, but she's attacked by a swarm of hornets.

4) Smithers' Bee Problem: One bee flies off from Lisa and heads to the park, where it lands on Smithers (who is deathly allergic to bees), who is in the middle of a bike ride with Mr. Burns.  Burns, irritated that Smithers has slowed down, tries to shoo the bee away, but it stings Smithers instead.  With Smithers in dire need for help, Burns gets Smithers help the only way he knows how: by commanding Smithers to pedal the two all the way to the hospital.  The two make it but both collapse.  Rescue workers come out to help, but only grab Burns.

5) Dr. Nick's Malpractice Problem: After Nick confuses Smithers as a bum ("Holy smokes!  You need booze!"), he goes to a meeting with other doctors who confront him on a malpractice suit against him.  Just then, a crazy old man (Grampa) is causing havoc and insists on seeing a quack.  Nick steps up and 'calms' Grampa by telling him he has a condition where his skeleton is trying to escape the body, and uses 'electrotherapy' to 'cure' him.  The doctors drop the suit in forgiveness, and Nick gives Jasper a free nose job in celebration.

6) Moe's Burglary Problem: Moe officially calculates Barney's bar tab to be in the billions, but gets $2000 from him right away.  Snake runs in to rob Moe, holding Barney hostage.  Moe runs to safety inside a hidden, bulletproof compartment (with little air), which just allows Snake to loot Moe's newly acquired tab and run off.

7) "Skinner and the Superintendent": Skinner invites Chalmers for lunch, but burns his roast by mistake.  Using a series of lies and fabrications, Skinner is able to convince Chalmers that a bunch of Krusty Burgers he desperately bought is a family recipe and that the fire in the kitchen from the roast in actually Aurora Borealis in his own kitchen.  In all, it was a successful luncheon.

8) Homer's Maggie Problem: Hands full of groceries and Maggie, Homer sees an importantly headline in a newspaper stand, and goes to buy it right away, fumbling his possessions in the process.  He gets his paper, but accidentally gets Maggie stuck in the stand.  Having no usable quarters left and unwilling to leave Maggie to get more, Homer decides to just uproot the stand completely and take it home.

9) The Police's Hamburger Problem: Lou describes his time at a Shelbyville McDonalds, a restaurant that has zero presence in Springfield.  After hearing horrors about Krusty Partially Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based Beverages being called simply "shakes" at McDonalds, Wiggum has heard enough and goes out for donuts.

10) Bumblebee Man's Clumsiness Problem: After a hard day playing the bumbling bee at work, the actor tries to have a relaxing moment at home, but an incident involving oranges causing his clumsiness to take full effect, destroying the house and forcing his wife to divorce him.

11) Snake's Wiggum Problem: Coming off the heist, Snake is in a bind when he sees Wiggum, who just bought some donuts.  Panicking, Snakes tries to run over Wiggum, but crashes into a wall.  The two get into a brawl which goes into Herman's store, where he holds the two hostage for some reason.

12) Lovejoy's Flanders Problem: Reverend Lovejoy brought his dog to Flanders' yard for the sole purpose of having the dog do its business there.  Class act, Reverend.

13) Lisa's Hair Problem (Part 2): As Flanders goes to retrieve his shovel from Homer, he spies Marge still trying to get gum out of Lisa's hair.  He offers to help, but it doesn't seem to work.  Other townspeople chime in to give advice to Lisa's predicament, which only irritates the poor girl.

14) "Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel": Cletus finds a pair of boots for Brandine's job interview, but as they wouldn't really work well on the topless dancing runway, he has to return them where he found them: dangling on a wire.

15) Milhouse's Bathroom Problem: Milhouse desperately needs to use the bathroom, trying to do so at the comic book shop, but a transaction is required, and as Milhouse is doing that his dad gets him in trouble and takes him away before he could use the bathroom.

16) Wiggum and Snake in a Problem, Featuring Milhouse: Milhouse's next attempt is at Herman's shop, where his father notices both Wiggum and Snake beat up and tied up with Herman just standing there.  As Herman readies to take the elder Van Houten hostage, Milhouse accidentally knocks Herman out with a mace he grabbed.  Wiggum then tries to make his escape.

17) Lisa's Hair Problem (Part 3): Lisa passes Wiggum but is far too concerned about her hair to think about anything else.  She goes to the barber who cuts that part of her hair off, then stylizes it to make it look good.  Lisa starts feeling good again, but is immediately laughed at by Nelson.

18) Nelson's Tall Man Problem: Afterwards, Nelson laughs at Mrs. Glick tripping into a trash can, then laughs at a man driving a rather tiny car.  The man stops and steps out, revealing himself to be rather tall.  Nelson tries to escape, but the tall man catches him.  After a failed attempt at reasoning with the boy, the tall man decides to publicly humiliate Nelson instead, pulling down his pants and having townspeople laugh at him instead.

19) Epilogue: As Bart and Milhouse squirt condiments on Nelson from above, Bart realizes that there are indeed plenty of tales to be told by the townsfolk, but there simply just isn't enough time to hear them all.

20) "The Tomfoolery of Professor Frink": The professor runs in, his skit having been delayed by literal monkey trouble at the lab, but as he tries to sink his bit's theme song, the episode goes into credits and Frink promises that the monkey'll pay for this.

Quick Review
22 Short Films About Springfield, a rather experimental episode at the time, is one of the best episodes of the series.  There is just so many things that work right here.  I think part of it is that there are a good number of jokes in every bit that the writers forced in to make sure each bit is gold, but with so many bits there ends up being a lot of quality throughout.  Its a wonderfully written episode and its a shame more episodes like this were never made afterward.

Final Score: 10