The Regina Monologues (S15, E04-317)

Why wasn't there that much rage towards this episode from England?
Was it because it was Season 15 and nobody cared about the show then?
Or was it because the British are cool people with a sense of humor?
(its probably the former)

Plot Summary
Mr. Burns withdraws a $1000 bill somehow, but he quickly loses it and it flies away.  It falls into Bart's hands, but he is forced by Marge to put out a flier to have someone claim it within a set amount of time.  Nobody is able to prove that bill is theirs, so Bart gets to keep it.  Instead of spending it, though, Bart shows off the bill to others, eventually setting up a scheme where he charges people $5 to see the bill.  Burns finally arrives to claim his bill, and Bart's days of exploitation are over.  He did 'earn' $3000 in his scheme though, and he is convinced by Lisa to do something for Marge, deciding to spend the money on a vacation.  On pondering where to go to, Grampa reveals he wishes to go to England in hopes of finding a woman whom he had a fling with during World War II.  The family agrees and the Simpsons are going to England.

As Grampa begins his search for his lost love, the Simpsons take in all that England has to offer.  Eventually, it seems like that, for once, the Simpsons are going to have a regular vacation.  However, Homer accidentally drives into a roundabout and is stuck in it for hours.  Homer eventually snaps and forces his way out, but rear-ends a carriage in the process.  Perhaps coincidentally, the carriage was carrying the Queen of England.  Homer is arrested and, with the Queen's blessing, jailed for his crime.

The family attempts to help Homer break out, but he accidentally stumbles into the Queen's bedroom somehow.  He's able to plead for mercy, and the Queen allows Homer to leave England under the condition that he drags Madonna along with him.  At the airport, Grampa is met by his long lost love, who birthed a daughter from their relationship: Abby, a now 58year old woman who looks and acts like Homer.  Grampa realizes this and makes a quick sprint to the gate, while Homer and Abby get along seemingly unaware of their relation.

Quick Review
I didn't like this episode all that much.  Country-bashing is nothing new for the show, neither is screwing around with leaders of said country whether those leaders are political leaders or, uh, whatever the Queen is nowadays.  Still, the attempts at humor this episode provides dies off once the family reaches England, as some focus is made in introducing guest stars and making jokes revolve around them, which is hard to do right.  The parts with the Queen are just odd and there wasn't much to laugh about there.  Grampa learning he has another illegitimate child was mildly intriguing, but still not all that funny.

Final Score: 6.0

The President Wore Pearls (S15, E03-316)

That suit doesn't do a good job of hiding her big butt.  Yeah, I said it.

Plot Summary
The elementary school hosts a casino night as suggested by student body president Martin Prince.  However, when Martin 'reminds' everyone that they're not playing with real money, a riot ensues leaving the room a mess.  Principal Skinner is forced to have Martin resign as president.  The next day, Lisa sees a signup sheet for student body president, and decides to enter.  However, the far more popular Nelson signs as well, and with nobody caring about the things she does it looks like she's going to lose the election to Nelson.  Just then, Lisa pulls out a song to tell everyone what she's going to do as president, and the kids rally behind it and elect Lisa as president.

The school's staff, including Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers, are worried that Lisa's current popularity combined with her always present awareness will make her rather formidable, and decide to appeal to Lisa's vanity to control her.  They calls Lisa into the teacher's lounge and, through the power of song, dress Lisa up in successful clothing and convince her that her real job as president is to look good to the student body.  They also have her unwittingly sign a form supposedly to allow her access to the study hall at any time.  The next day, Lisa along with everyone else is shocked to learn that the school has taken away art, music and gym, and that Lisa signed the form to allow it.

Disgusted at what she became, Lisa's determination is renewed, and is able to lead the students into striking.  With the police on their side, the students are determined to get their extracurriculars back.  However, Chalmers realizes that the body will fall once it loses its head, and decides to take out Lisa, by transferring her to the Springfield Magnet School for the gifted and troublesome.  Her rally at an end, Lisa is saddened, though she perks up when she arrives at her new school.  Just then, Homer arrives to take Lisa back to her old school, absolutely unwilling to drive her to this new school manually.  The episode then states the school found money to reinstate art, music and gym by cancelling flu shots and selling loose cigarettes, so it all works out.

Quick Review
This episode, which took a decidedly musical turn, ends up being better than what I was expecting.  I suppose this is because several characters, like Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie, salvage the otherwise bland plot with their usual brand of hijinks and humor.

Final Score: 7.5

My Mother the Carjacker (S15, E02-315)

Not... quite the same emotional impact as the last Mona episode, I know.

Plot Summary
Marge wins a T-shirt when she sends in a hilarious newspaper clipping to Channel 6.  Homer becomes jealous and tries to do the same.  His quest for his own T-shirt drives him to delusion, looking at newspapers all evening for a funny headline, when he notices something odd about one article about a giant pizza.  The first letters in each line spell out a message for Homer to meet a person at an overpass at midnight.  Homer casually follows this message, and at midnight he's greeted by the mystery person: his mother.

Mona, still on the run from police, felt nostalgic toward Homer and decided to see him again, using 'the liberal media' to her advantage to plant that pizza story for Homer to catch.  However, their reunion is cut short when the police arrive for an unrelated reason, though they identify Mona right away.  Homer attempts to drive Mona to safety, but unwittingly drives right into the police station, and Mona is arrested, much to the glee of Mr. Burns.  During the trial, though, Homer's passionate plea to be back with his mother gets to the jury, who refuse to convict Mona, and the case is dismissed, much to the ire of Burns.

Now a free woman, Mona spends plenty of time with Homer; the two have a lot to catch up on.  Mr. Burns even invites Mona as he turns his old germ warfare building into something more positive.  However, its actually part of Burns' trap and he's able to get Mona to admit to using a phony name on federal property.  She's arrested once more, leaving Homer sad yet again.

Homer regroups, though, and is able to find and hijack the bus taking Mona to a federal prison.  Letting the other prisoners out honor system-style, Homer attempts to drive Mona to freedom.  However, with the police hot in pursuit, Mona decides to knock Homer out and toss him out the bus rather recklessly.  Moments later, Homer witnesses the bus go over a railing and into a lake, crashing, exploding and causing rocks to fall upon it, pretty much sending the message that Mona is dead.

Homer can hardly hold himself together at the funeral, and then later becomes somewhat delusional when he starts searching newspapers for a sign of Mona, believing to of found one in "IMO[next page]K".  The family tries to support Homer in his grief, nobody aware that Mona actually did leave a message in one paper, detailing how she escaped her predicament.

Quick Review
This episode was alright, mostly.  The big (second) return of Homer's mother was handled mostly well, though some of the bigger plot points really came out of nowhere (mainly Mona being arrested again as well as that rather far fetched ending).  Otherwise, the jokes were alright and the episode ends up being good though not great.

Final Score: 7.8

Treehouse of Horror XIV (S15, E01-314)

Mel: "Come!  Let us kill them before learning
of the magical secret which they possess!"

Plot Summary
As the Simpsons violently hurt one another, Kang and Kodos lament human stupidity, since this Halloween episode is airing in November.

Reaper Madness
The figure known as Death arrives to kill Bart.  After a Benny Hill-esque chase, Death has Bart cornered, but Homer is able to somehow kill Death by hitting him with a bowling ball.  For a time, nobody in the world can die.  Some time later, Homer goes to throw away Death on trash day, but decides to keep its robes.  Homer puts them on, but he and the family learn in horror that by doing so, Homer becomes the new Death, being forced to do so or else face rather sharp genital pain.

Homer does fine at first, but begins to abuse his power to do whatever he feels like.  Then, one morning, Homer is given his next target: Marge.  Homer refuses to do it, but if he doesn't, he'll die instead.  Homer relents and 'kills' Marge offscreen.  Later, Homer offers Marge's body to God, demanding he no longer be Death.  God obliges, but then learns that the body is actually Patty's with Marge's hair taped on.  Homer is able to escape God's wrath, and everything turns out okay.
Individual Score: +1.1

Frinkenstein
Lisa ends up hearing the news that Professor Frink is being awarded the Nobel Prize.  She goes to actually tell him the news, and Frink is happy, glad that his invention of a screwdriver/hammer hybrid won out in a slow science year.  However, Frink laments that his father can't be around to see this achievement.  Lisa inquires, and Frink explains that his father was an adventurous type of scientist, and hated how 'unmanly' the young Frink was.  The two last saw each other on shaky terms, and the elder Frink died from a shark bite.  Young Frink has his father's frozen corpse, though, and decides to go ahead and reanimate it thanks to the newfound convenience of his hammerdriver or whatever.

Using mechanical parts to cover the gaps, Frink is successful in reviving his father, however the elder Frink is upset over what his son did, and goes to acquire live organs, which concerns Lisa.  Sure enough, "Frinkenstein" just ups and grabs organs from whomever he comes across and soon becomes a patchwork of various body parts.  Lisa finds the monster and guilt-trips him with young Frink's Nobel Prize ceremony.  Frinkenstein overcomes his organ lust and heads to Stockholm.  The Frinks reunite just as Frink receives his prize, but Frinkenstein can't contain himself and starts harvesting the brains of the crowd.  Young Frink finally realizes what needs to be done, and kills Frinkenstein by kicking him in his crotch.  Frinkenstein is proud of how big of a man his son has become, but young Frink isn't done yet: he's able to salvage his father's soul in a less menacing box.
Individual Score: +1.0

Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off
Marge uncovers a box full of 70s comic books, and Bart and Milhouse take a peek.  Bart is interested in the old ads found within, particularly one for a 'magic' stopwatch that can stop time itself.  Milhouse pays the 49 cents, and in four weeks the two get their stopwatch.  After Bart confirms it to work, he and Milhouse go around town causing prank after prank.  Mayor Quimby has a meeting at town hall to do something about it, but when Bart and Milhouse strike there, Quimby traps them thanks to ultraviolet light and the town finds out it was them (or I think they do; they really don't identify the two).  Bart and Milhouse run away, but are chased by an angry mob.  The two use their stopwatch again, but in doing so the watch breaks and now they have no way to resume time.  At first, neither one is concerned and they enjoyed themselves.  Soon, though, the two miss interacting with other people besides themselves and decide to fix the watch.  Fifteen years later, the 25 year olds finally do it, and after finding a scapegoat for the mess in Martin, the two finally restore time's flow.  The Simpsons wonder how Bart got so big and shaggy, and to shut Lisa up, Bart gives her the watch, though she presses another button on it to create parallel universes or some such.
Individual Score: +1.0

Quick Review
This installment is a nice return to form after the previous season's Halloween effort.  All three segments are great with several good moments found in each, though even as a fan of Professor Frink all the Frink-speak in the second act was a bit much.  I found this first episode of the 15th season funnier than any episode from Season 14.  Hopefully its the start of a trend.

Final Score: 8.4

Moe Baby Blues (S14, E22-313)

Nobody pulls off 'creep' like Moe.

Plot Summary
The entire town, it seems, congregate to Springfield's botanical garden to witness the blooming of a rare, giant flower.  At the bar, Moe is unaware of this but sees on the news that all of his customers are at the garden, so he decides to go as well.  However, his presence at the garden puts the area one over the allowed capacity, and so Moe is asked to leave.  The flower bloom, but shoots out a rather toxic pollen which forces everyone to flee.  With traffic jamming along a bridge, Homer accidentally crashes his car against the one in front of him.  In an odd series of events, Maggie's safety belt breaks and she flies out through the car's sun roof as it crashes.  Meanwhile, Moe is also at the bridge, preparing to jump to a pathetic death, when Maggie literally falls right into his arms.  The people stuck on the bridge witness this, and Moe is declared a hero.

Some morning later, Moe goes to the Simpson house to see Maggie.  With Homer late for work, Marge is forced to have Moe take care of Maggie for a bit to tend to the latest round of Grampa's senility.  Upon returning, Marge finds that Maggie has taken quite a liking to Moe, and vice-versa and so Moe becomes the go-to babysitter for Maggie.  Moe does a lot of stuff for Maggie, even reenacting the first Godfather movie for her.  However, in typical fashion, Moe gets a little too close to Maggie for her parents' liking; Homer is upset that Moe has become her father figure instead of him, and Marge is starting to get upset that Moe has learned more things about Maggie than she has.  It comes to a head one late night, when the two learn that Moe has both a video camera and a baby monitor in Maggie's room and rushes to Maggie's side when she's crying.  Homer forces Moe out, and tells him to stay away from Maggie.

Moe once again battles through depression afterward.  A night later, Maggie overhears some mobsters discussing a hit.  To cheer up Louie, Fat Tony does the gag with the orange peel from The Godfather.  Maggie recognizes the bit from when Moe did it, and mistakes Fat Tony for Moe.  As the mafia take their leave, Maggie exits her room through the open window and gives chase.  Marge finds out a short time later, and Homer quickly concludes that Moe must've taken her.  One police sting later, it turns out that Moe is innocent, but Homer and Marge decide to let Moe help them find their baby.  At the house, Moe finding a discarded orange peel and realizes what has happened.

Maggie chases the mobster to a restaurant, where Fat Tony and his gang engage in a standstill against another mob, with Maggie caught inbetween.  Moe, Homer and Marge arrive just in time to see this, and Moe decides to enter the restaurant to grab Maggie, openly describing his sob story to the mobsters, bringing them to tears.  Afterward, though Moe makes no effort to get his babysitting 'job' back, Homer does agree to bring Maggie around whenever the two meet up (or something to that effect, anyway).

Quick Review
This episode is a strong finish to what has been a very disappointing season.  Moe episodes can be hit or miss, but somehow an episode focused on him as well as Maggie works out just fine.  It helps that Fat Tony and his gang are involved, as they usually give an episode a nice boost of comedy, but otherwise the episode contains plenty of jokes and hilarity to make it one of the better episodes of the season.

Final Score: 8.1

The Simpsons: Season 15 Episode List

Can it get any worse than season 14?  Just barely.  What doesn't help this season at all, beside the crater of awful named "Bart-Mangled Banner", was that only two episodes this season scored 8 or above, compared to five such episodes last season.  Most episodes hovered in the mid 7s, indicating the level of mediocrity the series has now fallen to.

Season 15 Overall Score: 6.94
Favorite Season 15 Episode: Treehouse of Horror XIV
Least Favorite Season 15 Episode: Bart-Mangled Banner

01) Treehouse of Horror XIV
Reaper Madness: Homer kills Death, becomes Death.
Frinkenstein: Professor Frink reanimates his father, who now lusts for organs.
Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off: Bart and Milhouse get ahold of a watch that stops time.
Score: 8.4

02) My Mother the Carjacker
Mona Simpson returns to Springfield, and is able to have the charges against her dismissed.  However, Mr. Burns refuses to let Mona go free, and Homer may have to say goodbye to his mom again.
Score: 7.8

03) The President Wore Pearls
Lisa becomes student body president in hopes of making things better for the school.  However, the school's faculty appeals to her vanity to control her.
Score: 7.5

04) The Regina Monologues
After Bart acquires some good money, the family goes to England both as a thank you to Marge and to help Grampa find a lost love.  Then Homer ruins the vacation, again.
Score: 6.0

05) The Fat and the Furriest
Homer is attacked by a bear.  Not only does he grow a fear of bears, news of the attack makes him a laughing stock.  Homer decides to pull himself together and fight that bear.
Score: 8.1

06) Today I Am a Clown
Krusty reveals he's never had a bar mitzvah, and decides he'll be more faithful to his religion.  Homer benefits by being a fill-in host on Krusty's Saturday show.
Score: 7.5

07) 'Tis the Fifteenth Season
Homer is chided for his selfishness during the Christmas season.  He sets out to be as selfless as possible, drawing the ire of Ned Flanders.
Score: 5.3

08) Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays
After a concert for babies goes disastrously wrong, Lindsey Naegle leads a group of people mentioned in the latter 89% of the title to put a stop to families, which Marge resists.
Score: 7.2

09) I, (D'oh)-Bot
Homer 'builds' Bart a robot that's just him in a metal casing, but an unaware Bart enters it in a robot fighting competition.  Meanwhile, Lisa has several cats die on her.
Score: 7.2

10) Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
Homer ends up getting a job as an ambulance driver, where his neglect of Marge aids her in writing a romance novel featuring everyone's favorite theme: cuckolding.
Score: 7.3

11) Margical History Tour
Marge tells kids inaccurate historical stories.
Henry VIII: He wants a male heir really bad.
Sacagawea: She helps out Lewis and Clark.
Mozart: His demise is plotted by his sister, Salieri?  Wha?
Score: 6.4

12) Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Bart is devastated when Milhouse moves with his mom to Capitol City.  Meanwhile, Homer resorts to panhandling to get Marge the things she likes.
Score: 7.7

13) Smart and Smarter
Its revealed that Maggie apparently has a higher IQ than even Lisa, a fact Lisa has a hard time dealing with.
Score: 7.0

14) The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
A washed up Artie Ziff is allowed to stay at the Simpsons place until he gets back on track.  Hard to do when the guy is wanted for shareholder fraud.
Score: 7.2

15) Co-Dependent's Day
Homer and Marge bond when the two share memories in wine drinking.  Meanwhile, the state of Star Wars is parodied poorly.
Score: 7.1

16) The Wandering Juvie
Bart actually goes to juvenile hall after he gets caught in his latest prank, and he can hardly deal with it.
Score: 7.2

17) My Big Fat Geek Wedding
Mrs. Krabappel learns Skinner isn't into this whole 'wedding' thing, and leaves him on the altar.  While she picks up comic book guy on the rebound, Homer and Marge have marital problems, too.
Score: 5.8

18) Catch 'Em If You Can
Tired of their boring lives with their crazy kids, Homer and Marge sneak off to Miami rather than Dayton, but their kids catch on and follow them.
Score: 5.8

19) Simple Simpson
After seeing Lisa's feelings get destroyed by a guy, Homer dons a disguise and embarrasses that guy with a pie in the face.  As "Pieman", Homer makes a name for himself across town.
Score: 7.7

20) The Way We Weren't
Homer reveals that he kissed a girl that wasn't Marge when he was 10, then Marge reveals that girl Homer kissed was actually Marge.  Then things get awkward.
Score: 7.5

21) Bart-Mangled Banner
A temporary deaf Bart accidentally moons the American flag without realizing it, setting off a huge wave of fear-induced American patriotism.
Score: 3.4

22) Fraudcast News
As Lisa starts up a self-published paper, Mr. Burns buys up all the big media in town after they mock his supposed death.
Score: 7.5

The Bart of War (S14, E21-312)

Nothing gets kids in line like promoting old stereotypes and violence!

Plot Summary
Bored, Bart and Milhouse decide to tie a string to a fly.  The fly heads into Flanders' house via an open window, and boys go in to find its been eaten by a cat.  None of the Flanderses are home, so the two decide to cause chaos inside, even finding Ned's secret Beatles tribute room, causing loads of trouble within.

Ned eventually comes home and calls the police, but doesn't file charges in hopes that the two will simply get constant adult supervision, and Marge makes it a point to follow, separating Bart from Milhouse and starting up a Springfield chapter of the "Pre-Teen Braves", some youth group.  Homer is initially the head of the group, but after he fails to do a good job, Marge takes over.  Under Marge, the group - which consists of Bart, Nelson, Database and Ralph - meets an actual Native American who tells them about the blight of litter, and the group decides to chip in.  Before they can, however, the park they planned on cleaning is already taken care of by a rivaling youth group: the Cavalry Kids, led by Milhouse and his father.  With the Girl Scouts already in control of the south side of town, the two groups realize there's not enough room left for both of them and they go to war.

Soon, a contest is announced where the youth group that sells the most cookies will be invited as honorary bat boys at an upcoming baseball game.  Homer takes the reins of the group again to lead a plan to ensure the Braves' victory.  They secretly inject laxatives into the candy sold by the Cavalry Kids, and at first it seems they're ruined.  However, the Cavalry Kids win anyway, as their candy became a big hit with the elderly.  Homer isn't finished yet, though.  On the day of the baseball game, Homer diverts the Cavalry Kids away from the stadium, then has the Braves dress up as the Cavalry Kids so that they can make the Kids look bad.  The real Cavalry Kids arrive just in time anyway and get into a fight with the Braves, inciting a riot.  Marge can't help but cry over what's happened to everyone, which gets caught on the jumbotron.  Everyone feels deep regret and sings a national anthem that promotes peace instead of violence: Canada's, giving the lesson that violence isn't the answer unless you're America.

Quick Review
Meh.

I really do just want to say meh and end it, and hell I can probably get away with it, too.  Not much went right for the episode, as the Pre-Teen Braves portion really didn't do much, and that shoved-in 'hey being anti-American is funny now' bit at the very end was awkward, too.  The episode was hardly ever funny.

This (maybe?) is also the first episode which really delves into the supposed saga of Nelson's missing father, last seen in Season 9, which becomes a bit of a running gag until an episode is devoted to it in Season 16.

Final Score: 6.3

Brake My Wife, Please (S14, E20-311)

You can pinpoint the moment where Homer's hip breaks (and a few people
already know where he's going to fall).

Plot Summary
Bart gets taken to the hospital after he suffers some injuries at the aquarium.  With the unavailable Homer holding the insurance card, the family is forced to wait around for him.  When he finally does arrive, Marge convinces Homer to get a cell phone.  Homer, of course, tries to drive while using it, when Barney suggests Homer get a hands-free model.  While doing so, Homer is convinced to buy every other thing one can plug into a car, and he's got so many distractions within his car now, he rather easily drives his car into the sea.

Homer's license is now revoked, and Marge is forced to do all the driving chores.  With Marge off doing one such chore, Homer is stuck at home.  Wanting to go to Moe's, Homer decides to just walk there instead, but along the way comes to liking the activity of walking.  Marge, meanwhile, is becoming overwhelmed with driving people around town all the time, to where she could break down at any moment.  Homer, though, continues to enjoy his walking, so much so that he starts up a song about it, but its interrupted abruptly when Homer is hit by a car - Marge's car to be exact.

With his pelvis broken, Marge can't explain why she hit the gas pedal instead of the brake in that accident.  She also 'accidentally' spills soup on Homer and trips him up as well.  Homer comes to realizes that Marge is trying to hurt Homer, and Marge lets it slip that she secretly hates him.  After one hour's worth of marriage counseling, Homer decides to organize a large party in the backyard dedicated to Marge.  Marge loves it, and her subconscious tendencies to murder Homer probably subside.

Quick Review
I should really come up with a term for episodes that start strong but fade at the end, like this episode.  This episode, which started off as a rather wacky tale of Homer enjoying walking, soon devolves into another marriage episode, and the dinner scene at the end just wasn't funny at all.  It completely bogs down what had been an otherwise fine episode.

Final Score: 7.3

Old Yeller Belly (S14, E19-310)

Beer commercials will probably never be this wild again. :(

Plot Summary
Bart's treehouse is destroyed, but Homer promises to build him a new one.  However, Homer isn't exactly doing a fast, good, or a job of it, so Marge brings in the Amish to build the treehouse.  They build a rather spectacular treehouse, enough to fit in a party's worth of people.  They also add electricity, which, well, isn't their specialty, and sure enough a faulty outlet causes the treehouse to set on fire.  Homer has an ice sculpture of himself fall on him, trapping him.  He sees Santa's Little Helper nearby, but the dog is scared of the fire and runs off (not before grabbing some turkey), and Homer passes out.  After a short period of time, the cat, Snowball II, goes in to wake Homer and with the sculpture now melted, Homer and the cat quickly escape.

Snowball is hailed a hero by both the town and especially by Homer, who denounces his cowardly dog in the process.  When interviewed, Homer even claims he has no dog, that's how mad he is at Santa's Little Helper.  Bart and Lisa try to toughen the dog up, but that's not working out so well.  One day, Santa's Little Helper is left outside after eating Homer's hamburger, and gets a hold of a nearby can of beer, balancing it on his nose.  A photographer gets a picture of it, and it makes the news.  The owner of Duff sees this and decides to make the dog the beer's new spokesman, with Duffman all washed up.  The family gets royalties and such, and so the dog becomes Suds McDuff, who appears in commercial as one cool dog.  However, the dog's previous owner, that guy at the race track who dumped him way back when, comes back to claim legal ownership of the dog, using Homer's dog-denouncing interview as proof that, at least, the dog doesn't belong to the Simpsons.

As the guy has the dog appear all over the place for Duff, the Simpsons decide to get their dog back.  They find the guy who was Duffman, Barry Duffman, and convince him to help them remove the dog as Duff's mascot.  At a beach function, they concoct a plan where Homer will pretend he's drowning, and the dog will prove too cowardly to save him, and then Duffman can come in and save both Homer and his old job.  With Homer floating on a beer keg, the plan starts off fine as the dog indeed proves his cowardice.  However, a shark sees Homer flailing about, and decides to circle him, forcing Duffman to cower away in fear as well.  Homer gets out of the way just as the shark makes its move, and the shark devours the beer keg instead.  It gets really wasted in front of the large crowd, causing Duff to make it its new mascot: Duff McShark.  The race track guy realizes the dog is finished, and gives it back to the Simpsons.

Quick Review
This was a fairly good episode.  I felt the best jokes came during the part where the cat was being hailed as a hero, and the middle portion was overall pretty great.  Duffman is a pretty good character for laughs, and he doesn't fail to provide them here either.  The episode's slow start bogs it down somewhat, but its still one of the best episodes of the season.

Final Score: 8.0

Dude, Where's My Ranch? (S14, E18-309)

What kind of prospector lets himself be named "Cookie"?

Plot Summary
The family goes out to sing Christmas carols, where Homer gets the idea that he can write his own Christmas song.  He attempts to do so later, but is interrupted by Flanders and Homer kicks him out.  Angry over that, Homer is suddenly inspired and decides to write a song about Flanders, or how much he sucks, anyway.  It becomes a popular song at the bar, and soon a record producer helps make the song popular town-wide.  It plays non-stop on TV and radio, that's how popular it gets.  Homer and the family soon despise the song, and decide to take a vacation until the song runs its course.  Bart suggests going to a old west-style ranch (a 'dude ranch' as it were), one with no TV or radio, and the family agrees.

Lisa quickly hates the ranch, what with the animal killing and all, but soon becomes infatuated with a young boy named Luke who shares her love for most things, and the two spend plenty of time together.  Meanwhile, Homer decides to help out a tribe of Native Americans who have had their homes flooded due to the machinations of some nearby beavers.  He and Bart try to shoo the beavers away, but that plan doesn't work out.  Later, however, Homer and Bart are able to distract the beavers and they go disassemble the dam, letting the river flow and the natives recover their soaked homes.

One night, Lisa overhears Luke talking to a girl whom he's invited to the dance, Clara, whom Lisa believes to be his actual girlfriend.  The next day, Lisa sees Clara coming into town, recognizing her from all the "Clara" jewelry she's wearing, and intentionally sends Clara down a dangerous, misleading path to keep her out of the way.  At the dance, though, Lisa learns to her horror that Clara is actually Luke's sister.  Lisa grabs Bart and the two go out to find Clara.  They find her stuck on a rock in the river now formed following the demise of the dam, and Bart is able to find a way to help her escape, using the beavers that are mad at him to bring down a tree which acts as a bridge.  Lisa reveals her motivations to Clara, who is less than pleased.

The day comes when the family has to go back home.  Luke visits Lisa one last time, who was told by Clara that Lisa saved her after she 'got lost'.  Lisa decides to tell Luke the real truth, which only makes Luke despise her.  With that happy ending, the family decides to confirm if Homer's song has actually stopped playing.  It has, but now its been replaced with a worse song sung by Moe, so its time for another week at the dude ranch.

Quick Review
I've been saying this a lot lately, but this episode wasn't funny.  It started going downhill right about when Homer decided to make his song about "stupid Flanders", a phrase which has gotten a little too 'catch-phrasey' for my liking the past season or so.  The 'jokes' which take place at the ranch weren't that funny either aside from a few exceptions, making this mostly a throwaway episode.

Final Score: 5.9

Three Gays of the Condo (S14, E17-308)

A big fat party animal and a bunch of gay guys enjoying the dance.

Plot Summary
On family recreation Wednesday, Marge reveals a gigantic jigsaw puzzle for the family to complete, and it takes them an entire week of non-stop work to complete the puzzle.  The family thinks they've finished it, but its pointed out to them that a single piece has gone missing.  Each member checks various places of the house to find that final piece, when Homer stumbles upon an old chest labeled "Marge's Memory Chest".  Homer opens it to find a picture of Moe's Tavern on its grand opening 11 or so years ago which both Homer and Marge attended.  On the back of the picture, though, Marge wrote a scathing letter to Homer.  That night years ago, Homer drank so much he suffered from alcohol poisoning, and Marge at that point decides they're done.  Homer wonders why, then, did Marge stay with him, then he realizes that Marge was pregnant with Bart just two days later, and figures out that Marge only stayed with Homer for Bart's sake.  He becomes absolutely furious with Marge, and decides he can't stay in the house with her.

Looking around for a place to stay that isn't depressing, Homer sees a newspaper ad for a request for a roommate in a condo on a nice, well-kept street of Springfield.  There, he meets the roommates he's staying with, Grady and Julio, both of whom are gay.  Grady and Homer become quick friends, and Homer has no problem with what's going on (in contrast to the previous episode with a similar theme).  In the few instances Homer and Marge see one another, they only bicker.  Lisa suggests Marge apologize, and Bart suggests that Marge should fake it.  Marge goes out to the condo, having hired Weird Al Yankovich to sing a song to have Homer give Marge another shot, and they agree to a date.

Homer is panicking over it, when Grady invites Homer to have a few Margaritas.  He indulges in them a bit too much, though, and misses the date, arriving just in time for Marge to storm out on him, the marriage seemingly at its end.  Homer slinks back to the apartment, where Grady decides to make his move on Homer, but Homer freaks out and decides, yeah, that's enough of that.  Homer goes to Moe's, where he starts to make the connection that alcohol is the cause of his problems, but Moe decides, yeah, that's enough of that, and forces enough beer down Homer to give him alcohol poisoning.  At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert recalls Homer's first case of alcohol poisoning, and shows a tape of it when Homer implies it ruined his marriage.  In that tape, Marge appears at Homer's bedside and tells him that though there'll be difficulties such as this, she still sees Homer as a genuinely good person and she's more than willing to stay with him.  Homer's faith in Marge is renewed, and present-day Marge peeks in on this just in time for the two to make up and remain together.

Quick Review
This ends up being an enjoyable episode.  The overall plot line wasn't bad, and there were a decent amount of jokes to keep things going strong.  Weird Al's appearance wasn't as bad as what I was expecting, and the scenes with Grady and Julio were okay as well.  Its about as good as I can expect from this season.

Final Score: 8.0

'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky (S14, E16-307)

Desmond is just upset he didn't bring his camera guy here to film this.

Plot Summary
Declan Desmond, a supposedly noted documentary filmer, decides to film his next documentary on Springfield Elementary.  He observes Bart becoming massively uncool, with Nelson becoming top dog around the playground thanks to a hood ornament he stole.  Principal Skinner attempts to show Desmond that the school isn't full of dopes by introducing him to Lisa, but he's not impressed with her either, criticizing her lack of direction in that if she doesn't set herself to a career path soon, she won't have much of a career at all.

While Bart continues to struggle to earn the respect of the bullies, Lisa goes to the museum to decide on a career path, ultimately deciding on astronomy.  She gets Homer to buy her a telescope, however she finds stargazing rather difficult at night as the bright lights in town make stargazing rather impossible.  Even when gazing from the outskirts, Springfield emits an orange glow which blocks out the stars.  She comes across Professor Frink who has the same problem.  With a meteor showing coming up, the two decide to start a petition around town to have the lights dimmed at night.  It works rather well, and soon Mayor Quimby shuts down the lights at night, revealing the stars in all their glory.

However, the darkness allows the bullies at school to go around town clipping off hood ornaments to add to their collection.  Bart tries to nab one for himself, but can't find any except for one extravagant ornament that graces the car of Fat Tony.  He and Milhouse come up with a ploy to get it.  Meanwhile, the town becomes angry about the hood ornament crimes, and demands the lights be brought back on.  Quimby caves to the pressure and turns them back on, but overdoes it to where not even natural sunlight is as bright as the night lights are now.  Bart and Milhouse are caught, and they run off without their trophy.

With the Simpsons family undergoing sleep deprivation from the lights, Lisa and Bart team up under a common goal to get rid of those lights again.  Borrowing Homer who is just unable to process things, the two sneak into the nuclear plant and overload the power grid, destroying the lights across town.  Quickly, an angry mob advances on them, but the meteor shower arrives and they become content.  Bart is able to steal his ornament, Lisa gets her stargazing, and Desmond makes another successful documentary.  Everybody wins!

Quick Review
This episode was alright.  Nothing was particularly bad about the episode, though a few jokes did fall flat from time to time.  A common theme nowadays, the quality of the episode dies down at the end, as the episode tries too hard to come to a conclusion (with some song to accompany it) rather than ensure said ending is also funny, though Desmond's documentary at the very end makes a decent effort to salvage things.

Final Score: 7.3

C.E. D'oh (S14, E15-306)

Couldn't Homer just knock the wall down, anyway?

Plot Summary
Homer's big plans for Valentine's Day are ruined when Marge becomes too tired to get interested in love-making.  Homer is devastated that he missed out on easy sex, and walks around town at night trying to find an answer.  He gets one at the adult education center.  He attempts to attend a class on male stripping, but he causes trouble and is kicked out.  He ends up in a class on "Successmanship", whose teacher tells the class, including Homer, that (basically) go-getting is the secret of success.

Homer decides to apply this attitude at the nuclear plant, and actually does a competent job of doing what he's supposed to do, which as I recall involves safety inspection.  He goes straight to Mr. Burns to report his findings, but Burns couldn't care less, and dismisses Homer quickly.  This angers Homer, and after talking to his bar mates about it, he decides to exact revenge.  He's about to exact some petty revenge, when he overhears Burns talking to Smithers about what would happen if Burns is caught dumping waste.  Burns actually has a plan in such a case, where the feds can only arrest the plant's owner: Canary M. Burns, a canary obviously.  Homer concocts a new plan where he gets rid of the canary in secret and then, getting Burns in a panic, has Burns give ownership of the plant to Homer, who uses his newfound power to fire Burns.  He's hailed as a hero.

As Burns and Smithers retire to Morocco to go on an opium binge, Homer comes to realizes that plant ownership isn't as easy as it seems.  Forced to stay at the plant late at night to handle finances and personnel, Homer soon laments what he's done, and wishes to have more time with his family.  Suddenly, Burns arrives in his office (by himself; Smithers is doing 'hard time' in a Turkish prison for the opium run).  Homer wonders how Burns is able to deal with owning the plant, and Burns takes Homer to a cemetery where Homer learns that by focusing on his career, he'd have to sacrifice his family and friends.  As Homer decides to give Burns the plant back, Burns actually has an ulterior motive, knocking Homer out and trying to leave him in a mausoleum, building a brick wall to trap him.  Of course, Burns isn't good at this, and only has a couple of rows up by the time Homer comes to.  Homer leaves the tired, somewhat delusional Burns, more than willing to give him the plant so he can spend more time with his family.

Quick Review
This ends up being a pretty good episode, a rarity thus far in this season.  The end of the episode, with Burns and his mausoleum, was the highlight I felt, and the rest of the episode held up fairly well without much dragging it down.  I was left pleasantly surprised with this episode's quality.

Final Score: 8.2

Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington (S14, E14-305)

I get it!  Fox News is biased towards Republicans!

Plot Summary
To avoid disturbing animals while mating, the government redirects air traffic, which unfortunately causes planes to fly rather low over the Simpsons home.  They go to their local congressman to complain about it, but he just ups and dies in front of them.  So now, they have to get a new congressman.  Bart suggests Krusty the Klown, and everyone - the family, Krusty, the Republican Party - goes with it.

Krusty's run for congressman hits a snag when his various misdeeds from the past come back to bite him, including several gags he did on his show that were less than PC.  He's able to recover thanks to the help of Lisa who reminds him to connect with the common person, as well as Republican-favoring Fox News, having gained its infamous bias as late as 2003.  With that combination, Krusty wins the bid and becomes a congressman.

Krusty attempts to introduce an air traffic bill to congress, but they won't give him the time of day.  The Simpsons fly into Washington to see this, and wonder what they can do to help.  A janitor that may or may not be Walter Mondale offers to help.  He helps the Simpsons get that bill passed the only way most things in Congress pass: stupidly.  Bart blackmails one opponent of the air traffic bill, preventing him from voting against it, and Homer is tasked to keep another opponent busy by having him take part in a lengthy drinking contest.  Afterward, Homer barges in during the vote drunk off his ass, giving Lisa a chance to attach the bill to a more popular bill - flags for orphans - allowing the bill to pass easily and the Simpsons no longer have to deal with their plane problem.

Quick Review
This episode wasn't that funny, and no, the of notion of having scathing political satire wasn't the reason why it did so poorly.  The reason why it scored poorly was because the scathing political satire itself just was not funny.

Final Score: 6.4

A Star Is Born Again (S14, E13-304)

I think she might have a 'seducing unassuming men' fetish going on here.

Plot Summary
The town of Springfield celebrates a day when red jellyfish wash ashore.  A dance is also held during this day, at which point Ned Flanders is feeling pretty lonely.  He decides to slink away and fill out some tax forms at his Leftorium store.  There, he's met by a gorgeous lady with an admitted fake nose.  After Ned unwittingly charms the woman, she invites him to dinner, while not telling him her real name.  Ned soon learns, though, that the woman is the popular movie actress Sarah Sloane.

Sarah, in Springfield to film a movie, finds herself fully attracted to Ned's charms, and is very forward with him physically.  The tabloids find out about Sarah, who has been in a relationship with many actors and other such men in her time, and cause trouble for the two, but they get through it.  The filming for Sarah's movie wraps up, so she tries to convince Ned to move with her back to Hollywood, but he quickly turns away that idea.  So, Sarah decides to live in Springfield instead.

Though Sarah quickly learns that Springfield is pretty dull, she doesn't mind.  As the two go out for a night, though, she decides to convince Ned to have sex with her, because she's been ready to do it for, I dunno, days.  Ned is, of course, hesitant, but with Homer's advice and a snippet from that ever-so-contradictory bible, Ned agrees to consent, and the two go all the way out in the woods somewhere.  The morning after, Ned tries to get Sarah to marry him, as he's unwilling to continue the relationship without doing that, but Sarah declines and decides to go back to Hollywood.

Quick Review
I have to be honest here, there were parts in the episode I had trouble watching through, it got pretty cringe-worthy.  The only real good portion of the episode was James L. Brooks' cameo during Ned's vision of Hollywood, but most other things - especially Helen Fielding's rather out-of-place Benny Hill routine because 'this is British comedy, all of it' - I couldn't find funny.

I might have developed a bias against episodes focused on Ned's love life post-widowing as I haven't even given any such episodes a score above five yet, but this was pretty bad as well, regardless of that.

Final Score: 4.3

I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can (S14, E12-303)

First a log, now a mountain, soon Lisa's face will be all over Springfield. *shudder*

Plot Summary
Its a new school year, and Principal Skinner starts it off with a school-wide spelling bee.  Lisa wins it, and as a reward is invited to spell at the state finals.  Meanwhile, Homer sees a commercial for a new sandwich at Krusty Burger named the "Ribwich", essentially the McRib but with just the meat and bun, also sauce.  Homer goes to try one out and it is apparently an orgasmic experience.  A short time later, Lisa wins the state spelling bee, and is invited to compete at the national finals.  Homer misses her celebration party so he can eat more Ribwiches, but learns in disgust that the sandwich, a limited time thing, has run its course.  Some guy sees Homer's plight, and informs him that he's part of a traveling group who are on a "Ribwich" tour, going from place to place where Ribwiches are offered, and invites Homer to go to the last place on the tour - San Francisco - in a few days.

The family in the meantime head up to Calgary for the "Spellympics", the spelling finals which is in constant legal battle with the Olympics, I presume.  The head of the Spellympics, George Plimpton, leads the charge through the preliminary round until there are three kids left: Lisa, a girl named Sun Moon, and an adorable young boy named Alex whom the crowd loves.  The finals are held the next day, which is also the final day the Ribwich is in San Francisco.  Though Homer's departure saddens Lisa, she is still pumped to win the finals, until she is set aside by Plimpton.  Plimpton informs Lisa that, hey, nobody cares about competitive spelling, but that the adorable Alex will give the 'sport' the momentum it needs to survive.  Lisa refuses to misspell a word intentionally, but Plimpton offers Lisa a scholarship to any one of the "Seven Sisters" schools if she takes a dive.

The next day, Homer is in San Francisco munching on his Ribwich, when Krusty comes along to inform the Ribwich group that the 'animal' that's used in the sandwich is now extinct, and throws the last ever Ribwich into the crowd.  Homer is able to snag it and gets many offers from others for it, then he realizes that no sandwich is worth abandoning his daughter.  He gives up the Ribwich for the keys to a car, and makes his way back to Calgary.

As Sun Moon is tricked out of the finals, and Alex is given a toss up word to survive, Plimpton gives Lisa a rather difficult word to spell: intransigence.  As Lisa tries to decide whether she should lose on purpose or not, Homer arrives just in time to give Lisa support.  Lisa is renewed, reveals Plimpton's plot (though nobody cares), and tries to spell the word correctly, but ends up spelling it wrong anyway.  No trophy, no scholarship, Lisa is devastated over her loss, but upon returning home she is celebrated as she has become the most prestigious person in Springfield anyway, and her face has been carved in a mountainside for the honor.

Quick Review
Another fairly decent episode, nothing too bad about it (besides the rather awkward ending), but the jokes just weren't all there.  I suppose it didn't help that I didn't find Homer's Ribwich sidestory all that funny, but its not that bad of an episode even if it is Lisa-centric.

Also, this is the first episode which indicates that Barney has relapsed back into his old, drunken self.  As you may or may not recall, Barney had sobered up back in Season 11, and had remained as such since, but because this fact hadn't been used for anything even remotely funny since, there have been jokes made which indicates Barney's return to alcohol.  This is the first such episode to make that notion, though later episodes suggest Barney still attempts to get back on track.

Final Score: 7.4

Barting Over (S14, E11-302)

There isn't the same intensity in mid-air skateboard duels like there used to be.

Plot Summary
During Spring cleaning, Bart and Lisa uncover an old tape labeled "BART SAD".  When the two view, they actually see a commercial that features Bart when he was a baby (thus, BART'S AD).  Bart obviously doesn't remember this, but is embarrassed to see his infant self be called "Baby Stinkbreath".  Bart confronts his parents over this who admit that its true, then Homer reveals that instead of saving up the money for Bart, he spent it to purchase incriminating photos.  Bart lashes out at Homer, and decide he's had enough of the family.  A short time later, Bart follows Milhouse's advice and hires a lawyer (that often-seen one that's actually competent), and takes the two to court to divorce himself from his parents.  Though neither Bart nor the court have any problem with Marge, who is just panicking this whole time, the court agrees with Bart that Homer is dangerous to be around and permits Bart to be emancipated from his parents.

Bart quickly finds a place downtown to stay, as he's now getting half of Homer's paycheck to reimburse the losses from the old commercial.  Both Bart and Homer go through a range of emotions through this process.  Homer goes from enraged, to delusional, to downright depressed over Bart's departure.  Bart is initially relieved, but then scared as he has trouble sleeping that first night.  Bart freaks out and tries to leave the building, but inadvertently stumbles upon an indoor skateboard park owned by Tony Hawk, who is also there to greet Bart.  Bart settles in after this.  The family is able to visit Bart soon after at his apartment, and though Homer acts distant towards Bart at first, he starts to worry as Bart reveals he'll be going on tour with Tony Hawk.

Homer decides to make himself look cool to Bart again.  As the tour begins in Springfield, Homer gets in contact with Tony and has him help him get Bart's respect.  Tony reveals some kind of auto-skateboard which does all the work, and Homer uses it to challenge Tony to a skateboard duel.  Tony doesn't mind at first, but Homer is a little too cocky and ends up showing Tony up, so the two engage in an extreme skateboard duel, which Homer somehow wins.  He goes to Bart expecting praise, but Bart reminds him that it was never about being cool, it was about respecting Bart.  With an ailing Tony giving Homer last-second advice, Homer realizes his follies, and promises to make it up to Bart.  Right on cue, Homer is given an offer to star in a commercial for bald, impotent men and Homer agrees to it on the condition that Bart gets the money.  Homer's status as a spokesman for impotence goes with him to the grave.

Quick Review
Honestly, I wasn't expecting even this high of a score.  The Tony Hawk appearance wasn't all that bad (can't say the same for Blink 182), though that skateboard fight was just weird.  Other than that, there were several jokes that worked out alright, especially early on, and the rest was able to hang in there to give this episode a modest score.

As a note, this episode was advertised as the 300th episode, only because FOX was and probably still is pretty bad at timing.  Strong Arms of the Ma was the 300th episode aired.

Final Score: 7.4

Pray Anything (S14, E10-301)

Beer is always better when its sacrilegious.

Plot Summary
Homer takes the family to a WNBA game for some reason.  There, Homer witnesses a terrifying sight: seeing Ned Flanders win a chance for a half-court shot, making the shot to win $50,000, then winning an additional $100,000 for his generous donation of the previous $50,000.  Ned even gets to drive home in a wiener-mobile!  An extremely jealous Homer decides to ask Ned how he gets so lucky, and discerns that Ned's supposed secret is prayer.  Homer tries it out himself a few times, and each time coincidence helps Homer believe that prayer is working.

At the same time, tree roots have found its way into the house, clogging up the sink and ruining drywall.  Homer prays for a solution to his dilemma while walking to church, but takes a bad fall in a hole just outside of it.  Some lawyer quickly persuades Homer to sue the church and, despite Marge's heavy protests, Homer ends up winning the suit, getting the deed to the church.  Homer's prayer is answered as now the Simpsons can live in the church, and Reverend Lovejoy is left to live at the Flanders house.

Lovejoy attempts to continue his service elsewhere, but it doesn't work out, forcing Lovejoy to just leave town.  Meanwhile, Homer hosts a 'housewarming' party at the church, which never seems to end.  With bonfires, indecency and people starting to worship other, multiple, gods, it starts raining.  The rain doesn't stop, and soon the entire town is flooded, Homer's prayers doing nothing to stop it.  Everyone is forced to the church roof to avoid the flood, and they turn on Homer, but Lovejoy reappears to refocus the group and leads an actual prayer which stop the rain.  Lisa surmises that the bonfire swelled up moisture, which the lack of trees allowed the town to flood more quickly.  She can't explain why the rain stopped, crediting Buddha half-assedly.  Up in heaven, God and Buddha decide the town has had enough.

Quick Review
This episode wasn't that funny.  Making sacrilegious jokes isn't a new thing for the show, but the attempts to make those jokes funny this time just did not work out, and that WNBA bit to start the episode didn't get it going right either.

Final Score: 6.7

Strong Arms of the Ma (S14, E09-300)

Marge proves time and time again she can be the craziest of them all.

Plot Summary
Rainier Wolfcastle is selling everything after going bankrupt, and the Simpsons take advantage.  After the family buys a lot of crap, including Wolfcastle's first weightlifting set, Marge drives the family home after there's no room left in the car for Homer.  She makes an emergency stop at the Kwik-E-Mart to change Maggie's diaper, going to the bathroom in the back of the store to do so, but on her way out is stopped by a mugger who grabs her pearl necklace and runs for it.

The experience greatly traumatizes Marge, who quickly develops a fear of going outside.  Homer and the kids attempt to help Marge overcome this new fear, but they only make things worse, and now Marge doesn't even want to leave the basement.  Though Marge is saddened over her condition, she takes a liking to that weightlifting set Homer hasn't bothered using, and starts lifting.  In two weeks, Marge has gotten a lot stronger, and in a dash to get a lemon, goes outside with no problem.  Marge is so free from her fear of going outside she even coincidentally runs into and subsequently beats up the thief who mugged her.

Feeling some kind of thrill from that, Marge continues lifting weights.  She sees a group of bodybuilders during a run and checks it out.  She finds her old neighbor, Ruth Powers, among them.  Ruth tells Marge that if she doesn't want to be seen as weak and pathetic, she should take steroids, which Marge does rather excessively.  She enters in a competition and wins 2nd place.  At a 'celebration' party at Moe's, Marge goes through a class example of roid rage and pretty much beats up everyone except Homer, who helps Marge realize that her new aggressive behavior is so unlike her.  Marge calms down and admits Homer is right.  She throws away the weightlifting set and decides to go back to her old self, though I am fairly sure muscles don't work the way she and Homer thinks it does.

Quick Review
This had been an okay episode to start, but it started to fall apart in the final act when Marge gets all hopped up on steroids, nothing really funny happening there - not even when Marge roid rages on everyone.  So, this ends up being another less-than effort for Season 14.

Also, this was the 300th episode, despite FOX advertising Barting Over as the episode for some reason.

Final Score: 6.9

The Dad Who Knew Too Little (S14, E08-299)

Sheriff Lisa Simpson doesn't seemed thrilled about McNuggets.

Plot Summary
Lisa's birthday is coming up, and she wants to get a state-of-the-art diary meant to stop other people from reading it.  Both Homer and Marge agree to get it, but when Homer actually goes to buy it, he learns that its been sold out.  On his way out of the mall, he sees Flanders making a cheap 'adventure starring YOU' video, which impresses the hell out of Homer and decides to make one for Lisa.  On Lisa's birthday, Lisa is angered to learn not only that Homer didn't buy the diary, but the video features untrue facts about Lisa.  Homer's claims that Lisa like McNuggets or that Maggie is her best friend infuriates Lisa, and she runs off in tears.

At the bar, Homer gets advice from Moe that a private detective he knows can look up all sorts of info of a woman.  Desperate to learn more about his daughter, Homer decides to visit the detective, and hires him to investigate Lisa.  The detective does thorough work, and before long Homer is given a booklet detailing a list of Lisa's preferences.  Homer puts this information to work, playing Lisa's favorite song and taking her to a animal cruelty protest at an animal testing facility.  Homer goes to the detective to thank him for helping him bond with Lisa, but then the detective gives Homer the bill: $1000 thanks in large part to frivolous charges like fancy steak dinners and silver bullets under the idea Lisa was a werewolf.  Homer refuses to pay the bill, and makes a run for it when the detective threatens him.

Soon, the news reports that the animals at the testing facility have been released, and the building vandalized.  Several odd pieces of evidence are left behind which rather plainly pin Lisa as the culprit.  Homer realizes right away who did it, but decides to help Lisa get away from police anyway.  As the two hide out in a motel, Homer tells Lisa the truth, and Lisa quickly gets mad at Homer again.  The next day, the two stumble upon a circus featuring many of the animals from the testing facility.  The detective, who sold the animals here, appears to shoot or at least injure Homer, giving chase into a hall of mirrors.  Lisa finds the two, and Homer reveals that he knows Lisa is good at finding people, surprising Lisa that he actually knew something about her independently.  Lisa is able to disable the detective by firing a pointing laser (which Bart gave her for her birthday) at the detective, blinding him.  As the police arrive to arrest the detective for the frame job, Homer and Lisa reconcile and the animals find a new home with Cletus and pals.

Quick Review
Well, this ended up being an enjoyable episode to watch though it did start pitifully slow with that "Pads" sequence.  The scenes involving the detective were pretty good, and Homer's video of Lisa was good for a few laughs as well.  The conclusion has its moments, and in all I can say that I've had more fun watching this episode than any other so far this season.

Final Score: 8.3

Special Edna (S14, E07-298)

I'd make a particular comment here, but I don't want to get tortured.

Plot Summary
The relationship between Principal Skinner and Edna Krabappel is strained, as Skinner is continuously taken away from dating Edna because his mother forces him back home for some tedious thing or another.  The series of blow-offs get to Edna, and she becomes depressed.  Bart notices this and can't help but find some way to make Edna feel better.  After a pity date of sorts, Bart still feels like there's something more he can do, and takes Lisa's suggestion to nominate Edna for Teacher of the Year.  The nomination committee decide to nominate Edna on the single basis that she's had to deal with Bart Simpson, and Edna's spirits are restored after learning of her nomination.

As the awards are in Orlando, Edna is given a free trip there, as do the Simpson family as Bart was the one who nominated her.  Skinner becomes worried that if Edna wins the award, she'll quit teaching, thereby having no reason to stick with him or something, and decides to go down to Orlando to stop her from being courted by other men.  However, he brings his mother along (technically she brought him), which only infuriates Edna further.  Once again worried that Edna will leave him upon winning the award, Skinner blackmails Bart into sabotaging Edna's chances of winning.

During the awards, where three teachers including Edna still need to prove themselves deserving, Bart goes on stage and pretends that Edna never taught him how to read.  Skinner, attending the awards with his mother, instantly feels bad about this and goes on stage to set the record straight.  He apologizes to Edna for how he's been acting, and to prove that his mother doesn't control him (mostly), he proposes to Edna right there, and she accepts.  The two remain a couple (for another season, anyway), and Homer decides to sneak into the price-gouger that is Disney World.

Quick Review
The jokes in the episode, which were mostly either "Skinner's mom" jokes or "Epcot is lame" jokes, didn't work out all that often, and the ending of the episode seemed kinda rushed.  It seems like the episode tries to focus on telling its story, then loses track of time and wraps things up rather hastily, all the while forgetting that it was supposed to be funny as well.  That's what it seemed like to me, anyway.

Final Score: 6.8

The Great Louse Detective (S14, E06-297)

You can tell by that face that Bob just wasn't into killing Bart.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons are invited for a free day at the spa.  There, Homer partakes in a steam room; when he's by himself, an unknown person locks Homer inside in an attempt to kill him, though Homer is able to escape in time.  He goes to the police to report the attempt on his life, and Chief Wiggum decides that in order to catch this killer, Homer needs the help of someone with the mind of a criminal.  For some reason, Wiggum chooses Bart's pal Sideshow Bob for this.

Bob agrees to help find Homer's assailant in exchange for having first pick in an upcoming prison play.  Bob is forced to wear a shock collar so he doesn't try anything silly like escaping or killing Bart.  As Bob begins to investigate by following Homer's movements, Homer crashes his car and chides a mechanic, Junior, just because.  Bob quickly learns that Homer has a lot of enemies.  To further that point, Bob sets up a dummy of Homer outside, which is attacked by said enemies, and thus Bob is no closer to figuring out the killer.  Bob does start finding clues, such as a thumbprint smudge on the spa postcard sent to the family, but as Bob advises Homer to stay out of sight, Homer learns he's been declared "King of Mardi Gras" (likely because the killer stuffed votes for him at the poll), and is forced to be out in the open for a significant period of time.

At the parade, Bob learns that the float Homer is riding was 'tuned up' by a mechanic.  Bob quickly adds up the pieces and realizes that Junior (and somehow not any other mechanic) must be the murderer.  The float Homer is on has had its brake lines cut, and sure enough the float goes down a hill.  Bob acts quickly to save Homer's life, and the two spot the murderer and give chase.  Cornering him in an alley, the murderer reveals himself to be Frank Grimes Jr., the son of Frank Grimes, who died after Homer drove him insane but apparently not before makin' babies with prostitutes.  The police arrive to arrest Junior and to tranquilize Bob, his job now done.

That night, Bart is visited by Bob, who had escaped the police, and attempts to kill Bart quickly (as per Lenny's advice earlier on), but finds that he can not kill Bart, having become accustomed to his face (singing a song stating as such).  Bob takes his leave, but not before getting shocked once or twice or several times more.

Quick Review
As far as Sideshow Bob episodes go, its the weakest entry thus far, slightly worse than Krusty Gets Busted, but as far as Season 14 episodes go its the highlight thus far.  Kinda sad to think about either way.  The episode itself had a good quantity of jokes, with Bob once again leading the humor charge.  Though, the reveal of the murderer was underwhelming, given age discrepancies of the two Grimes and the odd reference to Homer's Enemy, it just felt odd.  Still, I ended up enjoying the episode which, given how the season has gone thus far, is a compliment.

Final Score: 7.8

Helter Shelter (S14, E05-296)

I'm not sure, but I don't think that contraption actually existed ever.

Plot Summary
Homer gets injured at work, so Mr. Burns works quickly to ensure Homer doesn't sue by giving Homer and his family skybox tickets, though the family is bummed to find out that its for a hockey game.  Even so, the family takes full advantage of their first class suites, and end up ignoring the game anyway.  All except for Lisa, who is disgusted with the family and goes down the ice level to watch the game.  There, she helps a Russian player score a goal and, in thanks, the player gives Lisa his stick.  It gets mounted to Lisa's wall when the family goes home, but overnight termites spring from the stick and quickly munch their way through the house.

A pest control man is brought in to handle the termites, but the fumigation will take six months and the Simpsons are left looking for a place to stay.  When Homer tries to have the family stay at Moe's, Barney suggests they try a new reality show which has people live in a Victorian house and live as though its 1895.  The Simpsons decide to try it out, and win the auditions after producers see how dysfunctional they can be.

At first the family has trouble getting adjusted to their new lives without technology or, well, most other things, which makes for great TV.  Homer rallies the family, though, and together they start getting accustomed to their new setting to the point where they're a relaxed, happy family.  This makes for bad TV.  The producers try a quick fix by shoving in a 70s star, but that doesn't help.  The producers instead lift up the house overnight into a river, which eventually crashes ashore.  The producers call it a wrap, and leave the Simpsons to whittle away while they get lunch.  Wandering about, the family comes across an old group of Survivor members who were abandoned after being voted off.  The two team up to take out the producers and go back home.  Six months have passed, apparently, and the Simpsons decide they're done with reality TV, though scripted TV is hardly any better.

Quick Review
This was the final episode to be done with traditional cel animation, with the series now permanently switching to digital animation.  Sure is a crappy way to say goodbye to it.  From its shaky beginning to its clumsy end, there was hardly anything to laugh about regarding this episode.  The overall plot doesn't leave much room for comedy (the Simpsons are going to live like its 1895!  Y-yeah!), and sure enough, there isn't anything really funny that happens throughout the episode.

(On a personal note, though the series had jumped for me back in Season 11, the joke that they and the rest of town find hockey so appalling was a head-shaker too, if I had any hope left for the series up to that point, it would've been lost then.)

Final Score: 5.0

Large Marge (S14, E04-295)

Even the women are captivated by the magumbos.

Plot Summary
After losing a bet to Lisa, Homer spends time with Lisa by building homes somewhere.  Giving Lisa a replication of his wedding ring so that it doesn't get paint on it, Homer attracts the attention of some desperate single women.  Marge catches him seemingly showing off to them (though he's really just roleplaying Marge giving birth to Bart), and starts to wonder if she isn't as attractive as she used to be.  Manjula furthers this thought by making Marge realize she's gotten a bit fat in certain places, and shoves Marge over to a doctor's office to get some liposuction, all before Marge can really figure out that, hey, exercise could've done the trick as well.  The doctors botch the operation, though, by accidentally giving Marge breast implants meant for Mayor Quimby's mistress instead.  Marge is furious over this, and has to wait 48 hours before she can have them removed.

Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse are watching an episode of the 60s Batman show, where they find out that Krusty the Klown was a villain in the show: Clownface.  Clownface traps the dynamic duo in a spinning carousel of death, and they decide to emulate it at school under the belief they'll be okay because Batman and Robin were okay afterward.  After the attempt at school goes horribly wrong, Bart pins the blame on what he saw Krusty do, and Principal Skinner decides to direct his outrage at Krusty.  A media firestorm erupts, and Krusty is forced to do lame, non-emulatable acts of safety on his show, which troubles Bart further.

Homer finds out about Marge's new 'equipment' in a rather fun way, and decides to have the family go out for dinner.  Through the ever-powerful means of song, Marge begins to like her enlargements, and she's not the only woman to think that either: a manager for a modeling company invites Marge to model for this and that, and Marge willingly accepts.  She enjoys the work at first, but the combination of those ever leering eyes from perverts, combined with her newfound back spasms due to her added weights, and Marge begins to reconsider her decision.

Bart decides to help Krusty's career get back on track.  At the shoe expo, he plans on having his old pet elephant, Stampy, 'crush' Milhouse while Krusty comes in and says a magic word: "magumbo", which puts Stampy in a harmless state.  At the same time, Marge is modeling at the shoe expo where her back pains and the howls from shoe vendors don't improve any.  Krusty goes in to 'save the day' for Milhouse, but forgets the safety word.  Stampy panics and puts Milhouse, then Bart and eventually Homer in its mouth.  The police arrive to shoot Stampy, probably injuring the three in the process.  Marge sees this and desperately thinks of a way to stop the police, resorting to what she believes is her only option: distracting everyone by baring her 'large Marges' to everyone.  The ploy works: not only are the police distracted, but in describing what he's seeing, Krusty remembers the word "magumbo" is able to get Stampy to release the three.  Krusty is returned to hero status, and Marge decides to have her implants removed.

Quick Review
This episode started off pretty promising.  I particularly liked the Batman skit, with Adam West and Burt Ward appearing to reprise their old roles.  However, the episode's humor slows down when the plot focuses on Marge for awhile, and the Krusty sideplot fades away.  The two plots combine at the end, but the oddities that comprise the ending (the unexpected return of Stampy, Marge's desperate plan, that song that plays during the credits), really don't work out for me.

Final Score: 7.2