Singin' in the Lane (S29, E07-625)

Recap: Homer and Moe start up a new version of the Pin Pals bowling team, who ultimately have to try and defeat a team comprised of manipulative hedge-fund douchebags.

Review: Well, first off, its an inoffensive episode, so that's a plus.  Like the previous episode, it tries to ride on the success of a classic episode, in this case Team Homer.  Unlike the previous episode, it doesn't make every attempt to ruin or otherwise dismantle Team Homer's supposed legacy, using the Pin Pals only to set up a bowling storyline.

The episode is paced oddly.  As Team Homer already did a "they play against teams comprised of Springfield citizens", this episode felt the need to do it again to progress the plot but rushed through it so that it wasn't just a complete retread.  The main storyline focuses on their new opponent, the hedge fund team who hustle Moe, befriend Bart and irk Lisa just enough to make her a subtle hero yet again.  The episode doesn't really do a good job at setting these plotlines up; Bart and Lisa's plotlines feel rushed and the plot with Moe attempts to take a sideturn at the end which just falls flat.

Oh, and the jokes were half okay and half not that great.  Most of the misses involve the hedge fund team, they just weren't that funny.  The episode ends up okay, but it definitely could've been better with what it tried to do.

Final Score: 6.8

My Fare Lady (S26, E14-566)

Not even Lenny is immune to the cruelties of today's modern old ladies.

Plot Summary
Marge has a busy day ahead, needing to drive the kids everywhere.  Homer is aware that his help is needed for this mundane task, so he quietly escapes and is able to get a drink into his system at Moe's before Marge can do anything to stop him.  Undeterred, Marge is able to drive her kids to every needed destination that day.  While filling up at a gas station, she meets someone who turns out to be an Uber driver "a social media-based ride-share service", using a large smile on his car's grill to indicate his service.  Realizing she, too, can be paid for driving people around, Marge decides to opt in as a driver herself.

Meanwhile, Moe has in his possession a ticket to a theatre show, but can't leave the bar unattended on a Saturday night.  Homer agrees to take his place, but while Moe is gone, Homer, Lenny and Carl decide to find ways to get Moe some profit.  They set up a "ladies night", where ladies drink free under the premise that guys will also come in to court these ladies and spend money on drinks, thus profit.  Unfortunately for them, only ladies show up.  Not only are they giving up alcohol for massive losses, but the ladies start fighting amongst themselves, turning the bar into a nearly unsalvageable mess by the time Moe returns.

With the bar in ruins, Moe needs a new source of income.  The three men who helped ruin Moe tell him to apply for the nuclear plant's open janitorial position, which he does successfully.  There, Moe is able to shoo away some health inspectors.  Impressed, Mr. Burns promotes Moe to supervisor of Sector 7G, where Homer is stationed.  I should say "was", as Moe notices all of Homer's mistakes there, and decides to reposition him as Mr. Burns' flower waterer, opting to not just fire Homer because they're friends.  Soon, Homer as well as Lenny and Carl find that Moe is a huge jerk when he's not serving the three of them beer.

Marge's new life as a makeshift cabbie is immediately exhausting as she fulfills the zany requests of her customers.  Cab drivers across Springfield quickly gain notice of this, and Marge in particular.  One night, Marge picks up a depressed Moe.  The two (over a song) discuss their problems and both agree that they should each quit their new jobs.  Marge is confronted by the alliance of cab drivers for taking their business, but Moe shoos them away.  Marge officially quits her new job, and Moe uses what I presume is his earnings from the nuclear plant to rebuild his bar, so that Homer and his friends can go back to tolerating Moe once more.

Quick Review
This episode is slightly better than the last couple, but that's not saying much.  Neither plot was particularly humorous.  Marge's storyline which despite the episode title was only a subplot didn't have much going for it other than a couple of unimpressive visual gags while the main storyline with Moe had some potential but didn't really do anything to laugh much about.  The bit with the cab drivers seemed like a missed opportunity as well.  Another disappointment from this season.

This is, apparently, the first and subsequently only episode in which Bart has no lines to speak.  565 previous episode Bart had at least one thing to say.  In this episode, though there were a couple of instance he could've said something, he doesn't even appear after Marge agrees to be a chauffeur.

Final Score: 6.7

The Saga of Carl (S24, E21-529)

Iceland has never seen such a dramatic chase.

Plot Summary
With the kids all hyped up over some show, Marge attempts to get some education in them by taking them to a museum... which has exhibits up about that show.  Still, she takes them to a rather boring wing all about probability, and how stupid it is to play the lottery.  Regardless, Homer buys a weekly ticket for himself, Moe, Lenny and Carl at the bar - each person providing one number for a Pick Four type game.  To their amazement, all four of their numbers are called and they win the prize money of $200,000.  Everyone is excited, especially Carl, who takes the ticket and tells the three he'll cash the ticket while they set up a celebratory party.  Homer, Moe and Lenny do just that, inviting all sorts of people.  Homer reveals he plans on using his share of the winnings to build a swimming pool - in the ground!  However, Carl never comes back.  The three decide to check out Carl's apartment but learn its been emptied out a bit and Carl has left a message saying he's going home, and goodbye forever.

Moe is particularly upset that Carl ditched them, though Lenny persists there must be a good reason.  Marge wonders where Carl is actually from, but none of the men know, which Marge chides as the guys have only really done "guy stuff" and haven't really bonded as friends.  Still, the three are able to find a clue in a picture of Carl when it barely reveals that Carl, in the picture, is at "Strokkur Geysir".  The three enlist Lisa's help, and she determines that Carl is an adopted child who grew up in Iceland, something that Carl somewhat mentioned once some time ago as what was once a passing joke.  Quickly, the three pack up to go to Iceland which, while not as icy as Greenland, is still pretty cold.  After dressing appropriately, the three learn from a passerby that the Carlson family is scorned in Iceland, showing them a written "saga" that shows that, a thousand years ago, the Carlsons were tasked to keep watch on invading hordes, but failed and Iceland was subsequently ransacked thanks to that failure.  The three are given the address of Carl's old home, and learn that, yeah, Carl did go back here, but the mansion-like home bars them from getting inside.  The three stake out nearby, and as Carl exits the gates in his car, the three give chase.  They follow Carl to a building, and when he exits it, the three make their presence known and chase after Carl, eventually paying a guy to tackle Carl for them.

Carl reveals that he planned on using the lottery winnings to purchase a missing page from his family's saga which he believes will clear their name of any shame.  Lenny still ponders why Carl didn't just tell them, and Carl is blunt: they aren't friends, they're just four guys who sit together at the bar to talk about "guy stuff", and don't really share feelings (and facts like that Carl is from Iceland) like friends are supposed to.  This sets off the no longer faithful Lenny, who attacks Carl and the two get into a fight.  Moe grabs the briefcase Carl had been carrying which he believes has the lottery money, but it turns out Carl already purchased the missing page.  Upset, Moe, Lenny and Homer leave with the page, only willing to give it back "to a friend", which devastates Carl.

Later, the three ponder if they really are friends or just guys that hang out.  Marge calls Homer to see if he retrieved the money for the pool, but Homer reveals what's happened.  Marge reasons with the three that screwing with Carl at this point isn't really going to make them feel better and that they should at least figure out what the page says.  The three relent and, thanks to Moe's pep pills, take a crash course in ancient Icelandic to translate the page.  Afterward, the three are able to decipher the lost tale: that the ancient Carlsons didn't just fail to stop the viking invasion, they willingly gave up and joined the vikings in their raids.  The three now kinda feel bad for Carl as he wasted their lottery winnings on something that would've made his family look worse.

Some time later, the three are able to gather up the entirety of Iceland to tell them about Carl Carlson, telling them about the little good deeds Carl has done for each of them over the years, and that if they can forgive Carl for wasting their lottery winnings, then Iceland can forgive the Carlsons for something their ancestors did a thousand years ago.  The Icelandic people agree, and Carl and his parents can once again be seen in public.  Carl thanks the three for what they've done, and the four are friends again, going back to Springfield to do "guy stuff".  Later, Homer does get pools for his family, albeit its just water in split-open beer kegs.

Quick Review
It was a decent episode, nothing special but it wasn't bad either.  Its a somewhat odd episode to focus on both Carl and on Iceland, but it wasn't a particularly bad combination.  Could've been funnier, but oh well.

Final Score: 7.1

American History X-cellent (S21, E17-458)

Here we go again, making a parody of another movie while forgetting to make it funny.

Plot Summary
In prison, three guards go to retrieve a prisoner: Mr. Burns.  Burns then narrates how this situation came to be, going back to when he forces his employees to give him a decent 4th of July party.  Homer, Lenny and Carl can't deal with Burns' tyranny so while they're at Burns' manor for the party the three sneak into Burns' wine cellar and get drunk on top-notch wine.  The three make their way into an art room where they make a mess.  The cops are called in, where Lou notices one of the paintings is stolen, and Burns is arrested for grand theft.

Burns goes to prison for his misdeed, and he gives control of the plant to Smithers, who decides to be a much nicer boss than Burns was.  He even goes out to have a drink with Homer, Lenny and Carl but when Smithers goes out to take a call, he hears the three making fun of his generous nature behind his back.  Smithers turns sour on the three of them, losing faith in humanity in the process, and works the three of them like dogs.  They get tired of this and decide to bust Burns out of prison, because even he'd be better than Smithers at this point.  Burns, in the meantime, is met by a large, The Green Mile-like cellmate who cleanses Burns of his evil and makes him a born-again Christian.

Meanwhile, Bart is asked by Marge to spend time with Lisa, who is working on an ant farm.  Bart tries to help out, but the ant farm is ultimately shattered as the two bicker over it and the dog swoops in to eat every ant that comes out, save one.  The two team up to take special care of the final ant, but they realize its final days are near, and let it loose outside, but the dog comes to eat that one up as well.

Homer, Lenny and Carl disguise themselves as guards somehow and enter the prison to retrieve Burns, who now isn't willing to leave the prison.  His cellmate tries to stop them as well, but Burns reveals not all of his evil was purged during the cleansing and he now wants to leave with the others.  So, Burns take back the plant from Smithers and he wonders what poor soul his old cellmate is trying to convert now.

Quick Review
This episode has some moments, but overall its nothing special.  The sidestory with Bart and Lisa was particularly unnoteworthy and given how short it is, it seemed pretty unnecessary to have at all.  The episode is at its best when Smithers takes over the plant, but even then the comedy is limited.

Final Score: 6.8

Once Upon a Time in Springfield (S21, E10-451)

...and there's Mel, hiding in that tree looking at them like a creep.

Plot Summary
Once again, Krusty the Klown's TV show is lagging in ratings and once again network executives believe they know the reason: Krusty's show doesn't draw in the young girl audience, and to combat that they're going to introduce a co-star for Krusty intended to draw said audience in.  Krusty is, of course, upset over this change, but deals with it rather than getting fired altogether.  The new co-star is Princess Penelope, a young woman making her showbiz debut.  He act, which includes a horse with a horn strapped on to make it resemble a unicorn, is beloved by young girls and they flock to the newly formatted show leaving little room for Krusty's act, or the boys who like said act.

With Penelope in full bloom, Krusty becomes washed up (again).  However, he gathers himself and storms into Penelope's room to make a final stand.  Penelope, though, admits that she's in love with Krusty, becoming a huge fan of his when she was 12, and starts making out with him.  Krusty just goes with the flow, and simply lets his show become Penelope's princess hour with him happily joining her.  Bart and Milhouse can't deal with this, especially when they see Krusty propose to Penelope on air.  The boys vow to stop that wedding so they can actually watch something decent at 4:00 PM.

Meanwhile, Homer, Lenny and Carl are miffed that Mr. Burns has taken away their break time donuts to save money.  As they complain about it at the bar, a man representing Capital City's nuclear plant informs the three he's looking for more workers for his plant.  He gives the three a tour of the plant, and shows them all the perks they could have if they work for him.  The three are impressed, but are spied upon by Smithers who informs Mr. Burns that his three tug of war members are about to turn.  One night, as the three are about to move their things to Capital City, Mr. Burns meets them in the parking lot and promises to bring back their daily donut time, using a specially crafted donut made from ingredients that don't really exist elsewhere.  Once Burns turns down a health plan so they can have a second such donut every day, the three are sold and stay at Burns' plant.

The wedding ceremony comes, with Krusty's father doing the honors.  Bart and Milhouse show up and present to Penelope a couple of Krusty's ex-wives who now hate the Klown for how he treated them.  This doesn't bother Penelope at all, but it does get to Krusty, who realizes he couldn't let himself treat Penelope the same way in the future, and calls off the marriage.  Some time later, Penelope - who has since quit the show - is doing street shows in Paris where Krusty finds her and admits he still wants to be with her, and the two become a couple again as the episode thanks fans for 20 great years and, in a bold faced lie, states the best is yet to come.

Quick Review
This episode started off really strong but faded gradually until the last couple of minutes where there was barely any comedy left.  Luckily for it, the comedy that starts the episode off was really good.  The subplot featuring Homer and his pals was pretty decent but too short to really hit a mark.  The main plot, which starts as basically another "Krusty gets replaced by a new thing" still works pretty well and the latter half is still pretty decent, poor ending aside.

Final Score: 7.8

Coming to Homerica (S20, E21-441)

So is he part Norwegian or friends with one or did one save his life or what?

Plot Summary
Krusty learns his restaurant's burger is the unhealthiest in the nation, so he decides to roll out a vegetarian option where the burger is made from barley.  It's a raving success across town... until people start getting sick from the burgers.  Its learned that the barley in the burgers are tainted, so Kent Brockman investigates in the now heavily Norwegian Ogdenville, where a farmer admits a rat got caught in the grinders and that this happens all the time, unaware that the interview is being aired live.  Immediately, Ogdenville's barley industry comes to a crashing halt and the entire town goes under.  They leave to find new opportunities, and end up in Springfield where they're willing to do construction and other unsavory jobs for people at a nominal price.

At first, Homer and the other Springfield residents are happy the Ogdenvillians are doing the crap jobs for them, but the sheer quantity of them starts to become a problem.  Hospitals are overrun with Ogdenvillians who are injured from their work.  Moe makes a killing selling them "Aqua Vit", so concentrated in alcohol Homer can't handle a single glass.  Bart injures himself trying to one-up an Ogdenville kid in skateboarding, and Homer gets fired from still being drunk on the Aqua Vit.  With the problem still growing, the town has a meeting where they decide to ban the Ogdenville immigrants.

Of course, this is near impossible to do with just Chief Wiggum and Lou on watch.  A vigilante group is formed to help, but little gets accomplished with them.  Mayor Quimby gets the idea to build a wall to keep them out, but with nobody in Springfield really capable of building a wall, the mayor agrees to let the Ogdenvillians help build the wall designed to keep them out.  During the construction, several Springfieldians take a liking to the Ogdanvillians, so much so that when the wall is complete, everyone in Springfield just stands there, not really knowing what to do.  Fortunately for them, the Ogdanvillians built a door in the wall to allow them back in easily, and both groups become fast friends again, having a big Ogdanville-style party to celebrate their friendship.

Quick Review
This episode just got weirder and weirder as it went along.  An episode featuring a typically lame jab at illegal immigration with a decidedly strange twist to make those immigrants of Norwegian descent.  Its an odd combination, one that rarely worked in this subpar episode that once again eschews comedy for the lame attempt at storytelling.

Final Score: 6.2

Take My Life, Please (S20, E10-430)

Only HD could capture the alternate bastardization of The Way We Was.

Plot Summary
The Simpsons visit the Springfield Wall of Fame, where a new plaque is about to be added to it: the plaque of one Vance Connor.  Homer is particularly unhappy with this, as it turns out Homer had run against Vance for Senior Class President back in high school, but apparently lost after Homer badly botched a debate against Vance.  Homer hopes that Vance has some secret agony, but he doesn't, which depresses Homer more.  Even worse, at the bar Lenny and Carl reveal that in high school, they were secretly tasked by Principal Dondelinger to dispose of the ballot box containing the results of that election.  Later that night, Homer grabs Lenny and the two dig up the box where Lenny had hidden it.  Homer takes it home and Lisa counts up the results, and finds out that Homer, in fact, won that election.

Angered, Homer locates the now retired Dondelinger demanding answers for that.  Dondelinger admits that he did dispose of the box but, despite his disdain for Homer, actually did it spare Homer's feelings.  At that time, Dondelinger had overheard some jocks planning to vote Homer in just so they can laugh at how big of a joke he is, and decides to ensure Vance's victory to spare Homer ridicule.  Homer's feelings towards the incident are now very mixed, but he's still left wondering what would've happened had Dondelinger let the matter be.

The family goes to Luigi's for dinner, where Homer openly continues his depression.  Luigi overhears, and tells the family that he employs a guy who stirs a sauce in such a way that staring into the cause can create illusions of "what if" scenarios.  Homer decides to take advantage and looks into the sauce.  In this new reality, Homer does win the election, but before any jocks can mock him, Lenny and Carl stand up for Homer and soon Homer becomes very popular.  Soon, Homer becomes so popular he can take any girl he wants to the prom, and he chooses the girl he's been eyeing for some time: a cheerleader named Debbie Pinson.  Lisa tries to exclaim that Homer's life would've been worse because he didn't end up with Marge, but the vision continues to the prom, where Homer finally sees Marge, and dumps Debbie right away to talk to Marge who, in this reality, is quite smitten with the Senior Class President.  The two walk to Marge's house afterward and become a couple.  Homer walks home from there where he's met by Mr. Burns, who is impressed by Homer's school standing and offers him a job at the plant, albeit in a slightly better sector.  Now, Lisa wants to make the claim that Homer's life would've been the same anyway.  However, now the vision moves to that reality's present.  A much livelier Abe Simpson lives in the standard Simpson home, but Homer himself lives in a giant mansion next door.  As regular Homer had predicted, Marge is in fact hotter in this alternate reality, and because this Homer had remembered to use protection, the two never had any kids.  Marge half-assedly tries to convince Homer (and herself) that the kids are what make their current reality the better of the two, but Homer isn't buying it, and laments the trainwreck that has become of his life.

Homer is now more depressed than ever, but Marge and the kids take him back to the Wall of Fame where Homer now has a plaque on it for being a class president-elect (unknown to Homer, someone, guessing Bart, removed Seymour Skinner's plaque to make room for Homer's).  Homer begins to cheer up, especially after some guy and his kid look up to newly notable Homer, and Homer feels like he's going to be okay, even though the family plan on going to a Korean barbecue which sells meat that can predict a time of death.

Quick Review
There might of been a point where the series moving to HD would've been hailed as a triumphant moment.  Unfortunately, the series had begun to falter even before HD had even taken off as anything.  With the long awaited switch to HD comes a new opening sequence.  The new sequence shoves in many characters and their now-caricatured manners, Homer now being hit by Marge's car instead of him successfully evading it because "lol homer get hurt, be funny", and them now owning a flat screen TV instead of their old one that now sometimes falls off the wall at the end of the sequence.  Personally, it seems pretty try hard to me, and a lot of people dislike the lack of fluid animation this sequence has compared to the old one, but whatever.  Its just an opening sequence.

The episode itself is nothing special.  The plot was pretty decent, if not a bit odd.  "Hey, Homer finds out that he got cheated in high school, but then finds out what life would've been like if hadn't, and its actually better, so now he has to just deal with it.  Except he can't so his family sets up a deception so Homer can stop feeling so bad about himself".  That's pretty much what the episode was, and yes the continued lack of joke quantity (and quality) is a continued problem that also plagues this episode.

Final Score: 6.3

Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (S20, E03-423)

It took 20 seasons for this 'idea' to finally roll along, what took it so long.

Plot Summary
Homer and Bart go to the Kwik-E-Mart to shop.  Apu teases Homer with the last lottery ticket in its roll, but before Homer can buy it he has to stop Bart from jumping off the top of a stand.  After saving Bart, Homer is stunned to learn that Lenny bought the ticket instead, and won $50,000.  Lenny buys everyone a round of drinks at Moe's, then informs everyone that he'll use the rest of his winnings to throw a party for all of his friends.  The Simpson family, of course, is invited, and they go to a hotel that's hosting the event.  There, Bart learns that Lenny plans on giving everyone a giftbag, and finds the room holding them all.  Every bag contains a vacuum robot, so Bart decides to not just turn them on, but also activate their malevolent sentience that was apparently programmed into them as well.  Chaos ensues, and the police arrive in time to catch Bart activating the last few robots.  In anger, Marge decides to strip Bart of one of his last few privileges, and Bart storms off.

In the bathroom, Bart amazingly comes across a near double of him.  However, this boy - Simon Woosterfield - is both intelligent and the son of the hotel's owners.  Simon laments his rich boy life and, having found Bart, wants to trade places with him.  Knowing that Homer is about to go at him for ruining Lenny's part, Bart agrees, and the two switch places.

Though Simon's closest friend - his butler - Bart quickly learns about his new life, with a massive room including a space where the real Joe Montana stays in a pose.  However, Bart also meets his brother-in-law and sister-in-law, two kids are don't like "Simon" all that much because he's due to inherit his family's fortune. but they're next in line.  At a social gathering, Bart runs into Mr. Burns, who isn't even as rich as Simon's parents and thus grovels towards him.  Burns tells Bart that, he, too, was the youngest member of the family, however all the heirs in front of him died either from accidents or poisoned potatoes, leaving Burns with the fortune, and warns Bart that his siblings in law may take him out soon so they can claim the inheritance.  Bart realizes that Simon had actually set Bart up.  Sure enough, a short time later, the siblings in law take Bart to Aspen for a "ski trip".

Simon, meanwhile, has taken a liking to his new life thanks in large part to Marge's care.  Lisa quickly realizes something's wrong with "Bart", and after seeing Simon actually taking an interest in Grampa's rambling, outs Simon's ruse including the part about the ski trip.  She forces Simon to tell Homer and Marge, and the family goes to Aspen to save Bart.  They catch Bart having been sent down a difficult and likely deadly ski course, but Homer is able to rescue Bart.  The two boys return to their previous lives, and Bart wouldn't have it any other way.

Quick Review
This episode is an improvement over the previous two episodes of the season, though once again - a problem that refuses to go away for these latter episodes - the jokes and humor aren't nearly as frequent as they once were.  The plot was alright for the most part, and the scenarios were done adequately enough, so I don't have any complaints with how the episode sets itself up.

Final Score: 7.0

The Ziff Who Came to Dinner (S15, E14-327)

Hey look, its four guys with the same voice greeting a fifth guy with said voice.

Plot Summary
Homer takes his kids and the Flanders kids out to see a movie, but Rod and Todd inform Homer they aren't allowed to see some racy teen flick Homer plans on buying tickets for.  Instead, Lenny and Carl convince Homer to see a scary movie that features Lenny playing a bit part.  Of course, all four kids get scared beyond belief watching this movie.  That night, neither kid can sleep and both freak out over noises they hear, apparently from the attic.  The two attempt to investigate themselves, but they both eventually freak out and flee.  They get Homer and Marge to check instead, and they actually find a source of the noises: Artie Ziff!

Ziff, just a couple of season ago, was an internet billionaire with enough money to re-enact 1970s proms for women that don't love him, lost his fortune when his internet company's stock fell like most internet companies stock did, and lost all of his possessions.  With nowhere else to go, he hid out at the Simpsons place because they're the closest thing he's ever had to companionship.  While Marge is disgusted by the whole thing, the kids convince Homer at least to let the guy stay.

Artie is still depressed over his losses, though, so Homer decides to take him to Moe's.  Marge sees a news tidbit on Artie where he's wanted by the SEC for stockholder fraud and similar crimes.  Just then, Homer and Artie are playing poker with the bar mates, when Homer wins 98% of Ziffcorp's stock in a hand.  Just then, the SEC barges in to arrest Artie, but when they learn that Homer is now the majority shareholder of Ziffcorp, he's arrested instead.

With Homer going to jail for 10 years for what 'his' company did, a furious Marge kicks Artie out of the house.  Depressed, Artie is met by Patty and Selma.  Upon learning that it was Artie that put Homer in jail, Selma gets super turned on, and takes Artie back to the apartment for a one night stand.  This somehow causes Artie to realize what he's done, and decides to take responsibility for his actions.  He goes to the SEC to show another set of books that puts full financial culpability on him, leaving Homer free to go.  Marge thanks Artie for doing the right thing (eventually), and Artie goes to jail where he'll have a harder time making due than most people.

Quick Review
I usually enjoy episodes featuring a character voiced by Jon Lovitz, and boy did I try to enjoy this episode, but the quality just wasn't up to par.  There also had to of been a better way for Artie to realize his mistakes than to go all the way with Selma, what the hell was up with that, anyway?  Still, its not a completely bad episode.  There are a few good moments, particularly early on, and Lovitz provides a good Artie as usual.

Final Score: 7.2

Margical History Tour (S15, E11-324)

"In the morning, you'll be as good as new... or dead!
But the important thing is, we'll know."

Plot Summary
Marge takes Bart, Lisa and Milhouse to the library as the kids are writing papers on historical figures.  However, the library mostly houses bums now (including Homer apparently), and holds nothing of educational value.  Marge decides to step up and help the kids out with the papers herself thanks to her somewhat competent knowledge of history.

Henry VIII
For Milhouse, Marge tells the story of King Henry VIII (Homer), who so desperately wants to conceive a male heir.  His first wife, "Margerine" of Aragon, bears a daughter, Mary I (Lisa).  Since Margerine is the daughter of the King of Spain, Henry can't simply execute her, so he instead invents and implement divorce, though Margerine still gets Ireland in the settlement.  Henry then goes to marry Anne Boleyn, but when she births a daughter she gets executed.  Soon, Henry goes through a cycle of marrying and executing women when they fail to birth boys, sometimes not even that much.  Years later, Margerine meets with an ailing Henry, who regrets his decisions, and asks Margerine to be with him.  Margerine instead suffocates Henry with a pillow.  It is to be noted that this story isn't historically accurate, but you probably knew that already.
Individual Score: +0.2

Sacagawea
For Lisa, Marge tells the story of Lewis (Lenny) and Clark (Carl), pioneers who set out for western pastures.  They received the aid of a Native American tribe, who offer a young girl as a guide to the land: Sacagawea (Lisa).  Though Sacagawea's oft-obvious advice seemingly goes ignored by the two rather inept adventurers, they still make some progress.  However, the two increasingly grow weary of Sacagawea's constant opinions and nagging, and she decides to take their leave.  Soon, Sacagawea runs afoul of a mountain lion, but is saved when Lewis and Clark arrive and scare off the beast by making themselves appear large (advice Sacagawea gave them earlier).  The three reunite and together reach the rainy shores of Eugene, Oregon.    As thanks for the help, Lewis and Clark preserve Sacagawea's memory in a dollar coin that can be exchanged for a real dollar at the bank.  It is to be noted that this story isn't historically accurate, but you probably knew that already.
Individual Score: +0.5

Mozart
Bart is uninterested in all of this, but Marge tries to drive his interest in a 'badass rocker that lived fast and died young': Mozart!  In this story, Mozart (Bart) is a gifted musician with a prankster's mindset, much to the annoyance of Salieri (Lisa), who in this story is Mozart's sister for an odd though slightly convenient reason.  Mozart's work is continuously praised while Salieri's is ignored.  Salieri has enough and decides to plot Mozart's downfall.  Learning that the crowd's pleasure is directly tied to the Emperor's (Mr. Burns), Salieri slips a sleeping agent into the Emperor's wine, causing him to fall asleep during one of Mozart's compositions.  The crowd follows suit, and Mozart is now considered washed up.  He takes the news rather hard, and goes into a deep depression that results in him becoming deathly ill.  Salieri admits her guilt to a dying Mozart, but he takes comfort that, in dying young, his music will forever remain more popular than Salieri's.  Still, Salieri now considers herself the best living composer around and decides to impress the Emperor with a new composition, however the Emperor has grown to love a new composer: Beethoven.  Salieri snaps and admits herself to an asylum.  Lisa points out this story is similar to the inaccurate play/movie Amadeus, but Homer throws in a Animal House reference, and the episode concludes.
Individual Score: +0.3

Quick Review
As you can tell, I didn't find any of the three segments very funny, with the Sacagawea segment just barely beating out the other two in terms of quality.  As is my continuing fear with these anthologies, I think more effort was put into telling this inaccurate historical tales than making sure the jokes within said tales were both plentiful and comical, and as a result the episode as a whole didn't have much in the way of quality bits.

Final Score: 6.4

Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge (S13, E22-291)

Should I make a Stewie Griffin reference here?  Oh, I guess I already did.

Plot Summary
Springfield's in the middle of another massive heat wave.  Everyone is running air conditioning (except the Simpsons who continue to not have one), which is taxing the city's power.  Homer attempts to add some winter by plugging in a dancing Santa, but it proves to be a breaking point for the power grid.  The entire town loses power, which prompts a looting spree so grand nearly everyone loots while everyone gets looted, and the police aren't even close to being able to slow it down.

The next day, Lisa finds out that a looter stole her dolls, and Homer decides to investigate.  He figures out (well, moreso it lands on his lap) that Jimbo Jones took the dolls and he takes Jimbo to jail.  Realizing just how good it feels to be in a position of authority, Homer decides to start up a security team called SpringShield consisting of him, Lenny and Carl.  They do a good job, apparently, and the town feels safe again thanks to them.  Mayor Quimby attempts to defend Chief Wiggum but witnesses another act of incompetence and, in a fit of rage, removes Wiggum and puts Homer and SpringShield in charge of the city's law.

Homer and his team shut down some weird scheme by the Fat Tony mafia to substitute toy poodles with ferrets, but they get out of jail rather quickly and announce that they'll gun down Homer if he doesn't leave town by noon the next day.  Homer seeks backup, but nobody is willing to help.  Lenny and Carl even lock themselves in jail, leaving Homer all alone against several mobsters.  Noon approaches and Homer confronts them, but just before either he or the mobsters open fire, a mobster gets hit for a shot from an unknown spot.  The mafia attempt to figure out who is shooting, but they all get shot in the arm, unable to fire themselves.  Homer is glad to survive, and decides to give up his badge to the next person that comes along, coincidentally enough that person being Wiggum.  However, Wiggum insists he wasn't the mystery shooter either.  As he, Homer and Marge ponder that mystery, its revealed that, yes, it was Maggie that fired the shots with a rifle, with her parents none the wiser.

Quick Review
I'm pretty sure I said this last time, but: the ending was stupid.  Maggie held a gun for a shot she never intended to make several seasons ago in a mystery I'm fairly sure was meant to troll its participants more than anything else, and now here we are in Season 13's finale, she's a professional sniper.  I mean, what the hell is this?  Between this and the previous episode (and several other recent ones), it seems as though the writing staff have no realistic way to end episodes that feature life and death situations and instead use senseless cop-outs like "its an edgy reality show really" and "he got saved by his baby daughter who is a sniper now".  This ending just bugged me, especially since it was gaining a little steam with the inclusion of the mafia, and the episode puts a disappointing cap on what has been a disappointing season.

Final Score: 6.4

Half-Decent Proposal (S13, E10-279)

Ziff might be a loser in love, but the man takes advantage of his chances.

Plot Summary
In this episode, Homer has a pretty bad snoring problem, so loud Marge can't get any sleep.  Dr. Hibbert has a procedure to fix it, but it costs too much money.  Unable to deal with Homer's snoring, Marge visits her sisters for a night.  Before she gets to sleep, though, Patty and Selma get Marge to have a few drinks and watch some TV.  The news comes up, stating that among a list of America's richest men, Artie Ziff is 5th.  Ziff, for those of you who can't recall, was Marge's prom date back in high school, but his aggressive play after the prom caused Marge to stow away from him and towards Homer.  Drunk, Marge is convinced by her sisters to send Artie an e-mail, with her sisters making the e-mail more suggestive than Marge would like.  Artie receives the e-mail, where its revealed that he's a little too obsessed with Marge.

The next morning, a well rested Marge is stunned to see Artie arrive in a helicopter.  He invites the family to his personal yacht, where he makes a proposal to Homer and Marge: he'll give the two $1,000,000 if Marge spends the weekend with him, and not even with any sex involved!  Marge calls the idea sick and quickly takes her leave.  That night, during another round of Homer's loud snoring, he suggests that the million could be used to have the procedure for his snoring, but Marge refuses.  The next morning, a sleepless Marge changes her tune and agrees to spend the weekend with Artie.

Artie takes Marge to a recreation of their high school prom, promising he won't become the vulgar beast that ruined their original prom date all those years ago.  Meanwhile, Homer brags about his upcoming financial boon at the bar, but the others there convince him that Artie is probably going to do Marge, likely repeatedly.  Panicked, Homer rushes over to Artie's - somehow - and despite efforts to have him dragged away, Homer is able to spy on the scene from above.  During this, as Marge rebuffs her commitment to Homer, Artie tricks Marge into kissing him, and I mean kissing.  Homer witnesses only this moment without the proper context, and runs off in tears.  Marge, however, shakes Artie off her and decides to leave, no longer interested in the million dollars.

At the bar, Homer comes to grips to the end of his life.  He convinces Lenny to leave town with him and never come back.  The two go to West Springfield, three times the size of Texas, and work at a dangerous oil rig, willing to die whenever.  Marge is left a tape when she returns home, with Homer admitting he saw the kiss and that he was leaving town forever.  The kids quickly learn Homer is in West Springfield, but with its size Marge realizes there's only one way to find Homer quickly.

Marge has Artie bring along his helicopter to find Homer.  Homer and Lenny, meanwhile, accidentally start a fire at an oil rig, and both are ready to accept their fates.  However, the helicopter arrives, and though Homer is initially unwilling to be rescued, Artie convinces Homer that Marge's heart belongs to Homer and that he's won.  Homer relents and gets on the helicopter (as does Lenny when he sees Carl aboard).  Later, as Homer unsuccessfully tries to get the million anyway, Artie ensures that he'll still help them.  He does so by giving the two a 'snore converter', which turns Homer's snores into a song, though it doesn't take long for Artie to reveal that he has a camera (and apparently a speaker) hidden within the device.

Quick Review
This was another okay episode.  Jon Lovitz's return as Artie Ziff was appreciated, and when the plot was focused on his unhealthy fixation on Marge, things were going good.  The latter part of the episode, where Homer and Lenny go out to an oil rig to die wasn't so great, and the parts where Lenny and Carl's relationship is implied to be much more intimate than I needed to know were doing the episode no favors.  Its not a bad episode, though it could've been a lot better.

Final Score: 7.2

She of Little Faith (S13, E06-275)

Yep, Lenny and Carl are Buddhists too, because why not.

Plot Summary
Homer and Bart attempt to shoot off a model rocket, but the attempts literally blow up in their faces.  When Ned Flanders joins in on the fun, doing so successfully at that, Homer has enough and hires his college nerd pals to build him a rocket.  This rocket actually gets off the ground, but he loses control of it and the rocket shoots into the church, taking out windows and starting a fire within, essentially ruining it.

With the church already strapped for funds, Reverend Lovejoy is forced with no other option than to accept aid from Mr. Burns of all people.  Burns enlists Lindsay Naegle to remodel the church into a place full of advertisements and other such sacrilege so that the church can earn the needed money.  Lisa is extremely outraged over all of this, and disgusted that most other patrons are okay with these changes, and decides to never return to this church again.

Though Lisa still believes in God, she is still adamant in finding a new way of following Him.  Despite this, Marge is scared that Lisa's soul is in danger for her no longer going to church.  Lisa's search for a new religion takes her a Buddhist temple, where Lenny, Carl and Richard Gere all are.  They convince her to take up Buddhism and its belief of finding inner peace.  Lisa announces this rather publicly, which further worries Marge.

After the church gets their profits from Burns' meddling, Lovejoy turns his attention to Lisa, and convinces Marge to use Christmas to bring Lisa back to Christianity.  The allure of Christmas cookies and what is apparently a wrapped up pony present (though its just Ralph and Milhouse) nearly brings Lisa back over, but she sees Lovejoy spying in from the outside, and runs off.  Lisa goes back to the Buddhist temple to tell Gere about what happened.  Gere tells Lisa that Buddhists can actually celebrate any holiday, as Buddhism is about inner peace, and respects the diversity and love of other religions.  Lisa goes home, and lets the family know that although she'll remain Buddhist, she'll still 'pay lip service' to Christianity by going back to church and celebrate Christmas and the family is okay with this, I guess.

Quick Review
This episode was good when it wasn't focused on Lisa.  It was terrible when it did.

There were a few things that worked well, like the opening plot with the rocket and a few interactions among the non-Lisa members of the family.  However, Lisa's religion quest provided very little humor, and Richard Gere's appearance did little to add humor to that plot line either.  It dragged down an otherwise okay episode.

Final Score: 6.2

The Blunder Years (S13, E05-274)

Its really nice of Homer and Marge to let Moe go on like this.

Plot Summary
Marge is impressed with a new paper towel and its superior absorption ability.  She is impressed so much, she becomes enamored with the towel's advertising icon: Burly.  Homer takes note of this and teams up with Bart and Barney to fool Marge into thinking Burly's model is coming over for dinner.  Marge is hurt (emotionally) by the prank, so Homer decides to make it up to her by taking her out to dinner and a show.  As Marge forgives Homer for what she admits was a pretty good prank, a hypnotism show begins.  The hypnotist gets off to a slow start, what with people like Smithers telling the guy his father died when he was a baby and all.  Still, the hypnotist gets a willing participant in Homer.  He has Homer recall a memory from when he was 12, but doing so causes Homer to scream relentlessly even after being snapped out of hypnosis.  The family takes Homer home, but he still can't stop screaming.

The next day, Lenny and Carl bring Homer back from work, as his screaming has ruined both nap time and quiet time.  Carl suggests that Homer might have awakened a previously repressed memory, so they all get to unveiling Homer's memory.

Homer, 12 years old, went hiking with, coincidentally enough, Lenny and Carl.  Moe even joined the three, and in the present day he joins everyone with telling the story.  The four go camping one night, and talk about the future, including the nuclear plant, going full blast somewhat nearby.  The next morning, the four go to the quarry, but its looking rather shallow and muddy.  Homer is the only one who actually dives in, and hurts himself falling into the shallow, muddy water.  Present day, Moe believes this is why Homer is screaming, but Homer continues recalling the memory.  As young Homer recovers from his fall - and his friends leaving the scene - he investigates why the quarry is so shallow, and finds that the inlet pipe is clogged.  He unclogs it, releasing a surge of water.  When Homer recovers, he finds that a corpse has been thrown out and fallen ontop of Homer, just rotting and decaying in front of him.  The mystery behind Homer's trauma is solved, but it opens up a new mystery: why was there a corpse in the quarry in the first place?

Bart proclaims this a Simpson mystery, leaving Lenny, Carl and a distraught Moe out of it.  The family goes to the quarry under the presumption that because Homer never told anybody about the body it would still be there.  Chief Wiggum joins in the search, and with the help of several rolls of Burly paper towels, the quarry is drained.  The body is now just a decayed skeleton, so the Chief and the family go inside the pipe to learn where it leads.  They end up in Mr. Burns' office at the plant, where Burns realizes that, at long last, the truth must be known.

The body is that of Waylon Smithers Sr., the father of the current Smithers.  Burns insists he didn't kill Smithers Sr., and has a film that will prove his innocence.  In the film, the core is about to undergo a meltdown, but Smithers Sr. sacrifices his life to stop it and save the town, leaving his infant son Smithers Jr. in Burns' arms.  As cover ups were all the rage at the time, Burns tossed Smithers Sr.'s corpse into his corpse hatch.  Smithers Jr. overhears this story and is at least glad to know that his father died a hero.  Hopefully, the story Burns told young Waylon about his father being killed by a group of Amazon women didn't affect Jr. in any notable way.  The Simpsons go home, Homer taking Smithers Sr.'s skull as a memento for some reason, and Homer and Marge humor Moe, who claims to have found key clues in the mystery that had already been solved.

Quick Review
This was a pretty good episode.  The scenes involving Marge's obsession with Burly early on were great, an excellent way to start the episode.  Once the plot focused on Homer's trauma and the murder mystery, the laughs died down a bit but characters like Moe provided enough entertainment to keep the episode from falling apart.

Final Score: 8.1

Homer the Moe (S13, E03-272)

Yep, being a bartender must be fun made out of fun.

Plot Summary
Bart is digging a hole for some reason, and Chinese spies are starting to suspect Bart is trying to dig his way to China.  That's the lame story Homer is trying to tell at the bar, which frustrates poor Moe.  Tired of Homer's stupidity, Barney's current sobriety, and whatever annoying things Lenny and Carl do, Moe has gotten worn out on bartending.  He decides to go back to his old bartending school, Swigmore University, and has Homer tend to his bar in the meantime.

As Homer garners the praise of Barney, Lenny and Carl for his carefree style of bartending, Moe returns to Swigmore and meets with his old professor.  Moe is informed that the reason behind his fatigue is that his bar is, as Moe put it, a craphole, and that remodeling the bar could reinvigorate him.  Just like that, Moe returns to Springfield and begins sprucing up the bar with the help of some ultra hipster designer named Formico.  Formico transforms the bar into one full of post-modern decor and the bar is renamed to simply "m".  Homer and his bar mates give the new bar a try but its just too weird for them.  Homer confronts Moe and tries to get him to change it back, but Moe instead has him thrown out.

Homer, still upset at Moe, decides to build a tavern in his own garage, forcing his family to help refresh him and his bar mates.  Meanwhile, Moe has trouble getting along with his new patrons, as their snobby, hipster demeanors doesn't mesh well with Moe at all.  The ghost of his now late professor somewhat mocks Moe by telling him that even though the bar has been spruced up, Moe has cost himself his regulars, and the tip jar is still as empty as ever.  Moe regrets what he's done and goes to make amends with Homer and the others, but overhears them enjoying themselves at Homer's house and investigates.

Moe finds them at Homer's new bar enjoying a live performance from R.E.M. (whom Homer had duped into playing there), though Homer avoided legal troubles by proclaiming it as a "Hunter's Club" instead.  Moe, now mad at Homer, points out that hunting clubs must go hunting regularly and Homer, still mad at Moe, does just that.  Homer goes out to hunt a turkey.  Lisa tries to stop him, but Homer won't listen.  Moe and Lisa meet up and the two agree to stop Homer from shooting a turkey.  They do so, but Homer accidentally shoots Moe in the leg as a result.  Afterward, Homer and Moe make up, Moe's bar returns to normal thanks to the quick handiwork of professional contractors, and Moe and the Simpsons as well as R.E.M. have some kind of tofu-gluten slop shaped as a turkey to appease Lisa and the alternate rock group.

Quick Review
This episode has its moments.  Moe in episodes where he's the focus usually works out pretty well, and this episode, mostly, is no exception.  I've heard people bring up similarity between this and the Season 3 episode Flaming Moe's, but other than the fact that Moe's bar gets popular, there's hardly any similarities at all.

Unfortunately, what was a pretty good episode gets dragged down with the appearance of R.E.M.  Their lines weren't funny at all, and the scene where Homer is jamming to a song of theirs was the low point of the episode for me, as is the line "that's not the R.E.M. way".  They return for the episode's conclusion but they're hardly any better there (I would say 'funnier' but that would imply there was something involving them that was funny in the first place).  They bring down this episode pretty hard which is a shame because the episode really didn't need them at all in the first place.

Final Score: 7.0

Hungry, Hungry Homer (S12, E15-263)

"Dancing away my hunger pains, movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt.
I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way."

Plot Summary
After helping Lisa acquire a missing piece to her Lego Blocko Eiffel Tower set, Homer comes to the conclusion that helping out 'the little guy' feels pretty good.  Homer spends the next day helping Bart and Marge with their problems.  As Homer discusses his new quirk for the week at the bar, Lenny storms in furious.  The baseball team, the Springfield Isotopes, have been terrible, but Lenny was unable to get a refund for his season tickets.  Homer decides to help Lenny out.

Homer learns that the team was bought by Duff Beer a year ago, and so decides to talk to the team's new owner: Howard K. Duff the eighth.  Homer attempts to speak on Lenny's behalf, but fails to accomplish anything.  On his way out, Homer accidentally stumbles into a private room full of gear and merchandise for the "Albuquerque Isotopes", and realizes that Duff is trying to move the team.  Duff along with his goon Duffman knock Homer unconscious and attempt to erase him memory of what he saw, but Homer remembers anyway.  He attempts to alert the media of the plot, but the room containing the revealing evidence has been cleaned up and Homer is made to look a fool.

Angry that he's being called a liar even though he's telling the truth for once, Homer takes a suggestion from Lisa to go on a hunger strike outside the stadium, not eating again until Howard Duff tells the truth about moving the team.  With nobody usually attending the baseball games, Duff sees Homer waste away outside the stadium on his hunger strike, and sees the people crowded around him, and puts two and two together.  While Homer's sleeping, a pair of guys move Homer and the pole he chained himself to over the center field wall to become a new attraction: Hungry Hungry Homer.  With people now back in the stadium and Homer's yells for the truth too weak to reach anyone's ears, Homer is stuck to waste away for several days.

Growing weaker, skinnier and of course hungrier, Homer begins to hallucinate.  Duff decides enough is enough and has Homer unchained from his pole.  Having Homer come down, he offers Homer a brand new Isotope dog to recover from his 12 day long hunger strike.  Homer, too weak to remember what he was doing in the first place, is about to eat the dog when he realizes that the hot dog's toppings have the bold, southwestern flavors one would find in Albuquerque, and uses the opportunity to finally inform everyone in the stadium about the plan to move.  As the crowd comes to realize the truth, Homer also convinces Duffman to turn against his employer, and Homer effectively saves the team from moving.  However, the mayor of Albuquerque is undeterred, he'll try and get the Dallas Cowboys to come down and play baseball instead.

Quick Review
This was a fine episode, with a few good moments.  Duffman features in the episode's highlights, and though there wasn't anything particularly bad about the episode, the quantity of jokes was just a bit lacking which prompts the score it received.

Final Score: 7.8

Pygmoelian (S11, E16-242)

More like 'pugmoelian', right?  I mean, right?

Plot Summary
The Simpsons go to Duff Days, a beer festival.  One event in said festival is a bartending contest, which Moe is a part of.  Though it seems he's going to lose to a well endowed female contestant, the final contest is a bum tossing and after the female contestant is too disgusted to partake, Moe is barely able to edge out victory.  As a reward, Moe's picture is to be put on the upcoming Duff calender.  When the calenders come in, though, Moe finds that his face is covered with several stickers and, after peeling said stickers off, he's pretty darn ugly.

Depressed over that, Moe takes Lenny's advice and gets plastic surgery for his face.  The idea works, and Moe becomes presentable.  With Homer's help, Moe decides to use his new looks... for revenge!  After a few successful vengeance runs, Moe turns his new eyes towards the TV studio.  He reveals that, 25 years ago, he was denied a role (Dr. Tad Winslow) on a soap opera because he was ugly.  He goes to confront the executive of the show, but his new looks coincide with the actor of Winslow demanding a pay raise combine for the executive to give the role to Moe.

Moe's new gig starts off pretty well, and he gets all the ladies.  However, Moe is able to get a peek at future storylines for the show, and is angered to learn that Winslow's character is to die, leaving Moe without the role again.  On the next taping, which is aired live apparently, Moe has Homer come in and reveal several upcoming storylines.  As it turns out, though, Winslow's death was only part of a dream sequence, but the damage is done and Moe is fired.  Angered, Moe slams the door of a set behind him, confident his new looks will get him other roles.  However, the set wobbles and falls towards him, landing on his new face.  The weight of the wall forces Moe's face to change again, but back to what it was before, an oddity Moe begins to question just as the episode ends.

Quick Review
This was another episode that had its moments but not really enough of them for this episode to be considered great.  It was also sorta weird that this episode, focused on Moe, had Homer around for so many parts where Homer just happened to be around.  Whatever.

Final Score: 7.2

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder (S11, E06-232)

Running on the ocean floor takes a lot out of a guy.

Plot Summary
After sleeping through an entire day, Homer's next waking day goes rather badly.  After getting pulled over by police, Homer is late for work.  He's punished by Mr. Burns by eating toxic waste for the day, though Lenny and Carl are able to get him out at day's end for bowling.  Frustrated over a lot of things, Homer takes it out on the pins, getting several strikes in a row.  In fact, he doesn't stop: he ends up bowling a perfect game, and is celebrated for the accomplishment.

Homer tries to make his newfound fame last, but people don't care about a 300 bowler for long, and soon enough he's "yesterday's news".  Depressed that his life has 'peaked', Homer attempts suicide but after miraculously surviving the attempt unharmed, realizes that he still has a purpose in life.  Ron Howard inadvertently gives Homer that purpose: spending time with the kids.

However, Bart is doing just fine without Homer and Homer isn't going to be helping Lisa out any time soon.  So, Homer focuses his attention on Maggie (whom he had neglected several times throughout the episode).  Maggie has become unwilling to play with Homer, though, so Homer tries to find a way to build trust with her.  He attempts to take a child swimming course with Maggie, but again she's unwilling to get near Homer.

Driving back, Homer mistakes Maggie's motions as the idea to try the swimming exercise again at the ocean.  Homer goes into the ocean to start up another trust exercise, but is swallowed up by the current.  Maggie then is somehow able to go in and rescue Homer, which Dr. Hibbert later attributes to the acquisition of "superhuman" strength to save a parent in peril.  Still, Homer and Maggie grow closer, and Homer takes Maggie bowling, where she "bowls" a 295.

Quick Review
This was another enjoyable episode, though I admit the part where Homer attempts suicide was off-putting.  Still, a lot of the humor spot on, the appearances by Penn & Teller as well as Ron Howard were appreciated, and overall the episode is one of Season 11's highlights.

Final Score: 8.6

Homer's Enemy (S08, E23-176)

Man, he is eating that donut like a pro, goddamn.

Plot Summary
Mr. Burns sees a segment on TV regarding Frank Grimes, a man who has struggled through adversity after adversity yet was still able to work hard and acquire his degree in nuclear physics.  Inspired, Burns has Smithers find Grimes to make him his Executive Vice President.  The next day, Burns has now found similar inspiration in a heroic dog and has Smithers find it instead for that position, having Grimes be pushed off somewhere in the plant.

As it turns out, he ends up right next to Homer.  As Lenny introduces himself, Carl and Homer to Grimes, Homer immediately becomes a great annoyance to "Grimey", as Homer calls him, eating his lunch and messing with his pencils.  Frank is astonished that such an incompetent man could be the plant's safety inspector.  A turning point occurs when Homer is about to unwittingly drink acid.  Frank is able to knock it away, damaging a wall in the process.  Mr. Burns catches wind of this, learning that Frank is technically responsible, and punishes him for the damage done.  Further upset over these developments, Frank officially declares to Homer that they're enemies.

In the meantime, Bart is able to acquire an abandoned factory for a dollar in an auction.  The factory is clearly run down and dilapidated, but he 'hires' Milhouse and the two have fun within the decaying structure.  By episode's end, though, the factory does fall apart, its rats running over to Moe's for shelter.

Upset that he has an enemy, Homer gets advice from Moe and decides to bring him over to dinner, though he simply told Frank he had "something important" to tell him rather than send a formal invitation that might've been declined.  At the house, Frank notices just how much better off Homer is despite how lazy he has been.  A beautiful wife, a wonderful home, a son who owns a factory, lobsters for dinner, and having gone on several wild adventures and encounters.  Further agitated from this, Frank plainly calls Homer "what's wrong with America", as well as a fraud before taking his leave.

Homer refuses to go to work the next day because of Frank, but after talking to Marge, decides that he'll act more professional to gain Frank's favor.  Frank isn't affected by Homer's half-assed attempts, but finds that nobody will join him in pointing out that Homer is a moron.  Noting that he could die happy if he can prove to everyone in the plant that Homer is a dope, Frank notices a flier for a children's nuclear plant design contest.  Carefully carving out any reference to children, Frank plants the flier at Homer's station, hoping that he'll enter and embarrass himself in front of the plant by partaking in a children's contest.  Homer takes interest in the contest in hopes of impressing Frank, and thus Frank's plan is underway.

However, Frank's plan backfires as not only does Homer win the contest (as Lenny says, he "beat their brains out"), but gains the applause of the crowd.  Its the final straw for Grimes, as he has a mental breakdown right then and there.  He prances around the plant, promising he can be just as lazy and irresponsible as Homer, to the point where he deludes himself into believing he's Homer.  To further show he's now as 'dumb' as Homer, he tries to handle live wires with his bare hands, which electrocute him to death.  At Frank's funeral, Homer falls asleep, and his murmurs entertain the crowd just as Grime's casket descends into the ground.

Quick Review
For a time, this episode seemed to be rather controversial.  After all, it takes your real life hard-working person, pits him against lazy ol' Homer, and not only does Homer 'win', but the hard worker goes insane and eventually kills himself, and nobody even really cares.  I mean, that's pretty dark.  Its an episode that's more forgiven by younger viewers, who probably view it with a bit of nostalgia, whereas those who first saw it as adults thought it went just a bit too far, a few even considering it a "jumping the shark" moment for the series.

I'm personally in the former camp, and I'm willing to admit that nostalgic bias has a lot to do with how well I'm scoring this episode.  Homer's interaction with Grimes, Lenny and Carl's indifference to Homer's incompetence, Bart's factory subplot, these all add up to become one of Season 8's best episodes, and while the ending was indeed dark, I was not bothered by it at all.

Final Score: 10

The Old Man and the Lisa (S08, E21-174)

Does anybody even call it Catsup anymore unless they're trying to imply its low quality?

Plot Summary
Lisa is part of a recycling group at school, trying to gather enough recyclables to earn a trip to Albany.  Principal Skinner brings in Mr. Burns as a guest speaker to talk about business decisions, however when Lisa confronts Burns about him not knowing what recycling even is, Mr. Burns realizes that he has less money than he believed.  Later, he checks his stocks for the first time in decades, and learns that, well, they aren't doing so well.  Surrounded by yes men who refuse to tell Burns he's making any mistakes, Burns tries a new investment strategy that may have had trouble working back in the 1920s, much less today.  Quickly, Burns goes broke, realizing too late he had been given advice by said yes men.  With the bank having repossessed both the plant and his home, Burns is left with no choice but to take his leave.

As the bank chooses Lenny to run the plant, Burns starts living with Smithers.  Looking to earn his keep, Burns goes shopping after Smithers goes to the plant.  A couple of clerks there notice Burns struggling to accomplish tasks, and decide to admit the seemingly senile Burns to the retirement home.

Meanwhile, the school's recycling efforts come to an abrupt end when they get back way less money than they were expecting for their efforts.  Still, Lisa attempts to recycle whenever possible.  She goes to the retirement home to get some more recyclables, where Mr. Burns overhears her voice.  Burns tasks Lisa with helping him get back on his feet, and Lisa agrees on the condition that Burns climb back doing nothing but honest work (nothing evil!).  The two agree, and Lisa starts Burns on basic recycling.

Slowly but surely, Burns is able to scourge the town for cans, bottles and paper and makes a marginal profit from doing so.  He's able to get the other seniors at the retirement home to help out as well.  As Lisa is helping him out, she is entitled to 10% of his profits and Lisa starts to believe Burns truly has changed for the better.  Burns does so well, he's able to open up a recycling factory named after Lisa.  At first Lisa is impressed with everything Burns has done, but at the back of the factory is something she isn't prepared for: taking a cue from the 'fish getting stuck in a six-pack holder' example Lisa gave him earlier, Burns has created an 'omni-net' of six-pack holders over the sea, which is able to pull in a large quantity of marine life.  Said life is then cremated into an all-purpose slurry.  This action disgusts Lisa, who realizes that Burns is still committing 'evil' even when he doesn't realize he is.  She tries to go around town to stop people from recycling, as it now helps Burns, but they've been too brainwashed by Lisa's previous efforts and continue to recycle promptly.

A short time later, Burns goes over to the Simpsons place to announce that he has sold the recycling plant for $120 million to a fishstick company, and he's repurchased the nuclear plant (thus ending Lenny's reign of terror).  As Burns' partner, Lisa is entitled to 10% of that profit.  However, knowing what Burns did with that plant, Lisa finds herself unable to accept that money.  Homer has four simultaneous heart attacks from the incident, and things only get worse from there when a recovering Homer realizes that 10% of $120 million is far, far more than $12,000.

Quick Review
Mr. Burns episodes are usually excellent watches.  Lisa-centric episodes are... less so.  Usually.  An episode where Burns' inability to adapt to modern times combine with Lisa's attempts to get people to care about modern issues turns into another fine episode, a continuing beacon of Season 8's high quality.  Burns' character goes through several changes in the episode which is handled very well, and the end of the episode is hilariously dark.

Final Score: 9.1